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obsessed with this graphic about chronic illness that features a slumped over anime girl lol

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growing up as an imaginative single child, I loved to play with Barbies. I loved creating elaborate drama-filled storylines for them and I could keep at it for hours. there was one problem. I had like 15 thrift store Barbies and no Kens. I only had one Barbie-sized male doll and it was a collectible Elvis Presley doll and he was my favorite doll. I always did the Elvis voice when I was playing him but he had no relation to Elvis Presley otherwise. anyway, he had some crazy days. trapped on a scary planet where he is the only man in the world and half of the women there hate him. in a massive car accident and stranded in the woods with a girlfriend who had broken her foot and a crazy ex girlfriend who had stalked them there. kidnapped by Athena (one of my Barbie sized dolls was Athena, like, the goddess) and held captive by her while trying to go home to his 7 situationships. all of this happening to a guy who looks and sounds exactly like Elvis but is otherwise the quintessential everyman.

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“hey there… good lookin. i gotta bucket of chicken-” still makes me scream with laughter 

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Once again randomly remembered this story about a couple who had a small parrot - pretty sure it was a budgie - who didn't talk but learned to communicate with people in its own way. Once it figured out that people always turn to check their phones when the notification sound comes on, it started making the text message notification sound to request human attention. The parrot also liked to follow people to the door whenever guests were leaving, and would use its wings to pantomime the motions of a person putting their coat on. A very clever, charming bird.

And every once in a while it just randomly hated some people. Not for any real reason, or even reason to suspect bad vibes, but by deciding "fuck this person in particular" for shits and giggles alone. And one time when the owners had invited a new friend to their home, the bird decided that it Did Not Like Her.

So in the middle of polite conversation, the bird - who was free to roam around the apartment at the time - hopped onto the living room coffee table, right in front of the unwanted guest. And in that moment, the owners put two and two together and understood that whatever mischief the bird had decided to do, it was now too late to stop it.

But instead of unleashing the absolute hell that even the tiniest displeased parrot could be capable of, the little budgie made its little "may I have your attention please" cell phone notification sound, and once the guest was focused on the bird, looked at her dead in the eye while doing the putting-my-coat-on wing motion.

The guest did not recognise the pantomime for what it was, but she was nonetheless delighted that the parrot would do a little wing-roll dance for her. And the host couple were at first too stunned and then too polite to tell her how impressive that gesture truly was. Their bird had shown both remarkable restraint and cleverness by using its entire vocabulary of human communication just to say

"I have an important announcement: I think you should leave."

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your life is not an optimization problem

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you, reading this. you're a creature now. reblog to creature your followers

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"What the fuck?"

no, "Watch the Phacus".

Take a 30 second scrolling break to watch these little algae swim.

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saw that post about how the tf2 meet the team videos have way more personality than the entire overwatch lore, and i prompted me to rewatch them all again, and dang that post is 100% correct.

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i have a friend that, god love him, doesn’t photograph well. he’s very laid back but the problem is that his resting face looks absolutely fucking furious and he’s started to lean into it. me and my friends have a few group photos that look like this 

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the soldier from TF2 says a lot of goofy stuff but honestly “if God had wanted you to live he would not have created me” is a pretty raw fucking line

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We’ve had a cat fiasco

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My personal brand of humor is "horrible, useless advice delivered in an authoritative way" and this is the result of it

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