m3ssycols

[m3ssycols]

"Breaking the Chains of Sickle Cell: Unveiling Insights, Inspiring Awareness. Explore our brochure to understand the journey of those living with sickle cell disease and the ongoing pursuit of hope and health. #SickleCellAwareness #BreakTheChain"

[m3ssycols]

— Henry Rollins

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“I want you to find me. I want my disappearance to be / untranslatable. Feeding prayers into the sea’s throat / I run as fast as ink but we are both dissolving: / when I reach you, we become a corner of the sea.”

— Felicity Plunkett, from “Becoming the Sea”, A Kinder Sea (via voirlvmer)

[m3ssycols]

HAIII! Cols Again!

There's alot that happened this first week of August i have met alot of new people who shares one same interest with me which is they are also a bl fan and we have this one gc with all of them and it's very nice and far from what i excepted and they are very kind, active, welcoming and super talkative which is cool and i very much feel accepted and welcome to be a part of it although i'm not pretty much updated and still can't finish my watchlist its fun to know and have them as something that makes me have a good day or mood they very much uplifts me and my day i'm glad to know them HAHAHAHA

And my father also arrived yesterday after six months its nice to have him back here again even though i know he will leave again soon because of his job but lets look at the bright side He is home again And also my mother except me to be more obedient since father is home... its fine i'm obedient sometimes HAHAHAHAHA

Lastly this first week of August i became closer to someone close to my friends although i never met him and seen him my friends know him very well. We have talked before but i think it doesn't count although now we have been chatting for a few days and i think i can say he knows me more than i know him HAHAHAHA he shares some few stories here and there and very talkative and has alot of questions which is fine cause i'm a pretty boring person to talk to and very speechless with people but he makes it look that i'm also talkative though i'm also talkative but not in chats and messages i'm more of calls and meet ups... i have also shared few stories here and there and it feels very comfortable to talk with him that i can even say inapropriate words to him. We're building a friendship here and its great we got a longer way of challenges in our ways Goodluck to us HAHAHAHAHAHA

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

Do not ever prioritise anything over your (mental) health. Not school. Not grades. Not chores. Not family. Not friends. I know it is easy to form the habit of ignoring how miserable you actually feel when you have so many responsibilities that need your attention more (at least that is what you think). But you owe it to yourself. You owe it to yourself to stop and listen. To feel what is really going on. To take time to heal what is really going on. Do not ignore the state of your body and mind, for it will only come back worse to the point that you will break. You need to realise that it is not what you deserve. Do not let the world tell you that you are supposed to feel this way all the time. You are not supposed to feel sick and tired, exhausted and empty, lonely and down. You are supposed to feel alive. So please make sure to prioritise yourself before making a choice to prioritise something or someone else.

[m3ssycols]

Hey I’m back!

hey it’s been months since I last write here and opened it, Well actually I just got back from social media break and the reason why I haven’t wrote the past months I was busy plus I was extremely depressed and having second thoughts bout everything although I was active on my other social medias I try to act like everything is fine while its not is normal for me but I guess I was also caught up watching my thai dramas and alot more. 

I think I’ll try to go back to normal now I wish and try to post twice a month again well my life is something to always talk about ‘cause it’s pretty weird after all.

I know none of the special people in my life will see this but I wanna thank them for having my back at times even if not always I love them very much.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

Change your food, change your mood.

Change your training, change your body.

Change your investment, change your life.

Change your reading, change your thinking.

Change your words, change your perception.

Change your environment, change your outlook.

This are things world says to us but frick them

Be yourself and don't hide it! Be who you are and do it for yourself and not for others

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

The taste of your name

Similar to a peaceful melody playing through my mind,

such is the eloquence of your name, a beautiful kind,

to the sweetest of flavors, relishing my tastebuds,

every time your name is merely uttered, I feel my heart thuds,

skipping a beat or two, as if in a race to grasp and reach you,

lest you are taken away from its reach and it is only left to walk and looked at.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

I don't actually know what to say i just want to express to somebody that i'm not ok i just want to tell somebody that i want to talk to somebody but i can't seem to tell that person what i feel cause i don't want them to feel that i'm selfish because of course they have their own problems too And the sad thing about it is I don't know why recently i feel sadder and sadder and the more i want to open up but i can't.

I just didn't think i could feel this invisible right now, Everything are messed up i haven't being really active at my classes recently and i have alot of school works to do that i can't finish, my mental health is failling and Everything i do doesn't feel right, Dreams feel so realistic i can't tell if it's a memory or imagination, I want to start following my dreams but i don't really know what i want Because i am convinced that i will not live long or maybe die at a young age and because i don't want false hope.

