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identity and Amanda Palmer

Before I knew Amanda Palmer existed, my goal was to be her. I discovered her shortly after the tragic end of the Dresden Dolls and for me, the tragic end of a relationship. As I watched her create images and music, it was really truly like finding a character I had created in my early teens had somehow warped her way into our reality. It was and continues to be beautiful, and astonishing, and heart breaking. The fact is that a part of me is jealous, for she represents all I wanted to be and was unable to become.

My goal as a teenager was to exist within a constant maelstrom of creativity and travel and life. Lord knows over the years how I tried. I was convinced that I could mold myself into whatever identity I wanted, nature and nurture be damned. But for myself, this turned out not to be the case. It wasn’t till narcolepsy and a host of mental health problems pulled me back to earth and I had to confront that being a manic dream pixie art girl wasn’t in the cards for me. Combine this with a case of dissociative identity disorder (fancy pants name for multiple personality/complex ptsd) and instead my adult life has been a process of untangling myself to find what’s really there rather than an explosion of creative output.

I don’t know how to end this little diary entry, probably because i’m still in the midst of it and have no idea how to reach resolution about this. There are definitely still alters (fancy pants name for my ‘personalities’) that are upset that I am who I am and didn’t become what they thought I needed to be. They pine not for Amanda Palmer, a woman who is real and pinchable and i’m sure is as full of blah stuff as anyone else. They/I pine for the freedom she represents, freedom of emotion and body and spirit. Perhaps those parts of me need to find what freedom and excitement look like for me.

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Quick thoughts on storytelling and the treatment of nameless men...

So, I just watched a action movie that I really enjoyed. However, the scenes where swaths of henchmen were mowed down just didn’t sit right with me. It makes me think of something I read a while back, that if those henchmen had been henchwomen, it would feel weird or even misogynistic. So why is it that we treat men as cannon fodder in our stories? Why are men in storytelling so expendable?

I’m totally not saying this is a modern phenomenon. Achilles and Samson as two ancient male protagonists with tremendous body counts come to mind. It’s men who have been writing most of these stories. Perhaps it’s a gender issue and I just won’t “get it” having been born female. When I see men treat fellow men as cannon fodder in stories and in life, maybe there’s something I’m missing. Or perhaps its origins lie in how fathers treat their sons.

I don’t have an answer. But I will admit that nowadays I’m more attracted to stories and art of excitement, danger, and adventure that don’t treat somebody’s son, brother, or father as so much expendable meat. What do you think?

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“Ballet embraces the soft, ethereal and majestic side to women, and yet we often don’t see the media portray black women in this light. My project aims to reveal that women of color possess these qualities. We too are capable of portraying the princess, fairy and swan.”

 —Aesha Ash

Aesha Ash’s prestigious career has included world class roles. Yet she’s now on to a different mission, with three big goals. She wishes to see ballet become more diverse. She hopes to inspire youth from rough areas to pursue their dreams. And she wants to show the world that tough environments can’t hold back talented people, especially those with ambition.

Aesha performed professionally for 13 years. She attended the legendary School of American Ballet; joined the New York City Ballet at age 18; and has danced solo and principal roles for companies like the Béjart Ballet in Lausanne, Switzerland, and the Alonzo King Lines Ballet in San Francisco. Now she’s focused on The Swan Dreams Project, in which she uses imagery to tackle stereotypes placed on black women. Aesha commissions photographers to snap her as a ballerina in her hometown of rugged Rochester, New York, and in Richmond, California, and then donates proceeds from photo sales to organizations helping advance inner city youth. She also donates images to organizations for their fundraisers and to people seeking more positive imagery for their children or groups.

The dancer points out that black women have always existed in ballet, yet few become principals, the highest tier of dancers. When Misty Copeland became the first black female principal with the prestigious American Ballet Theatre last summer, Aesha found the milestone a moment to celebrate, yet sad and troubling that in 2016, we’re still celebrating a first. She hopes The Swan Dreams project will give more dancers — and youths in general — the chance to be celebrated for their own talents.

Rochester has one of America’s highest crime rates. But Aesha hits the streets to prove that her hometown is more than violence and gangs. That’s where her Swan Dreams Project comes in. “My community saw that out of our environment came a ballerina, not just negativity — a little black girl from inner city Rochester actually went on to become a professional ballet dancer in a top-tiered company,” Aesha said in a one-on-one interview for this report. “Youth followed me on the street saying, ‘This is what we need. This lifts us up.’”

Read more

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Adagio rooibos lemon cloud tea Subtle on the tongue. Big on the nose, like a delicious lemon vanilla cloud now lives in my sinuses. I like it. (Not endorsed by Adagio for tumblr stuff. Just really, really love the company and most of their tea)

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@iambarelysushi

My food always looks better. Even though she gets the same thing on her own plate!

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Love the line work

Kitty Pryde and Lockheed by David Yardin

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Here are 9 more badges that have been created in the last several hours. We’re super excited about the amazing work our tea blenders are doing and can’t wait to launch these badges along with your fandom communities at the end of the month.

And when you have a chance, visit your “my blends” page and set up your fandom questions for each of your groups.

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Decaf Teas review

So, over the past few days I’ve been trying out a bunch of the decaf flavored black teas from Adagio. I have earl grey, orange, blueberry, and cinnamon hazelnut cream. They were all solid, good flavors. What’s nice is that I overbrewed a couple of them and there was no bitterness present. The biggest thing for me has actually been their effect on me. They make me super groggy and feel as if I’m sleepwalking if I don’t settle down for a nap.

After a bit of reading, it would seem to be the Theanine content when not paired with caffeine. Who knew?! But now that I know, they do a fantastic job of getting me to sleep in the evening and I wake up feeling refreshed the next day. For a narcoleptic, there’s not much more I could ask for. As a lover of the tea, they certainly help hit that sweet spot without worrying about any of the side effects from caffeine.

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I used to have a pretty different life

And in all honesty, I really miss it.

I miss the freedom, I miss the movement. I miss going to events I felt really awkward at. I miss hanging out at coffee shops. I feel like I stoked the fire of my life to burn bright but lost that ability and don’t know how to get it back. Perhaps it’s not so much a desire to turn back the clock as it is that I never got a chance to mourn its passing. My life used to be vibrant and now it’s nothing. I hope I can find ways to be social again, to drive and work again. But it’s good to accept that even if I went back and started to retrace old steps, like going to the Alexander St coffee shop or back to St Bernard’s, my old life as I knew it won’t ever be coming back.

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Hey what’s up, this is lumfog and I’m here today to talk about some tea I just ordered from Adagio Teas.

I ordered a bunch of samples of their decaf black teas and they should be here by Wednesday. I’ve ordered from them a bunch of times and have always been really pleased with their stuff. It’s been about a year since I ordered from them, though, because I had to cut almost all caffeine out of my life and also 2017 was a tight financial year for us. Unlike decaf coffee, I haven’t had any problem from drinking the lower quality decaf teas from the grocery store, so I’m really excited to try this stuff out. Fingers crossed!