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autumn awakening

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this was me in 10th grade!! for me, it was “well, you have to go to the harry potter premiere first” good times

back when i was suicidal in high school the tiniest things would make me want to kill myself but also the most trivial things would stop me

i remember looking at a bottle of sleeping pills and going “i’m going to kill myself. i’m not going to get out of this town. i’m not going to be able to get into a good college” and then i would go “but wait! if you die tonight, you won’t be there when they invent time travel. what if you die tonight and aliens land tomorrow and you miss it. the entire world would change and you would miss it.” “ah, yes. good point. i’ll wait until next week to die. once i’m dead i’m dead, so i can wait a little longer to see if something cool happens before then.”

it never did but it brought me back from killing myself until i started seeing a psychologist and got on antidepressants 

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A concept: eating fresh fruit on a balcony in Greece during the golden hour with little or no clothing on, hair tied in a bun, wine in my glass, the beach close by

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