lucidday-dream

[lucidday-dream]

I need help to find my vampire book

Hello everybody, I forgot the title of a book I was reading 8 or 10 years ago and I hope you can help me find it!

It’s a vampire book. I think it’s an adult book because it’s a bit brutal. No romance or vampire-human lovestory.

The story goes like this: A male teenager (I forgot his name) lives in a dystopian city, overrun by brutal vampires. Vampires are hunger driven, and when they spot a human they eat them whole.

So the boy disguises as a vampire, goes to school, has to shave his hole body and wash often so the vampires don’t smell him. He tries not to swet because vampires don’t sweat. In the beginning he tells a story where a human girl went to preschool, and when everybody jumped to the ceiling but she stayed on ground, the teacher was the first to reach her and tear her apart.

Said Boy wins a trip to a place outside the city where a few humans are captured for scientific reasons. They live in a protection bubble that comes up every night, and the vampires cant get through it (though they try). With him there are a few other people, among them a girl from his school that is very popular and pretty.

They are all participating in a sort of competition and the winner will be able to eat one of the humans. They are all like crazy for humans, because it is the best tasting flesh. The vampires eat raw flesh.

After a couple of incidents the boy shows himself to the human group that lives in the protection bubble at night and is able to roam freely at night. He finds out that his father (that was missing since a few years) was a scientist at the station and helped the human group. He also finds out that the girl from his school is also human. They befriend each other and I think they started to fall in love.

Together with the human group they form an escape plan, and in the end there is an intense run through the dessert to a river with a raft. They have to leave the girl behind and she ist trapped with the vampires. They wanna search for other citys and probably other humans, but don’t really know what the world outside the reach of the city looks like.

I would love to read the book again and I hope there is a follow up book, as the end was rather open and a lot of possibilitys for a second book.

I really hope someone has read it too and remembers the title. I searched on google a lot but I didn’t find my book. I know It would help if I could at least remember one name, but I’m really bad with names unfortunately.

And please don’t mind my grammar or mistakes, I’m not used to write in english  🙈 ❤️

[lucidday-dream]

I really love this enormous post! I think elain and azriel could be very good for one another, and I think elain could help az heal some of his insecurities. But I don’t see them as a couple. And I really don’t like that deleted chapter of acosf, as az is so out of character. If it really happened I really hope they don’t end up together bc as you said, the reason „one sister for every brother“ is just bullshit. Azriel feels left out and admires elains gentleness. Not a good basis for a relationship.

Azriel & Elain are in love you say?

Az & Elain are each others first choice?

Elain made Az blush which equals love?

Because Az is in love, that's why he told Rhys he couldn't tell him him to stay away from her?

An Azriel and Elain Love Story In Chronological Order (super long post). Includes supporting cast:

A faint smile bloomed upon Azriel’s mouth as he noticed Elain’s fingers white-knuckled on that fork, but he kept silent.

Elain said to Azriel, perhaps the only two civilized ones here, “Can you truly fly?”. “Yes. Cassian and I hail from a race of faeries called Illyrians. We’re born hearing the song of the wind.” “That’s very beautiful,” she said. “Is it not—frightening, though? To fly so high?” “It is sometimes,” Azriel said. “If you are caught in a storm, if the current drops away. But we are trained so thoroughly that the fear is gone before we’re out of swaddling.”

Not the cold, beautiful shadowsinger who tried so hard not to watch her with longing on his face? (Feyre talking about Mor and Azriel).

Azriel’s head lifted from where he was sprawled in his own blood, eyes full of rage and pain as he snarled at the king, “Don’t you touch her.” (talking about Mor)

Mor looked at Azriel—and there was real fear there. Fear—and something else. She didn’t stop moving until she again kneeled beside him and pressed a hand to his wound. Azriel hissed—but covered her bloody fingers with his own.

Elain was shaking, sobbing, as she was hauled forward. Toward the Cauldron.

Lucien staggered a step forward as Elain was gripped between two guards and hoisted up. She began kicking then, weeping while her feet slammed into the sides of the Cauldron as if she’d push off it, as if she’d knock it down—

“That is enough.” Lucien surged for Elain, for the Cauldron.

Elain’s foot hit the water, and she screamed—screamed in terror

Elain was still shivering on the wet stones, her nightgown shoved up to her thighs, her small breasts fully visible beneath the soaked fabric. Guards snickered. Lucien snarled at the king over the bite of the magic at his throat, “Don’t just leave her on the damned floor—”

There was a flare of light, and a scrape, and then Lucien was stalking toward Elain, freed of his restraints.

Water poured forth, Lucien hoisting Elain in his arms and out of the way.

Nesta slammed into Lucien, grabbing Elain from his arms, and screamed at him as he fell back, “Get off her!” (no hints of Az caring much at all about Elain in any of the above Cauldron scenes, something that is a very pivotal moment in her life).

