m1stmxmff

[m1stmxmff]

KISS ME MORE — ning yizhuo

tldr: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

tags fluff, crack, jealousy, non-idol au, roommates, based off that one reddit story, short fic, dialogue heavy, mentions of jmj, hi yunjin! tw for oblivious ning, pacing’s weird kinda

wordcount 5.2k

🎙️ author’s note: happy birthday ning! late fic ik… but i’ve been busy (i’m sorry 😞) hope our dearest main vocal stays happy for the rest of her life! can’t imagine aespa without her 🤍 happy reading~

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 16 hours ago.

TLDR: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

i am currently roommates with this girl, A. we've been staying together ever since we graduated and we’re very close. sometimes we’ll even jokingly flirt with each other but she knows i’m straight and she has never made me uncomfortable before. i’m a foreigner and A has definitely helped me grow accustomed to the culture here. i owe it all to her. which is why i’m confused about my feelings right now.

i’ve never thought of myself to be discriminatory towards anyone and i always welcomed those different from me, regardless of their sexual orientation. however, recently my roommate has come out to me. i supported her and didn’t think much of it after. but here’s where the problem starts. she came back with a girl a few days ago that i recognise from our extended friend group. i have nothing against gay people but when i saw the girl, i just felt so upset. at first i thought it was because i was in a bad mood and all i wanted was to cuddle with A, but afterwards, A would progressively get more touchy with that girl (lets call her Y). every time i would see them, i just felt bad. i wanted to puke at the sight.

i caught them making out on the couch once and i got so pissed off. i think it was because of a rough day but basically when my roommate started to apologise, i just blew her off. Y seemed embarrassed too. i felt really bad afterwards since A was really hurt by my action. she asked me why i was so angry and i just lied saying that something at work made me upset. i don’t want to tell her that it was because seeing her with a girl that i was annoyed.

there was another incident where she brought Y to our weekly game night. all my friends seemed fine with her, except for me. one of my friends, let’s call her M, had to pull me aside to ask what was wrong with me. in that moment, i realised that i was only hurting A and Y by being a jerk. i’m normally a polite person but that day i was being unnecessarily rude to someone i didn’t even know. i chalked it up as wanting only the best for A since she’s a year younger than me and wanting to protect her. she doesn’t really date anyone and she’s very quiet. am i being unreasonable? i really don’t want to be homophobic. i told M all about my feelings of homophobia and she told me that she was dating a girl too. i didn’t know why she brought it up but then she asked if i felt any disgust towards her for being gay. i said no and that her sexual orientation would never change our friendship.

so she asked why do i only feel that way towards A? and i want to extend that question to everyone here too. can someone help? do you have any experience with something like this? i don’t want to lose A as a friend. she’s one of my best friends and i can’t see myself not standing beside her in the future. we’ve been through a lot together and i don’t want this to be the reason why we end our friendship. she’s never once complained about my dating life and it feels hypocritical to do the same to hers. but i just feel queasy whenever she brings up other girls. like i want to bash my head against the wall type.

do i have selective homophobia? can someone help?

⇧ 157 | ⇩ | 89 comments

u/betterthingz01 | 12h

op i hate to break this to you… but i think you might be in love with your roommate.

u/throwawaylizard | 12h

can you elaborate? please!!!

u/flatearther | 11h

Are u sure u don’t have a crush on A? Or that u are straight?

u/throwawaylizard | 10h

uhm well i’m straight… so i don’t think i have a crush on A but if i was into girls, i’d definitely fall in love with her!! she’s really sweet and caring.

u/flatearther | 10h

Oh 😭😭

u/mingmingz | 7h

how do you feel if your roommate brought back a different girl? maybe you just don’t like Y as a person?

u/throwawaylizard | 7h

she used to bring other girls around too i think they were just friends though. i felt the same way but just seeing her kiss Y makes me want to throw up :((

u/blueskies444 | 5h

have u tried talking to ur roommate? i think communication is the best solution here

u/throwawaylizard | 4h

i talked to her a few days ago, asking her if she could stop bringing Y to our hangouts or apartment because it feels weird. our friend group only really consisted of five people and as bad as it sounds, Y just felt like an intruder. she kinda looked at me weird before agreeing. but then she asked if i would be fine if she went to Y’s apartment instead and obviously i said it wasn’t any of my business. A got a little upset and we haven’t been talking recently…

u/blueskies444 | 4h

i’m gonna be real w u for a sec and say that A is most definitely trying to get u jealous

u/throwawaylizard | 3h

why would she do that?

u/blueskies444 | 2h

yeahhh i’m not the one who should tell u why

“ning yizhuo, why am i getting messages from jimin unnie saying that she found your reddit post?” minjeong’s voice shrills out behind yizhuo. the girl shrinks, shivers running down her spine at the thought of anyone finding out about her post. she had resorted to reddit for help after much consideration and even aeri had said that reddit was surprisingly helpful at times.

“that’s not me! you’ve got the wrong person!”

minjeong rolls her eyes and tosses her phone onto yizhuo’s desk, “that’s literally you. ddongie would be upset to know that he’s a throwaway lizard.”

yizhuo instantly protests, “that just means that it isn’t my main account! i didn’t want people to find my real account.”

“oh, so you are throwaway lizard?”

she cowers at minjeong’s intense gaze, knowing that her little slip up just cost her whole facade.

“well the comments were helpful!”

“did you not reread what you typed out?”

minjeong’s genuine tone makes yizhuo hesitate.

“yeah? did i make a lot of spelling mistakes…?”

“no! did you not realise?” minjeong asks again. yizhuo huffs, swerving back around in her chair, “realise what? that i’m a bad friend? y/n hasn’t talked to me in days.”

just as she said in her reddit post, you haven’t spoken a word to her ever since that day she confronted you. yizhuo doesn’t think she was super mean with her words but the way you had reacted made it seemed like she killed your whole family.

she had only said, “hey, can you stop bringing yunjin over?” and her mere words had launched a full-blown argument where you had insinuated that yizhuo was jealous that you had someone to rely on.

it couldn’t have been further from the truth! yizhuo would never be upset about your happiness. any semblance of bitterness had lessened when she saw how bright your smile was or how much you were laughing when yunjin would tell a joke.

(she didn’t find it funny but at least you laughed. yunjin was the epitome of dad jokes. she was not funny.)

“she really hasn’t? wow, she’s determined,” minjeong chuckles.

yizhuo rolls her eyes and turns her attention back to her sketchbook. a few scrawned out designs, nothing much. just to take her mind off this situation for now. the pencil drawings somehow only manages to ensure that her brain constantly thinks about you though. how you encouraged her to enrol in a fashion course and how you were certain that yizhuo would become the biggest designer ever known.

she would giggle at your claims and humour you. now all that was left was your silence.

“why would she be determined to ignore me?” yizhuo asks, sighing, “i was upset but now it just seems like she thinks i don’t want her to be happy.”

minjeong raises an eyebrow, “what did the comments say? did they help?”

yizhuo huffs just thinking about the reddit comments. none of them really helped her to identify her feelings. just stating that she was gay and in love. both wrong!

“they said i’m in love with y/n and i’m jealous of yunjin,” she answers coolly, trying not to get too worked up over the false accusations.

minjeong winces, “do you think they’re right?”

yizhuo furrows her eyebrows.

“no?! i’m not gay!”

“but do you like y/n?”

“no! she’s just a very good friend!”

the brunette sighs, “that’s what they all say.”

“minjeong!”

yizhuo couldn’t be in love with you. no way. you were really just a good friend. one of her closest. she adored you greatly and wanted the best for you.

“so why are you so upset?” minjeong asks.

“i don’t know! that’s why i’m asking reddit! but now i just look like an idiot,” yizhuo groans, wanting to pull her hair out of frustration, which truly shows how irritated she was. she would never harm her hair.

“yizhuo, have you ever considered that you’re not as straight as you thought?”

yizhuo turns back to face minjeong, who’s sitting on her bed. she thinks back to all the times you’ve hung out with her. the lingering touches of comfort. the warmth she felt whenever you spoke.

she just wants her friend back. and she doesn’t know why she’s acting so unreasonable. could minjeong have a point? what if yizhuo…

“oh my gosh! i’m jealous since she’s out and gay—”

minjeong lights up, squealing, “yes!”

“and i’m just a straight girl without any confidence! i’m jealous of her confidence!”

minjeong deflates almost instantly.

yizhuo knows she’s right, so she immediately hatches a plan to talk to you. one comment said communication was vital in preserving this friendship, so yizhuo jumped into action. she knew you had your shifts at night and yizhuo could catch you off-guard right after. your work usually ended late and yizhuo always dozed off on the couch waiting for you. recently that routine has been broken, of course, but that’s when you’re most susceptible to vulnerability. yizhuo needed space to be honest and truthful.

thus, she waits patiently in the living room. yizhuo’s not really sure how long your shift lasts but she normally hears your keys jingle at midnight, so maybe then?

she waits an hour. then another. and then another. she spends the time scrolling on instagram, a frown forming on her face when yunjin appears on her feed.

then, finally, she hears the door creaking. jumping up from her lying position, yizhuo sits upright, focused.

“oh,” is your first word to her. not ‘hi’, or ‘hello’, just an acknowledgment.

yizhuo blinks at the sight of you in your work attire. but she quickly shoves the thought of how attractive you looked into the back of her mind.

“hey,” she winces at her own unfamiliar tone, “can we talk?”

you stare at her in shock before reluctantly nodding.

“yeah, sure.”

she pats the space next to her and clears her throat as you sit down.

“i know i’ve kind of been a jerk lately especially to you and yunjin, but i just want to say that i’m sorry.”

surprise flickers in your eyes, “oh.”

“i talked to minjeong unnie and it really cleared things up. i realised that i was upset because it felt like we weren’t as close as before. knowing that someone like yunjin could come replace me. i was jealous that you had someone while i didn’t. it felt like you were moving on without me, so i got a bit angry. i’m really sorry for the way i treated you and yunjin.”

(their first interaction really went poorly. yizhuo had came home, ready for a long movie night, just to find a random girl (well, not really random) sprawled out on her couch.

“i’m home,” yizhuo calls out, carefully approaching the body. long and lanky is the first thing she notices. and the bright red hair. yizhuo dyed her hair red before, it stained her pillowcase cover. she wonders if this girl’s pillowcase covers are stained with red dye too.

“hey, how was your day?” you ask, laying beside the girl, “sorry, this is yunjin. we just finished a gym session together with aeri unnie. minjeong unnie knows her.”

no wonder why you were barely dressed. yizhuo scrunches her nose at the sight of yunjin’s arm wrapped around your bare torso. she nods and asks quietly, “why is she here?”

you laugh, “i was bragging about my post-gym lunch and she said she wanted to try.”

yizhuo’s never tried your cooking before. she feels a little out of place now.

“ah, okay,” she replies dryly, not bothering to keep her volume down, “is she going to be here all day?”

yunjin wakes up at the commotion, a little disoriented as she shifts.

“oh, shit. sorry, y/nnie,” yunjin yawns, sitting up, “sorry ning, i accidentally fell asleep.”

“it’s yizhuo. only my friends call me ning,” she spits out. you send her a scalding look that makes her want to retract her words, “whatever. sorry. see you guys later.”

at night, just before you leave for your shift, you reprimand her, saying that she was extremely rude to someone she didn’t even know. yizhuo had tuned out most of your scolding, not wanting to hear you defend yunjin.)

“oh…”

yizhuo swallows harshly, squeezing her eyes shut, “i just need you to know i’m not praying for your downfall or anything. i want the best for you, especially since you feel like my younger sister.”

as soon as she finishes her little speech, she opens her eyes to your flabbergasted expression. eyebrows furrowed with your mouth agape.

“uhm… can you forgive me?”

yizhuo really needs you to forgive her. she doesn’t know what she would do if you decided that this was the breaking point for your friendship. she would respect your decision but still, it wouldn’t be nice. who would want that? and if you decided to end the friendship, what would happen with the apartment? yizhuo really likes being roommates with you. it would suck to have to find another roommate as meticulous as you.

“well— uhm, of course,” you stutter, “i gotta go shower. sorry.”

“oh, okay.”

just as you’re about to get up, yizhuo reaches for your hand, “we’re okay, right?”

she watches your throat bobble before rasping out, “yes. we’re fine.”

wow! yizhuo mentally pats herself on the back.

that was so easy. it felt like a whole weight got lifted off her chest. yizhuo smiles to herself and enters her own room, proud.

(meanwhile, in your own room, you vent to yunjin, bewildered by yizhuo’s obliviousness.

“she said i’m like a sister! her absolute gall! and she said it’s because she’s upset she doesn’t have someone like me! your whole jealousy tactic didn’t do shit!”

“girl, calm down. i didn’t know you liked the dumb ones. who knew she was so stupid?”)

you stare at yizhuo, who’s trying her best not to show any disdain for the way yunjin’s arm was slung over your shoulder. she must either be extremely self-repressed or just stupid. probably both. unless she didn’t actually like you. that thought, you didn’t dare to entertain. the once confident and bold girl had turned into this timid and shy kitten.

“take a shot if you’ve kissed someone in this room before!” aeri reads out the card before gulping down her drink. minjeong and jimin do the same and so do a few others. when yunjin shakes you ever so slightly, you take the initiative to swallow down the burning sensation. yizhuo’s glare narrows before she turns away entirely.

subtly grinning at her act of jealousy, you hum happily. there’s an outcry of people asking who aeri kissed and the attention shifts away. most people in your extended friend group had assumed you and yunjin to be dating. the only people who knew the truth were minjeong and aeri. jimin was kept in the dark since well, truthfully, she couldn’t keep a secret from yizhuo.

“take a shot if you ever kissed someone of the same gender.”

there’s more people drinking this time. you drink yours after a refill and so does yunjin. your eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets when yizhuo drinks as well. wasn’t she straight?

“who did you kiss?!” jimin screeches.

yizhuo wipes her lips, glistening with alcohol, “a friend. it was a dare in high school.”

you listen with rapt attention as aeri eggs on, “was it good? are girls better than guys?”

