makaira-nina2005

[makaira-nina2005]

This made me sob like a baby. It’s so sad yet so good 😔😔

Gone away

꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎ ꘎♡━━━━━♡꘎

Pairing: Han Jisung X gn reader

Summary: After a rough battle with cancer, you're finally at the end of the fight.

Genre: Angst with no happy ending

Word Count: 3.2K

_ _ _

No amount of ‘I’m sorry’s’ can take away the pain. When the radiation stops working, when the cancer keeps growing, when the harrowing realization that you will not recover settles in. Facing death head on is one thing, but laying around and waiting for it is another. 

Cancer is a fickle thing. It can infect an organ or it can choose to home itself in your bones. It doesn’t care if you’re only a few months old and new to the world. It doesn’t care if you’re elderly and trying to make it to a hundred to impress your children and grandchildren. 

It doesn’t care if you’re healthy either. You can live the healthiest life possible, but due to one reason or another, it might catch you anyway. Grasping your organs, burrowing in your bones, sucking the soul out of you without a care in the world. 

You knew you were dying and so did Han. It started with random pains and low energy. After testing and a tumor being found, doctors assumed chemo would help weaken it. It did, at first, but then it started to fight back. 

You loved your doctor and they were determined to get you to remission. You had high hopes after it was fought off. You assumed that’d be the end of it and then it came back. Higher doses of radiation, the repulsive smell of hospital antiseptic, the taste of stomach acid from throwing up, and white walls. 

You bawled like a baby when a clump of your hair fell out in the shower. All you could remember was Han finding you and wrapping you in a towel. Promising, insisting, and swearing it would grow back. You found comfort in his words. You knew, you believed, and you loved him. 

Han could do so much, but Han was not a god. With every strand of fallen hair, every vomiting session, every time it felt like the world was caving in, he was there. He was there for every paper cut and every broken bone. That’s what love was for at the end of the day; to mend you and make you whole again. 

You loved, you lived, and you had hope. Hope is the one thing humans are good at. They cling to it, they grip onto it, they grasp with the slivers of strength they have left. Hoping, praying, believing, and having faith you’d get better because in the stories, that’s how it should go. 

A fairytale love like this was not meant to have a depressing ending. It was not supposed to end with sharp cheekbones and sunken in dead eyes. It was not supposed to end with you kissing your lover good-bye. It was not supposed to end with you barely mustering up the strength to hold your boyfriend’s hand. 

The single movement felt like the equivalent to climbing Mount Everest. You couldn’t remember the last time you had food. You were on high doses of morphine waiting for the end. Your oxygen had slowly started to dwindle a few hours ago. 

Drowsy from the morphine, all you could focus on was the warmth of Han’s hand in yours. You always knew deep down this could be a possibility. It was something you shoved to the farthest and darkest corner of your mind. As the days went on, weeks drifted by and morphed into months. 

His thumb rubbed along the side of yours. A person could only do so much to prepare themselves for the death of their lover. An unspoken silence sat between the two of you. Comfortable and mellow. You had been prepared for this for a while now. 

On the other hand, a lump sat in Han’s throat. He kept staring at you trying to remember everything about you. The slope of your nose, the draw of your chin, the way your mouth tugged into a smile. 

Over the past few months, there were countless photos and videos taken. Photos of the two of you together. Photos of you sleeping in the bed by yourself. Videos of you unwrapping the little gifts Han got you. Pictures and photos from when you looked healthier. 

Back when your skin wasn’t so taught over your body. When you were full of color instead of a sick gray. When your smiles met your eyes and they twinkled with delight. Back before cancer sucked the life out of you. Before when you were able to move without collapsing from weak legs. 

That word and that disease had destroyed both your lives. Led you both to depression and sleepless nights. Endless conversations with doctors and appointments. Tough talks with friends and creating a will. Planning for the inevitable as time crept along. 

It was something that was always on your mind. How many more sleepy kisses would you be able to steal? How many more times would you be alive to watch the sun wake up and drift away in the evening? How much longer would the moon keep you company? Would you even be able to make it to the next full moon? 

No matter who you prayed to, no matter how many stars you wished upon, nothing worked. Your fate was already written for you and there was nothing you could do to get out of it. Even when you reached another birthday and blew out your candles, it didn’t work. 

Your one and only wish was to be healthy and yet here you were, two months later, with a death rattle. Your lungs rose and fell at a much slower pace than normal. You probably only had a day left, if that. The end was near and you were exhausted. 

You were left weakened from the chemo. Even getting up and going to the bathroom became too hard. In your final stages, you were hooked up to a catheter. Not like you could pass much urine anyway. You were too dehydrated and too weak to do anything, but lie there awaiting death. 

Han tried his damn best to make it as comfortable as possible. He told stories that you had forgotten about. He cracked jokes despite how much it pained him. He forced himself to keep his tears at bay for your sake. He could deal with his grief later. 

This time, it’d be without you. You wouldn’t be there to wipe his tears. You wouldn’t be there to wrap your arms around his body. He wouldn’t be able to grip you tightly and listen to the familiar lull of your heartbeat. He’d be left here and who knew where you’d end up on the other side. 

Every time he let his mind wander that direction, his bottom lip trembled. He rapidly blinked trying to keep the tears from his eyes. He sniffled and kept holding your hand. Over the span of the past hour, you had gone quiet. 

All that was left was your rugged and rattled breathing. The cancer had staked its claim once and for all. Finally, after months of fighting, it had won. You were too weak to do anything besides lay in the uncomfortable hospital bed and wait. 

You would have rather been at home, but the doctor insisted you’d be more comfortable here. Hooked up to morphine, you were somewhere between this world and the next. Somewhat dazed and confused, you floated between realms. 

What you really wanted was the warmth of your bed. Han’s body wrapped tightly around you. You wanted his head against your heart. You wanted to provide the last bit of comfort that you could before it stopped. You wanted to hold him one last time. 

You had put him through so much already. You were going to take your guilt to the other side. You tried to push him away. You tried to be mean and distance yourself. You tried to be cold, but he kept clinging onto you. He refused to let you fight this battle by yourself. 

You were still breathing, but it was starting to get harder now. Even hooked up to the morphine, you could feel your lungs slowly giving out. Every time you took a breath in, you weren’t sure you’d be able to push it out and make it to the next. 

“Han?” You finally got out. 

Han sniffled and sat up at the sound of your voice. He shifted in his chair and stared down at you. “Yes, honey?” 

“I want you in my bed.” 

“I don’t think the nurses wa-” 

“I don’t care, I’m literally dying.” 

It was a low blow, but you knew it’d work. Han chuckled and stood from his chair. He slipped down beside you and tugged you closer. You struggled to get your arms around him and pull him towards you. Understanding what you wanted, he shifted closer to your body. 

You placed a shaky hand on the top of his head. You shifted your fingers slightly to play with his hair. He relaxed while curled up to you and closed his eyes. You bent down and placed a weak kiss on the top of his head with your chapped lips. 

No amount of chapstick could keep them hydrated. You were too dehydrated and worn out. Even the strong medicinal stuff had stopped working. You let yourself relax at the familiar weight of his head on your chest. 

“I’m going to miss you,” you finally got out through a rattle. 

Despite the rattling in your upper body, Han could hear your heart clearly. He wanted to lock the rhythm away and keep your heart pumping forever. However, he knew what you had been through. He understood that he couldn’t keep you caged in this weakened state. 

“Are you scared?” He asked. 

“I’m more afraid for you. I’m a big believer that I’ll be at peace, but what about you? I don’t want to leave you alone.” 

