makingmenauseous

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the sad part is that i thought id feel better by now.

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I am a liar.

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I told them exactly whats going to happen

What usually happens

So why do i feel so guilty of it

Actually happening?

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Ive made a promise but

Can i keep it?

Because i dont think i can

A promise to stay except

I dont think i can stay

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When did i stop being fun to talk to?

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Okay so they tell me im highrisk and the doctors freak out yet they place my appointment a year from now? Babes i am going to be dead by then

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Dont you just love pretending? Pretending that im a good person, that im someone whos happy, pretending that i dont look at things and plan how to break them down so i could use them for self harm, pretend i dont plan my death out everyday, pretend i dont write letters just incase

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i'm so fucking tired. i wish i could just fucking off myself but there are people i would miss. not a lot of them, but...

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I wanna smoke a cigarette. I wanna cut. I wanna kill myself. I wanna starve. Everything I want rn is self destruction.

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i hate how fast my feelings can change about a person. i could love them and then the next second i absolutely hate them. it’s not even their fault it’s my own fault most of the time i wish i was normal. i hope this makes sense and someone can relate.

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i had a right to lash out at you when i started thinking you were losing interest. because i was right. why the fuck did you stay for so long just to lead me on. fucking piece of shit

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I can see through my behaviors im self aware i just dont know how to stop them

Im too tired to stop them

Why stop it if im gonna do them again? Find someone and attach myself onto them like a leech then push them away because i think theyll leave?

They dont love me

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Stab myself in the heart i cannot do this anymore for the life of me

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I would do what he did though, im not any better

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But i know the right people so they have expectations for me

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Talking shit about someone yet knowing i was cut from the same cloth and would do the same thing

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Frankly, im fucking tired