“well, it was definitely less sloppy,” yizhuo shrugs, giggling. her blush has worsened under the lighting and you can tell she’s at least tipsy now. the redness was currently spreading throughout her cheekbones and neck. you would coo at the adorable sight of her pouting and playing with the soju bottle if she wasn’t the stupidest girl on earth. you noticed how yizhuo drank every time yunjin squeezed your shoulder or you leaned into her touch. was she seriously still so thick?

“take a shot if you ever crushed on someone in this room,” aeri groans, downing her glass again. you drink yours and others follow. it wasn’t unexpected. you were seventy percent sure that most of the guys had crushed on jimin before, at least for a second. or maybe hanbin. he was cute too. that, you could admit.

“aeri… why are all the questions about dating?!” jimin whines, flopping onto the carpeted floor. minjeong winces before exclaiming, “i think she’s drunk now. let’s call it a night, okay?”

you agree. yizhuo looks seconds away from passing out as well and despite your recent gym endeavours, you do not want to carry a twenty four year old woman back home. yunjin taps your side and slyly tilts her head towards yizhuo, who’s leaning against the couch.

“go save your princess, romeo,” she whispers and stands to help minjeong clean up.

after all the bottles had been cleared, you crouched to yizhuo’s eye level, “ning, let’s go. it’s time to go home.”

her eyelids flutter open and she blinks at you wearily, “home?”

you nod, standing to wrap her arm over your shoulder to steady her. finally on her two feet, you bid goodbye to everyone and make your way home, albeit slowly.

every minute or so, yizhuo would jolt and nearly topple over. right as you reach your place, she leans over to the sidewalk drain and gags. you let go instantly and take out your phone to record her. next time she wants to get drunk, you’ll just show her the video. let her reflect.

“yizhuo, hurry up, i wanna shower,” you complain, dragging the hem of her shirt.

“o-okay…!”

“uhm, you have to get up.”

yizhuo nods again, wobbling as she stands. you grip her wrist and pull her into the apartment lobby. her body weighs heavily onto yours in the lift and you huff at the stench of alcohol.

“you smell bad,” you sigh.

“really?” yizhuo giggles, “you don’t like it?” the elevator dings.

she turns around to rest her head on your shoulder.

“i shouldn’t have gotten so drunk…”

“no kidding. c’mon you big baby.”

finally, after much effort, you manage to get yizhuo onto the couch. you’re heaving and panting at the end but at least she’s comfortable.

“please never get this drunk again,” you groan, flopping onto the couch.

yizhuo moans, “not my fault.”

“yeah? who’s fault is it then?”

she flips herself around, facing the ceiling, “y-yours.”

“how is it my fault?”

“you and yunjin…” she slurs out and your heart leaps.

“how is it our fault?”

“you keep touching each other,” yizhuo inhales sharply before mumbling, “i hate it…”

grinning, you pat her back.

“yeah. it’s my fault. sorry baby.”

“hmfph…”

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 4 hours ago.

UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

hi guys! so i know some of you all have been asking for an update and here it is. there’s really nothing much that has changed? we’re back to normal, mostly. A doesn’t bring Y around as much anymore which honestly, should make me feel guilty but i don’t. we had a talk and i think it went rather well. i told her i felt like i was left behind and she forgave me for being so shitty.

it feels like this was just a hurdle in our friendship and we’re closer than ever. she’s become really touchy with me and i appreciate that things are back to normal. she’s been initiating talks and hangout sessions which boosts my mood immensely. i’m really happy with the progress we made. we’ve even started cooking together and it feels awesome. Y had tasted her cooking before and i didn’t. so it felt like this hole in my heart had been patched up. our movie nights have become solely ours and everything’s great. she’s the sweetest girl i know and the most caring, so i really do feel happy that i have my best friend and roommate back. our cold war was doing a toll on my mental and physical health but a simple conversation had cleared the air so easily.

sometimes when she brings up Y since she still hangs out with her, i do feel a little upset. she told me they aren’t dating, just good friends. but other than that, we’re cool. thanks for all the comments! i’m glad i’m not homophobic :D

⇧ 178 | ⇩ | 102 comments

u/imissher | 3h

op you can’t be serious…

u/throwawaylizard | 3h

? what’s wrong

u/imissher | 2h

it feels as if you haven’t really solved this ‘homophobia’ issue. just put it off to the side.

u/throwawaylizard | 2h

IM NOT HOMOPHOBIC 😭

u/mingzmingz | 2h

well i’m glad? as long as you guys are happy ig. idk what’s up with gay people

u/throwawaylizard | 2h

thank you! i’m not gay though.

u/japansfinest | 1h

HOLY SHIT NING

u/throwawaylizard | 1h

OMG DONT DOX ME???

u/japansfinest | 1h

GIRL BE SERIOUS RN 😐😐

u/1800hotnfun | 1h

i strive to live as blissfully ignorant as you, op

u/throwawaylizard | 1h

not very sure if this is a compliment.

things had reverted back to normal. yizhuo was happy again and it seemed like everything was fine.

so how did she get here?

yizhuo had simply gone out to get groceries for your dinner together and when she arrived home, hands full of plastic bags, she heard the tail of your conversation over the phone.

“i don’t think she’s picking up my hints, yun,” you say in hushed whispers, “maybe she really is straight. or she just doesn’t like me.”

despite yizhuo’s moral compass, she decides to listen in on your conversation. she’s never heard of you liking someone before, or being so insecure. what girl wouldn’t like you back? and you liked a straight girl too?

she can’t hear yunjin’s reply but you let out an exasperated sigh, “maybe she thinks i’m just being a really good friend. i thought she would have already realised i liked her by now. your whole jealousy plan didn’t work either. i mean, it did but not really.”

yizhuo slowly twists the door knob before loudly announcing, “i’m home!”

she hopes that by now, you would have ended the call so she wouldn’t have to interact with yunjin at all.

“oh,” she catches the anxiety in your voice, “did you get everything?”

“yup. there was a sale on apples, so i got those too,” yizhuo says, a little too cheerfully, but she wants to cover up any nervousness. as she places the bags on the kitchen counter, you stand up to help unpack everything.

while you start to arrange all the groceries, yizhuo thinks about your words. liking someone. a girl. a straight girl who was potentially oblivious to your advances?

yizhuo scrunches her nose.

sounds…

familiar.

“hey, did you get healthier milk? the one with less sugar added.”

as you twirl around to ask, yizhuo’s heart gets caught in her throat.

she was the straight oblivious girl.

“uh— yeah. i got both,” she gestures awkwardly to the pile of bags. you nod and go back to sorting everything out. god, she needs a breather. trudging to the couch, she sighs as the softness envelops her. she couldn’t wrap her head around this— you liked her? potentially? definitely?

yizhuo spends the next few minutes having an existential crisis. she was straight! the straight girl that you liked! and that whole jealousy thing with yunjin! you planned that! she can’t believe it. all her nights were spent debating whether she was homophobic or not and it was all a rouse to get her jealous? well, was she jealous? minjeong had seemed intent on getting her to admit that, which she did. but maybe it was because she was jealous of yunjin.

not for taking up your time.

but for being able to touch you and hold you in ways she can’t.

holy shit. she’s not as straight as she once thought.

and she has a huge crush on her roommate.

how could she let reddit comments be right?!

yizhuo stares blankly at the ceiling. you call out from the kitchen, “do you want white or red wine?”

she stands up from the couch, resolute in her decision now.

no wonder you had looked so offended after she sister zoned you! yizhuo would hate it too if all she was to you was an unnie. she wanted— no, needed to be your everything.

“yizhuo?” you ask again, examining the two bottles of wine.

yizhuo almost sprints into the kitchen. the sight of you with your hair up, the cute lace white apron wrapped around your waist, and your focused expression. it has her drooling. everything was so domestic.

how hasn’t yizhuo noticed this sooner?

“white wine please,” she answers when you’re within arms reach.

“are we drinking the whole bottle?”

she stretches out her arms to engulf your body in hers and reads the label on the wine bottle over your shoulder. taking gratification in the way your body shudders, yizhuo hides a pleased smirk.

“hm, should we?” she whispers hotly beside your ear. you shiver before muttering, “maybe. is tonight a special occasion?”

“i mean, it could be,” yizhuo grins, “you were promoted recently, right?”

tonight was one of your day-offs, and you came back recently, boasting about the extra time off you got from being promoted. of course that was celebrated with a simple get together with friends. but yizhuo didn’t get her own special celebration with you.

“yeah? okay, we’ll drink it all then.”

yizhuo smiles into your hair. she’s never felt happier. knowing that her inner frustrations had been settled finally. you were just trying to get her jealous. a good attempt nonetheless, it worked incredibly well. but now she’s certain of her own feelings.

“you smell nice,” she blurts out.

“i used your shampoo. ran out of mine.”

“mhm. smells good.”

yizhuo spots the hint of satisfaction on your face.

“are you complimenting yourself right now?”

“i have really good taste,” she states.

you roll your eyes playfully before detaching her arms but she just slithers them back into place.

“ning, i have to cook.”

“hold on,” she mumbles, “i think we can celebrate another thing.”

sensing your confusion, she continues brazenly, “we can celebrate our first night as a couple, right?”

“what—”

“i’m sorry for being so oblivious this whole time. i got so pissy because i was jealous. apparently, i’m not straight. or i just like you, i don’t know yet. all i know is that i envision myself by your side,” yizhuo explains, “everytime you mentioned yunjin i got upset and it’s because i thought you guys were dating. that’s why i didn’t like any of the girls you brought home either. i’m sorry for saying you’re like my sister. i like you a lot. not in a straight girl way.”

she hears you gasp and she can’t bring herself to continue without your reaction. yizhuo’s been through so much struggle with coming to terms with her identity and feelings and now she wants to get it all out.

“are you serious?” you ask without facing her. she chuckles at the redness at the tips of your ears.

“yeah. sorry for being a jerk. it was because i like you.”

“ning yizhuo— i… wait, let go of me for a minute. i wanna look at you.”

reluctantly, she does so.

you look so pretty under the kitchen light, yizhuo thinks.

“uhm, where do i even start?” you chuckle awkwardly, “i really thought you were into me when we first met and when you said you were straight… i think my heart died a little! but it’s okay, since you’ve been such a great friend to me. i must admit that yunjin did volunteer to be my plot device to make you jealous. i was hurt when you were being rude, so i’m happy you apologised. i like you too. a lot.”

yizhuo grins, heart beating wildly against her chest.

“can you say that again?”

“i like you a lot, yizhuo. can’t believe you called me a sister though.”

“i said i was sorry!”

r/relationships posted by

u/throwawaylizard 7 hours ago.

LAST UPDATE: my (22f) gay roommate’s (21f) dating life makes me feel weird. she’s one of my best friends but now i’m wondering if i could be homophobic.

hello! i’m glad to announce that this situation has finally been settled with a happy ending. i would like to give you guys a proper explanation and ending for all the help you provided.

first of all, yes, i’m not straight. or maybe i just like A. i haven’t explored that part yet but also, i’m in love with my roommate. i was jealous of all the girls she brought over and i wanted to be the one holding her and making her laugh.

second of all, you guys were right. she was using Y to make me jealous and it worked. so maybe she’s the real mastermind.

and lastly, we’re finally dating. we’ve been taking things slow for now since this is all new to me but A has been incredibly sweet and supportive (as she always is). it’s just a new experience but i’m willing to do anything as long as A is by my side.

thank you all for the help and comments!

it turns out i don’t have any problems with A kissing girls if it’s me she’s kissing.

⇧ 359 | ⇩ | 153 comments

[m1stmxmff]

୨୧　ONLY YOU, MY GIRL　˒˒　NY

─── ﹙🎶﹚with arguments already spurred on between the two of you, the light to the fuse was the way some sleazy, no-good guy hits on you. of course, ningning couldn't help but lash onto you, inevitably leading to kissing in the rain.

pairing. ning yizhuo x f!r genre. fluff + some angst wc. 1.1k+ notes. didn't intend to make this so long. oops. MASTERLIST.

now playing ⋆ dark red by steve lacy

NING YIZHUO REMEMBERS THE DAY she asked you out with a kind of affection that just, makes her heart pump out of her chest—the way your mumbled words and giggling made her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. it was one of those perfect afternoons, flowers scattered around the field, as the chinese girl dragged you to the mat, her hands pressed against your eyes while she meekly giggles. the sun hanging over the two of you had only made everything comforting and slow, practically engulfing ningning. all her attention was on you, her eyes flickering to your lips.

and your relationship was perfect, really, lingering with fervor and passion; until it wasn't.

for weeks now, the relentless absence of the chinese girl only made you sulk, revisiting your troubled mind ever-so-often. sure, her voice blares through your head every night, every day, mainly through the phone calls, but you couldn't help but feel a mixture of fear and anxiety. sighing, you check the time on your phone again, the movement becoming instinctual.

9:30 p.m., great, she was incredibly late to your guys' weekly movie-night. your laptop's harsh brightness only makes you huff and your eyes burnt-out, as you card a hand through your hair.

were you being too clingy and anxious? maybe, who knows, but nonetheless, all you wanted to do was be embraced in the chinese girl's arms, her melodic voice against your ear reassuring you. every single crack and sound made your body still, despite knowing it wasn't your ningning.

"i'll be there at 6, baby, i promise. love you."

her words ring in your ears, as your mind forced you to revisit that lie. but hey, maybe she was just busy and got too caught up. why couldn't you just give ningning the benefit of the doubt?

your heart jumps in fear, as you hear the door unlock, making you whip your head towards the door. ningning steps into the house, a meek smile playing on her face, eye-bags adorning her face, that still made her drop-dead gorgeous. the light illuminating her face only brought out her features more, making your heart skip.

"fuck, 'm sorry, work had be held back and—" before ningning could continue, your lips crash against her velvety lips. god, you could just sink yourself against ningning all day without a care in the world, and you'd be perfectly content with that. breathless, you mumble, "it's fine, don't worry ’bout it."

"c'mon, 's not fine; this is, like, the fourth time i've been late," ningning mutters, her lips against your ears, as you shake your head.