“I won’t be entirely alone. I’ll have the guys and I’ll be around the people I love. I’ll still have my family and all the fans. Please don’t think for a second that they won’t miss you too.” 

“Some of them will think they have a shot with you now.” You let out a hollowed laugh. Your lungs forced out air before falling into a coughing fit. Han instantly jerked away from you and helped you sit up to get air into your lungs. 

“Are you alright?” His eyes filled with concern and his lips pressed into a thin line. He reached forward and brushed a piece of hair from your eyes as you nodded. 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s not a problem.” 

“I mean for everything. For the late night conversations, for the motivational speeches, for sticking beside me when I tried to get you to leave. Thank you for making life worth living.” 

Tears welled up in Han’s eyes. He pressed his ear back against your chest to hear that familiar thump. “You know I don't do too well with emotional conversations. I’m trying so hard not to sob in your arms.” 

“You’re allowed to be scared too.” 

“I don’t want to be scared,” he objected. “I want to be strong for you. I don’t want you to see me crumble apart. I’m supposed to be the one comforting you and I-”

“My sweet boy, I’ve already accepted it. I accepted this fate quite a while ago.” Your fingers brushed across the swell of his cheeks. Unlike your concave cheeks, Han’s were round and full just as you liked them to be. “The only one who hasn’t accepted it is you.” 

“I don’t want to let go. I don’t know how to let go. Please,” his voice broke, “don’t make me let go.” 

“But you have to,” you whispered. 

“I know it’s selfish, but please. I can’t do this by myself. I don’t want to live this life without you. I can’t do it,” tears welled in his eyes, “I-I can’t. You’re asking me to do the impossible.” 

Your fingers slipped down and landed along the front of his chest. “I’ll always be right here.” You lightly tapped against his heart. Beneath your finger, his heart pulsed. The strong rhythmic beats were far superior to your weakened ones. 

“Please…” He sucked in a breath and clamped his teeth down on his bottom lip. The stinging sensation overpowered his tears for a few seconds. He didn’t want to break apart in front of you. 

“Han?” 

“W-What?” 

“Please allow me the chance to comfort you one last time. I’m still here for now. I know I don’t have much time left. Don’t shut me out while I’m still right here.” 

That was all it took for him to fall apart. Openly weeping in your arms and burying his face into your chest. Warm salted tears painted your chest and soaked your hospital gown. In the smallest size, it was still big on you. 

You had sunken into nothing, but skin and bones. The cancer stole every bit of body fat to help fuel it. It took away your cravings and numbed your hunger cues. After a while of not eating, the stomach aches and pains went away. 

Laying on your chest, he could hear the struggle of your heart. Your energy was dwindling further and further and soon there’d be nothing left. Was it hours, minutes, or seconds left? Every breath, all you could do was pray that there’d be another. 

Cancer was a nasty and awful thing. It took your strength, it took your hobbies, it took your personality, but it could not take your love. You would not let it rip away your love. It could feast on your fat, it could slurp your marrow, and it could devour your organs. Your body was a glutton haven for cancer, but it could not have your love. 

When you were too weak to get up, when you could no longer use the bathroom, when you couldn’t eat, you still had your heart. With no fight left to do your hobbies, you still had your voice. It was weak and it was soft, but it was still here. You were determined to keep that with you until you died. 

An angry and colossal disease that left nothing behind besides pain and despair. It tore families apart and left lovers lonely. One minute you’re on top of the world and the next, you’re getting a phone call announcing that you need to come back to the doctor’s office to have a serious conversation with your doctor to discuss the next steps. 

When it comes to cancer, there are no winners, even in remission, through surgery and through chemotherapy. To those who decide to say no to treatment and spend the rest of their days facing whatever might come next. It kills, it destroys, and it haunts; leaving nothing behind, but anxiety. 

What if? What if? What if? What if it comes back? What if the tumor gets larger? What if it spreads? What if I lose the people I love? What if I can’t afford treatment? What if I never recover? What if it kills me? What if? What if? What if? 

Haunting your family and friends. Haunting the doctors and nurses treating you. Haunting the young children in public because treatment took so much away from you; your hair, your eyebrows, your eyelashes. You were left pale and sickly looking like a real life walking skeleton. 

Han’s fingers curled into your hospital gown. He cried and cried and cried until there was nothing left, but uneven breathing and hiccups. You softly cooed and continued playing with his hair. He squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them hoping this was an awful nightmare, but nothing changed. 

Exhaustion rolled through you once again. You knew you didn’t have much longer. It was getting harder to breathe and your heart rate monitor was slowing once again. The quick beats had turned into occasional pulses. Soon it wouldn’t be able to support your soul. 

“Han?” You whispered. 

His voice came out hoarse, “yeah?” 

“I’m so tired.” 

He sucked in a sharp breath. He knew, you knew, you both knew what this meant. There was almost a hundred percent chance you’d go to sleep and never wake back up. This was the last time he’d get to see your eyes. The last time he’d hear the pitter-patter of your heart. This was the end of everything. 

He glanced up from your chest. Your eyes met and he reached up to your face. He pressed his hand against your cheek and you let your eyes fall shut. “Just go to sleep,” he whispered, finally accepting it. “It’ll be better when you wake up.” 

“But you won’t be there.” 

“Oh, but I will.” He forced himself to smile. “I’ll be right here.” He pressed his other hand against your chest and gently tapped your heart. “I’ll always be with you and you can’t get rid of me.” 

“I love you.” You gathered the strength to reopen your eyes one last time. The two of you made eye contact once more. A silent tear slipped down Han’s cheek. He leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. 

How cruel and tragic it was. Smooth lips against chapped ones. Hydration vs dehydration. Your lover was alive and yet you were dying. Forced to part ways by some cruel higher power that nobody could understand. 

When he pulled away after a few moments, he responded. “I love you too. I love you so much. Promise me you won’t forget about me?” 

“I could never forget anything about you Han Jisung. You’re too bright, too talented, too handsome, and too beautiful to be forgotten. You’ve always been my favorite star.” 

The last thing you saw was a grin with tears streaming from his glassy eyes. You let your eyes shut again. “Can you sing me to sleep like you usually do?” 

Han forced himself to swallow the lump in his throat. “What do you want me to sing?” He brushed away his tears. 

“Gone away.” 

“Do you want me to cry again?” 

“Please, that’s my favorite song.” 

“I’m going to butcher it and not sing it very well.” 

“It’s the thought that counts,” you insisted. 

He didn’t want to, but this was quite literally your last and dying wish. Who was he to refuse it? He shut his eyes, sniffled, cleared his throat, and began to sing. Beneath him, your body relaxed as everything began to slowly shut down. 

When he finished the song, you were half asleep. He laid with his head still planted above your heart. You could feel the rumbles of his body and the pull of his voice. Realizing you weren’t quite asleep, he started to sing it again without the stutters and the occasional hiccup. He reached up and kissed your forehead as it came to an end again. 

“Just one more? Three has always been my favorite number.” Your words were barely audible, but Han managed to hear them. 

With a deep breath and more tears, he began it a final time. His own eyes were starting to get heavy. Your heartbeat was tugging him to sleep and covering him with a blanket of security, just like it always did. By the end of the third time, you were sound asleep. 

Taking comfort in everything, he let his own eyes slip shut. He nuzzled his head into the warmth of your chest. A heavy sigh left his body as he let himself relax and fall into the outstretched arms of slumber. 