My sisters had been living in the House of Wind since they’d arrived in Velaris. They did not leave the palace built into the upper parts of a flat-topped mountain overlooking the city. They did not ask for anything, or anyone.

“Elain has been cared for. Her participation in life here has been entirely her choice. No one but us and a few trusted servants have entered the House of Wind.” (Rhys explaining to Lucien that the members of the IC had access to the HOW where the sisters were).

“I’m going to see my sisters up at the House,” I said to Lucien, whose eyes snapped to mine, the metal one tightening and whirring. I forced a grim smile to my face. “Would you like to come?”.

Azriel left us as we took to the skies, murmuring that he had some pressing business to attend to. From the glare Cassian gave him, I wondered if the shadowsinger had invented it to avoid carrying Lucien to the House of Wind.

Nesta hissed. “She will not leave her room. She will not stop crying. She will not eat, or sleep, or drink.”. Rhys’s jaw clenched. “I have asked you over and over if you needed—” “Why should I allow any of you”—the last word was shot at Cassian with as much venom as a pit viper—“to get near her? It is no one’s business but our own.” (<- confirmation that Azriel has not visited Elain's room. But also confirmation that even though Az was permitted to enter the HOW as stated above by Rhys, his closeness did nothing for her depressed state as she has still not eaten, drunk, or slept since she was Made).

All she said was, “I want to go home.”. “He’ll be looking for me,” she whispered. “We were supposed to be married next week.”

Mor gave me a grateful, relieved look as we entered, Azriel’s own face revealing nothing while he stood, keeping a careful, too-casual distance from her side (they are in Amren's apartment as she searches the book and Feyre notes Amren must be in a mood for them to be standing away from her. Azriel's stance reads as protective over Mor).

Mor’s throat bobbed. Azriel watched her carefully, his mouth a tight line.

Mor refilled her wineglass, Azriel monitoring every move she made, his fork clenched in his scarred hand.

Azriel, now off hunting for information on the Autumn Court,

When we returned to the town house in the height of summer afternoon heat, Cassian and Azriel drew sticks for who would remain in Velaris that night.

Both wanted to join us at the Hewn City, but someone had to guard the city—And someone had to guard Elain, though I certainly wasn’t about to tell Lucien that. Cassian, swearing and pissy, got the short stick, and Azriel only clapped him on the shoulder before heading up to the House to prepare.

I found Elain in the family library. Elain’s eyes at last slid to mine. The first time she’d done so.

“How did you get her to leave her room?” “I didn’t,” Nesta said, leaning against a shelf and crossing her slim arms. “I found her in here. She wasn’t in bed when I awoke.” Did she eat anything?” “No. I managed to get her to drink some broth last night. She refused anything else. (<- Azriel has been no where near Elain since Nesta told Feyre she wouldn't eat, drink, sleep or leave her room and he wasn't concerned about staying near her because he wanted to go to the Hewn City instead. Elain ONLY left her room and drank something for the first time within 2 days of Lucien's arrival.

Lucien’s voice blurted, “You—you left your room.” Nesta bristled, teeth flashing. I gripped her harder, and threw a new wall of air around us—holding her there. Weeks of cloistering Elain had done nothing to improve her state. And even if Lucien was currently breaking the rules we had set—

He paused right between them and said to me, to Nesta, “She needs fresh air.” “We’ll judge what she needs.”. “Take her to the sea. Take her to some garden. But get her out of this house for an hour or two.”

“You’re moving into the town house right now,” I said to them. Nesta, to my shock, did not object. Neither did Rhys when I sent my order down the bond, asking him, Cassian, and Azriel to help move them. Thirty minutes later, Azriel carried Elain down, my sister silent and unresponsive in his arms.

Azriel smiled faintly. “Would you like me to show you the garden?”

I couldn’t tell if she was looking at his blue Siphon or at his scarred skin beneath as she breathed, “Beautiful.”. Color bloomed high on Azriel’s golden-brown cheeks, but he inclined his head in thanks

“Azriel knows you’re watching,” Elain sat silently at one of the wrought-iron tables, a cup of tea before her. Azriel was sprawled on the chaise longue across the gray stones

“Why not make them mates?” I mused. “Why Lucien?”. What if”—I jerked my chin toward the window, to my sister and the shadowsinger in the garden— “that is what she needs? And sometimes, yes—the bond picks poorly. “Even so,” Rhys went on, “there will always be a … tug.

“Do you think she and Lucien match well?”. “You know them better than I do. But I will say that Lucien is loyal—fiercely so.” “So is Azriel.” “Azriel,” Rhys said, “has been preoccupied with the same female for the past five hundred years.”. “Wouldn’t the mating bond have snapped into place for them if it exists?” Rhys’s eyes shuttered. “I think that is a question Azriel has been asking himself every day since he met Mor.”