"it's whatever, ning, i promise. it's not like you haven't been late for the past few days anyway," you shrug, mumbling as though your words were merely casual. to ningning, it had practically stung like a bee, as the chinese girl allows for a sigh to drift from her lips, already with no attempts to conceal her distaste.

her eyebrows furrow, almost incredulously, "why are you acting like you haven't been just dismissing them and insisting it's fine if you're just gonna nitpick me on it?" she mutters sharply, displeasure flowing through the girl.

"why are you getting so irritated? all i did was just mention that you have been late for the week, so it's not that different from tonight, ning," you sigh, trying to be rational with the obviously exhausted girl. your hand moves to curl around her wrist, "just- just sleep, okay? you need it."

your attempts to soothe her irritation only drives her to become aggravated, as she runs a hand through her hair, meekly huffing. your hopes for the girl to just listen to your words and rest begin to shatter helplessly.

"fine, whatever,” ningning scoffs, annoyance burning through her skin, as she presses a chaste kiss against your forehead, not wanting her irritation to seep through to the point she wouldn't at least kiss you good night.

"g'night," you mumble against ningning's cheek, to which the chinese girl only nods, her ring-clad hand rubbing your shoulder, a stark contrast to her tense behavior.

ning yizhuo was a busy girl—an extremely busy one, at that. she was a driven girl; she knew her goals, her wants, and she was adamant on achieving them.

and being driven meant attending conferences and rather unpleasant parties with the lingering smell of alcohol and cannabis, alongside whatever else was circulating inside the house, just to make connections.

"maybe we should leave, ning."

you reiterated once again, tugging the chinese girl by her arm mindlessly, sighs drifting from your lips. ningning stumbles against you, her hands meeting your chest to stabilize herself with a Yelp escaping her throat.

your hands snake around ningning's waist to keep her upright, "you're practically smelling like booze, ning. why don't we just call it a day?"

"no!" ningning huffs, her face buried against the crook of your neck, before a grin plays on her face, "i'm fine, i swear, baby."

with ningning's speech slurring, you couldn't help but feel wary of her drunken state. knowing how stubborn the girl was, you meekly nodded, pressing a kiss against her cheek, "'kay, just be careful, okay? call me if you need anythin'."

you followed the path towards the pool at the backyard of the penthouse, sitting down on the edge of it, with your knees hugging your chest. your eyes follow the heaps of people in the pool, the raucous noise of chatter growing louder.

"you alone?"

you turn to the guy beside you, an ear-to-ear smirk playing on his face, as he was wrapped in a towel with wet hair dripping to his lower back and onto the fabric. before you could reply, the boy situates himself next to you, his legs hanging off the edge of the pool.

nonetheless you nod, your head turnt back to the illuminating water. "not a talker, i suppose?" his head quirks up, meeting yours, his eyebrows furrowing, hoping that you'd at least have the courtesy to answer.

"not with a guy who is seemingly naked under a towel," you shrug, a chuckle escaping your breath. the guy lets out a giggle at the joke you spurred, making you stiffen.

"it's like 45 degrees here for god's sake," you huff, pondering on how the guy had seemed just so unfazed by the chilly weather, as if it was just regular ol' summer heat.

"i promise you that it's not that cold," he shrugs, and it was only now that you realized that ningning would give you an earful for even talking to the guy, but nonetheless, you shook the thought away, knowing that ningning was probably already corned by flirtatious men and women.

"sooo… you here alone, or with a friend or anything?" the guy drawls, his hands inching closer to yours, making you shudder.

"yeah, girlfriend," you mutter out, making the guy chuckle, "can't you give me an exception? after all, you're at a party."

before you could answer, you felt a slender hand slide over your neck and down to the exposed skin of your collarbones, making you squeal in surprise.

"shit, ning," you grunt, your hand curling around ningning's wrist, as you take a deep breath.

"who's this?" ningning takes a sharp tone, almost offended that you spent your time with another guy. her jaw clenches, and her nails practically dig into your collarbone—though, not enough to make you bleed, of course.

"i don't know, actually" you mumble, unsure, as your eyes flicker between them, watching them stare at each other. you rub the back of your neck awkwardly before the guy speaks up, "holy shit—you didn't tell me you were dating ning—"

ningning cuts him off, "and what about it?"

your eyes snap up to ningning with her glare directed at the other guy, as you suddenly stand up, dragging ningning to the street. before you could say anything, the chinese girl huffs, letting out a heavy breath.

"god, are you too stupid to see what was happening!" ningning looks at you like she was begging for you to understand what she was saying.

"i know, ning, but calm down—i shut him down anyway!" your brows furrow, as displeasure flows through you.

despite the rain droplets adorning your guys' skin, all ningning could focus on was the fact a guy was flirting with you—a good-for-nothing guy, who couldn't even take a hint.

"still- he was practically eye-fucking you—can't you see?" ningning's face darkens, her body growing more tense, as she steps closer to you.

you sigh, rubbing your temples, "ning—c'mon, i told him i had a girlfriend before you came," you desperately tried to reason with her.

ningning only crosses her arms against her chest, her voice slightly raising, "i don't care; he was still all up on you! sorry that i like my girlfriend to only myself!"

your expression crumbles, as you step towards the chinese girl, your hands cupping her jaw. "i know, c'mon, let's just… not argue, okay? i'm sorry, ning," you apologize, before pulling her down to your lips.

even with your drenched clothes against ningning's clothes, you couldn't help but press kisses against her lips with fervor. your hands were entangled in the girl's tresses, noses bumping occasionally. savoring the chaste kisses against ningning's velvety lips, your ears burn.

"you're forgiven, pretty girl," ningning drawls, her breath hitting your lips. the way the name just rolled off of her tongue smoothly had your knees bucking. you giggle at her drenched hair, your hands tucking the wet locks behind her ears.

maybe the heated arguments between the two of you was what kept you guys entangled within each other. after all, easy was boring.

i think of her so much, it drives me crazy

i just don't want her to leave me

[m1stmxmff]

ᴍᴇᴀɴ ɪᴛ (ᴀɴɢꜱᴛ)

ɴɪɴɢ ɴɪɴɢ x ꜰᴇᴍ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

Plot: In the silence of your room, the unanswered message on your phone feels heavier than anything Ningning ever said.

notes: angst, fluff if you squint

You sit on the edge of your bed, the phone screen glowing in the dim light. The silence around you is almost unbearable, each second stretching out longer than the last. You’ve been staring at your phone for what feels like hours, but in reality, it’s only been an hour since you sent that last message. No reply. Not even a read receipt. You know ningning is there, probably holding her phone, seeing your messages, but choosing not to respond.

You feel a tightness in your chest, a knot of anxiety that won’t go away. You and ning had been so close just last night. The two of you had stayed up late, talking about everything and nothing. Her laughter had filled the room, and when she kissed you, it felt so real, so true, like you were the only person in the world who mattered to her. But now, with each passing minute of silence, that certainty is crumbling.

You type out another message, your fingers trembling slightly.

“Hey, can we talk?”

You hit send before you can change your mind. The message delivers, but there’s no sign that she’s read it. You know she’s there, somewhere, but the distance between you feels insurmountable. It’s a familiar feeling, this waiting, this wondering. You’ve been here before, countless times, caught in a cycle of hope and disappointment that seems never-ending.

Last night had been perfect—or at least, it seemed that way. But this morning, something is different. You can feel it in the way Ningning hasn’t reached out, in the way she’s gone quiet, pulling back just when you thought you were getting closer. It’s like she’s always one step away, never fully there, even when she’s right beside you.

Your phone buzzes in your hand, and your heart leaps, only to fall again when you see it’s just another notification—not from ning. The frustration builds inside you, threatening to spill over. You want to scream, to cry, to do something to release the pressure building up inside your chest.

You think back to last night, your heart aching at the memory. It was so perfect, so full of the things you’ve always wanted from her, things she’s rarely given. The two of you had curled up together on the couch, the world outside fading into nothingness as you found solace in each other’s arms.

Ningning’s arms had been wrapped around you, holding you close, as if she could protect you from everything bad in the world. You remember the warmth of her embrace, the way her heartbeat felt steady and sure against your back. It was in moments like these that you allowed yourself to believe that maybe, just maybe, she was yours entirely.

“Are you okay?” she had asked, her voice soft, almost a whisper. You had nodded, feeling her tighten her hold on you, as if sensing your need for reassurance. You had leaned back into her, letting her presence soothe the anxieties that always seemed to follow you.

“You know I’ll never leave you, right?” Ninning’s voice had been tender, filled with a sincerity that made your heart swell with hope. “I’ll always protect you.”

The words had felt like a promise, a vow whispered in the quiet of the night, meant only for you. You had turned in her arms, needing to see her face, to read the truth in her eyes. And when you looked at her, you saw it—the love you so desperately wanted to believe in, shining there, clear as day.

But as you searched her eyes, you also saw something else. Something that made your heart skip a beat, not in the way it usually did when you were with her, but in that way that made fear curl up in your chest. There was doubt in her gaze, a flicker of hesitation that you couldn’t ignore, no matter how much you wanted to.

“Yiz-…” you had started, your voice trembling slightly, but she had silenced you with a soft kiss, her lips brushing against yours with a tenderness that took your breath away. The kiss had been sweet, lingering, filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite name. It felt like love, yes, but there was something more—something that left you feeling both elated and uneasy.

She had pulled away just enough to rest her forehead against yours, her breath mingling with yours in the small space between you. “I love you,” she had whispered, her voice so quiet it was almost lost in the stillness of the room.

And you had wanted to believe her, you really did. But that flicker of doubt, that tiny seed of uncertainty, had taken root in your heart, growing with each passing second. You had kissed her back, desperately trying to hold onto the moment, to the warmth of her body against yours, but it was like trying to hold onto water—it slipped through your fingers, no matter how tightly you grasped.

Now, sitting alone in the cold light of day, you can’t help but replay that moment over and over in your mind. The way she held you, the way she kissed you, the way she promised she would never leave. But that doubt, that hesitation—it’s still there, gnawing at you, making you question everything.

Is ningning really with you, or is she just biding her time until something—or someone—better comes along? You’ve asked yourself this question so many times, but you’ve never had the courage to voice it out loud. And now, with each second of silence that stretches between you, the question becomes harder to ignore.

The thought makes your throat tighten, your breath catching as you fight back tears. You’ve given everything to this relationship, to ning, but it feels like she’s always holding something back, never fully committing, always keeping you at arm’s length. It’s like she’s afraid to take that final step, to really let you in.

Your phone buzzes in your hand, pulling you back to the present. Your heart leaps, but when you see the notification, it’s not from ningning. The disappointment crashes over you, more intense than before. You feel a tear slip down your cheek, and you wipe it away angrily, frustrated with yourself for caring so much, for letting her have this power over you.

Your phone buzzes again, and this time it’s Ningning.

*Hey, sorry, been busy. What’s up?*

The casual tone of the message hits you like a punch to the gut. Busy. There’s always an excuse, always a reason why she can’t be there when you need her. You can picture her now, phone in hand, typing out the message without a second thought, completely unaware of the turmoil she’s causing inside you.

Your hands shake as you type out a response, your heart pounding in your chest.

“Can we talk? Really talk?”

You send the message and wait, holding your breath, hoping that this time will be different. But after a long pause, all you get is:

“Yeah, sure. Later though?”

Later. It’s always later. The tears finally spill over, hot and angry. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, frustrated with yourself for caring so much, for letting ning have this hold over you.

“If you don’t want this, just say so,” you type, the words coming out harsher than you intended. “Don’t keep me waiting around if you’re not sure.”

You hit send, and your heart pounds as you wait for her reply. This time, it comes quickly.

“It’s not that. I just…”

You can practically see the hesitation in her words, the way ningning always dances around the truth without ever saying it outright.

“You just what?” you reply, your patience wearing thin.

Another long pause, and then:

“I’m sorry, I just need time.”

Time. How much time does she need? How long are you supposed to wait? You feel the anger bubbling up inside you, mixing with the hurt until it’s almost too much to bear.

You type out a response, your hands trembling, your breath shaky.

“I can’t keep doing this, Ning. If you don’t mean it, don’t say it. Don’t kiss me, don’t hold me, don’t tell me you love me if you’re not sure. Because I’m all in, and I need you to be too.”

You send the message and wait, your heart in your throat, tears streaming down your face. You stare at the screen, waiting for those three little dots that mean she’s typing, waiting for something—anything—that will tell you where you stand.

But nothing comes.

And in that silence, you find your answer.

[m1stmxmff]

LUCID DREAM — ning yizhuo x f!reader

it’s been years without ning yizhuo in your life. it feels surreal; the day you walked out without an explanation. but just the thought of being able to see her again, it draws you back into the endless loop of loving her.

TAGS — angst, exes to ???, insecurity, model!ning, ambiguous ending, mentions of alcohol, making up, jmj wedding (we don’t actually get to witness it tho)

WORDCOUNT — 7.4k

you stare at the wedding invitation, written neatly at the top, the invitation is addressed to a ning y/n. you want to cry. the invitation clearly stating your ex’s name makes your heart clench uncomfortably. it’s a blaring reminder that your relationship ended and you’re no longer living in your childhood fantasy.

“fuck,” you swear, “fuck you, kim minjeong.” you want to murder minjeong, but who were you to ask minjeong to stop reminding you of your bitter ending? especially since it was your own impulsiveness that had ended the relationship. you could have been more understanding towards yizhuo, could have tried her best to resolve your conflict, but no. instead, you ran. ran like the coward you were.

you remember the brokenhearted look on yizhuo’s face, the devastated glimmer in her eyes before she had flipped her expression to another, like a switch. or more like a broken one, your brain offers unhelpfully. of course, the quiver of her lips had given yizhuo away almost immediately. you had known yizhuo for a third of your life, obviously you could tell when your soulmate– or in this case, ex, was about to break down.

you wish you had stayed, and simply comforted your soulmate like old times, but you couldn’t bear to watch yizhuo cry, because of you. you remember the look on your friends’ faces when you told them that you broke up with yizhuo, all the words they had yelled at her for betraying yizhuo. you remember the anger directed at you by yizhuo’s parents when you had sent them an apology letter. through the post, yizhuo had told you, letters felt more sincere than emails.

but perhaps the worst reaction wasn’t from any of them, it was simply from your own cat. meowing viciously when you had picked him up, bringing him together with you. the scratches lining your arms only serve as a constant reminder. mao, your british short haired, was desperately attached to yizhuo (and she was the one who named him too. what absolute luck.) his hostility could only be reasoned that he knew his owner had hurt yizhuo. if a silly little cat knew the extent of the breakup, what could that mean for you?

