lytmeowtif

[lytmeowtif]

roulette: placing a wager on where a ball tossed onto a spinning wheel will stop

russian roulette: spinning the cylinder of a revolver loaded with a single bullet and firing

american roulette: scrolling through that day's food contamination recall to see if one of your staples is included in the list

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The real reason your sapient dragon character needs a "rider":

Dragons on the wing are vulnerable to being mobbed by smaller, more agile flyers, particularly in your large rear blind spot, like a bird of prey being mobbed by crows. Having a human armed with a long spear perched on your back helps to dissuade anyone from getting any funny ideas.

Breath weapons are impressive enough on the ground, but in flight they're really only good for strafing stationary targets; trying to use your breath weapon in an aerial dogfight is a good way to get fire up your nose. A real fight calls for sterner measures – and, concomitantly, a crew to aim and reload the cannons.

In today's competitive world, it's not enough to devour a flock of sheep and call it a day if you want to keep your edge. You're accompanied at all times by a qualified personal alchemist tasked with carefully regulating your internal furnace to ensure peak performance, and sometimes you even listen to them.

No dragon of any quality would be caught dead without their valet. It's not as though you can announce your numerous long-winded titles yourself when introductions are called for, can you? You suppose next you'll be expected to pick up the spoils of your conquests yourself, like a common brigand. Perish the thought!

[lytmeowtif]

some of u should have an OnlyClowns account

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oh u can have this post i don’t want it

[lytmeowtif]

Truck drivers in Michigan have for years smashed into an undersized bridge called The Big Penny. Normal warning signs have not deterred drivers from wedging dozens of trucks into its hungry maw.

So they put eyes and teeth on the bridge, in part as a further deterrent.

It has not worked…

[lytmeowtif]

my grandma shooting a laser at me because i said i’m not hungry

[lytmeowtif]

every time i see someone call kirk and spock the oldest ship, i'm filled with the urge to go "hmm actually the holmes and watson girlies have been here for a hundred years now", and i refrain because i know the natural conclusion of this game is gilgamesh and enkidu

[lytmeowtif]

asoue + tumblr

[lytmeowtif]

The problem w writing fiction is that you'll be like tee-hee I'm going to write a story about a fucked up little scenario that's got nothing to do with anything in real life, just some pure messed up nonsense, and then you finish it and take a step back and go aw rats I made a metaphor again

[lytmeowtif]

Monster Stand-Up Comedy by Lee Gatlin

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Dex Reseacher Meowth

comic that makes you say poipole out loud in meowth voice

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part of the leaks included some more lore info about Celebi and I am crying in the club rn over how sweet it is (credits to MasterBaitingBoy over on Reddit for translating)

[lytmeowtif]

evil wizard voice: i too have a "doom scroll"

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I don’t have tiktok so I had to find this like a mole digging for worms and nothing could have prepared me for the actual video itself

[lytmeowtif]

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