Unfortunately, hours later, only one of you would wake back up.

| ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ | ♡.﹀﹀﹀﹀.♡ |

Taglist: @s3ungmins

Masterlist

[makaira-nina2005]

Hznfbdbxbs this makes me feral and now I have Joshua brainrot. Can you really blame me tho... This man is insanely hot and he knows it

What it's like having Joshua as your husband

This picture got me giggling my shit btw

Husband!Joshua who goes on dates with you anytime free. You got a day off? Sweet! The next thing you know is he's taking you out to a fancy restaurant, claiming he missed you soo much as if you're away for 5 months as if you didn't see each other 1 hour ago. (he's just exaggerating don't worry)

Husband!Joshua who likes to cook for you. Whenever he's home and you're at work, he would browse through the internet or call your mom, asking what's your favourite food and will attempt to cook it <3

Mornings with Husband!Joshua will always be your favourite; the bed is warm because of Joshua's heat and his arm wrapped around your waist while the sun is rising. He would smile at you and greet you ‘goodmorning’ with his deep voice

Husband!Joshua is the type of husband who likes to pamper you in many ways, cooking for you, offering you a massage and even helping you with chores

Husband!Joshua who likes to hold your hand and play with the ring on your finger. It makes him calm and it also reminds him that you're here with him─alive and loving him till both of your hairs are gray

Husband!Joshua who sends you voicemails whenever he's away. Although he hates opening messages but for you? He would make exemptions

Husband!Joshua who's not afraid of asking you for advice. He asks advice to the people he love the most, plus, he claims that you know him better than himself

Husband!Joshua who always shows you his signature smile (◠‿◠) that makes your heart burst because of his cuteness. It's almost like a habit of him; whenever you kiss him he goes (◠‿◠) and kiss you back and goes (◠‿◠)

Husband!Joshua who winks at you whenever you both make eye contact. Oh you're staring at him? He would wink at you and giggle at your flustered state

Husband!Joshua who also needs to be pampered. There are days he just wants to rest after an exhausting/bad day. So when you're taking care of him, the walls he built slowly crumbled as he started telling you about his feelings. He appreciates how you're listening to him intently, humming along to let him know that you're keeping up with him as you rub circles on his temple. It made him realize that you can rely on each other during hard days.

Husband!Joshua who's definitely the type of husband who would stare at you with love eyes. and everynight, he would stare at your peaceful face─thanking god that you're on his side forever<3

Overall, Joshua is the most sweetest husband to ever exist ◠‿◠

all rights reserved to @wonkierideul (prev @/k1eev ) do not copy/repost @kstrucknet @k-films | wc: 400+

guys lmk if theres smth wrong w this fic bcs im hella sleepy rn

[makaira-nina2005]

This is so cute 🥰🥰 highly recommend reading this one 😍😍

— stargazing, vernon chwe.

fluff | 797

no one expected vernon and you to last as long as you have. no one expected the both of you to even get together at all if they were being honest. the both of you were so different. too different. but that’s what made it work, you’d always retort. going on and on about “opposites attract” which to be fair, is true in you and vernon’s case. the two of you have such different lifestyles and hobbies but you were always willing to try and learn about each other’s interests, putting in all the time and effort to get closer to one another and build a stronger relationship. and it worked.

it was almost your third anniversary and vernon and you were both struggling to come up with a way to celebrate it.

“we’ve done almost everything these past few years,” you sighed as you plopped down onto the sofa next to vernon and his hand immediately went to rest on your thigh.

“maybe we should just stay in and do boring couple stuff this year,” he chuckled lightly then his eyes landed on something on the coffee table — your book on astronomy.

you’d taken an interest in that recently and vernon had thoroughly enjoyed those random little texts he’d received throughout the day whenever you learn a new interesting fact and there were very few things he loves more than seeing how excited you would get while reading those books or watching those documentaries. an idea popped into his head and he quickly made a mental note to plan the date for your third anniversary celebration.

“what’s your favourite constellation?” vernon asked, a finger grazing up and down your arm lightly as you rested against his side. it was one of those lazy weekends and the both of you decided to stay in and he offered to watch a documentary on astronomy with you.

you thought for a while before finally deciding on one. “i really like andromeda.”

vernon nodded at your answer.

“you’re not gonna ask me why?” you sat up slightly to look at him.

he shook his head, “you don’t need a reason to like something.”

there was a week left before your anniversary and vernon was working hard to research everything for your date, going through his checklist one final time to make sure he didn’t leave anything out. “telescope, checked. favourite constellation is visible, checked. location, checked. weather, checked.” he mumbled to himself. giving himself a mental pat on the back, he just hoped that everything would go as he had planned.

the night before your anniversary, vernon told you he was taking you out. he wouldn’t tell you any other details though, just that you should dress comfortably. the drive there was pretty long and you felt bad for falling asleep a few times while vernon drove but he kept assuring you that it was fine and he loved watching you sleep. even after all these years, vernon still manages to give you butterflies and make your heart flutter. you hope it never goes away.

you finally arrived at an empty field and your eyes grew wide when you saw the picnic mat and basket sitting in the middle of the large field with flowers and balloons surrounding it. and then you noticed the telescope that was partially blocked by the balloons and you felt a warmth spreading across your entire body. vernon was looking at you, taking in your reactions while you were taking in everything before you.

“you did all of this?” you turned to face him with a lovestruck grin on your face.

he nodded and the look on his face matched yours identically. “do you like it?”

you were in disbelief. “like it? i love it!”

you threw your arms around his torso and pulled him close to you, your cheek flushed against him and his arms automatically wrapped around you to hug you even closer. you could hear the steady beat of his heart from how you were pressed against him and you listened to it for a while before pulling back to look at him. then he was leaning in to press his lips onto yours.

“i love you so much,” you muttered softly.

“you’re about to love me even more,” he responded with a cheeky smile.

“i doubt that’s even possible.”

“the andromeda is visible from here tonight,” the grin that was on his face previously turned into a smug one.

your mouth fell open. “you’re kidding!”

vernon shook his head, “i’m so serious right now.”

“oh my god, i could marry you.”

vernon froze slightly before reaching into his pocket. “wait, are you being for real?” he took a box out and opened it to reveal a ring. “because i am.”

[makaira-nina2005]

Hi, I'm Etaf from Gaza. I hope you are well. I'm very sorry to bother you, but I'm sending you a message that I need to donate today. It has become necessary Help . 🙏🥹For a year my children have not gone to school because of the war and the blockade. They have lost their education and their most basic rights.

It's very urgent and I can't wait.

Help💔🇵🇸 My dear, please don't let us down. We need your support, help and kindness. We deserve life 🥹💔🍉🇵🇸

I am so so sorry that I didn't see this, guys please, help and spread this message

[makaira-nina2005]

Dear Supporter,

I hope this message finds you and your family in good health. My name is Eman Zaqout from Gaza. I am reaching you out to seek your urgent help in spreading the word about our fundraiser. I lost both my home and my job due to the ongoing genocide in Gaza and we are facing catastrophic living conditions. 💔

I kindly ask you to visit my campaign. Your support, whether through donating or sharing, will help us reach more people who can make a difference. Thank you for your continued support for the Palestinian cause. Your dedication brings us closer to freedom. 🙏🕊

Note: Verified by several people as 90-ghost and aces-and-angels. ☑

https://gofund.me/b141d50f 🔗

Please guys, do reblog this and spread this message.