“wallowing in your grief again? that’s not good for you,” you peer up at chaewon, the only friend that somehow wasn’t connected to yizhuo. chaewon takes a quick glance at the invitation and giggles, “you’re going? i hope you survive, you haven’t paid this month’s rent yet.”

you merely sigh.

“the place’s gonna be filled with people who hate my guts, you really think i’m going? minjeong probably only sent this to piss me off.”

chaewon frowns, “you don’t seem pissed off, just sad. honey, you have to let me know if they’re bothering you, like actually. it’s not your fault, well– maybe it is, but you’re suffering too. it isn’t nice for them to do this to you.” you shrug in response. you deserve it. you deserve every stab in your heart, you deserve the tears that escape in the middle of the night.

“let’s drink tonight, okay? we’ll put on titanic or something and cry about life while eating ice cream,” chaewon offers. maybe it’s the thought of getting drunk, or titanic, or crying in your friend’s arms, but the offer is appealing and you find yourself agreeing too soon.

you can hear chaewon do a silent cheer. it makes you smile slightly and gives you enough energy to pull yourself up from the floor.

“i’ll go get the soju, just lie on the couch and relax!” you follow as your friend says and lie on the sofa you had picked out together after mao’s claws had sunk into the leather, ripping it to shreds. the cat was a brat.

doesn’t this remind you of something– or someone? the voice in your head quips. you groan, why couldn’t your head shut up sometimes? your heart drops as you recall the conversation between your parents when you had told them you broke things off with yizhuo. you remember your mother’s expression; disappointed and upset, a stark contrast to when you had told her that you finally found someone. the proud look on your father’s when you introduced yizhuo to them, god, why the fuck was yizhuo such an amazing girlfriend?

you caused this. you want to scream ‘no’. you’re the one who dumped yizhuo. who are you to be upset over thi–

“y/n? hey, stop thinking about it,” chaewon pouts, “don’t make yourself even more sad!” you blink back into reality and at the sight of chaewon puffing her cheeks out, holding two bottles of soju and a large bowl of popcorn, make you want to coo at the girl. you push the thoughts of yizhuo to the back of your head as soon as the opening to titanic appears on the screen.

you two laugh sometimes, mostly chaewon, but it’s quiet throughout the movie and you can’t tell whether you’d rather have chaewon’s comments about how cute the actors are or the silence that allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts. you take a sip whenever chaewon mentions how in love jack and rose are.

when you blink, it’s already at the part where jack allows rose to get onto the wooden door, while he stays in the freezing water. chaewon throws popcorn at the tv, apparently already drunk, screaming at rose to quote, “fucking move her ass,” for jack to get on. you take a large gulp of soju in the midst of chaewon’s sniffles.

“y/n…i can’t believe it… she just let jack die!” chaewon cries out, “the love of her life, she just let him go! how could she just let him die?!” you nod, trying to drink the already empty bottle of soju.

when you stand up, the whole room swirls and you stumble back onto the couch. “don’t let her go, y/n!” you jump at the close proximity of chaewon’s voice, “don’t let the love of your life go!”

you hum in agreement and scream, “i won’t let her go!” determined, you pick up your phone and the selfie of you and yizhuo greets her. you miss her, don’t you? of course not. you don’t miss her at all. change your homescreen then. you wouldn’t.

you roll your eyes and enter kakaotalk.

y/n [11.38pm]:

i kiss you

i miss you*

read [11.39pm]

“i did it, chaewon!” you exclaim, “i didn’t let her go!”

drunk you is apparently an idiot, since we all know, if a ‘i love you’ can’t solve a crack, obviously a ‘i miss you’ wouldn’t be able to solve an earthquake.

i miss you too. i miss you so much it hurts. but how could you say that, when you’re the one that left me first? yizhuo doesn’t cry as much anymore. she doesn’t sob into her pillow in the middle of the night anymore. the couple posts that appear on her instagram feed doesn’t make tears well up in her eyes anymore.

it still hurts. hurts as much as it did before. and yizhuo might just have to live with that pain everyday. the misspelt word makes her heart throb, in affection and pain, because she could imagine your voice in her head. are you hurting as much as she is? it doesn’t make the stabbing pain in her chest any better to know that the one she loves is suffering.

yizhuo stares at the glaring light from her phone. i miss you. really y/n? she wants to scoff. you were probably drunk out of your mind and sent that text on a whim. or maybe it was meant for another girl. the thought makes yizhuo want to cry.

is there someone else you call ‘baby' now?

fuck, you think, oh fuck. the read blaring on your phone, as if mocking you.

“shit,” chaewon groans, holding her head, “what happened last night? did we accidentally kill someone?” you wish you did. you take a deep breath, and scream. if the neighbours show up the next moment, it’s totally because of the night before, and not your scream at 8 in the morning.

you calm down. eventually. you calm down after chaewon grabs your shoulders and wiggles you back and forth, yelling for you to get your shit together. it only worsens the raging headache the both of you have. if rent wasn’t so high nowadays, you would have immediately fled and lived alone. kim chaewon with a hangover was not a good sight.

“whatever! you drunk texted your ex! whatever! hashtag yolo right— ah fuck, the room is spinning,” chaewon shrieks, “ugh, why did we drink so much?! but! your life isn’t over! so what if you texted her? it’s okay, we stay delusional and pretend things never happened!”

despite the wacky talk chaewon gives, it actually helps. texting yizhuo, while drunk, was a mistake. you nod hastily, “i get what you’re saying, but please let me go.”

chaewon loosens her grip, pursed lips as she huffs, “the most badass thing you can do now is go to the wedding.”

your eyes widen, “what the hell? kim chaewon, are you crazy? no, you’re insane.”

your roommate only grins lazily, “it came with a plus one invite, right? i’ll go with you. it’ll be okay! and don’t you wanna see your friends again?”

“i do, but most of them hate my guts,” you wince, recalling the angry messages left by aeri and minjeong, none from jimin, that probably speaks for itself what she thought of you, “they were yizhuo’s friends first, and mine second. when it comes to things like this, they would, rightfully so, take yizhuo’s side.”

chaewon whistles, “yeah it’s not looking too good for you right now.”

you flop onto the couch, sighing, “if i see yizhuo, i’ll freeze up and make a fool of myself.” your hands fly to rub at your eyes, groaning miserably, “i guess i’m not over her.”

chaewon slides into the space next to you, scoffing, “you think? having her number saved and pinned is crazy and the last time we talked before this, you were in love with her. what happened?”

your heart constricts painfully. you never spoke about your breakup to anyone, only asking chaewon if she still needed someone to split rent with. the moment you had uttered those words, you had left the shared apartment with yizhuo, not turning back to watch the love of your life collapse.

“i…” your throat dries up, “i was in love with her, i guess i still am. i don’t doubt that she felt the same for me, but maybe not anymore. our relationship was the best thing to ever happen to me. the happiest years of my life were when i was with yizhuo. she made me feel alive.”

tears prick at your eyes involuntarily. chaewon’s gaze is full of pity and comfort. sympathy. no one else gave you that.

“she wanted to get married, chaewon,” you whisper, “she was ready for marriage. i wasn’t.”

“oh.”

“i saw her looking at engagement rings one day and god, it was like, how have i never noticed before? she always shows me videos of weddings and how she would want her wedding to be like, but i never stopped to think whether i wanted marriage. i didn’t know what i would say if yizhuo just proposed. would it have hurt less for her if i said no rather than breaking up with her?”

chaewon presses a comforting hand to your shoulder, sighing, “i’m sorry, i literally see two of you right now but i’ll try to articulate this as best as i can.” her words draw out a hollow laugh from you. “you just weren’t ready yet, and yeah, you should have communicated that to her before jumping in to break up, but have you ever thought that you weren’t ready because you didn’t love her enough?”

you swallow, tears flowing down your cheeks freely, “n-no, i love her. she’s my favourite person. i love her so much, too much even. but getting married? that’s a lifelong commitment. i just didn’t know if she was sure that she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with… me. she has her whole life figured out. she’s a rich model who could have anyone else. we were childhood friends first, before girlfriends. and now she’s certain that she wants to marry me? what if there’s someone better for her out there? she’s only been chained to me because we got together so young. i just… had to let her go.”

“commitment issues,” chaewon states, “you have severe commitment issues.”

“i guess so,” you let out a watery laugh. your roommate chuckles, “you want her back?”

“yeah, i’m desperate.”

“let’s go to the wedding.”

you send a small smile to chaewon, “thanks, roomie.”

“i saw the invite by the way, and damn, are your friends rich? don’t get me wrong, i’m going as your moral support but the free buffet too—”

“i’m literally going to strangle you.”

yizhuo twirls the pen in her hand, watching it glide across her fingers and abruptly landing on the wooden table with a thud. she couldn’t stand seeing all the wedding preparations and chose to hide in jimin’s study. the door creaks open, a figure stands by the doorway.

“hello jimin unnie, aren’t you meant to be looking over the finishing touches of your wedding?” yizhuo asks, her smile dimming as she thinks about marriage. jimin frowns, “minjeong’s doing that. she told me to come check up on you.”

“me?”

“i know how you feel about weddings. we all do,” jimin says bluntly. yizhuo’s lips fall into a thin line. of course her friends were aware. they helped pick out the ring for god’s sake. the weight of a velvet box lying in her bedside table haunts her dreams.

yizhuo stands up from her desk, inching closer to jimin, a faux smile on her face, “you don’t have to worry about me. it’s your special day after all.”

“not yet, but let me worry about my friend for a while more before i get married,” jimin mutters, “minjeong sent an invite to y/n.” yizhuo’s whole body tenses up. a blurry image of you appears in her brain. she immediately shuts that down.

biting the inside of her cheek, yizhuo turns away from jimin with folded arms, “and? did she say she was coming?”

yizhuo hears jimin’s hesitance.

“just say it.”

jimin clears her throat, “she’s coming with a plus one.”

a distant thought forms. a plus one. your new girlfriend? did you find someone else? were you coming to the wedding to flaunt your new lover? yizhuo wasn’t dumb, she knew that her friends disliked you, heavily. minjeong most definitely sent out that invitation with disgust. jimin told her what minjeong had said to you. aeri had barely brushed it off, saying you weren’t worth her time scolding, despite the chain of messages she sent. she knew that you were aware they hated you. why would you come to the wedding?

“i-i’m not sure what’s their relationship, but her name is kim chaewon and oh my god, minjeong’s gonna kill me, y/n requested for a shared hotel room,” jimin utters out nervously. yizhuo’s eyes turn into slits. a shared hotel room?

“i see,” yizhuo says indifferently, contrasting the feelings bubbling inside her, “that’s good to know.”

jimin places a hand on yizhuo’s shoulder, “hey, it could all mean nothing, i don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“does it matter when i’m already like this?” yizhuo retorts back.

“i hope you don’t do anything stupid. before everything, you’re still my friend. if y/n showing up makes you uncomfortable, i’ll tell her she’s not invited,” jimin says softly, “minjeong will understand. you come first.”

“it’s your wedding, jimin. i won’t be a burden to you guys. it’s your day,” yizhuo mirrors jimin’s frown.

jimin’s shoulders slack.

“it’s not about that,” the older girl retorts, exasperated.

“what is it about then?”

“i don’t think minjeong will stay neutral and be calm when she sees y/n,” jimin groans, “she’ll probably pick a fight with her and i don’t want my wife to be stressed and angry on her wedding day.”

yizhuo can’t help teasing jimin, “wife, huh?”

jimin smirks, “yes, wife. you know last week, minjeong called me—”

“oh kay! i think you should go!” yizhuo yells, saving herself from the details of her friends’ intimate lives. jimin cackles maniacally as she leaves the study. yizhuo sighs and leans her head against the wooden door. jimin’s footsteps can be heard as she walks downstairs, along with the voices of her friends. they’re all scattered and anxious, she hears the distant shouting of minjeong and aeri. despite the noise around her, yizhuo feels somewhat at peace. for now. she doesn’t know what she’s going to do the moment you come to the wedding.

because despite what everyone else says, yizhuo cannot move on. you were literally half of her life and more. when you had uttered those words of devastation, it was like the world had ended. a terrible nightmare that tortured yizhuo every single day. was she too overbearing? sometimes— well, last time, you had mentioned that she was a very affectionate and clingy girlfriend. was that the sole reason? yizhuo frowns. no, that couldn’t be. you were equally as physically needy as her.

maybe you had found someone new? the plus one that was coming? that didn’t seem plausible either. if you were cheating, yizhuo would most definitely know and you abhorred cheaters anyway.

as she wrecked her mind for reasons, a common past time she developed after you had left, the constant rewinding of the conversation had been engraved in her brain eternally.

(yizhuo had just gotten off work, a smile on her face as she entered the house, heels clacking against the floor. the thought of you waiting at home impatiently for her only brought her smile to widen. maybe you would run up to her and embrace her warmly, complaining about how long she took. yet, neither of those happened and she’s left staring at you, hunched over, at the dining table, a suitcase packed by your side.

“what are you doing?” she had asked curiously. were you going on a trip? begrudgingly, you had gotten up, a sombre look on your face as you whispered, “yizhuo…”

that ticked yizhuo off. you never called her yizhuo. it was always baby, honey, sweetheart. but never yizhuo. it sounded so foreign and cold coming from your lips.

“what’s wrong? is everything okay?” she asked.

your face contorts into one of utter desperation and heartbreak, “i think we should break up.”

yizhuo’s mind had gone blank. she had never anticipated hearing those words from you. break up? that wasn’t in her future with you. her heart clenched uncomfortably against her ribcage and her throat constricted, to the point she couldn’t mutter a single word.

taking advantage of her silence, you run your fingers through your hair, the hair that yizhuo would so lovingly comb through every night as she whispered words of devotion into your ear, “i want to break up.”