Actually thinking about it i don't want to live long i'm fine just living half of it. Well if you think i don't mean it i actually do although it would be sad but i feel like coline would have lived enough by that time, Plus i have loved it here but life challenges is just not for me And like anybody would care. No one even knows and ask if i am really fine, But it's ok i'm used to it just better lock those feelings to the ground and hope no one finds.

If a friend sees these well i'm sorry you should not have seen this but fine, How are you doing? I love you HAHAHAHAHAHA and probably i would regret writing this one so if there's a chance this will be deleted remind me of my folishness

Well if there's a chance that i would still be alive by 50 years old bless her, i don't how to live by that time pls. Guide her, Her must have been a mess but i don't want to live that long so might as well kill her, She is useless to the world anyway🙂

I would probably regret writing this frick but i mean it.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

Make this night loveable,

Moon, and with eye single

Looking down from up there,

Bless me, one especial

And friends everywhere.

With a closest brightn3ss

Surround our absenxes;

Innocent be our sleeps,

Watched by great still spaces,

White hills, glittering deeps.

Parted by circumstance,

Grant each your indulgence

That we may meet in dreams

For talk, for dalliance,

By warm hearts, by cool streams.

Shine lest tonight any,

In the dark suddenly,

Wake alone ina bed

To hear his own fury

Wishing his love were dead.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

K is a dear old friend of mine, but I could miss her for any or no reason, which I am not really entitled to disclose. I’d rather you didn’t pry in these matters and please don’t expect me to respond to other asks related to this subject. Thank you and good day/night to you.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

Well Belated Valentine's Day

I was supposed to post this yesterday but i forgot 😬

The beating,

of your heart,

became the reason,

for mine,

to beat,

again.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

For me its all doing good i guess, well its nearly february and somethings have never change but some of it is for the better maybe, its currently St. Paul's week and usually by this time i'm spending time and having great memories with friends at school, its usually one of our memorable bonding each school year but keeping in touch is one of a good thing, well atleast i have memories to still cherish with my friends. Hope all of them at doing good and never forget that there is still someone who's always gonna be there for them.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

Well every night i always dreams the same thing again and again i dont know how to deal with it specially because it is basically a nightmare i dont really remember much but something have happened and my life crushed and i lost everything and everyone and little by little i got trapped and the world breaks into little pieces and i start to wake up and cry until morning it have been two weeks on having it, well good thing is that someone is always there to help me, care for me, and love me. I'm hoping everything is fine with him too i hope he never forgets how much he is a blessing to me. I guess i have to do my homeworks still so bye for now.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

Hey, Merry Christmas!

Alot have been happening here, Alot of problems have been popping up and my project are still not yet done and i'm afraid i can't make it in time, hope my teacher can make exception, Besides that i'm doing great it have been fun! Although idk if he's doing good, he's kind of distant from me or it's just me.

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

I actually dont know what to say

What i'm about to share was a Activity for my health class about a failed marriage

Hope you like it, it's not much and i feel it needs some approvement but i don't care i'm gonna still share it

He was my greatest love, we met at my parents province

We have been together for a few years now

We are going fine as usual

until one day he proposed to me

Even though I wasn't sure About it

I said yes Well what could go wrong anyway

It was the best day of my everlasting life I thought

Introducing to my family and so did he

My brother didn't like him much

Try to tell me wasn't the one and we are too young Well for me that wasn't a problem

And because I am already 27 don't worry

We tried to talk about but it doesn't work

Soon the marriage came up

That day I was wearing a white beautiful dress

It was the memorable day I thought

Soon after the Wedding

A few months later

It was fine as usual

But then went to the hospital

The doctor said i couldn't bare a child

Being a father is one of the thing he ever wanted

After a few years

he got tired ever since I can't bare a child

He got worser and worser and cheated on me

After a few weeks I have noticed It

Then after that he started abusing me

I filed divorce paper And when to the court for approval of the divorce paper

He signed it and go And I never got to see him again

It seems that our marriage wasn't important to him

It was the biggest mistake of my life

And it all was wasted

And my brother was right about him

Cried over all the memories and challenges we had together

Feels like a failed relationship

If there was a mistake i'm sorry in advance

Sincerly,

Cols💛

[m3ssycols]

So my birthday is near and i know this year have been the worst except i have my loved ones by my side and the thai dramas i love watching got me distracted with all the bad stuff that keeps happening, i guess the start of the year wasn't that bad but it got worst and i wasn't hoping for it, But thinking about this year actually it helped me alot except for getting my deppresion, stress and anxiety worst but dont mind that and learning alot through online classes except when the signal is not really good and i don't feel the spirit of my birthday coming but it still gonna happen anyways i don't really have a choice, but i just wanna thank you to be still tunning in to my pages.

I'll just suggest a song by tate mcrae a canadian singer, song writer artist. In her song intitled slip.

Thanks!!!

Sincerly,

Cols💛