lxvenderfog

[lxvenderfog]

Women can write m/m. Men can write f/f. Asexuals can write filthy smut. Lesbians and gay men can write m/f. It's all arbitrary anyway. Who give a shit.

[lxvenderfog]

we need to give this tweet more credit for im pretty sure coining "die mad about it"

[lxvenderfog]

ok whatever (turns your mermaids gay)

editing & gyn is @ggabraxas

[lxvenderfog]

the reason none of us can ever leave tumblr is because we've already evolved to having this be our only suitable habitat. we're the devils hole pupfish of people.

[lxvenderfog]

You're fresh out of college and looking for a job. Everyone is hiring. Nobody who's "hiring" is actually hiring. You finally get a call back from somewhere you barely remember applying to (though the voice on the other end sounds synthesized). You pull up the job listing again real quick. The company name and the fact that the listing is for "Minion" are kind of concerning, but you know what, you've interviewed with enough evil corporations by now, you can handle one wearing its true colors on its sleeve. At this point it's a matter of making rent or moving back in with your parents, and as much as you love your family, you can't imagine spending another summer dealing with your brothers' antics. You agree to the interview.

The man who greets you is an enthusiastic older German(?) man who's either way too into cosplay or just that committed to the bit, judging by the lab coat. He made cookies. The tray of cookies is proffered to you by a ten-foot-tall robotic caricature of a 50s businessman. You take a deep breath to calm yourself. You bite into one of the cookies. It's delicious.

You ask the boss about his business model. "Oh you know, a little of this, a little of that, I bounce from project to project a lot." He mentions that his end goal is becoming the undisputed ruler of the surrounding counties. "Really? Not the whole world?" you ask. "I like to set realistic goals," he replies.

As he gives you the tour of his "evil lair," ingrained instincts are screaming at you to report this guy to some kind of authority figure. You remember the salary. You decide that you can always bust him after getting your first paycheck.

The boss asks when you can start. Caught off guard, you say "tomorrow?". Your boss(?) says he'll see you then.

On the way out, you bump into your stepbrother's girlfriend. Your boss introduces her as his daughter. You both silently agree to sidestep the subject for now and act like this is your first time meeting.

You show up to your first day of work. Your boss is putting the finishing touches on a giant machine that was definitely not there yesterday. You are nonplussed. You ask him what it's for and he launches into a convoluted explanation involving his parents always forcing him to put his shirts on backwards so the tag was in front. You think he should probably talk to a therapist.

Your brothers' exotic pet breaks down the wall. You stare at him. He stares at you. Incredulously, you say his name. "Oh, good, you two already know each other!" your boss says. You mention that you used to live with him. "What? Perry the Platypus, you never mentioned having a roommate."

This is what I like to imagine Candace Flynn's life is like, post P&F.

[lxvenderfog]

[lxvenderfog]

[lxvenderfog]

it's literally so insane how bad at therapy most therapists are. i have been in therapy for over 10 years and i have only had like one therapist that really helped me but she was part of an intense outpatient program i had to go to (or else i would go to the psych ward) so i only had her for a month. like it's insane how dogshit most therapists are at their job. like. they also most of the time have no class awareness or, like, any outside knowledge of the real world. i had a therapist reprimand me for giving a homeless friend money. i had a therapist call me a doormat and laugh at me when i told him about an abusive situation i had recently gotten out of. i had a therapist straight up try to convince me of incel logic and he literally tried to argue that i should have seen how "men suffer more" because im a trans man. like. hello. hello. why are we giving these idiots psych degrees.

[lxvenderfog]

you're laughing. they kung pow penised the muppet joker's funeral and you're laughing.

[lxvenderfog]

"i don't care if they make their whole way though uni with chatgpt" i think you guys are so internetpilled that you have forgotten there are actual jobs out there that require people to know what they are doing in any way possible or else people die

[lxvenderfog]

Oh.. Guess I'm the president now.. Hmmmmahhhhhhh....

First order of business!! FREE HEALTHCARE

[lxvenderfog]

junimo breakdancing

animated on stream !!

[lxvenderfog]

If you ever tagged me to do one of those tag game thingies and I never did it:

1) Thank you, seriously. Those are fun and being included shows that my followers care enough to want to learn more about me.

2) Very sorry about that, it’s extremely likely that I said to myself “Cool! But I’m busy at the moment, I’ll have to do this later today or tomorrow” before proceeding to just straight-up forget, now it’s too far back in my notifications and/or your blog to find again.

[lxvenderfog]

[lxvenderfog]

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

[lxvenderfog]

[forgetting I am mentally ill] why do I feel so Bad

[lxvenderfog]

astronomy club sent up a weather balloon w a gopro in it last friday. put in three packs of fruit snacks so they could have a giggle over eating fruit snacks that had been to space.

balloon went up into inner space, about 90,000 feet. came down right near the dinosaur park. a few physics teachers drive out to get it, crack it open on the way home to start watching the footage.

fruit snacks are missing.

multiple sources confirm that fruit snacks were put in balloon and sealed in with duct tape. physics teachers check entire balloon. no fruit snacks.

physics teachers watch footage. all 7 hours of it. right in the middle of footage, there are about 8 minutes of visual and audio static when balloon is in orbit. no other interference with balloon recorded.

conclusions: ???????