“no.” is the only thing yizhuo can say. wide-eyed and stupefied, “no.”

you look as stunned as she is, yet the stark difference between the two of you, are the tears that threaten to tip over at every passing second in your eyes.

“yizhuo,” you pleaded, “i’m sorry. i can’t.”

“why are you doing this?” she croaked out, demanding an answer. the weight of the velvet box in her purse felt like it was dragging her down to the darkest pits of hell. she couldn’t imagine something like this ever happening. you were meant to be her happily ever after.

“i—”

yizhuo couldn’t stand it anymore. “tell me why you want to break up!” she yelled, the confusion and fatigue of her body overwhelming everything.

“i… please… don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“you don’t love me anymore? you found someone else?” yizhuo accused. of course, none of these were the true reasons. you couldn’t even look at yizhuo in the eye before murmuring an apology again and grasping the suitcase in your hand.

“i love you,” you had whispered at the door, “i’m sorry.”

yizhuo doesn’t even respond. pure shock overtaking her as she watched you leave. the moment the door had closed, sobs took over yizhuo as she collapsed on the floor, heartbroken and devastated at losing the love of her life.

if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t have left so easily.)

that statement plagues yizhuo’s mind for the next few years. it replays in her head repeatedly, like a broken mantra. she knows that it’s unhealthy; to be thinking of you every night before she succumbs to a dreamless sleep. yet, sometimes, yizhuo prays that she might be dreaming, and when she wakes up, you would be right by her side. jimin thinks she should get a therapist. but yizhuo doesn’t want to get over you. she fears that you might just become a hazy memory, lost in anger and grief. she doesn’t want that to happen. because despite everything, the pain you have caused her, she still loves you.

it’s strange, the way love works. yizhuo hates you for doing this to her; ruining her for anyone else because if they even bore a similar trait to you, she would just break down. like the blind date aeri had set her up on long ago. fresh out of the breakup, and with extreme bribery and convincing, yizhuo had met shen xiaoting, one of aeri’s friends, over dinner. aeri had said that maybe yizhuo needed someone closer to her culture, and with the homesickness she felt constantly, the lack of comforting words that you provided, yizhuo agreed.

that date was the whole reason aeri stopped asking yizhuo to go on blind dates, for when xiaoting had mentioned that she liked cats, yizhuo had started bawling, the memory of you playing with your own pet cursing her mind.

it was embarrassing to say the least, and even more embarrassing to explain to xiaoting that it wasn’t her fault. the poor girl had thought yizhuo had something against cats. aeri apologised endlessly as yizhuo cried, with an awkward xiaoting patting her shoulder. at least they became friends.

maybe, with the support of her friends, yizhuo would be able to stand the sight of you at the wedding. it would be totally fine! and if she sees you with someone new, maybe, just maybe, it would give her the motivation to finally get over you.

honestly, screw everything. you literally hate chaewon right now. thankfully, jimin and minjeong had provided a one night stay at the hotel. your apartment (and mao) was being taken care of by sakura, one of chaewon’s friends. there was apparently a party before the actual day. you assumed they would just want a shared bachelorette party. however, your self-proclaimed wingman was cozying up to one of the guests. by her straight posture and gentle expression, she was probably nakamura kazuha from high school. yizhuo was friends with her, you remember.

you couldn’t believe that all those words of encouragement had flown out the window the moment chaewon locked eyes with the ‘love of her life’. you roll your eyes, already annoyed with your friend. somehow, you still hadn’t spotted yizhuo amongst the crowd.

most of them, you didn’t recognise. some, from high school and college. the rest, probably family members. maybe some faces stood out, like shin ryujin from history class or jang wonyoung, the valedictorian. but mostly, unrecognisable. from the various mops of hair in the crowd, you spot uchinaga aeri’s infamous smirk. you wonder where the rest of the group are.

you sigh, taking a lonely sip of the champagne they provided. at least it was good.

chaewon’s obnoxious laughter fills the area. it’s loud and irritating, or maybe you’re just easily annoyed right now. kazuha just stares at her, all confused. it’s a little funny.

“y/n.” a steely voice rings out from the crowd. you whip your head, heart racing at the familiar but dreadful tone.

“oh,” you whisper, horror-stricken. you weren’t prepared to meet them now!

the older girl merely stares at you, before you bow your head hesitantly, “congratulations on your marriage.”

jimin visibly loosened up, her eyes twinkling and shining with adoration, “thank you.” perhaps out of all of yizhuo’s friends, jimin was the one who hated you the least. she didn’t bother scolding you or cursing you out, only choosing to glare at you.

“i think we should talk,” she finally says after a moment of silence. you wholeheartedly agree with her. if you were meant to see yizhuo tomorrow, you definitely needed another friend that wasn’t chaewon.

she brings you out of the function room, the starry night sky being the only company outside. jimin takes a long gulp of her champagne.

“why’d you really break up with yizhuo?”

the patiently and dedicated stitches of a sewed wound are ripped apart, directly exposing your bleeding heart and emotions. everything comes falling apart the moment she asks. you can only stare at her.

“i… i made a mistake,” you shake your head, “i wasn’t ready.”

jimin, patient as always, hums, urging you to continue.

“she wanted to get married. i didn’t,” you say, with grief and regret lacing your every word, because everything would be fine if you had just talked to yizhuo.

“we helped her pick out the ring,” jimin adds. you only feel more guilty.

“i can’t give her the life she wants, unnie,” the endearing term of intimacy slips out, a cry filled with desperation, “she deserves the world and i can’t give her that.”

“you were her world. it’s that simple. she only ever wanted you.”

hurt gnaws at your heart, it’s palpitating with raw stabs that echo of your heartbreak.

“i don’t deserve her,” you sigh, “i had to let her go. i couldn’t bear to see the look on her face if i refused her engagement.”

jimin nods, “i understand your fear. but i hate the fact that this could have been solved with an explanation.”

you groan, anger coursing through your veins. you were so upset and narrow-minded at the time. the only solution was to seemingly break up with yizhuo. it would spare her the everlasting pain from a rejection of her proposal.

“i know, i just couldn’t at that time.”

the older girl tries to smile. it’s akin to one of those encouraging ones she would give right before an exam or test. it sparks a shiver of nostalgia.

“jagiya, where are you— oh.”

jimin quickly straightens up, swiftly turning around to face minjeong with a grin, “hey, mindoong.”

you tense up, your fingers wrapping around the glass tightly.

“glad you could make it,” minjeong’s eyes flicker up and down your body, venom evident in her tone as she hisses, “y/n.”

nodding, you reply, “thank you for inviting me.”

the tension is overbearing; with minjeong’s glares, jimin’s beaming smile and your awkward shuffling, you couldn’t wait to retreat to the comfort of your hotel room.

“where’s your girlfriend?” minjeong suddenly asks. you stare at her, confused, “my what?”

jimin’s eyes widen as she hastily pulls minjeong aside, frantically whispering in her ear. but like the past, jimin has never been a good whisperer. you catch phrases like ‘she might not be her girlfriend’ and ‘what if yizhuo hears?’. a looming sensation brews in your stomach.

“kim chaewon? is that her name?” minjeong asks harshly, “didn’t take you to like korean girls, i thought you liked chinese girls instead.”

you’re visibly taken aback. what was minjeong saying? chaewon? your girlfriend? since when was chaewon your girlfriend?

“uh,” despite your fear of minjeong yelling at you, your words come out firmly, “chaewon isn't my girlfriend.”

minjeong falters slightly before scoffing, “yeah right. you don’t have to lie now. we all know that you left yizhuo for some other girl.”

your heart stops. what?

what was she saying?

leaving yizhuo for another girl?

“i— i would never… that’s—”

“minjeong unnie, that’s enough.”

you’ve thought of this moment forever. every single day after the break up. you’ve thought of running back into her arms, apologising endlessly for even thinking of breaking up with her. you’ve thought of how she would accept you graciously with murmurs of comfort, because that was just how she was. a gracious and generous girl who deserved the world. you’ve thought of her bright smile and gleaming eyes.

you’ve never thought of her staring at you, a dull and saddened look on her face.

“ning—”

“minjeong unnie,” she pleads, “please.”

the watery gaze must have swayed minjeong over. you would know, having fallen prey to her puppy eyes before. yizhuo slides the door open, watching intently as minjeong and jimin leave.

“good luck,” jimin whispers just before she steps away. you think you need all the luck in the world right now.

yizhuo lets out a heavy sigh once the door slides closed. she gazes at you for a second. you’re taken back to your younger days, where every day was spent just staring at yizhuo. you had proclaimed confidently that yizhuo was the most gorgeous girl on earth. you aren’t wrong. the years you spent apart from her had done her generously. it had only been two, yet, yizhuo looked more mature and sure of herself.

“did you really find someone new?” she whispers, shattering the glass of ignorance. you swallow, shaking your head, “no.”

yizhuo thinks back to the drunken message you had sent.

“was that on purpose? that text you sent,” she asks, eyes wide and afraid of your answer.

you shake your head again, “i was drunk. i’m sorry.”

“i hate you, you know that right?” yizhuo says. before, you had imagined the piercing stab of pain that came with those words. you had thought it would be the end of your life, with the girl you loved the most saying she hated you.

it’s understandable now, and inevitable.

“i know,” you whisper.

yizhuo continues to stare at you. somehow, this all feels like a fever dream, one that she’ll wake up from soon. it feels unreal to have you in front of her again.

she takes in the sight of you, memorising every detail for if you leave again.

“why’d you come then?”

there are many reasons that you can say, with varying degrees of truthfulness; to congratulate jimin and minjeong, to see your friends again, to just visit your hometown.

“i wanted to see you.” it’s the truthest thing you’ve ever said.

“you can’t,” yizhuo inhales sharply, “yo-you can’t just show up like this.”

“i know, i’m sorry.”

your head hangs lowly.

“tell me the real reason why you left.”

you had expected this.

she would want closure.

your throat constricts uncomfortably.

“i… yizhuo…”

“tell me.” it feels similar to your past.

yizhuo looks as beautiful as ever. she’s the only thing you can think of right now. her lips are moving, yet you don’t hear a single thing.

“i didn’t want marriage.”

oh.

the girl’s eyebrows furrow. her eyes turning into slits of anger as she takes in a deep breath. you know she’s about to start tearing up. maybe you should quickly explain yourself.

it’s your only chance.

“i saw you looking at engagement rings and i knew i wouldn’t be ready if you got down on one knee. you’re a model, for god’s sake. you had a prospering career, being tied down to someone like me wouldn’t bring you any benefits,” you finally say. it’s not the full reason why, but you hope yizhuo would understand even a semblance of your choice.

“i know that it’s a shitty excuse. i know that i’m a coward. but what else was i meant to do?”

yizhuo huffs.

“talked to me. you could have talked to me.”

you resist the urge to roll your eyes.

“would that stop me from breaking your heart?”

the love of your life stands before you. yet, it seems like the only words of devotion you’ll exchange is how devoted she is to hating you. yizhuo crosses her arms, frowning, “yes. i’d much rather have a minute of heartbreak than years of it. you’re such a prick.”

“yizhuo—”

“no, you don’t get to do this,” she points a finger at your chest, prodding the area where your head resides ferociously, “you can’t just come back, explain yourself with an extremely stupid reason, and expect that i would be okay with it. you sent me a drunk text, saying you missed me. how come i don’t feel anything?”

“i love you, yizhuo. i just did what i thought was right in that moment—”

the only thing you can hear is your heart shattering into pieces at the sight of tears falling down her face. yizhuo sniffles, her voice becoming shrill as she adds on, “you’re an asshole. you think you’re the only one in this relationship? you didn’t even explain yourself properly. you think you’re making the right choices for us? for me?”

you continue to stare at her blankly.

the next words come out like a gunshot, “then you don’t know me at all.”

it snaps onto your skin, leaving a scathing burn and engraving ning yizhuo’s name into your body. your insides coil up painfully. hearing yizhuo’s cries as you left years ago had been torturous, but nothing beats her breaking down in front of you right this instant. you’re overcome with a striking urge to pull her into your arms and whisper words of affection into her ears, promising her to never leave. the pet name leaves your mouth quicker than you can think.

“baby—”

a sharp stinging sensation sears in your right cheek. you can feel the affected area heating up, scorching hot and red. yizhuo’s handprint is evident, singed in your skin.

an onslaught of tears rises, but you’re determined to not let them fall.

“okay,” you whisper, unable to say anything else to the equally stunned yizhuo, “i’ll leave. i’m sorry.”

the girl just stands outside in the cold, her eyes bloodshot and cheeks rosy from the wind. before you go, the slight shiver that runs through her body makes you hesitate. the comfort of your jacket feels like a heavy burden now.

maybe you would get slapped again. but at least yizhuo wouldn’t be cold.

gently taking it off, you encase yizhuo in your jacket, biting your cheek (which still hurts!) to resist a smile at how it covers her small figure. she gazes at you like a deer caught in headlights. you sigh and try to move your legs, but they feel like jelly. with much difficulty, you finally make it to the door, using the frame to stabilise your wobbly walking.

when you turn back, yizhuo isn’t staring at you, but she’s staring at the night sky, more specifically, the moon. you take one last look at her. the weight on your shoulders is gone now. and all that is left is a longing feeling to have yizhuo back in your arms again. but maybe, you could live with that.

sliding the door open, you go back into the function room. the crowd had dispersed, leaving just a few people chatting around. you spot jimin and minjeong talking while drinking. aeri’s at the bar, engaged in a conversation with a waitress. chaewon, god bless her, is relatively nearby, while kazuha is nowhere to be found.

“chaewon,” you breathe out, relieved. she turns to you, startled, “oh damn, what happened to your face? you look a little…”

“i know,” you laugh dryly, “i think it’s time for us to leave and go to sleep now.”

chaewon doesn’t argue and instead nods, her eyes drawn to the reddening mark across your cheek. even in the dark light, she could still notice the imprints of someone’s fingers.

