malcooper

[malcooper]

Guess so. Have you tried like a pick me up or something? Like really strong coffee, or that stay awake medication you can get?

Hah… I w-wish. B-But I g-guess shit h-happens, right?

[malcooper]

You alright? Like, are you out of the daze or whatever?

I f-feel like I’ve -been in a d-daze for the l-l-last two weeks now.

[malcooper]

My mistake, I forgot I'm not allowed to be annoyed at anyone older than me either. Oh yes, I'm the one being high and mighty, shut the fuck up, literally the first thing that came out of your mouth was a mock of my age, what did you expect? That I would agree with you? 

No, but you shouldn’t be acting like you’re better than everyone else. Having strong views doesn’t mean you should be an elitist bitch. I never said you should act like a moron, but not being so fucking high and mighty would be nice. Oh, doll, I don’t have to act to be better than you.

[malcooper]

Enlighten me, how should I be acting? Should I be dotting my goddamn eyes with fucking hearts and professing my love for someone who doesn't know I exist, will probably never know I exist, and will be old news in a year at most? Because I never proclaimed to know everything, but I do proclaim to know you're acting like someone who thinks they're better than people for no actual apparent reason other than an insane amount of vanity.

Baby Love, there’s nothing worse than a fifteen year old who thinks they know everything. So take that pole out of your ass, and act your age.

[malcooper]

She sounds like someone who I either want to punch in the face or pat on the back and I'm not entirely sure which. As one of the eldest cousins, shouldn't you have been able to stop them anyway? Or am I completely off? Imbeciles? That is the first time I have ever heard that word, and I'm getting the feeling it's a synonym for assholes. Of course that's true, no two writers are the same no matter what they're writing about but love stories, let alone love poems,  all sound the same, two people in love, there's a problem, and then it either ends tragically or happily, there is no in-between. I think crazy would've been more common then than it is now and it was probably much easier to hide because of the accessibility to things like opium. Some people just aren't cut out for survival, they're made for the high life, but that's brutal, blaming them for their own inability to adapt, I wouldn't think you had that in you. It does, but if someone's being that rude that they become offended by me saying that they're being rude then there's clearly a problem. Oh my God, Joseph, what did you even do in middle school? Okay, um, basically, why they say 'don't drop the soap' is because in prisons, rape occurs between inmates and in showers you would be incredibly nude and incredibly vulnerable, so bending over to pick up the soap and I'm hoping you're connecting the dots now. Alright I guess it was my fault for bringing them up again. Exactly, Ripley's riddles should not be searched for hidden meanings because I'm sure it will lead to murder and cannibalism. 

Yeah. I mean, they always intervened, but she’s not exactly one to let any amount of punishment stop her doing what she wants. You’re very lucky, then! Life is not so great as one of the eldest cousins, trust me. Hmm yes, there are a lot of imbeciles around here, which is pretty depressing. Here’s hoping you don’t run into her. I suppose they’re all pretty similar in essence - and subject matter, of course - but I’d hardly say that a Shakespearean sonnet sounds like one of Keats’ works, or vice versa. I would have thought crazy and outlandish was probably quite scandalous in those days. I guess? But I still maintain that it would be there fault for failing to adapt, because surely if they’re not cut out for group work, they should be better at working alone? That’s a good stance to have, providing you’re honesty doesn’t cross the boundaries of offensive, because that can cause a lot of unnecessary problems. Oh, okay, I feel like I’ve heard that phrase before and I should know why it’s said, but… no. I thought so too, then you mentioned riddles and stuff. But probably not; it’s likely to be way too sinister and scary to warrant knowing.

[malcooper]

Oh gosh, that actually is horrible, didn't any of your family members try and stop it? I guess being the baby of the family by almost six years has it's benefits, no cousins are allowed to touch you. I feel like I've heard that name before, but there's honestly that many obnoxious people in Salem I've started getting them confused. Well that probably explains why I haven't heard of them, love poems just sound all the same to me. Maybe, but is 'crazy' really a scandal? But you still did lose them on purpose, true, the fact that they couldn't survive alone is their own fault but it's manslaughter for leaving them behind when they could hardly survive in a group. I don't see the point in not telling people exactly what you think of them if they're being a little shit. Oh wow, okay, yes it is very obvious but because you haven't picked it up I feel like I have to be delicate or you might start crying or some shit, even if it is like 7th grade humour. Alright, let's start with, do you know why they say 'don't drop the soap' about showers in prison? I thought we were done with hidden meanings? And better question, do we really want to get into the hidden meanings of Ripley's? Really?

