maeve-20

[maeve-20]

Three Years

Three years ago, as she walked through the gates, the air had changed. There was something that made her hard to breath, as though the life of the place had died, and as she saw her mother’s face filled with tears, she understood why.

Three years ago, as she saw her father cry for the first time, her vision blurry as the tears ran down her face, she wanted to forget that day but at the same time, she never wanted to let it go.

Three years ago, as she stood there on the door waiting for someone to come and hold her, comfort her, she felt her mind fog with the memories that seemed to trap her into a life where nothing like this happened.

Three years ago, as she listened to the tales she had never heard before, laughing, she cried silently, suddenly remembering what was in the house, her heart clenching painfully at the thought of saying goodbye.

Three years ago, when someone told her that he called for her the whole night, she crumpled again.

Three years ago, she promised to always remember him, even though he had forgotten her in his last days. She repeated his last wish over and over again until she understood it’s meaning. 

Three years ago, as she saw the legacy he had created and the people mourning for him, she realized how little she knew about him.

Three years ago, she smiled despite everything as she remembered how he used to shout and curse her siblings and her whenever they used to fight and play around and the tears returned again as she remembered that she would never hear his voice shouting at her again.

Three years ago, she searched for his presence in the materialistic things but later realized he would always be with her, in her heart.

Three years ago, the place she called home slowly started to crumble, and she saw it all along as it became a cold, dark place that had started to frighten her.

Three years later, as she sat there repeating the words ‘hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you’, she could feel him smiling from up there, with his dog by his side.

[maeve-20]

THISSSSSS 👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼

[maeve-20]

The Undoing of Ryder Burke

The Undoing of Ryder Burke by clarifications on Wattpad. TW: rape

I read a book today. It’s on Wattpad called The Undoing of Ryder Burke, but it deserves to be published. It should be read by everyone, no matter what their age, gender, class is. This was my first time reading a book really focusing on the life of a rape victim and all the emotions described. I can’t get the words out, but if I don’t do it now, I would never do it. It’s very rare to see a book that talks about all the topics that are never discussed in our society. It was fresh change, reading about a girl, who was raped and drugged by two of her best friends. Not many people believed her. Why? Because she liked having sex. Oh God, what have I done? Talking about ‘sex’ is a sin for girls. Isn’t it? My hands are shaking as I type this, not because of fear, but because of the emotions I relive as I remember the book. This is a hard topic for me. And it was even harder to read a book about it. But it trapped me in the first chapter. India itself has many rape cases throughout the year. I feel ashamed saying this but it’s the truth. And what are we doing? We post a story and that’s it. I was one of them until I realized that it doesn't matter if I put a story, what matters is educating ourselves and others so that we can stop this animalistic wildness that some people possess. Though using the word ‘animalistic’ doesn’t feel right. It is wrong to accuse them of such things when humans are the ones to commit such heinous sin. Using humans may be righter. People have tainted their souls with the worst of crimes in mankind and they still worship God. We often use the sentence ‘imagine if she was our daughter or sister’ while talking about and sympathizing rape victims. But do we really need to ‘imagine’ them in order to sympathize? Can’t we just do that because we failed as an individual and as a society.

“Boys will be boys; girls will be girls. And both of those things somehow seem to translate to boys will rape and girls will be able to do nothing about it because did you see what she was wearing? Did you? Did you see that slut, walking around? My God, she was basically asking for it to happen? Are you really that surprised?”

I want to ask anyone who has used the phrase ‘She was asking for it’ what does it really mean? If a girl wants to ask for sex, she has a mouth and she can speak for herself. What kind of clothing comes under ‘asking for it’? Because we desperately need that answer. Believe or not, women are sexualized for everything they do. And at some point or other, you may have done it too. That’s how we are raised, but is that the right thing? We are capable enough to change ourselves according to the trends on social media, then why not your opinions. There are many people out there talking and writing about this. And I am just one of them. Will this change a thing? Maybe, maybe not. It all depends on how the readers absorb it and whether they imply it or not. People are not ready to face this reality but they need to because ignorance won’t cease the fact. I recommend each of you to spare a little time to this book as it deserves all the attention. It will take just a little time out of your routine, but you will be overwhelmed with these emotions throughout the book. Many people have that answer ready with the phrase ‘All the boys are not same’ But you don’t need to defend yourselves. As it is said, action speaks louder than words. And let your actions decide it for you. And if you get offended, you need to think a little sweetie.

[maeve-20]

What is love?

What is love?

Growing up, my definition of love was that same old line from Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, that every girl of my age growing up in an Indian household and religiously following Bollywood definitely knew. ‘Pyaar dosti hai, aur agar vo meri sabse acchi dost nahi ban sakti, to main usse kabhi pyaar kar hi nhi sakta, simple hai, pyaar dosti hai, love is friendship.’ (Love is friendship, and if she can’t be my best friend, I can never love her, simple love is friendship) but is that what it really is? Is that all love is, and for many people it may be, but as I grew and changed, I realized this line wasn’t what I really thought about love. So, what love really is? That question still hangs in the minds of people who’ve never been in love. Is it the comfort of having someone there for you? Or the feeling of being giddy and nervous? But isn’t love supposed to be comforting and warm? I have believed many definitions about love throughout my life, even googled about it, but it never felt enough. It was all about people’s experience and how they felt about it. But has no one ever thought about those who have never been in love and are desperately searching for a meaning behind a word that we use daily. I know that there are many people out there, who have defined what love is, it feels beautiful too, reading and listening to their theories, stories. All those books I’ve spent most of my nights reading, crying and hoping for a better world for the fictional characters, the movies that made me feel like a teenage girl talking to her crush for the first time, giddy and full of excitement and nervousness, and the countless songs about love that are engraved in my memory, gave me the momentary feeling that yes, this is what love is and this is how it feels like to be in love. But I forgot all of them and none of them felt right for me. So, after countless of years quoting what others thought about love, here I am, sharing my thoughts, theories, views, about love.

These past years have been filled with surprises for me, well it applies to everyone. But I remember last year’s winter, when the whole world was paused and I had absolutely nothing to do except reading books all day. But even that gets tiring after some time, right? So, in the noon, I used to wear my favorite and the only Harry Potter hoodie, grab my earphones and make a dash to the terrace of my building. I used to climb up on a staged platform that had no support to go up but just two pipe endings peeking out from the wall. Earphones plugged in and boom ‘Connection to the real-world lost’. And now imagine, it’s two in the afternoon, you can hear your favorite playlist playing in the back of your mind, you close your eyes, the sunlight hitting your face and spreading its warmth in your body as you expose yourself and bask in the warmth and comfort of the sun rays in the cold winter afternoon. And that’s what I think love is, you are all guarded up, with the ‘I don’t want all that love bullshit’ just like wearing a hoodie and preparing yourself for the cold, dark world. Baam, the vibrant rays trap you into their warmth and all you can do is let go and absorb the warmth seeping through.  And the longer you sit there in the sun, the harder it gets to let go but you know you have to leave because if you don’t, it may harm you. Just like letting go of the person you love unconditionally because of the circumstances.

But if love really is the feeling of the rays of sunlight hitting your face in a cold winter afternoon, I’d love to experience it irrespective of the circumstances. And as long as I don’t find it, I’ll be there all guarded waiting for the sunlight to hit me. And when I find it, I’ll give myself to the sun.

-Random thought occurred in the middle of a road trip (kind of)

[maeve-20]

“What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her.”

— John Green. The Fault in Our Stars