mahomesss

[mahomesss]

put a tootsie roll inside a sheet of a4 paper and rolled it like a joint. i’m about to see parts of space NASA could only dream of.

[mahomesss]

my little cousin just hit the griddy as i showed him radiohead for the first time and i’m pretty sure i just heard thom yorke explode.

[mahomesss]

ordered a venti nitro cold brew and now i’m shaking like a vietnam war vet. the trees are whispering and i can’t see straight. all of this fighting for nothing. fuck you lyndon b johnson. fuck you.

[mahomesss]

haha hahaha yeah I enjoyed the new hozier album ig

[mahomesss]

noah schnapp holding his neck like will as the palestinians draw closer.

[mahomesss]

hey man, sorry for that little rambunctious episode i had. gotta little devil on my shoulder that whispers heinous crimes in my ear now and then lol.

[mahomesss]

If I was a mouse and was given a cookie I would totally want a glass of milk as well. I've always thought this. That is what's called a relatable protagonist.

[mahomesss]

i’ve been in a state of constipation for 5 years now that i’m starting to think i no longer need to poop. that my body needs so much fuel it devours everything i eat and leaves no crumbs. i am superman, i can fly.

[mahomesss]

hey bud, if you tailgate my car any closer I will press the brake so hard you'll be somersaulting down the freeway.

[mahomesss]

starbucks - hi there, do you want to try our gingerbread eggnog toffee walnut crispy chocolate latte?

me - no of course not, i want a black coffee from the pits of hell, make it as bitter and cruel as you possibly can.

[mahomesss]

blasting the succession theme song on my way to my minimum wage job like i’m about it close out a large acquisition and make my dad love me again.

[mahomesss]

i’m fully convinced i could make it in the nfl if i was given a chance.

get the ball in my hands and i make stuff happen, i feel no pressure and taste no fear. i’d run through a linebacker like a drunken dad running a red light - no thought of stopping, no thought of the potential danger i may cause.