lucyislucid

[lucyislucid]

[lucyislucid]

"'I have led a toothless life,' he thought. 'A toothless life. I have never bitten into anything. I was waiting. I was reserving myself for later on--and I have just noticed that my teeth have gone. What's to be done?'"

-Jean-Paul Sartre, The Age of Reason (1945)

[lucyislucid]

now i prefer the stars over the sun

i prefer the cold over the warmth

it’s not that i enjoy the cold

it’s that the warmth is too overwhelming

i don’t enjoy feeling happy, i prefer being miserable

i feel the most like myself when i’m clinging to my mother thinking she’s the only reason i’m still here

i hate writing

i hate hearing my own thoughts

i’m sick of my rotting mind and my slow pace

i’m sick of everyone around me, they’re all stuffed with cotton

no one knows how to have a conversation anymore

i’m just so angry i’m apathetic

not caring feels much better than caring too much

[lucyislucid]

freedom exists in the mind

[lucyislucid]

[lucyislucid]

today i was given the gift of feeling again. the sun came out for the first time in awhile and i am warm for the first time in forever

[lucyislucid]

silence and stillness all around cold and dark

some people still have their christmas tree up

others are scraping the ice off their cars surrounded by stillness but the scraping echos in the dark alley snow falling quietly

the only noise is the passing of cars and a distant horn of a train

the buzzing lights of the street lamps slowly i trudge through the crunchy snow alone, enjoying the crisp stillness i wish life could always be this way, slow and calm

no distractions or noise of the constant mumbling on the tv; but seemingly nothing just me, in the silence of the cold night the sparkling snow,

the darkness wrapping me into a hug bringing more comfort than anyone ever could

it's cold outside and i'm warm for the first time in what feels like forever

[lucyislucid]

every morning i wakeup saying i’ll change but i never do

[lucyislucid]

good ambience, good music, good connections; these are the things I live for.

to continue: good food, amen

[lucyislucid]

this year I'm going to have fun whether I like it or not

[lucyislucid]

@ninotbh

[lucyislucid]

constantly feeling like a fish out of water everywhere you go unless you're intoxicated is actually a sign of being god's favorite

[lucyislucid]

i don’t want anyone to speak to me, i don’t want anyone to look at me, i just want everyone to leave me alone and let me be a ghost in my own home

[lucyislucid]

the vices you use to fill the hole inside you are creating the void within you

[lucyislucid]

[lucyislucid]

me looking transparent in the sunlight

standing in the sunlight till i become transparent

[lucyislucid]

i still love you and hope the best for you, even if we happen to see each other in public and avoid eye contact. even if we have to cross the street to avoid each other, i still love you and wish you the very best