[makaira-nina2005]

i’m in such disbelief right now and beyond disgusted.

i really hope y’all are choosing your morals over kpop; because we do not know these men at all. i will never side with or defend a predator and a criminal, even with little to no proof. even if there is the smallest chance he may be innocent, i will always believe the victim first.

some of you, as fans of the boys for years and him in general, i know you must be feeling disappointed and betrayed. you’re not dumb for previously supporting him, as we couldn’t have possibly known. but now is the time for a reality check and it’s time to wake up and take a step back. this just goes to show that we know absolutely nothing about them.

for sm to just outright put out a statement on their own before any rumors even surfaced and immediately kick him out? this has to be insanely serious and i’m terrified of what he could’ve done. the crazy thing is with everything currently happening in korea with the telegram situation, and korean women constantly being in danger in general because of the men there, i’m not at all surprised that celebrities are being exposed. sm has protected criminals before, and held onto lucas when his scandal came out as well as other artists who have been exposed for similar crimes. i can’t even imagine the severity of the current situation. we’ve seen what happened with the burning sun, and these men are not immune to being misogynistic, vile human beings.

members have already unfollowed him and deleted posts with him in them; his best friend of 17yrs has unfollowed him. the company taking the initiative and him getting kicked out of the group in less than a second before anything even came out, no denying the claims or even trying to defend him. that should be enough to tell you and understand how serious this actually is. i am beyond disgusted with him and this whole situation.

i sincerely hope the victim is doing okay and praying for them to heal and get the justice they deserve. and remember that your love for these celebrities should always be conditional, because we do not know them. it’s their job to put on a show and show you their public persona, but behind closed doors? we don’t know what they’re actually like. we put them on a pedestal and yet we don’t know what they’re really capable of. they are still men after all. i hope the police are taking this seriously. there needs to be consequences and these women need to be protected.

let this be a lesson to all of us. they don’t know us, and we don’t know them, not really.

ALWAYS choose morals over kpop. and as women, we should be standing with the victims.

maybe not all men, but enough of them. and maybe not all men, but somehow always a man. and going forward, i will of course still be supporting nct as a whole. however, keeping the situation in mind, i will be supporting from afar for a little bit. i hope the rest of the members are doing okay, and hopefully no other members were involved, but this today, just shows that they can always surprise us. you never think it’ll be your fave, until it is.

let’s hope this causes a domino effect and more of these people are exposed and charged for what they’re doing.

sending love to anyone who has ever experienced sexual violence or has been targeted and been in a similar situation. it is not your fault and it never was!

love you all and my dms are always open if you need to vent. <3

[makaira-nina2005]

SM is known to hold onto their artists during their scandals for as long as possible so for Taeil to be immediately kicked out of the group following the reports of him being involved in a horrible crime, the consequences must be very severe. while we don’t know the details of the crime, we could imagine they’re very extreme.

as a nctzen since 2016, I was disappointed and repulsed by the news of Taeil being involved in such crimes. I considered NCT my safe space and my form of escapism from reality for 8 years not knowing that one of the members was involved in crimes that harm women. never in my wildest dreams did I ever think an NCT member would be linked to a crime that harms their target demographic. it truly disgusts me thinking about how deeply involved he was in for him to be investigated by the police.

I hope fans who read this do not defend Taeil. he is a grown man who made the decision to be involved in a crime so horrific, I cannot and will never understand the people who would go out of their way to defend him. he needs to face the consequences for his crimes. victims of sx crimes have to live with the pain and trauma for the rest of their lives while perpetrators continue harming others. defending him just tells me you condone such behaviour, normalising the harm and ab*se of women. that needed to stop a long time ago and it needs to stop now.

men who involve themselves in sx crimes are one of the reasons why the world is a dangerous place for women. men like this are the reason we are afraid of men. men like this should not be able to walk freely and continue the cycle of harming others. men time and time again have proven that they’re trash.

please believe the victims. I hope they get all the justice they deserve and I hope they know we are here to support them.

[makaira-nina2005]

As a very obvious and clear fan of NCT I just want to let it be known that I will never, EVER, choose kpop over my moral compass. What Taeil did is disgusting, and vile, and made me realize that the parasocial relationship that fans have with idols has completely been blown out of the water.

It’s disappointing to figure out that someone you supported and put money in their pockets, and given them a platform is a complete and utter fucking skeezball. I will never on any level support anything that man has done. This girl has been getting harassed for 6 years from the age of 12 to 18 and it makes me sick that it took so long for anything to be done about it. That girl was failed on a monumental level at every capacity. There have been multiple girls coming out about their experiences with that man and it’s so sickening and frustrating to know that someone who you have supported was even possible of doing these things.

To be a man pushing 30 and harassing young girls is not embarrassing enough. Being kicked out of your group and company is not enough. Being publicly bashed and humiliated is not enough, every girl that Taeil has ever harassed, assaulted, and hurt should get their justice at the maximum capacity there is no doubt in my mind.

These girls are victims and I will never EVER let my idea of a fake persona cloud my judgement on what a victim has to say. But it’s genuinely making me realize that I don’t even seriously know for sure if I want to put myself back in the shoes of being a supporter for ANY group, the idea of falling back into that mindset of thinking these idols are my friends literally scares me because none of us know these people and what they are capable of doing, and I think I’m going to give this page a break and rethink my stance on writing for ANY group after this or just in general.

[makaira-nina2005]

What Taeil did is absolutely disgusting and I have to say thank you to SM for kicking him out immediately because that is horrible what he did. I will not be supporting him or posting about him. I would never ever side with a person like that. I hope the victim(s) get justice for what happened to them and Taeil gets properly punished for what he's done.

[makaira-nina2005]

If you like the angsty kind of stories with comfort as well, I think you would love this fic. I love it very much and it's very sad but comforting at the same time.

𑁍ࠬܓ 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐘𝐎𝐔 ( stray kids )

❛ In which the members of Stray Kids navigate the world of fatherhood without you.

𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐤𝐢𝐝𝐬 + female reader ೯ ( 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) 4.4k

꒰ 💌 ꒱ ミ This request was absolutely devastating to write, thank you! I hope you guys enjoy, reblogs and feedback are much appreciated! ── ( 𝐥𝐢𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐫𝐲 )

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Y/N has passed away, each member is a single father still in love with you, mentions of grief, some of the kids fall under the LGBTQ+ community.

( 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ) ( 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 & 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 ) ( 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 ) ( 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 )

꒰ 🫙 ꒱ ミ Tip Jar!

방찬 ── BANG CHAN.

Chan's office was bathed in the soft, amber glow of the desk lamps, casting a warm yet somber light across the room. The gentle hum of the night time silence was broken only by the rhythmic, soothing breaths of his three-year-old daughter, who lay peacefully on the worn leather couch. Her tiny face, so serene in slumber, was a haunting mirror of your beautiful features, stirring a profound ache in Chan's heart.

As he watched her, tears began to silently trace their way down his cheeks, each drop carrying the weight of his sorrow and longing. He could still hear your final, trembling words: "Love her twice as much in my absence." The memory was a dagger, twisting with the relentless guilt and grief that had become his constant companions. The sight of his daughter's innocent face, so reminiscent of you, only deepened his anguish.

Today had been especially trying. Chan had promised his little girl a joyous outing to the park, a precious respite from his hectic work schedule. But the day took an unexpected turn when Changbin called in a panic, frantically searching for the nearly completed recording of their latest song. What Chan had hoped would be a swift resolution morphed into hours of desperate searching, only to end in the devastating realization that they would have to begin the recording anew.