Well, considering she used my head as a baseball, slash football, on numerous occasions, I think I can quite safely blame the braincells I’m lacking on her. Honestly, Mal, if you ever come across a completely obnoxious girl, by the name of Georgina Carter, just run for the hills. What can I say? I just don’t have a very strong constitution. Really? They’re two of the greatest love poets of all time, and both were allegedly addicted to opium. Good point, but scandal sells, I guess? Okay, fair enough, but it would be manslaughter in the loosest sense of the term, because you could say it was their inability to cope alone that killed them, and therefore place the entire blame on them. That’s pretty admirable, really; not a lot of people have that conviction. Nope, I only know one prison joke and it’s pretty corny, so I really haven’t a clue what you’re talking about… Have I missed something really obvious? Ooh, that definitely sounds like something Ripley’s would do. Now, we just need someone to decode the hidden meanings.

[malcooper]

Poor little baby Joseph, what else has this horrible cousin ruined for you? Honestly that wouldn't surprise me because you said you'd faint at a nose bleed. I couldn't answer that for you because I haven't heard of them. That's true, but considering the time I thought that it would've been completely disregarded rather than rising above the rest to continue being one of the most well known stories. I figured as much, but 'strategically losing' them could lead to their death because they're not with the group and thus: manslaughter. That's true, but I generally am so it'd be sly for me to not openly tell someone I think they're an idiot. Really? Prison jokes? Baubles? I really don't understand how I possibly could've lost you, they're like the most obvious jokes in the book, you poor sheltered soul, do you really have no idea what I'm talking about? Maybe they already do, but it's hidden? Like in riddles and things like that and no one has ever picked up on it?

Ha, I know, but that’s the least of the things she’s ruined for me to be quite honest. You probably just less susceptible to vertigo than me, then. Yeah, but didn’t Keats and Byron write a lot of stuff under the influence too? They’re pretty famous. Although, is it really all that surprising that Alice did well? Singing walruses, and cakes that make you shrink and grow, seem like the sorts of things people would be intrigued by, so it’d be pretty likely for it to get really popular. Maybe I should have clarified that ‘eradicate’ doesn’t necessarily mean kill them, or cause their death. You could just strategically lose them. Hey, things usually happen when we least expect it. Perhaps that could be considered a bit sly, but then people aren’t always that obvious about their dislike for others anyway, so..? Okay, you’ve lost me now! True, the signs would definitely put people off, but it’s a rather large health and safety risk, so they ought to. 

[malcooper]

Aw, your cousin is so cruel, they've completely ruined kaleidoscopes for you. I feel a little disorientated, but not enough for me to not like them, they're still pretty cool. Definitely, like it had singing walruses and everything, it's kinda funny that Alice was the book that became incredibly famous, like surely many books were written under the influence of opium but Alice was the one that rose to the top. Sure it's the most efficient but I'm fairly sure you were recently trying to tell me that 'thou shalt not kill' and I'm fairly certain that can apply to manslaughter as well. Well yes, because how many threatening situations in which we might have to survive in a team to survive do you see jumping up? As I said, sly bastard, are you trying to tell me not being obvious about your dislike for someone so you won't get suspected and making yourself indispensable isn't sly? Not unless you're decorating Christmas trees in a prison, don't drop the baubles, Joe. That's not a very good advertising scheme, you can see why they don't, it'd scare everyone away.

If you don’t count the one time my cousin smacked me on the head with a toy one, when I was about seven, then no. But you’re telling me you don’t feel even a little bit disorientated when you look into one? Good point, that book is one of the weirdest stories out there. I know, I know, I’m sorry; that was bad even by my standards. Oh yeah, that would make far more sense. Alfred would do a very good job of diffusing any tensions, but yes, they’re much better off in their respective universes. I wouldn’t say sly, it just seems like the most efficient thing to do? Although, we are talking hypothetically here. Anyway, the sneakiness would have to extend to not making it obvious you dislike someone, or you’d just have to make yourself indispensable. Okay, fair enough, if it works for tigers, I’m sure it’d work for you. What? That I like decorating Christmas trees? Ha, ‘rest in pieces’ - that’s a good one. Seriously, though, they need a sign outside the places, warning people exactly what they’re letting themselves in for, i.e. they might come out minus a body part.

