m-v-s-e

[m-v-s-e]

I’ve realized today that all these years I didn’t in fact “dumb myself down” to belong in social circles; I just gate kept to a grotesque degree how much I truly know and can understand from multiple dimensions.

It’s a different type of power.

[m-v-s-e]

I increased my income! Indulging in hobbies and going to profit off them. Biking can suck it for now

Probably taking a break from this blog. I’d like to increase my income and indulge more of my hobbies.

That and I need to fix my bike! I miss biking!

[m-v-s-e]

My brain is on something lately.

First I dream of my partner getting beat violently by a big group of ghetto people. And today I dreamed of my ex deep throating my dick. And I never compare nor think of her. I haven’t thought about any of this in a long time, but she sure had a ridiculously talented mouth. It was scary how effortlessly she could throat my entire dick. I’ve definitely gotten significantly more head than had penetrated sex and only 2 girls have ever managed to. I surely don’t expect it because it’s just a bonus, and it would be ridiculously unrealistic if I needed that from anyone.

On another semi-unrelated note, I don’t have bad dreams of my partner anymore—where she is emotionally abusive or absent. And I wonder how much of that has to do with the total control I have of myself again. I truly feel like I cannot be destroyed anymore by anything or anyone.

I also been thinking about how she’s going to have to open this relationship because if there’s always going to be a chance where I bump into an ex fuck buddy despite how she dropped him, but somehow ended up best friends with his current partner (how fucking weird is that—who tf in monogamy does this, but also who wrote this circus lmao), there NEEDS to be balance. It’s not even about the sex for me, I could care less about the sex. It’s about an even playing field, a balance. If there’s going to be something that bothers me as she’s standing on her beliefs then there HAS to be something that bothers her in the same way.

But if I am the only one that has to deal with something that bothers me? I got fucking news.

[m-v-s-e]

Probably taking a break from this blog. I’d like to increase my income and indulge more of my hobbies.

That and I need to fix my bike! I miss biking!

[m-v-s-e]

I had the CRAZIEST dream today.

Highlights:

Ex friends and my cousin, who I don’t talk to at all, were friends with my girl and I was extremely uncomfortable

Girlfriend did not give a shit about anything, nor seemed to care about me much

I was a secret agent on a mission in a later part, infiltrating my uncles house for an item

Got shot at by my own family, shot back. (which tbh wouldn’t surprise me one bit. My extended family is a bunch of cunts.)

I got shot near my spine, bumped into a cop as I was fleeing the scene, and he looked at the would and told me that I was going to lose the ability to walk for sure.

Then I decided life was not worth living, and I raised my gun at him, knowing he would end me.

Then I woke up 😂

[m-v-s-e]

Apparently I found out I live in gang territory?

I haven’t seen a single gang member since I was a freshman in college and that was over a decade ago.

[m-v-s-e]

I swear, infinity can only exist in moments

[m-v-s-e]

[m-v-s-e]

So I asked her twice and she said it wasn’t urgent and didn’t want to talk about it. Now I’m really curious what is going on because if something was bothering her, it clearly isn’t anymore.

Her energy reads to be even more happy to be in my company. I’ve never seen her radiate more than she does now. I look at her and she smiles at me.

[m-v-s-e]

Never get too comfortable;

a quote I’ve lived by for ages.

And there is a paradoxical comfort in this.

[m-v-s-e]

My dreams keep telling me, me and her are not meant to workout in the end. It’s been the consistent reoccurring theme.

Apparently she also out of the blue told me “We need to talk, about us.” yesterday.

Hilarious.

[m-v-s-e]

Does anyone ever think about the intimacy that was lost inside you?

The ecstasy you’d feel the first time you held someone’s hand you cared deeply about.

And how it hasn’t been the same? How it will never be the same?

[m-v-s-e]

I really meant it

when I told myself

I would absolutely never

put anyone in a position of power

over me

[m-v-s-e]

Hello sorry for an ask. I am very sick, my asthma is at its maximum level, my nose freezes, I have no medicine or food. I am in bad shape financially, I am a black disabled, who uses multiple medications, I pay for my food and lodging

Unfortunately I do not have all the resources to keep me safe, that is why I need your help, whatever you can contribute to me will be of great help.

I’m contributing payment in ✨ vibes ✨

[m-v-s-e]

I had one of the best birthdays I’ve had in years! I was off the entire day, I work today for a bit, and then I’m off tomorrow for a three day weekend!

Fuck yeah! 🦾

Hope everyone’s week is going fantastic !

[m-v-s-e]

The urge to eat junk food today is REAL

[m-v-s-e]

Honestly? I’m fairly happy with the friends I decided to get close with. I would like a few more friends before I can have something a little more sustainable