All the while, his daughter’s patience wore thin. She had no toys, no distractions, just the suffocating boredom of waiting. Her disappointment was palpable, a silent reproach that cut deeper than any words could. Chan felt like he was failing her, failing in the promise he had made to you. Driven by the need to make amends, he gently woke his daughter. Her initial crankiness gave way to curiosity as he apologized for breaking his promise and proposed a sleepover at home. Movies, games, a fort, and endless cuddles — her eyes sparkled at the thought, and her frown dissolved into giggles.

At home, they transformed the living room into a magical fortress of pillows and blankets, a sanctuary just for them. They watched animated tales, played games, and reveled in the simple joy of being together. Wrapped in the cozy embrace of their fort, she eventually succumbed to sleep once more, nestled against him. Her hair, a tousled mess, and a small trail of drool on his shirt were endearing reminders of her tender age and boundless trust in him.

Chan held her close, his heart swelling with love and a bittersweet yearning. She was the living embodiment of his heart, and as he gazed at her, he whispered a vow into the stillness of the night. He promised to love her with all his might, carrying the weight of both his love and the part of you that would forever reside in their lives. In that quiet moment, amidst the echoes of his promises, he felt a fragile sense of peace, knowing that as long as he held her, he was keeping your memory alive.

이민호 ── LEE MINHO.

Minho lay in the dim, soft glow of his bedroom, shadows whispering across the walls as the twins slept peacefully beside him. Their tiny forms had claimed your side of the bed, filling the void where your presence once brought warmth and comfort. The night he returned home with the babies, he had attempted to sleep alone, but the emptiness was unbearable. He tossed and turned, haunted by the silence, until one of the babies began to cry, inevitably waking the other. In his desperation to soothe them, he gathered every pillow he could find, crafting a makeshift crib in his bed. Their delicate features softened in the calm of his presence, and they finally drifted off to sleep.

As Minho gazed at their angelic faces, hands entwined even in slumber, his heart ached with the weight of your absence. How could he begin to process this loss? You had spent almost ten months nurturing these little miracles, only to be taken away before you could revel in the beauty of their existence. Ten months of creating life, and you would never witness the serene way they held hands in their sleep. Ten months of dreams and hopes, and you would miss their first birthdays, graduations, weddings. It was unbearably cruel, and Minho’s soul was tormented by the thought.

You wouldn’t even be here to laugh about the pregnancy mix-up that had both of you convinced it would be a boy and a girl, only to welcome two beautiful baby girls into the world. His friends had offered to stay and help, but he had declined, needing the solitude to grapple with his grief. Now, in the stillness of the night, he questioned if he had made the right choice.

Tears welled up and spilled down his cheeks as the full weight of his new reality settled over him. He was to raise these precious little princesses on his own, and the responsibility felt crushing. Yet, as he watched their peaceful slumber, he knew he had to summon every ounce of strength for them. They were his world now, the living, breathing remnants of your love. He vowed to cherish them, to love them fiercely, and to guide them through life with unwavering dedication, for they were all he had left of you, and he was all they had.

In the hushed silence, he whispered promises into the night, pledging to be the best father he could be. He would ensure they knew how deeply you loved them, even if you couldn’t be there to tell them yourself. And as he held them close, feeling the rise and fall of their tiny chests, a fragile peace washed over him. He knew that in every laugh, every tear, and every milestone, you would be there in spirit, guiding him, loving them, always.

서창빈 ── SEO CHANGBIN.

The sun was setting, casting a warm, golden glow over the park as Changbin and his 13-year-old son sat on a weathered wooden bench, savoring their ice cream. The park buzzed with the laughter of children, their joy mingling with the gentle rustle of leaves in the summer breeze. Parents lounged on the grass, basking in the last light of day, while Changbin watched his son’s face light up with a blush as he received a message.

Changbin couldn’t resist teasing him. "Who’s got you smiling like that?" he asked, his voice laced with playful curiosity.

His son’s cheeks reddened further, and he looked away, trying to hide his smile. "Just a girl from school," he mumbled, glancing at his phone. "She texted to congratulate me on today’s soccer game."

Changbin’s interest was piqued. "A girl, huh? Do you like her?" he inquired gently, but his son just rolled his eyes, keeping his thoughts to himself.

After a while, his son broke the comfortable silence with a question that took Changbin by surprise. "Dad, how did you know Mom was the one for you?"

Changbin's heart swelled with a bittersweet mix of love and nostalgia. He took a deep breath, the memory washing over him like a tender wave. "Well," he began softly, "it was before you were born. Your mom and I had only been dating for a few months. One evening, we decided to take a ride on my motorcycle to grab some food. On the way back, she spotted a bookstore and got all excited. She tapped my shoulder and pointed it out, her eyes sparkling like a child's. I couldn't say no to that."

He smiled, lost in the memory. "We stopped, and I handed her my card, telling her to get whatever she wanted. She promised she’d come out empty-handed, but I knew better." He chuckled, remembering your sheepish yet triumphant expression as you emerged with a bag hidden behind your back. "She ended up buying two books and couldn’t stop talking about them, her excitement contagious. When I told her I was glad she found something, she did this little dance of joy before climbing back onto the bike. She had to hold the bag since her backpack was already stuffed with our food, but she was too happy to care."

Changbin’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. "That’s when I knew she was the one. It wasn’t some grand gesture; it was her pure joy in the little things, her passion for life. I wish you could have known her. She loved you so much, even before you were born."

His son’s eyes mirrored his own longing and admiration. "I wish I’d known her too," he said softly. "My goal in life is to find my soulmate, like you found Mom. I want to love someone as much as you loved her."

Changbin’s heart ached with pride and sorrow. "You deserve to have someone by your side for a long time," he said, his voice thick with emotion. Then, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, he added, "Who knows, maybe this girl from school is your one."

His son groaned, a playful smile tugging at his lips as he nudged Changbin, causing his ice cream to topple onto the ground. Changbin laughed, a deep, hearty sound that echoed through the park. His own ice cream slipped from his grasp, joining his son’s on the pavement, and they both burst into laughter, the joy of the moment a soothing balm to their hearts.

In that golden hour, surrounded by the simple pleasures of ice cream and shared memories, Changbin felt a profound sense of peace. Despite the heartache and loss, he and his son would continue to find love and joy in the little things, just as you had taught him. And in those moments of laughter and connection, he felt your presence with them, a silent guardian watching over their journey, smiling at their shared happiness.

황현진 ── HWANG HYUNJIN.

Hyunjin sat alone in the dimly lit room, the soft glow of the bedside lamp casting a warm, golden hue over the familiar surroundings. The air was thick with memories, each piece of furniture and every stroke of paint a testament to the love and labor he had shared with you. His heart ached with a bittersweet nostalgia as he looked around, his mind filled with the echoes of laughter and the whispers of cherished moments.

He remembered the countless hours spent building the furniture, the frustration and triumph mingling as he struggled with stubborn screws, while you sat nearby, reading the instructions with a patience that never failed to calm him. The nursery walls, painted in a tapestry of happy themes, bore the marks of your combined artistic talents, creating a sanctuary for the new life you both awaited with eager anticipation.

The night he returned home with the baby, your absence a gaping void beside him, was etched into his soul. He had sat in the rocking chair, the one he had bought especially for you, cradling the fragile bundle in his arms, paralyzed by the fear of being alone. Many nights, he had dozed off in that chair, too afraid to leave its comforting embrace, haunted by the silence that your departure had left behind.