[malcooper]

Do you have some hidden horrible memories that have to do with kaleidoscopes? Because looking through a small tube and seeing many colours? Nothing sounds bad about that. Well we did get Alice in Wonderland because of opium, and that's pretty damn strange so I'm not gonna complain about lack of strange things invented under the influence of opium. Or it was a really bad pun, wow, I think I'm gonna need surgery, that was a dad pun, Joe. Yeah, but now that I think about it, the communication would probably be through Alfred and Alfred is super nice so maybe not? Who knows, but the Bruce's are in different universes for a reason. You are a sly bastard, you know that? But besides, if the team knows I dislike the person then they're gonna think it's me, and I don't want to be the next person everyone dislikes and decides to get rid off. You're right, both have their advantages and disadvantages, I just work better by myself, that's all I'm saying. Of baubles? Well that doesn't sound like the meaning of life to me, but it could be saying something else abotu you, Joey. That poor, poor soul, another victim of Ripley's and their bizarre ways, may they rest in piece ...s

Joy? More like confusion and borderline-hypnosis, but you’re right about the hatred part. Yeah, I mean, they’re a pretty old invention too, right? So most of the population of the western world was probably off their collective faces on opium at the time - I’m surprised we only got the kaleidoscope and not something even more bizarre. Oh wow, it’s an epidemic! Or an Ee-pedemic, which is an abysmal pun. Dylan is a good one, along with Connor, or Timothy, but yes, Jo it is. That’s very true, and actually a pretty likely possibility, now that you mention it. Both of them are pretty reclusive and have anger management issues, so maybe a system of silent partnership would be a better idea. Okay, bring it on, Mal! I guess so, but who’s to say you’d have to consult the whole team about it? Think inconspicuous. That said, there are definitely pros and cons to both working alone and working as a team. Hey, for all you know the meaning of life could be hiding behind my love for baubles. Alright, fair enough. But it could very well have been the skin of some poor, unfortunate soul, who is now lacking a heart; it all ties in.

[malcooper]

Are you fucking serious? Are you trying to be funny or are you just as ignorant as you look? And I'm fifteen, you're three years older than me at the most, don't try and act all high and mighty because of it.

Fuck, how old are you? Twelve?

[malcooper]

A nightmare about kaleidoscopes? I don't think so, Joseph, they bring joy to the world and hatred when you try to spell it. Exactly, it's not like it would be hard to put the idea together if you've got all the items together with the added influence of something or other something is bound to happen. Probably, it's already in the word English itself, which means that it has clearly gotten out of hand and must be controlled. John is already an incredibly common name, but there's Dylan and stuff, plenty of things that don't have 'E's in them. Alright, Jo. Exactly, but it could be completely plausible that the two Bruce's wouldn't get along and refuse to work together, which could end in total disaster. I will manage it, because of your sarcasm and attitude I will make them leave your fainted backside in a carpark. Yeah, but if you suggest "eradicating" someone, people usually get really annoyed and just generally it's a lot easier to work alone in these situations. Psychoanalytical debates aren't so bad, but alright, no hidden meanings, because you probably have really boring secrets behind not wanting to reveal the secret meanings behind your Christmas sweater choices. There's a difference between having a rug of human skin and eating someone's heart out, a rather large difference.

That’s very true, but who’s to say it was a nice dream? Maybe they were dreaming of falling down a brightly coloured rabbit hole, or something similar. Your theory does sound a lot more likely, though - just add one of the cardboard tubes from a toilet roll and you’ve pretty much got everything you need for a home-made kaleidoscope. That sounds like a much better plan, but isn’t ‘E’ the most common letter in the English language? So the number of names available would decrease dramatically, perhaps we’d end up with a fair few Mallorys just in Salem, and goodness knows how many Johns there would be! I think I’d just stick to Jo, but without the ‘E’. That’s a very good point; they’d probably make a good team, too, since Wayne would have a near endless amount of money to throw at the research. Because you said that you’d attempt to convince the ambulance crew to leave me behind “with that attitude”, so I want to see if you could actually manage it. Fair enough, but if you eradicate the weak link, then teamwork might actually be better, and more efficient, than working alone. All three of those are great options too. I knew you were up to something! And maybe - wait, scratch that. Let’s just say there are no hidden meanings at all, and not let this spiral into a psychoanalytical debate. Oh gosh, I’m pretty sure Ripley’s has a carpet or rug, or something, made of human skin, so they’re probably way past that point by now. 

[malcooper]

I suppose so, but it's very unlikely you would because think of all that bad media for your company? They'd have to investigate and then anyone with a chip would probably have it removed free of charge and then everything you'd worked for with the chip: gone. Just like that.  Is that deep and philosophical for I have childhood issues that I'm not dealing with and I project them onto anyone who can afford to have their parents want to put a chip in their head?

You guys sould be grateful that I haven’t killed any of you then. Nobody is model material in this world.