“she slapped you?” she asks while you head towards the elevator.

“yeah,” you scratch the back of your neck, “we kind of… argued.”

chaewon laughs heartily at your misfortune. you’re glad at least this brings someone joy. maybe minjeong too. she would love to see you in pain.

“i think you should get some rest buddy,” she pats your back. you nod, feeling as if sleep was just an arm’s reach away.

the conversation with yizhuo had drained you significantly, both mentally and physically. and maybe you should put some ointment on the red area too. you might wake up with a bruise or something tomorrow.

the urge to flop into bed is too strong as chaewon slides the keycard into the slot. the door opens, revealing a luxurious hotel suite with a king-sized bed. you remember requesting for a shared room. it was to mainly prevent yourself from doing anything reckless when drunk. you’d have chaewon to keep you grounded.

“did you get kazuha’s number?” you ask as chaewon throws her face cleanser at you. the girl giggles, “yeah. she’s so cute.”

you subtly cringe at the lovestruck look in her eyes.

groaning, you head into the bathroom. your eyes widen as you prod at your cheek, shocked that yizhuo landed such a heavy hit. damn, has she been going to the gym lately? the yizhuo back then barely had any strength to resist your tickles. there wasn’t any surging hot anger left from yizhuo slapping you, just a dull and yearning hope for her. maybe you should calm yourself down by taking a cold shower.

after dowsing yourself with water, you padded out of the bathroom, only to discover that chaewon wasn’t hunched over her luggage anymore.

you check your phone.

chaewon [10.27pm]:

zuha texted me, staying w her for the night

there’s ointment on the bedside table

for ur stupid face

bye :p

wow. chaewon had managed to do that within a day. staying at a girl’s hotel room? you whistle lowly. maybe she was onto something. but with her departure, the hotel room feels too quiet now. only the breezing and fluttering sounds of the airconditioning accompanying your thoughts of self-loathing. collapsing onto the bed, you reach out for the ointment.

just as you unscrew the cap, the doorbell rings. you don’t recall ever ordering room service. maybe it was chaewon and she forgot something?

you turn the door knob, not bothering to check who it was.

“chaewon—”

ning yizhuo stands before you, glassy eyes and a look of desperation that you’re familiar with.

“oh.”

she shuffles awkwardly, gesturing at your cheek, “are—is it okay? does it hurt?”

gulping, you shake your head.

“can we talk?” she asks, in the quietest voice ever, her words coming out shaky and breathless.

you open the door wider.

yizhuo mutters a soft, “thank you,” as she enters the room. you quickly send a text to chaewon telling her not to come back.

“did you put any cream on it?” she asks.

“no, not yet. i was just about to,” you reply quietly. the tension from the heated argument from before had disapparented, only leaving a strained relationship behind.

“can you sit down?”

you follow her instructions dutifully, sitting right at the edge of the bed. yizhuo lifts the ointment up, squeezing a bit on her finger before gently rubbing it into your cheek. it hurts, but the softness of her touch heals the area.

wincing as she applies more pressure, you can only stare at the girl.

“i’m sorry,” she whispers.

“it’s okay.”

you want to pull her into your arms.

you want her to lean onto you.

you want the feeling of her skin against yours.

“i was really hurt.”

“i know.”

yizhuo sighs, her hands dropping.

“i can’t believe you left me so easily.”

your chest tightens at the devastated tone in her voice. it wasn’t easy, you want to say. but it doesn’t feel right to defend yourself now.

“i thought it was the right thing to do.”

yizhuo lifts her head up, “why didn’t you just tell me you didn’t want to get married?”

“i don’t know,” it comes out in a hushed murmur, “i didn’t want to tie you down. you had a lot more things to accomplish.”

“i’d rather have you and nothing than losing you and having everything.”

the confession goes unsaid. because you’re her everything.

“i’m sorry. you just had your whole life in front of you and i was in the back. i… i didn’t fit into your life.”

the girl takes everything in. you were just so afraid then. scared that once you said yes to her proposal, yizhuo might realise that you weren’t the one for her. you’d rather be away from her, than be with her and make her unhappy. you didn’t want to live a miserable life where you hated each other.

“you don’t get to make that choice for me.”

“i know, yizhuo.”

yizhuo’s eyes are brimming with tears. her raven hair covering her face partially, but you can feel the pain radiating off her.

“you know that i would have been happy just being with you?”

“i know.”

“god, you still left like it was the easiest decision of your life.”

no it wasn’t, you again want to protest.

“you know that even in another life, i would choose to just have you by my side, even if i lose everything else? don’t you understand the extent of my love for you?”

it’s so surreal— the way yizhuo is practically begging for you to realise that leaving her was the worst possible choice for you to make.

“i love you too much.”

“then why’d you leave?” she asks.

through tears, you shakily breathe out, “because i love you too much.”

the lack of past tense doesn’t bother you, nor does it bother yizhuo. it’s a given that you’re still madly in love with the girl, and vice versa. it only leaves the question of what will happen now. yizhuo doesn’t say much afterwards. it’s the truth. you love her too much that you couldn’t bear to see her suffer because of you.

“i was so ready to marry you, i bought a ring,” yizhuo mutters, shedding tears. her sniffles aren’t concealed by the low humming of the air conditioning. it feels too real.

“forgive me, please,” you say.

“i can’t.”

the hotel room goes quiet.

“that’s okay,” it’s hard to say. you want to protest against everything, beg yizhuo to take you back and you could live your happily ever after with her.

it doesn’t happen. you don’t fall to your knees and plead.

you only stare at yizhuo in a mix of fear and longing affection. it pains you to see her so broken, and it only drives the knife further into your heart to know you’re the reason why.

“i’m so tired, y/n.”

you nod, feeling the fatigue seep in.

“me too.”

“can i sleep here tonight?” yizhuo asks softly.

you nod. there were still things to talk about, but you think you’ve done a decent job so far. pulling the covers over your bodies as yizhuo slides into the bed, you relish in the warmth and comfort of having her beside you again.

she turns her head to look at you, uncertainty filling her voice, “let’s talk more in the morning. i’m tired now.”

you agree with her wholeheartedly, inching closer to fit against her back.

as yizhuo’s eyelids flutter shut, you caress her skin tenderly. your index finger writes against her back, strokes lining her skin.

我爱你.

i love you. it’s one of the many phrases you’ve picked up throughout the years of being with the girl. she only taught you silly words and swears, but yizhuo had insisted you learn how to say and write those very words.

it’s fitting, because it’s all you ever feel for her.

because of yizhuo, you’ve had the opportunity to experience having a soulmate for almost your whole life. because of yizhuo, there’s no lingering doubt of being unlovable. because of yizhuo, you get to spend your days filled with happiness.

because of yizhuo, you understand what love is.

you just hope she understands you too.

[m1stmxmff]

soul-bonded

pairing : dom!fae!ningning x sub!witch!fem!reader

genre : smut

summary : as a witch, you're shocked when your true soulmate turns out to be a fae. still, you're drawn to each other.

wc : 4.8k

tags : smut w a bit of plot, fingering (r receiving), kissing, pet names, ning is possessive 👀

It's been weeks since you've found yourself irresistibly drawn to the fae you've seen as you were walking around town. Night after night, you wander the edges of their territory, hoping for a glimpse of her.

It's frustrating how you crave her presence more than anything. Yet the fear of consequences and shame lingers, a constant reminder that such feelings are forbidden.

Days turn into weeks, and the tension between you intensifies. You try to distract yourself with your magical studies and daily responsibilities, but nothing can quench the longing. The connection is impossible to ignore, challenging everything you’ve been taught and the norms of your society.

Despite your fears, you fantasize about a secret life together, hidden from prying eyes. You imagine her skin against yours, the taste of her kisses, the warmth of her embrace. The more you dwell on these thoughts, the clearer it becomes that you can’t live in denial forever.

One night, as you pace your cottage, a soft tap at the window startles you. You turn to see the fae standing outside, her face bathed in moonlight. For a moment, you doubt your senses and just stare, but her pleading eyes convince you that she’s real.

The fae, with her dark, shimmering hair and glowing green eyes, steps inside with grace. She moves through your cottage, touching everything with a childlike curiosity. "I've never been inside a witch's home before," she murmurs, her voice soft as a breeze.

The dim light from the hearth casts flickering shadows on the walls, dancing over the shelves lined with potions and dried herbs. The scent of lavender and rosemary hangs in the air, mingling with the earthy smell of the forest that clings to the fae.

The wooden floor creaks softly underfoot as she moves, her gaze lingering on the small potted plant on the windowsill. The leaves shimmer slightly under her touch, reacting to her presence. Your eyes follow her fingers as they trail over the various objects, each one infused with your magic and care. You watch her closely, intrigued and unalarmed by her presence.

When she turns back to you, her eyes reflect the glow of the fire, a deep, mesmerizing green that seems to see into your soul. She steps closer, her dress whispering against the floor, and you feel her warmth as she stands in front of you.

"I suppose you're wondering why I'm here," she says.

"I didn't exactly invite you," you reply, crossing your arms.

She looks timid, fiddling with her hands. "I couldn't stay away," she admits. "I can't get you out of my head."

Your heart skips a beat as she steps closer, her eyes pleading. "I know we're not supposed to be together, but I can’t help myself."

She takes your hand, sending shivers up your spine. "Please," she whispers, her voice tinged with desperation. "I know you feel it too. This connection isn’t going away."

You look into her earnest eyes and know she’s right. You’ve been feeling the same way. With a deep breath, you finally give in. "What do we do?"

Her eyes brighten with hope. "We can meet in secret. I know places where no one would see us."

The thought of hiding your relationship tugs at your heart, but the pull toward her is too strong. "What if we get caught?" you ask softly.

"We’ll be careful," she reassures you. "We’ll only meet where no one would think to look."

With the hand that's still holding yours, she pulls you closer, the other one gently stroking your cheek. "I’ve been waiting to meet you," she whispers.

As her hands roam over your body, you feel a strange sensation on your skin. Her fingers trace a mark you hadn’t noticed before. Looking closer, you see it’s a soulmark, identical to the one on her wrist.

Realization hits you like a thunderbolt. "We’re soulmates," you whisper.

The fae’s eyes shine with intensity as she traces the symbols. "I knew it," she murmurs. "I felt the bond the moment I saw you."

She tilts your chin in her direction. "I never believed in soulmates," she says, her gaze roaming your features. "But now that I’ve found you, I can’t imagine being without you."

It all feels overwhelming, yet relief floods you knowing she feels the same. As her words sink in, you lean in, capturing her lips in a kiss. The kiss is tentative at first, as if testing the waters, but quickly deepens. Her fingers tangle in your hair, pulling you closer, and you wrap your arms around her, feeling the curve of her back under your touch.

Your senses are heightened. You can feel the softness of her lips, the gentle pressure as she kisses you back, the slight catch in her breath as the kiss grows more fervent. Her hands slide down to your shoulders, and you lose yourself in the sensation, forgetting everything but the feel of her against you.

The fae pulls back slightly, her eyes locking with yours. You're both breathing heavily, the desire between you growing more intense by the second. The fae's hand moves up your thigh, her fingers teasing the hem of your shorts. You let out a shaky breath, your body craving more of her touch.

She smirks, noticing the effect she has on you. She presses her body closer against yours, her desire growing almost unbearable.

"You're mine," the fae whispers, her breath hot against your ear. "My soulmate."

Her hands continue to roam over your body, exploring every inch of you. You feel almost powerless against her touch, like your body responds to her every move, wanting more and more. She nips at your earlobe, her voice dropping to a low, sultry tone. "Say it."

You close your eyes, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. "I'm yours."

She lets out a low hum of satisfaction, her grip on your thigh tightening. "Good," she purrs. "Now, let me show you just how much you're mine."

Her hand moves further up your thigh, sliding under the fabric of your shorts. She can feel the heat radiating from your skin, her touch causing you to arch against her.

"You're so responsive to me," she murmurs, her lips trailing kisses down your neck. "It's driving me wild."

Her hands find their way to the hem of your shorts, slowly pulling it down. "I want to feel you," she whispers, her voice hoarse with want. As your shorts fall to the floor, she presses closer against you, her hands roaming over the newly exposed skin. Her fingers trace the outline of your hip bone, sending shivers down your spine. "So pretty," the fae murmurs. "And all mine."

Her hand moves further down, pulling your panties to the side and cupping your core, causing you to let out a gasp. She can tell you're getting impatient, but she wants to tease you first.

Her lips find your pulse point, nipping and sucking at the skin below. Her hand moves in slow, deliberate motions against your clit before pushing two fingers in.

"Oh god," you whimper, letting your eyes fall shut as your walls clamp around her fingers.

You cry out at the sensation of her fingers pumping in and out of you, stretching you out, pleasure coursing through your veins.

The change of position when you involuntarily arch your back from the pleasure only angles her fingers perfectly inside of you to hit that one spot that makes you see stars.

"Oh, you're already close, aren't you?" she murmurs against your ear, her breaths coming in shallow gasps. You are too lost in the feeling to hear her, especially after she starts moving her fingers faster into the spot you need her the most.

The slick sounds get louder and louder as her hand continues to move, applying just the right amount of pressure to send you over the edge. She can feel your body responding, how your muscles clench as you near your climax.

"Just let go, my love. I got you."

You let out a strangled moan, and your mind goes blank as you cum, feeling your knees start to buckle and your legs trembling beneath you.

She holds you tight, supporting your weight as you ride out the pleasure. You're so out of it that you fail to notice the hearts in her eyes as she watches you reach your peak. You collapse against her, your body spent and sated.

Your breathing starts to slow, the aftershocks of the orgasm still rippling through your body. She can feel your breath against her neck, the steady rise and fall of your chest as you slowly come down from your climax.

As your breathing finally returns to normal, she tilts your chin up, meeting your gaze with a look of adoration.

"I don't want this to end," she murmurs, her voice soft and tinged with emotion. "I want more of you, more than just this one night. I want you as my own."

You look into her eyes, your expression a mix of awe and desire. "Yes," you say, your voice barely above a whisper. "You have me. Now and forever."