A wistful smile tugged at his lips as he recalled the day he found your child drawing on the walls, their tiny hands busy creating a colorful mural over your delicate paintings. It had pained him to see your work altered, but the sight of their concentrated little face, so much like yours, had softened his heart. He had chosen to let them be creative, to express themselves freely, even if it meant sacrificing a piece of you.

He thought of the time his six-year-old had cried in his arms, their tiny body trembling with confusion and hurt because they didn't fit in with the boys or the girls. Hyunjin had held them close, whispering reassurances, his heart breaking at the familiar pain. It had been a long journey, but he had worked tirelessly to make their home a sanctuary of love and acceptance.

The memories came in a flood, each one a cherished gem: the summer in middle school when they returned home with bags of new clothes and put on a fashion show, proudly displaying their androgynous style; the pride parade, where he meticulously placed sticky rainbow gems on their face, their giddy excitement lighting up the day; and finally, the day they graduated and moved out, leaving behind an empty room filled with the ghosts of the past.

Tears rolled down Hyunjin’s face as he sat in the rocking chair, now old and creaky, thinking of all the moments he had cherished yet wished he could have shared with you. The weight of the memories pressed down on him, a heavy, inescapable burden.

Suddenly, his phone rang, startling him from his reverie. He hastily wiped his tears and saw it was a FaceTime call from his child. He answered, and their beaming face filled the screen, the excitement in their eyes mirrored by the twinkling fairy lights in their new apartment's bedroom.

“Hey, Dad! Look at my new room!” they exclaimed, panning the camera around to show off their new space, their voice bubbling with pride and joy.

Hyunjin’s heart swelled with pride and love. “It looks amazing, sweetheart,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

“I miss you,” they confessed, their eyes shining with unshed tears. “Can we spend the first night together, through the phone?”

Hyunjin chuckled softly, trying to mask his lingering sadness. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of moving out?”

They laughed, a sound that was pure and unfiltered joy. “Maybe, but I know you’re in my old room crying already.”

He laughed too, the heaviness lifting just a bit. “You got me there.”

They didn’t hang up, staying connected through the screen as the night deepened. Hyunjin lay back in the rocking chair, his child propped up in their new bed, both finding solace in the familiar presence of each other. As they talked and laughed, Hyunjin realized that though you weren’t physically there, your spirit lived on in these moments, in the love that continued to bind them together. And for now, that was enough.

한지성 ── HAN JISUNG.

Jisung found his seven-year-old child hidden within the treehouse that the three of you had built together. This small wooden sanctuary, once filled with laughter and joy, now bore the heavy weight of sorrow. They were still in their funeral attire, the black clothes contrasting sharply against the soft glow of the setting sun. The murmurs of the guests lingering in the backyard became a distant, indistinct hum as Jisung climbed into the treehouse, his heart burdened with grief and a simmering anger at the universe for taking you away so cruelly.

His son's youthful face was etched with a grief that seemed too profound for such a young soul. Jisung felt a surge of helplessness as he reached out, pulling his child close, wrapping him in an embrace meant to shield him from the cruel world outside. “I miss Mom,” came the soft, heart-wrenching whisper, each word a dagger to Jisung’s already shattered heart.

“I miss Mom too,” Jisung murmured, his voice thick with unshed tears. They sat together in silence, the weight of your absence pressing down on them like an insurmountable force.

It had been nearly a year since you had fallen ill, the sickness so severe that the doctors had given you only a few months at most. Yet, you had defied their grim prognosis, your spirit burning brightly despite the frailty of your body. Jisung remembered the countless nights spent by your side, swallowing his fears and anger as you spoke of your impending death with a calm acceptance that had always made him furious. To him, it felt as though you had given up, but he knew deep down that wasn’t the case. You hadn’t wanted to waste what little time you had left fighting an unwinnable battle. Perhaps if he had truly listened, if he had embraced those fleeting moments instead of railing against them, he might have cherished your final days more deeply.

His son, too young to fully grasp the concept of death, struggled with the finality of it all. He understood that you would never return, yet accepting it was a different matter entirely. Jisung’s heart broke anew each time he saw the confusion and sorrow in his child’s eyes, a mirror of his own torment.

Holding his son tighter, Jisung wished he could find the right words to ease the pain, to make sense of a world that had suddenly lost its light. But words failed him, crumbled under the weight of their shared grief. Instead, he let the silence speak, hoping the strength of his embrace could convey the love and comfort his words could not.

The treehouse, once a symbol of their shared joy, now held their sorrow. The walls, which had echoed with laughter and dreams, now seemed to absorb their pain, standing as silent witnesses to their loss. But within this small, sacred space, surrounded by the memories of happier times, Jisung hoped they could begin to heal. He would be there for his son, a steadfast presence in the storm of their grief, guiding him through the darkness with a love that, while tested, remained unbroken.

As the last light of day faded, Jisung held his son close, both finding a semblance of solace in each other’s presence. In the quiet, grief-stricken aftermath, they began to forge a new bond, one tempered by loss but strengthened by their enduring love. And in that silent communion, Jisung found a glimmer of hope that they would eventually find their way through the darkness together.

이용복 ── LEE YONGBOK.

In a home where the relentless energy of three young girls and their single father painted every day with hues of joyous chaos, peace was a fleeting visitor. The air thrummed with the symphony of exuberant laughter, the vibrant discord of simultaneous chatter, and the relentless rhythm of youthful exuberance. Yongbok would never trade this tempestuous world for anything, yet a hollow ache lingered for the presence of the one who had been the steady heartbeat of their lives.

Your sudden departure had cast a profound shadow over their once lively abode, transforming it into a quieter realm where your laughter’s echoes were replaced by an oppressive silence. As time wove its delicate fabric over the jagged edges of grief, the house gradually adjusted to a new cadence, yet the weight of your absence hung heavy in every corner.

Despite this, Yongbok discovered fragments of you embedded within the fabric of their daily lives. He saw your essence in the selfless nurturing of his eldest daughter, who had seamlessly stepped into the role of co-caregiver. Her quiet acts of love and responsibility were a poignant echo of the devotion you had always shown, a continuation of your spirit in her every gesture.

In the middle child’s vibrant monologues about obscure topics, Yongbok glimpsed your enduring influence. Her unquenchable thirst for knowledge mirrored the intellectual curiosity you had nurtured, each passionate explanation a living testament to your legacy.

The youngest, with her mischievous gleam and boundless spirit, kept Yongbok perpetually on his toes. Her playful antics and joyful mischief were a vivid reminder of the vivacity you had infused into their home, a living echo of the light you had brought into their lives.

In the quiet moments, Yongbok could still feel your presence. The post-it notes left in his lunch bag by his eldest daughter, each inscribed with a simple message of love, were imbued with your warmth. The tender strokes of his middle daughter’s fingers through his hair during their movie nights were a silent connection to you. And in the gentle inquiries of his youngest, her head peeking around the door to ensure he was alright, he felt the deep compassion you had instilled in her.

Though you were absent from the milestones and daily rhythms, your essence lived on through them. In the small, tender acts of affection and love, you continued to be a cherished part of their lives, an enduring presence in their hearts.

김승민 ── KIM SEUNGMIN.

Seungmin had been absent through the vast expanse of your pregnancy, the relentless demands of touring keeping him away. He returned just in time to witness the birth, only to be swallowed by the crushing weight of your absence. The pain of missing those precious moments with you, of not being there to share in the miracle of your last days, was a wound that never healed. This haunting regret followed him, a constant reminder of a future lost.