[malcooper]

Yeah, but you usually don't remember things enough in nice dreams at least to remember them for longer than 10 minutes when you wake so I'm gonna go with the former and say illicit substances plus access to cellophane and possibly glitter. You're right, a wide spreed massacre of anyone with the letter "E" in their name mightn't go down very well at all, perhaps everyone could just change their name to something that doesn't have an "E" in it, like, you could be John instead of Joseph. Yeah, Banner would because not only does he have the potential knowledge, he probably has materials, being a scientist and all. So if they to were to exist in the same universe, Wayne would probably buy it from Banner. How on earth would your being sarcastic test my acting skills? I'll knock teamwork all I like, if you hadn't watched a single horror movie, people who work in teams always have someone who stuffs it up and everyone dies, it is a fact of nature: try together, die together. Christmas trees, snowflakes, and dorky Christmas sayings. I just might, perhaps there is a hidden meaning behind you asking that? Is there something you don't want me to know? Don't tempt Ripley's, they're probably getting really close to cannibalism if they hadn't gotten there already.

Hmm, yeah, it seems awfully unlikely they came up with it without the influence of some sort of illicit substance. Unless it came to them in a dream; dreams can be very weird. But I don’t want to die! And what about all the others with the ‘E’ infection? Will there have to be a mass cull of those with ‘E’s in their names? I don’t think that would go down too well. Yeah, the power probably went to his head just a little bit. True, very true, I forgot about that. I still think Banner would have the upper hand, though. Of course not, Mal - I’d never be sarcastic, especially not about rules and regulations! Although, I may just have to be sarcastic now, so I can see whether your acting skills are as grand as you say they are. I guess so, but either way, your skills would be applicable in a team setting, too. Don’t knock teamwork! Rudolph is just the standard Christmas sweater fare, isn’t he? Along with Santa? What do you normally go for in dorky sweaters? Wait, you’re not going to turn into Freud and start telling me everything has a hidden meaning, are you? Yes, exactly! Ripley’s eat your heart out.

[malcooper]

Mini Prompt No. 3: Jung's Personality Theory

↳ Mallory Cooper: INTP aka the Engineer or Architect

Percentages:

56% Introvert over Extrovert

12% Intuition over Sensing

25% Thinking over Feeling

44% Perceiving over Judging

Description

INTPs are logical, individualistic, reserved, and very curious individuals. They focus on ideas, theories and the explanation of how things work. They are especially adept at discussions and debate. They have the ability to focus intently on a subject. They appreciate and respect intelligence in others.

Strengths:

They feel love and affection for those close to them which is almost childlike in its purity.

Generally laid-back and easy-going, willing to defer to their mates.

Approach things which interest them very enthusiastically.

Richly imaginative and creative.

Do not feel personally threatened by conflict or criticism. oops

Usually are not demanding, with simple daily needs.

Weaknesses:

Not naturally in tune with others’ feelings; slow to respond to emotional needs.

Not naturally good at expressing their own feelings and emotions.

Tend to be suspicious and distrusting of others.

Not usually good at practical matters, such as money management, unless their work involves these concerns.

They have difficulty leaving bad relationships.

Tend to “blow off” conflict situations by ignoring them, or else they “blow up” in heated anger.

[malcooper]

Sure, that's why I added the words 'genius' or 'mastermind' after 'evil', the fact that something is impressive doesn't stop it from being morally wrong. For example, Ed Gein successfully skinned several people in an attempt to make a perfect woman-suit after his mother died and made furniture out of human remains but that doesn't stop him from being a murdering psychopath. Don't try and give me advice, Mister Reed, you're not exactly role model material.

Well, when you say it like that it sounds horrible. But I think you are biased. If you think about it in a scientifical way it sounds.. glorious.. revolutionary even. Feelings are a waste of time. They are good for nothing. The sooner your realize that, the better.

[malcooper]

Seems like you've hurried it more than a little bit, with the majority of your perfect chips glitching left, right, and center. I'm sorry, when did trying to control people, alter people, and perhaps subtly trying to take over the human race not fall under the category of evil mastermind? Then you did a pretty bad job at implying that you had some sort of knowledge of something that would hurt my feelings.

Well, I admit that I must have hurried the chip a bit, but alas, what’s done is done. I am not evil! You funny kids with your funny boring little minds… Geez.

I may not know the story because I don’t ask. It is in the contract.

[malcooper]

Do you think you're special or something? Because you can use big words in the correct context and "don't really follow anything related to the celebrities"? Sure, people should do what they want, give their heart and soul to whatever they want, but that's not the point. The point is that pop culture is the only thing people my age are assumed to have any interest in and that they shouldn't voice their opinions about anything else because they're "too young to know what they're talking about", but then half of middle aged society complains that the younger generation cares about nothing.

Maybe I’m one of a kind, but I don’t really follow anything related to the celebrities. Advertisements are omnipresent in our society, sometimes even more than the stars themselves. In that specific case, I could say that customers can be regarded as being part of a group. It can, in fact, become close to the definition of a fan base, since people are loyal to the products they consume. I believe that everyone should give their heart and soul to the object of their interest, nothing else.