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King Kong and Godzilla get in a restaurant…

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when you tryna chill but your siblings love annoyin you

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I’m screeching

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It’s a good thing decaying plants don’t smell like rotting corpses or Fall would be traumatizing.

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some kid: *watches The Incredibles for the first time* WOW THAT'S AN AWESOME MOVIE!

me: you know they're making a second one

kid: REALYY??!! WHEN??

me: next year unfortunately :/

kid: awwww that's a super long time to wait

me: *eye twitches*

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Me: *makes a small irrelevant mistake*

My Brain, banging pots and pans together: YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUCKED UP YOU FUC

Me: *makes huge mistake that will directly affect my future horribly*

My Brain, lounging on a lawn chair with shades on: ....acknowledged

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HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN

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Just to be clear, Hillary Clinton could straight up die and relay her orders to the oval office every morning via a fuckin ouija board and she’d STILL be a better president than Trump

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there are too many versions of me in the universe! the girl i bumped into but didn’t stop to say sorry to has a version of me in her mind. the guy i let borrow my homework has another version of me in his. even my friends, my family, and everyone i’ve ever met in my life has their own version of me in their minds that i’m not even aware of

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When you’re in the middle of sobbing and you start dissociating so you’re like “okay I’m done now” and turn into an emotionless zombie

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my experience with pokemon go so far

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Kittens sleep together in order to conserve body heat. Interestingly enough, most cat species only need to do cuddle for body heat in the first 4 days of their life since their bodies do not possess the capability to keep themselves heated. After the first 4 days, cuddling is seen more as a social activity used to express affection rather than for practical purposes.

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Once my friend Henry was accused of wearing wireless headphones by a substitute so she said for him to hand them over so he took them off and handed them to her. Then later on she asked him a question and he didn’t respond so she said it louder and he still didn’t respond. She asked why he was not responding and he said “I can’t understand you ma'am, you took my hearing aids.”

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