The day you passed, Seungmin left Stray Kids, unable to bear the weight of the stage without you by his side. He couldn’t find solace in the bright lights or the rhythms of his music. Instead, he focused on his two sons—an older one, now sixteen, and a younger one, now twelve. The older boy, once a vibrant spirit, had retreated into the shadows of his room, his once lively demeanor replaced by a sullen silence. The baseball games that had once bound them together now lay abandoned, and Seungmin, despite the storm within, knew he had to reach out.

Determined to bridge the chasm that had grown between them, Seungmin planned a day just for the two of them. He left the youngest with his closest friend, Jeongin, and took his older son out. The car ride was a quiet procession of unspoken thoughts, the weight of their shared grief hanging heavily between them. When they finally arrived at their destination, Seungmin braced himself, ready to face the tender fracture of their relationship.

It took patience, but eventually, the silence broke. The older boy revealed his feelings for a boy at school, emotions that he struggled to understand. Seungmin was taken aback, but he remained calm, his heart aching with a blend of surprise and concern. As his son’s tears fell freely, Seungmin pulled him into a tender embrace, his own heart aching with a mixture of empathy and love. He whispered reassurances into his son’s hair, promising acceptance and protection, vowing to stand by him no matter what.

The boy, still tearful but comforted, then showed Seungmin a small journal. Inside was a song he had penned, a poignant melody woven with the threads of his conflicted feelings for the boy at school. The song was hauntingly beautiful, a reflection of his son’s delicate soul and burgeoning talent. Seungmin’s heart swelled with pride and love as he listened, recognizing the echoes of his own musical spirit in his child’s creation.

As the day drew to a close, Seungmin received a snapshot from Jeongin—his youngest child, covered in dirt and beaming with the joy of a day spent playing baseball. The image was a burst of pure happiness, a vivid reminder that even amidst the sorrow, moments of light and joy persisted.

As the sun set, Seungmin felt a renewed connection with his older son, a fragile yet precious bond rekindled through their shared experiences and heartfelt conversation. Though the regret of not being there for you lingered, he found solace in the fact that he was striving to be the father you would have been proud of. In the quiet moments of the evening, he hoped, with all his heart, that wherever you were, you watched over them and felt a deep pride in the man he was becoming—a father striving to honor your memory through the love and strength he gave to your family.

양정인 ── JANG JEONGIN.

Jeongin’s youngest daughter was a restless spirit, her stubborn yet carefree nature a constant reminder of the love she once shared with you. Each burst of laughter, every defiant flicker of joy, was a living echo of your vibrant presence. In contrast, his oldest son was a mirror of Jeongin’s own meticulous nature, his life meticulously ordered, each ambition carefully planned.

Lately, Jeongin’s heart had been heavy with worry. His daughter, brimming with reckless exuberance, frequently dashed off to meet a boy Jeongin knew was unworthy. The thought of her entangled with someone without a future gnawed at him, leaving him adrift in a sea of concern. As he lay awake at night, the silence seemed to taunt him, and he often found himself wondering how you would have navigated these troubled waters if you had still been there to guide them.

One night, as the moonlight spilled softly through the window, Jeongin was wrenched from sleep by the unmistakable sound of muffled sobs. His heart raced as he followed the cries to his daughter’s room. He paused at the door, the murmur of his son’s voice cutting through the silence. The room, once a sanctuary of dreams, was now a cocoon of whispered regrets and stifled tears. His daughter’s voice wavered with the weight of her shame, confessing her feelings of foolishness for having trusted the boy. His son, with a soothing calmness that mirrored your gentle strength, reassured her that she wasn’t foolish, merely swept up in the exhilarating tide of young love. He told her she deserved better than a boy with no future, his words a soft balm to her wounded spirit.

Jeongin’s heart ached with a mixture of pride and sorrow as he heard his son’s comforting tones, the echoes of your nurturing spirit resonating in his voice. After a few moments, he gathered the courage to step into the room. His eyes were tender with understanding as he took in the scene: his daughter’s tear-streaked face, her hands buried in her lap. Her cries grew louder as she saw him, her embarrassment palpable as she shielded her face with her hands.

Jeongin knelt before her, his expression a blend of love and compassion. Gently, he reached for her hands, drawing them away from her face to hold them in his own. His touch was a lifeline, a silent promise of unwavering support.

“You told me so, I know,” she choked out, her voice a trembling whisper.

“I would never say that, my love,” Jeongin murmured, his voice rich with tenderness. He wrapped her in his arms, pulling her close against his chest. His gaze met his son’s, a shared understanding passing between them.

“I know it hurts,” Jeongin whispered into her hair, his voice a soothing melody against her ear, “but this isn’t the end.” His embrace was a warm cocoon, a sanctuary of love amidst the storm of her emotions. The night unfolded in a delicate tapestry of comfort and hope, a testament to the enduring love that bound them together, even in the quiet absence of your guiding presence.

꒰ 🏷️ ꒱ ミ Permanent taglist: @agi-ppangx @sunnyrisee @jisunglyricist

꒰ 🏷️ ꒱ ミ Post taglist: @bowsnbang @nothinginterestingtoshowhere

🍉 FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE! DAILY CLICKS! STAYBLR FUNDRAISER!

[makaira-nina2005]

More About Me!!

I love Kpop very much! I stan many groups that I don't think I could even count how many I stan. My ult groups are NCT, The Boyz and Stray Kids and I am mainly a bg stan but I do listen to a few ggs. My ult biases in all of Kpop are Stray Kids Seungmin, NCT's Ten and Yangyang and The Boyz Kevin and Q.

I also love The Maze Runner movies, all of The Hunger Games movies, anything Marvel related, and I also enjoy watching the Chicago One series.

I love to read and I read almost every day. I especially like to read about Dystopian related books. If you have any suggestions for any books like that, feel free to send them to me!

I play soccer during the summer and my position is left winger on defense and sometimes I play midfield.

I have blueish-grey eyes, very thick, curly mid back length light brown hair and I'm about 5'5.

I am French Canadian but I also have some English and Irish blood.

My favorite animals are wolves and tigers and I love to learn about marine animals. My favorite color is red and my favorite food has to be either stir fried rice and chicken or potatoes and corn.

My favorite actors are Thomas Brodie Sangster, Dylan O'Brien, Andrew Garfield, Elizabeth Olsen, and Florence Pugh. My favorite singers are Taylor Swift, Shawn Mendes, and Selena Gomez and I also really love to listen to Chase Atlantic and The Weeknd.

I love anything that has to do with Greek Mythology, specifically the PJO book series.

That is almost everything about me and if I think of more I'll update this post.

[makaira-nina2005]

You're doing so wonderfully, and I couldn't be prouder of you. I hope you never feel alone in this world because you are truly cherished.

🌙💓

Aww thank you 🥰🥰

[makaira-nina2005]

In which you realize you don't have to be perfect around Seungmin.

Hurt/comfort. (wrote this while listening to fine line so i do recommend listening to it hehe)

"I bought snacks for our movie night!" Seungmin excitedly announces, strutting inside your room with a grin on his face.

You snap your head towards him, guilt already cursing through your veins. "Was it tonight?"

"Yeah, did you forget?" he asks, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"No, no. Um... I just- I need to finish this essay first and..." your eyes rack frantically through your desk- everything looks so disorganized to you right now. "And I... I didn't wash the dishes from yesterday," you scratch your hand uncomfortably, suddenly recalling everything you are behind in. "And I promised I'll make you cookies, didn't I?" you ask, growing more agitated with each word.