The fae's heart soars at the agreement. A strong sense of possessiveness and joy washes over her, her eyes glittering with fondness.

"You're mine now." she breathes, her voice soft but firm.

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does anyone else have a guilt complex, so whenever they hear anyone critique a piece of media, they just feel bad for all the people who worked on it 😭??

or is that just me?

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everyone’s got that couple of fanfics that you just read over and over even though you practically know it by heart because it’s so perfect it’s like a favorite book and you just catch yourself clicking to a random chapter on it because it’s so good it’s comforting to reread it

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one day I’ll finally write that ridiculously elaborate fanfiction that I’ve been carefully constructing in my daydreams for months and then you’ll be sorry. you’ll all be sorry.

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- In The Right Place -

NING YIZHUO x FEM!READER

Prompt: You knew moving into a new school wasn’t easy, but when Ning Yizhuo tried bullying you, the tables turned after she finds out your secret.

Warnings/Notes: g!p new student reader, bullying, eventual smut, bully Aespa but Ning is mostly shown, unprotected sex, shower sex, mostly dom reader

“Welcome to hell!” Huh Yunjin dramatically announced to you while presenting the corridor of students that seemed to be calmer than she had anticipated.

You looked at your new friend with a questioning smile.

No seriously, you two became friends a few minutes ago after she accidentally ran you over with her skateboard at the entrance gate. Then Yunjin offered to tour you around the school as an apology.

“Seems chill. Where’s the ‘hell’ in this?”

“You’re looking in the wrong direction actually” Yunjin corrected and forcefully turned your head to where 4 girls were cornering a smaller student at their locker.

It was clear that they were bullying her, from how they stood with their arms crossed, all wearing an intimidating smirk you knew too well.

In the next second, the tallest of the 4 slapped the victim’s books causing them to scatter all over the floor. You hung your head back and groaned.

“Bullying, seriously? Let’s grow up”

Yunjin’s eyes widened when you calmly walked to the scene and picked up the fallen books, returning them to the small girl that muttered a tiny thank you before running off.

“Jang Y/n, you are done for” Yunjin muttered, not daring to follow you but rather watch from afar.

Yizhuo tilted her head up at you before waving her phone in your face and then letting it fall to the ground with a thud. You were confused by the action but still bent down to grab it and hand it back to her.

“Careful” you softly said.

Yizhuo hummed. She liked your features.

“So obedient. I like that”

You were tall and you smelt fresh yet sweet. But what the shorter girl noticed the most was that you were wearing slacks instead of the school’s skirt.

“You know the policy says girls are to wear skirts right?”

You chuckled. “And you know the policy says no bullying…right?”

Murmurs filled the halls and Yizhuo’s 3 girls sent them glares that immediately made the hall go quiet again.

“You’re new aren’t you?” Yizhuo smirked, tracing the lines of your name badge. “Jang Y/n? I’m Ning Yizhuo and this Jimin, Minjeong, and Aeri”

“Are you gonna bully me too?” You mockingly tilted your head like she did earlier.

Yizhuo only smirks. She takes a step back to examine you one last time, then clicking her fingers to signal the girls their leave. “Watch your back, Y/n” were her last words before disappearing down the hall.

Yunjin slowly wrapped her arm around you. “Dude…Rest in peace”

It’s been a couple weeks..

You honestly thought Yizhuo was all talk like most bullies are, but her and her clique would somehow know when you’re walking alone whether it was in the locker room, the halls, or in the library.

You are currently in the cafeteria with Yunjin and Chaewon (who she introduced herself to you as Yunjin’s girlfriend) after the lunch bell rang. It was peaceful until you felt the presence of the 4 girls surrounding you.

You didn’t need to question who they were.

“Scram” Yizhuo simply ordered to your two friends, easily obeying and moving to a different table.

The girls then sat with you, watching you like a hawk as you fed yourself. You reached for your juice bottle but Aeri quickly snatched it from your reach and giving it to Yizhuo.

The Chinese girl was smiling like a maniac, ensuring you were watching her every move. She brought the opened bottle to her lips, running her tongue all over the rim before spitting inside, then returning it to you.

“Drink up, puppy”

You swallowed the rice in your mouth and retrieved your beverage without a fuss, surprising everyone from your nonchalant demeanor. Maintaining eye contact with Yizhuo, you took huge gulps of your juice until the bottle was empty, your confidence just fueling the fire within the Chinese girl.

“Good girl. Now drink this” Yizhuo stood up to grab your bowl of miso soup and pour it all over your head, letting it drench your uniform.

You got up in shock, not realising the wet top sticking to your skin was basically flashing your abs underneath. Yizhuo blinked and noticed that her friends were staring too, mouth agape.

Not from Yizhuo raining soup on you, but from the free ab show. To which you were oblivious about.

“Nice one, Ning Yizhuo. Now I gotta shower” You grumbled and abandoned your food tray to storm out of the cafeteria.

Being in the school for not even a month allowed you to get a taste of Yizhuo’s antics, but being humiliated in front of the school from a stupid soup pour was over the line.

Luckily you had soccer practice later after school so the only clothes you could change into was your clean jersey and shorts.

Once stripped naked out of your ruined uniform, you hopped into a shower stall and managed to get the miso out of your hair and skin, feeling relief of not having to smell like a wet savoury rag for the next few hours.

As you busked under the warm water, your mind wandered back to the cafeteria incident when Yizhuo played with your drink. How she stared deeply into your eyes while licking the bottle’s rim…

Your mind continued to wander into imagination of how the shorter girl would look on her knees in front of you, running that tongue around your tip as if it was the bottle…then spitting on it.

Your cock stood hard and proud from the short thought. You cursed yourself for thinking in such a way but there was no other way to fix it. You tried thinking of gross stuff but your mind would find its way back to your sudden sexual fantasies with Yizhuo.

“No wonder you wear slacks all the time” The familiar voice spoke cheerfully behind you.

You quickly covered your crotch and looked at Yizhuo with wide eyes. Not only did she catch your secret but she was also fucking naked in the stall with you!

“Get the fuck out!”

“Rude much?

You grabbed the nearest object to further hide your erected cock. That object unfortunately being your bottle of shampoo.

“Yizhuo, why are you in here?!”

“To shower”

“So go shower in the other stalls?!”

The bully didn’t answer but continued to approach you in slow, alluring steps like she was trying to hypnotise you. Her cat like eyes were boring into yours and you felt yourself fall further.

Then, just like in your imagination earlier, Yizhuo went on her knees and pushed your hands away from your genitalia. “Never thought of you as the type to pack a lot”

You rolled your eyes at the backhanded compliment. “Should I thank you or beat your ass?”

She titled her head at you with a cheeky smirk. “You can beat my ass with this cock of yours”

“Yizhuo please don’t tell anyone about this. Im serious.”

“My god, you’re so fun to mess with. You just gave me the easiest blackmail ever”

The thought of the girl exposing your secret to the school which could potentially ruin your life, snapped something in your brain. As if automatically, your hand grabbed a fistful of her head and pulled tightly. “Listen here bitch”

Yizhuo gasped, a sudden gush of wetness slobbering all over her pussy and thighs from the rough hair pull. It hurt, but turned her on soooooo much.

“I was already nice enough to let you mess around with me during class and lunch, but if you ever open that goddamn mouth about my dick, I will fucking. End. You”

“I-It hurts, Y/n”

“Wow, this is the girl everyone gets stepped on? What happened to your bully persona, Ning Yizhuo?”

Yizhuo could only moan at your words like they were aphrodisiac. “Hngh, Y/n-ie…please fuck me! Fuck my mouth!”

“If I knew you’d be so obedient like this, I would’ve fucked you earlier” You smirked, removing your hand from the girl’s hair and grabbing her jaw to force it open.

Yizhuo felt her mouth stretch when you entered your entire size inside, not giving her time to adjust, causing her to gag.

You leaned back into the shower wall and groaned at how beautiful Yizhuo looked sucking you off. She looked innocently into your eyes while bobbing her head, holding onto your thighs for dear life.

“Y-You’re so pretty, Yizhuo. Holy shit..” you breathed out.

The Chinese girl pulled her mouth away from your cock. “You…You’re pretty too”

“Am I?”

Yizhuo stood up and pecked your lips while jerking your needy cock. “And hot…so hot”

You pulled her closely by the waist and attacked her lips with passion, all the anger and hatred flying out the window.

Another groan left your lips as Yizhuo stroked your cock faster, her other hand exploring the bumps of your abs that shined from the water.

“Y/n, I need your cock inside my pussy…please I’m so fucking horny” Yizhuo whined.

“Hmmm, if you turn around and show that pretty pussy then maybe I’ll even cum inside you”

She didn’t need to be told twice. She was already following orders and faced her back towards you to bend forward, a hand on each ass cheek to spread them apart and present both holes.

“I like you when you’re not being a bitch. Should I fuck you all the time just so you can be nice to me? Hm?”

Yizhuo felt you rub your fat tip around her slippery pussy before slowly pushing inside. And to your surprise, she was tight.

“Fuck Ning, I thought all those dicks you talked about fucked you loose enough”

“Mmmh! Holy shit you’re so big Y/n!…T-Too fucking big!”

You chuckled breathlessly. “Ah is that why? My dick is the biggest you’ve ever had?”

Yizhuo wanted to tell you to stop being so arrogant but you weren’t wrong. Your length and girth were nothing compared to the other people she’s slept with, and she’s already fallen hard enough to be addicted.

You melted into the pleasurable feeling of Yizhuo’s cunt sucking you in like a vacuum. She was taking all of you like a good girl, pushing her ass back while you pounded into her.

The wet slapping noises were echoing off the walls and the sudden thought of being caught by someone increased Yizhuo’s horniness by a million.

“Hah…oh my fucking god you feel so good, beautiful” You growled, sending Yizhuo into another fit of surprise.

“Y/n! I love your cock so much, baby”

“Yeah and it’ll be the only cock you love”

Your hand snaked over Yizhuo’s shoulder to hold onto her neck, forcing her up so her back kissed your front, all while you were still impaling your cock inside her. “You were made for this dick, weren’t you beautiful?”

Yizhuo nodded and gasped from your fingers finding her swollen clit. You rubbed it deliciously, it got the shorter rolling her eyes back, lips parted as she held onto you. You were exploring the curves of Yizhuo’s goddess-like body, paying special attention to her gorgeous breasts as much as you played with her clit.

She was getting unbearably tighter. Your cock suffocating from her gummy walls, nearing you to your orgasm. Clearly Yizhuo was on the same boat, her sentences slurring into babbles, crying out your name.

“Mmm Y/n, Y/n, Y/n! Please cum inside me! I can’t take it anymore!”

“You’re making me insane, Ning Yizhuo” You growled and bit her earlobe.

“Please-fuck ah! I’m cumming, holy shit I’m cumming!” Yizhuo threw her head back on your shoulder, shaking violently in your embrace as you continued destroying her from behind.

“You ready for my cum, pretty face? Will my cum filling your pussy make you happy?” You muttered into her neck, already marking your territory with dark purple splotches all over her pale skin.

A couple more profanities left your mouth before softly biting on Yizhuo’s shoulder, fully thrusting up to explode your cum all over her walls.

Yizhuo felt so amazingly full. She pushed her lower stomach and smiled when she felt the cum squirt out her pussy. You were resting your forehead onto her, trying to catch your breath and also process what the fuck just happened.

You went from hating this girl to cumming inside her pussy in your school’s showers.

“Yizhuo…please…please don’t say anything to anyone. I’m asking nicely”

She turned her head and placed a reassuring kiss on your cheek. “Don’t saying anything about your cock or you fucking me?”

“Uh my cock, obviously”

“Oh baby, the only reason I won’t say anything is so other bitches won’t get in on this big dick of yours. Let me establish that you’re mine now” Yizhuo smiled.

“I’m yours? Like your girlfriend or a dick appointment?”

“Take me out on a date and then we can talk about that girlfriend thing”

You shrugged. “Fine. Whatever”

Then let’s say you spent another two rounds after that…You weren’t one to go late to class, but here you were filling up Ning Yizhuo again and again.

A/N: I ALMOST got equal votes for the Mafia au, so don’t worry my honeys. You will get a second Yizhuo fic soon ;)

[m1stmxmff]

I feel so called out

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BORED! ✨

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In Your Arms

drunk!ningning x gf!reader

request - can you write drunk!ningning x gf!reader? Fluff 🥺🫶🏻

a/n - since drunk ningning was mentioned in live my life chapter 2, i decided to go with the same setting. this may or may not be related to the series but i'll see about that later on 😏 hope you like it anon!

warnings - alcohol, suggestive themes

baby, i can’t wait to see you later. let me know when you’re on the way. 💜

you stared at your girlfriend’s message contemplating on how to tell her you wouldn’t be able to make it on such a special night.

tonight’s occasion was to celebrate the release of aespa’s first full-length album, which was a milestone for any artist, including ningning and her members. having been dating for almost two years now, you witnessed firsthand on how hard they worked over the months with packed schedules of recordings, shooting music videos, and learning new choreography. you and ningning hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and this was the one night she had asked you to be there.

you did everything you could not to miss it, even submitting pending proposals a week ahead and coming into work much earlier today. but as you were getting ready to leave, fate had other plans and your boss stormed in, informing the staff that last minute revisions needed to be made for the latest project you were working on. you tried your best to reason with him, but as the team’s leader, you knew you couldn’t leave the rest of the staff behind to sort out everything on their own. so you sat back down at your desk and brought out your laptop, cursing under your breath.

ning.. i won’t be able to make it. there’s an emergency at the office and i can’t leave until it’s settled. i’m so sorry, baby. i’ll make it up to you i swear.

ningning’s heart dropped as she read your message. throughout the time you had been together, she knew dating her wasn’t easy. aside from having to keep you a secret from the outside world, you had to put up with her hectic schedules which led to weeks, sometimes months, of not being in each other’s arms. having been so busy with work herself, of course she understood why you couldn’t be there. but she couldn’t deny that the night wouldn’t be complete without the comfort of your presence.

in every concert, fan event, and even backstage, ningning searched for you in the crowd. seeing her girlfriend’s proud smile in the sea of fans always made her proud of herself too, letting her shine even brighter when she was on stage. you kept her sane throughout all the ups and downs of idol life. you were her rock. and even if she and her members were the stars of the night, she just wanted to share every achievement with you by her side.

ningning let out a deep sigh as she put her phone away. it just didn’t feel right knowing you weren’t near at a time like this, but she knew she had to carry on for the night. it was a celebration for aespa after all, and she decided to enjoy it either way.

the night went on with the girls having to smile for the cameras, doing interview after interview with the press. but as the clock struck 12, it was the start of the after party. the room’s focus had shifted from aespa to the night’s main dj, allowing them to finally have some fun without all eyes being on them. the blaring music blasted through the speakers and the dance floor was packed, while waiters were in a frenzy, running around the hall serving drinks for the night’s attendees.

ningning spent the after party in a state of ecstasy with winter, giselle, and karina, dancing hand in hand with each of her members. after enduring months of hard work, they deserved a night to themselves like this. but despite the ongoing celebration, she still wished she was dancing with you instead. and it didn’t help that she noticed karina making subtle glances with the pretty dj throughout the night, reminding her of how she would send you her own flirty smiles when she would spot you in the crowd. she missed you, but she couldn’t let the weight of her emotions bring down the mood. so she continued dancing the night away and clinking glasses with her members, thinking the alcohol would make her forget about your sudden absence. but in the heat of the celebration and one too many shots later, things started feeling fuzzy.

back in your office, the atmosphere was much different from where your girlfriend was. you and your coworkers were huddled around the conference table, each pitching in ideas on how to make the perfect layout for the project you were working on. but with enough brainstorming, you came up with a design that matched every requirement your client was asking for. you hurriedly presented it to your boss and your team was finally allowed to clock out, leaving you with just enough time to catch the after party.

as you raced to your car, you were stopped by the sudden buzzing of your phone with an incoming call from your girlfriend. you were frantic to pick up and explain, already anticipating the disappointment you would hear in ningning’s voice.

