malteselizzie
37K posts
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
malteselizzie · 8 hours ago
Text
32K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 8 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Harrison Wood Hsiang
62K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 8 hours ago
Text
Sorry to break it to you but you literally have to face your fears and slaughter them. Otherwise you will live a small life that you do not want. You literally have to view your biggest fears and attack them head on. You have to fall into the abyss to find your way out. The easy path does not exist. There is no get out of jail free card. You have to allow yourself to die a spiritual death over and over again in order to reinvent yourself into the person you are actually supposed to be. And you have to be painfully honest with yourself and the people around you. It’s horrible but it’s truly the only way.
62K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 8 hours ago
Text
Welp. Things get weird with the anesthesia department from time to time. Today a patient, left unsupervised for 5 whole minutes in her room at the surgical ward, chewed her central line out...
3K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 20 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media
35K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 20 hours ago
Video
Over the Garden Wall 10th Anniversary stop motion short by creator Patrick McHale and Aardman Animations
30K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 20 hours ago
Text
I read an AITA post a few weeks back about a woman who liked having snacks in the bath when she's had a long day (a result of residual trauma iirc - the bath was her safe space). Her brand new husband of three weeks, a man twice her age who had no job, made her pay all of his bills and do all housework, and spent all day every day gaming because he wanted to make it as a Twitch streamer, had always been fine with this; but, on the day in question, had whisked her bath snacks out of her hands as she was on her way to the bathroom and tried to bin them, telling her it was time to 'break her of that filthy habit in his home'. She told him if he ever actually paid anything towards the house she owns outright he might get a say, took her snacks back, and had her lovely bath. He was since giving her the silent treatment.
(Obviously the judgement was an avalanche of 'NTA and also he's abusing you', which she agreed with, and decided to kick him out, so happy ending.)
Anyway I told my husband about this and he was outraged. "I would never do that!" he told me, furious. "I would find it adorable if you had bath snacks!"
Since then, every time I try to have a bath (which I only do as a rare treat) after about ten minutes there has been an anxious scrabbling at the bathroom door.
"Elanor!" he says. "Do you have bath snacks? Do you need anything?"
My answer is irrelevant. He brings me wine and poptarts. Now I have bath snacks. I'm a bath snacks person. Last time he was literally sleeping on the sofa when I went for the bath. Somehow this still happened. I now have an eager bathroom butler. How did this happen. I have never been so decadent yet bewildered.
112K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
Belated and unfortunate realization that not everyone had seen the "tight pants/body rolls" music video when they were in middle school and to some I just sound wildly misogynistic when I say "Watch me, woman!" In response to things, stupidly high pitched voice or no
152 notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
I've always disliked mr beast just based on his content mill vaguely exploitative vibes so it's been kind of wild learning he also does legitimate crimes and workplace violations. it's like disliking an acquaintance because they're kinda annoying and then finding out they kill people too like damn dude you didn't have to do all that i already hated your ass.
68K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
Sorry I left you on read for 3 months, I was stuck in an endless self isolation and self destruction cycle bc I thought I deserved to be alone. (It will probably happen again.)
14K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”
427K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
68K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Photo
Tumblr media
THANK YOU BING IMAGE SEARCH. Thought I lost this!  8D
I made this in 1996.  To make it back then was a million times harder than it would have been today:  screen capped each frame in the loop by hooking up my VCR to my TV capture card (it was this external monstrosity with a separate power cord XD).  The screen caps had bad color, were blurry, and full of static so I redrew each frame pixel by pixel with a mouse (wasn’t so good at image editing programs back then). XD;;
Of course, it got lost over time because I made that thing like 203498203489 computers ago, so I’m glad people jacked it from my site back in the day. XD
32K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
whats the difference between outlaws and inlaws
611K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 1 day ago
Text
it's really weird having a first dog be blind and then getting a second who can see...like how was I supposed to be prepared for this.
this creature can perceive when I put the treats up on the high shelf. or when I hide stuff behind my back. I can't fool her!! she's always watching me and she shouldn't have this much knowledge!!!
I walk around at night and I shine my flash light directly into her eyes and I'll just be standing there staring at her weird blue orbs for like 5 seconds until I realize it's probably extremely annoying to her, because she has eyes!! I'll turn on the light in the room and she gruffs and grumbles like ?? oh right!! light wakes you up!! the fuck??
89K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 2 days ago
Text
Like, getting political for a moment. A thing a lot of people need to understand is that, ultimately, rules only exist if they are enforceable. The mechanism of enforcement is what determines the realness of a rule.
If you're playing Monopoly and you decide that being in Jail sucks so you move your piece to Go and call it a tunneling loophole, there's nothing built into the game to actually stop you from doing that. Other players yelling at you and banishing you from the table is how the rule is enforced. But if they don't, if they let you do that, then I'm sorry but that's just how the game is played now. If you're allowed to do it then it's not against the rules.
We all instinctively understand that when you're running track, you're not supposed to cross the lines into someone else's lane. But the lines are not a wall. They're not physically preventing you from doing anything. If you decide you want to run into the lane to your right and jump-kick the other racer, you physically can do that.
The line on the ground is a social construct. It's part of the magic circle; A thing that takes on special meaning, even psychological power, so long as we exist within its play space. But it's not real, and it only has power if somebody comes over and drags you off the field for striking that other racer.
At the highest echelons of power, a lot of what "can" and "can't" be done are actually just the boundaries of a magic circle with few real enforcement mechanisms. The President can't do that. But. Like. Who's going to stop him if he does?
The biggest thing we learned during the Trump Presidency was just how many restrictions on government power are illusory. Trump spent his four years in office testing the limits of what he can and can't do. Stepping over the lines of the magic circle to see which ones had enforcement mechanisms and which were merely decorative. And revealing that an alarming number were decorative.
Because the thing about the highest offices, about POTUS and SCOTUS and Congress, is that they're the highest offices. There's nobody above them. The only check on their power is each other and, contrary to what high school social studies might tell you, those checks aren't very strong at all.
Trump wants to redefine the game rules to be dictatorial. The magic circle says he can't do that. But the only factor that truly decides whether he can or can't is whether the other players at the table will let him do it. And if you listen to the way Republican Congressmen talk, it's not reassuring.
There are no executive super-cops who will arrest Trump if he breaks the rules. The Avengers are not going to show up and stop him from continuing to reconfigure the magic circle to his liking. The only thing, the only true restriction on his power, is the vote. It's the fact that we, as a population, get to make a choice as to whether or not he even gets to sit back down at the table to play again at all.
In a democracy, voters are the enforcement mechanism. Let's try and remember that when November comes around.
7K notes · View notes
malteselizzie · 3 days ago
Text
"Don't lie to people" is all very good until u remember how funny it is to give the wrong birthday to an astrology person and have them go "that explains so much abt you
138K notes · View notes