You abruptly stand up, dropping your pen and darting towards the kitchen. Your hands are shaking as you rapidly grab a bowl from the sink to start washing it. But you can't hold it still and it falls to the ground, the loud thud echoing through your home.

You are behind on everything- your work, your cleaning, your promises.

"Yn?" Seungmin calls out your name cautiously but you don't answer him, too lost in your own thoughts. When did you let things go this much? You forgot your date with Seungmin, but you weren't one to forget. You're the one who remembers every single detail, making sure that everything runs smoothly.

But the stress of finals has taken a toll on you. It was hard to catch your breath when you felt like you were crumbling down under the weight of your self-deprecating thoughts.

And you don't want Seungmin to see you this way- anything short of perfect. He'd criticize you too, right? Like everyone before him did.

"Baby, breathe," he places his hand gently on your shoulder and you freeze in your place. Your hands are tightly clutching the countertop, and you don't dare to turn around and face him.

"I'm okay," you reply, willing your voice to be strong.

"Are you really ?" he asks you softly and you look up at the ceiling in a useless attempt to stop your tears from falling.

Seungmin didn't need you to talk. He simply glances at your tense shoulders and your foot that's furiously tapping the floor, and he knows. He has his answer.

Your back is still facing him, so he slowly wraps his arms around you from behind. His chin resting gently on top of your shoulder.

"I'm sorry I'm not perfect," you finally whisper after a few beats of silence.

"Who says I want perfect?"

"I just... Everything went wrong and I... I feel as if I let you down," you admit quietly and you expect Seungmin to let you go and turn away. But he doesn't, instead he tightens his hold on you and you almost can't believe it. He's staying.

"You didn't let me down. You are only human, I don't expect you to be put together all the time. Imagine how boring that would be," he adds with a chuckle and you smile despite yourself, your hand slowly raising up to rest on top of his.

"We'll wash the dishes together. And we'll bake the cookies together. But you'll work on your essay alone because why did you choose such a hard major," he jokes and you swat his hand playfully in reply.

"But I'm here," he turns you around, his eyes finally locking with yours. "We pick each other up when the other is down."

Seungmin gently wipes your tears away, before leaning in to place a soft kiss on your forehead. His lips linger in there for a couple more seconds than necessary, and you almost cry from the relief that's flooding your being. He stayed.

"You don't have to pretend around me. If you are feeling overwhelmed, just tell me, okay?"

"Okay," you smile at him and he nods, satisfied.

"Now..." Seungmin smiles mischievously at you and you know there is a twisted plan brewing in his head. Your suspicions are confirmed when he suddenly bends down and picks you up. He runs towards the living room where he throws you on the couch, and then he's on top of you, tickling you until you can't breathe anymore.

"How dare you forget about our movie night! I should be your one and only priority!"

"I'm sorry!" you yell through your giggles, but Seungmin doesn't yield. He keeps on tickling you until your cheeks ache from how hard you are laughing, and you're slowly starting to forget what made you so upset in the first place.

Truth is, Seungmin didn't mind that you forgot about your date. He just needed you to laugh again.

[makaira-nina2005]

This fic is so sweet and I love it so much 😍😍

gentle (kim seungmin x gn!reader)

reader struggles with food, hurt/comfort, please read carefully

an: thats not my best work, but i kinda like it so im posting it nonetheless simply bc i can😋 and to anyone who’s struggling with food now - you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are worthy of love. remember there are people who care about you, don’t be scared to reach for help<3

a loud rumble in your stomach distracted seungmin from studying. he looked at you from over his messy notes, but you seemed unfazed by your body’s noises. your eyes were glued to the screen of your laptop as you were trying to find a suitable article for your final essay.

“hey, i’ll order us something to eat, what would you like?” he said, reaching for his phone, but you only shook your head a little, still focused on the screen.

“’m not hungry,” you mumbled and seungmin raised his eyebrows at that. he stared at you for a long while before scoffing.

“when was the last time you ate something?” he asked. you thought for a moment and shrugged your shoulders without a word. “exactly. i’m gonna order something then.”

“wait, don’t-” you started, finally breaking your gaze from your laptop, but seungmin’s piercing gaze made you stop mid-sentence. you took a deep breath as he sat up, not caring about crumpling his notes as his features suddenly showed worry.

“yn, what’s going on?” he said quietly, taking your laptop from your lap and placing it on the bedside table. he gently took your hand in his, careful not to startle you as he noticed your breathing became more frantic and uneven. you weren’t hungry. you didn’t want to be hungry. “yn?” seungmin repeated your name firmly, squeezing your hand to bring you back to reality.

“i gained weight recently,” you whispered and he tilted his head to the side. “i don’t feel like eating right now,” you added hesitantly, hearing your stomach rumble again. embarrassment flooded you as you hid your face in your hands, feeling your cheeks become warmer.

“that’s why you don’t want to eat? because you gained weight?” he started quietly and you felt him shift on the bed to come even closer to you.

you felt like a failure when you’d noticed a few additional kilograms on the scale the other day. you desperately tried to maintain your weight and you managed to do it for a long time. you weren’t really fond of how you looked, but the steadiness of your weight whenever you stepped on the scale made you feel safe. you were really cautious of what you ate, making sure you weren’t eating too much. the quiet voice in the back of your head praised you every time you ate less than you usually would and you felt proud of yourself whenever you managed to refuse some sweets. you’re doing amazing, the voice would say. you heard that rumble? that’s the sound of victory. i’m so proud of you.

“i feel disgusting,” you mumbled, feeling a lump in your throat. “so i can’t eat anything if i wanna be pretty.” seungmin shook his head at your words, wrapping his arms around your body. he brought your head to his chest, swaying you softly as he tried to gather his thoughts.

“you are… so amazing, yn,” he started and you felt the tears prick at the corners of your eyes. “i don’t know what you’re going through, but i’m here for you and i love you,” he continued and a quiet sob left your body at his words. “but starving yourself won’t solve your problems, honey. we can figure something out, but you have to learn how to be gentle with yourself, okay?” he ran his fingers through your hair, seeing how distraught you were. “i’m gonna order you a smaller portion today if it makes you less scared, but i won’t leave it like this. if you can’t love yourself then it’s my role to do it for both of us.”

taglist !

@lynlyndoll @iyenbread @flooo71 @skz-streamer @inniescandy-01 @hannahhbahng @prettymiye0n @ggsez31 @laylasbunbunny @like-a-diamondinthesky @axel-skz @kittymaryam-thebrowniefairy @l3visbby @skzhoes @minhosbitterriver @astraystayyh

[makaira-nina2005]

It's my 1 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

[makaira-nina2005]

I would love to be friends!! - ✨️

Of course!! We can definitely be friends!!

[makaira-nina2005]

Hey there, Just popping in to ask how you're really doing. Sometimes, it seems like no one asks how we truly feel, but I want you to know I'm here for you. You deserve all the wonderful things because you’re such a precious person. Smile as brightly as you’re meant to, and soak up all the love and happiness you deserve. You are amazing and important, and I'm super proud of you for keeping on with your journey. Keep shining!

🌙💓

To be honest, lately I haven't been doing the best. Life has been very busy and stressful for the past few months, and I guess it's taking a toll on me. Sometimes, I get caught up in my head and everything spirals downwards and I end up overthinking everything.

I really do appreciate you asking how I'm doing. No one really ever asks how I'm doing, so you doing this means a lot to me.

And you know, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always here. I believe that kind words should go both ways and everyone should be able to speak their feelings with someone even if it's only one single person. So if you ever need anything at all, I'm here.