“baby, i’m sorry. i tried to get out of it i promise but i just couldn’t leave.“

you were surprised as a different voice responded. it was familiar, but it definitely wasn’t your girl’s. “y/n, it’s giselle.”

“where’s ning?” a sense of nervousness washed over you. for one of her members to be calling you at this hour, you just knew something wasn’t right. “she drank way too much.. and now she’s nearly passed out.”

“i’m on my way.”

you and ningning had your fair share of drunken nights out before, but tonight was different. a sense of guilt flooded your thoughts not just because you missed a special event for her, but also that you weren’t right there to take care of her. she was the most important person in your life, and knowing she wasn’t alright had you worried sick to your stomach.

as you arrived at the venue, you hurriedly parked your car and made your way inside. giselle had arranged for one of their managers to meet you and you were led into one of the private rooms right behind the hall. your eyes grew wide as you spotted your girlfriend, seated on a couch with her head thrown back and half-lidded eyes. by the lingering smell of alcohol and the way she slurred her words, you could tell she definitely had too much to drink.

“y-y/n? what are y-you doing here?”

“giselle called me. i came as fast as i could.” as soon as she realized you were finally by her side, ningning flopped over and clung to you like a baby. the warmth of your skin mixed with the familiar scent of your perfume immediately allowed her to let her guard down, giving in to the throbbing she felt in her temples. with the safety she now felt in your arms and the haze of alcohol in her system, she just couldn’t fight to stay awake. it was time to take her home.

aespa’s staff didn’t hesitate to leave ningning in your care. you thanked them and her members for watching over her as you gently laid her down in your car’s passenger seat, careful not to wake her.

the drive from the building to your apartment wasn’t long, but you couldn’t help but make glances at your girlfriend who was sound asleep right next to you. you observed how her long eyelashes rested on her face as her eyes were closed, making her eyeshadow shimmer through the passing street lights. her deep breathing echoed in the car, and the soft snore you heard escape her lips just sounded so adorable. even in her drunken state, ningning still looked as beautiful as ever.

“i know you’re in love with me but please keep your eyes on the road.”

you were surprised to hear your girlfriend’s voice, not knowing she came to her senses halfway through the ride and caught you admiring her. “how can i not stare at you when you look so good in that dress?” you said with a chuckle as you took her hand in yours, kissing the back of her palm while your other hand continued driving down the road.

ningning could name countless reasons why she loved you, but one that stood out is that you were always so understanding of her. not once did it cross your mind to call her reckless for what had happened tonight. you were always so kind and so gentle with her, always making sure her needs came first. you made her feel so lucky just to be sitting in your familiar passenger seat, which made her spend the rest of the ride home admiring you too.

once you reached your apartment, you quickly helped ningning change into something more comfortable and settled with her onto your bed. she immediately rested her head in the crook of your neck, letting out a sigh of contentment from the warmth of your touch.

“i missed you tonight.” she whispered next to your ear, pulling you even closer. you kissed her forehead as you brushed loose strands of her hair to see the pretty face you hadn’t seen in weeks. “i know baby, i’m sorry.”

“didn’t you say you were gonna make it up to me?” she said playfully, but you were too in your thoughts of planning out the perfect date for her to realize she was hinting at something else.

“of course. i’ll take the whole day off tomorrow and we can go to that thai place you wanted to try and-“

“y/n, just kiss me already.”

with a soft smile, you pulled your girlfriend in as your lips finally met. your kisses were slow, full of love and warmth, but soon turned into deeper, more passionate kisses filled with longing. your bodies intertwined, craving each other’s touch you both so desperately needed. you hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and tonight you were going to show her just how much you missed her.

in your eyes, ningning was always beautiful whether on or off the stage, but you adored her the most in intimate moments like this when it felt like only you and her existed in the world. you were her rock after all, and she was yours too. in the warmth of each other’s arms, you were home.

[m1stmxmff]

🍒

[m1stmxmff]

victoria neuman they could never make me hate you pop as many heads as you want bby

[m1stmxmff]

𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓃𝓀 𝓎𝑜𝓊

Drunk!Ning x gf!reader

Warnings: Mention of drinks, drunk Ning, mention of cigarettes and teenagers making out.

Gender: Fluff

a/n: An anonymous person asked me for this before so I hope it's good since it's the first request I've received. And I couldn't put an image on it, I don't know why and I gave up.

♪⁠ヽ⁠(⁠･⁠ˇ⁠∀⁠ˇ⁠･⁠ゞ⁠)

You never imagined that just one party would cause problems for you, you weren't even there to see what happened.

It started with Ning just being invited to a party at Giselle's house and she obviously accepted the invitation since it's been so long since she had fun like that. You can't protest for not being able to go with her, you just left her alone that night hoping she would show responsibility, but that's not how things ended.

"Honey, I'm going to the party, okay? I'll help Aeri and the girls pack the missing things" She gave you a kiss on the cheek and picked up the bag she left next to you on the couch. "Call me if you need to and be careful, don't drink too much" you saw the girl playfully roll her eyes at your concern "Okay, mom" "Hey, stop it, I'm just worrying about you"

She gave a wave and was quick to leave quickly because according to her she was too late and needed to get there soon. The apartment felt a little empty without her with the sun she always carried with herself, but you could get used to not going places with her for the first time. She always asked you to come along, but this time you were too busy and she understood that.

With a prolonged sigh, your body melted into the sofa and you stood there like an old woman typing things into the notebook on your lap without moving anything other than your fingers and eyes. The worst thing about all this is that she didn't tell you when she was going to come back, of course it's a party and she wouldn't have a time, but anyway it was good to leave an estimate and she didn't even leave that.

Leaving her alone in the world is harder than you thought. Were you really feeling like a mother letting her daughter go out for the first time to an unfamiliar place, It wasn't that Giselle's house was unfamiliar, but sometimes things could get out of hand at a party. A party with mostly teenagers to be more specific, that is, everything will go wrong at some point and you knew it from the beginning. Everyone knows it.

As the night went on you found yourself checking your phone a few times, the time seemed to pass too slowly for you but not for Ning who was having fun. You just wanted a text that she was okay or a call. What does it cost to just say she was alive???Should you worry that much? Maybe...yes...

It was already past midnight and you started to give up waiting for her, well she wasn't going to come back early so all I had to do was go to sleep and hope for the best for her. As a precaution, your cell phone didn't stay silent tonight to listen to calls and messages if she sends something. Finally you lay in bed, without your girlfriend your side seemed much harder, it's strange that there isn't an extra weight on your side to serve as a pillow. What hell would that be.

-

It was like a teen movie: the sound of the phone ringing woke you up with a shock because it was too loud. You can't focus to see who was calling you, it seemed like an unknown number but it was just Karina, one of Ningning's friends calling you, and also one of the people who were at the party.

Your head was too sleepy to think about the worst, so your reaction was the least likely, until you slowly gave up your cell phone without even remembering that you had a girlfriend running around alone at a party. "Who is this? I was sleeping, man..." your head lay down once again on the soft pillow while on the other end of the line you could only hear 3 people talking and background music "If this is a prank I will-" "You’re Ning’s girlfriend right?”

It would be terrifying for anyone to see how his eyes opened now, his mind retraced all the memories of his day and especially that his girlfriend was out of the house "Yes it's me. Did something happen? She is fine?" an awkward silence remained on both sides.

"She's fine...she just drank too much" it was as if Karina wanted to tell you something else but left it aside, but left without success when suddenly Giselle started talking "She mixed drinks with no meaning and now she only talks about you. Can you come get her? I swear to God Winter can't stand listening to her anymore, no offense."

You know it's not the intention to offend or anything, but you still felt a little upset with the way she spoke about it, it would have been better for Karina to have spoken out straight away. "I'm coming" and you were actually arriving, you didn't even bother to change your clothes, you just took off your slippers with drawings and walked out in your pajamas to the car.

Giselle's house wasn't that far making her life easier and lessening her worry about leaving Yizhuo with the three girls, the only one responsible was Karina and she seemed more drunk than the others two. Arriving at the house, his eyes swept over the teenagers and adults smoking or kissing in front. This felt more like a nightclub than a party to you. "Where did that girl get herself?" When I say there were a lot of people making out I say A LOT, no joke.

You left the car parked just before Aeri's house, you didn't want someone to mistake you for an Uber and start having sex in their car that would be fucking disgusting. With her cell phone in her hand, Karina's number was being called, this was repeated more than once as it took her so long to understand and she looked for her head even more. "Hey, where are you? I thought you said you were coming" this time it was Winter speaking.

"I'm already here at the front. You can bring her here, right? I'm..." her eyes went to her pajamas with a big unicorn on the print "... in some trouble here". More and more complaints appeared in the background as minjeong tried to talk to you "Are you serious? Okay, I'm already going with her"

-

"Ning, just let me out of the car, why is it so hard to let go?"

"I don't want to lose you, stay here..."

It was so cute but so irritating to deal with Ning in his drunken self. She was very emotional and very clingy thinking that something will happen when you let her go. She stayed the whole way home grabbing your arm and never letting go — she almost caused an accident, but we won't talk about that. It was for these reasons that you couldn't let her go out to parties alone, especially when it was at Giselle's house.

"We're just going to get out of the car, I promise you can hold my arm again after this." There were so many attempts and the silliest one made her loosen her grip on his arm. "Promise?" her half-closed but still striking eyes went to you as if you were a puppy afraid of being abandoned, despite showing her tiredness it still looked cute somehow "Promise". It was so relieving not to have your arm being held so tightly as if it were a rope squeezing your arm.

The difficulty of taking care of her was only getting worse when you entered the apartment you missed so much. Still feeling like a tree and your koala, you tried walking around the room with her on your arm, the strong tightness returning to give you slight pain that you would have to endure.

"You had fun tonight, didn't you?" you said as you walked with her down the hall towards the bedroom, your mission was to distract her while trying to at least let her sleep in comfortable clothes tonight. "Yes" a drunken smile appears on her lips along with a low laugh. "The party was cool, there were a lot of people there and I didn't even know them all" Ningning seemed to have fun talking about it, her eyes closing in sleep.

"I'm glad you had fun" In those moments it seemed like so much patience and affection in your voice, if not just one thing different would make her doubt you or even cry. "Sit here, let's take those high heels off of you" she could barely walk straight with her drunkenness. Crouching in front of her, You spent a while trying to figure out how to get those high heels off her and they were really high for some reason.

Your girlfriend can't help you, she's too busy lying in bed without making any effort to formulate meaningful words, they were just drunken mumblings, nothing you should pay attention to.

Your help was with everything as if she were a big baby, from taking off her shoes to helping her take a bath. During this she grumbled angrily at every thing she didn't want to do and was soon sleeping in her arms or just staring at you meaninglessly.

Ning was already lying in bed in her own less drunk world as, with great difficulty, she took a cold shower right after getting rid of her clothes that smelled like cigarettes and drinks.

The lights were turned off, you lay down next to her in bed with a tired sigh after everything you had to do tonight, everything was too hectic. "Thank you for taking care of me" a voice appeared right next to her along with a pair of arms and a leg coming over hers "I don't know where I would be right now if it weren't for you"

Your body turns to her side only to see those beautiful eyes looking at you in the dim light of the night, there were more words than in a dictionary "I was worried about my girlfriend, you're still like a baby" a light slap was transferred to your arm as a joke "Stop it, silly".

Both laughter was breaking the silence of the night, listening to her laugh was like seeing her singing the softest melody that could exist. You liked her laugh in the same way you liked hearing her talk, even if it was the stupidest thing she could imagine. Spending this time with her was sacred for you, it would be for anyone because of the way she naturally is.

Little by little you calmed down, Ning getting lost in your eyes more and more and you in the same state as her. The weight of sleep you lost worrying about her began to appear so suddenly, both for you and for her. The silence felt so comfortable, the annoying noise of the party was no longer looping in Ningning's head.

The weight in her eyes caused them to close quickly without any action. She hugged you a little tighter than usual, letting you know that she didn't want to leave you in your sleep. And she wouldn't, not now that the two of them were cuddling together, feeling and taking comfort in each other's warmth for a likely long night's sleep.

"I love you, Y/n…" a soft murmur came out before she fell asleep in your arms.