Mor opened her mouth, but Azriel laid a scarred hand atop hers. She snatched her hand back as if she’d been burned—

Eris set down his goblet and said, “You look well, Mor.” “You don’t speak to her,” Azriel said softly.

Eris just rose to his feet. “We’ll see.” A frown at Mor. “I’m surprised you still can’t control yourself around him. You had every emotion written right on that pretty face of yours.”. “Watch it,” Azriel warned. “I wouldn’t have touched you,” he said to Mor, who blanched again. “But when you fucked that other bastard—” I knew why you did it.” Again that secret smile that had Mor shrinking. Shrinking. “So I gave you your freedom, ending the betrothal in no uncertain terms.” “And what happened next,” Azriel growled.

Elain started—enough so that I realized she couldn’t hear us�� I went to her immediately. “Do you need anything?” No. I … I was sleeping, but I heard …” She shook her head. “I didn’t hear you.” Azriel stepped forward. “But you heard something else.” Elain seemed about to nod, but only backed away.

She said as she climbed the first steps, “I can hear her—crying.” I gripped the bottom post of the banister. “Who?” “Everyone thinks she’s dead.” Elain kept walking. “But she’s not. Only—different. Changed. As I was.” “Who,” I pushed. But Elain continued up the stairs, that shawl drooping down her back. Nesta stalked from Cassian’s side to approach my own. We both sucked in a breath, to say what, I didn’t know but—“What did you see,” Azriel said.

I faced Azriel, exposing my palms to him. “What does that mean?” Azriel’s hazel eyes churned as he studied my sister, her too-thin body. And without a word, he winnowed away.

I made the mistake of asking if he’d spoken to Mor since he’d left last night. No, he had not. And that was that. Even if he kept flexing his scarred hand at his side. As if recalling the sensation of the hand she’d whipped free of his touch during that meeting. Over and over. I didn’t dare tell him that he’d made the right call—that perhaps he should talk to Mor, rather than let the guilt eat at him. The two of them had enough between them without me shoving myself into it.

That coldness, that aloofness that had been there in the wake of Mor’s anger and rejection … It’d warmed. Either from Mor choosing to sit next to him at dinner last night—a silent offer of forgiveness—or simply needing time to recover from it. Even if I could have sworn some kernel of guilt had flickered every time Azriel had looked at Mor.

In the blinding sun off the turquoise water, his shadows were gone, his face stark and clear. More … human than I had ever seen him.

“Can I set you up in the garden? The herbs you planted are coming in nicely.” “I can help her,” said Azriel, stepping to the table as Elain silently rose. No shadows at his ear, no darkness ringing his fingers as he extended a hand. (<-interesting how Feyre notes Azriel's shadows are missing for a second time around Elain, the first when he carried her down from the townhouse and the second right after she commented on how human he looks without them)

“What queen,” Nesta said. “Cursed by the Cauldron,” I clarified. Not that one. The other.” Nesta took a steadying breath, opening her mouth to either whisk Elain upstairs or move on. But Azriel asked softly, taking a single step over the threshold and into the sitting room, “What other?” Lucien murmured to me, eye still fixed on Elain, “Should we—does she need …?” “She doesn’t need anything,” Azriel answered without so much as looking at Lucien “We’re the ones who need …” Azriel trailed off. “A seer,” he said, more to himself than us. “The Cauldron made you a seer.”

“Why is it different this time?” Different from the Attor’s ambush, Hybern’s attack in the woods, the attack on Velaris …“What is the point of it,” he said, “of all this power … if I can’t protect those who are most vulnerable in my city? If it can’t detect an incoming attack?” “Even Azriel didn’t learn of it—” (<- proof that Azriel knows many things the others don't).

“Good to know that after five hundred years, you still dress like a slut.” One moment, Azriel was seated. The next, he’d blasted through Eris’s shield with a flare of blue light and tackled him backward, wood shattering beneath them. Azriel had sealed them in, and as his scarred hands wrapped around Eris’s throat, Rhys said, “Enough.” Azriel squeezed, Eris thrashing beneath him. No physical brawling—there had been a rule against that, but Azriel, with whatever power those shadows gave him … “Enough, Azriel,” Rhys ordered. Azriel dug his knee—and all his weight—into Eris’s gut. He was silent, utterly silent as he ripped the air from Eris’s body (<- Azriel disobeying his High Lords orders because of a fight he's in over Mor).

It would seem none of us won our bet about who’d fight first.” Azriel stared at the floor, stone-faced. “Sorry.” The word was emotionless—distant. He had not spoken, had barely moved, since his savage attack. It had taken Mor thirty minutes after it to stop shaking.

Mor kept glancing at Helion. And the High Lord of Day kept glancing at her. Azriel barely spoke, those shadows still perched on his shoulders. Mor barely looked at him.

“Mor gets spooked. And what Az did today scared the shit out of her.”

“But—but he loves her. How can he sit idly by?” “He thinks she’s happier without him.” His eyes shone with the memory—of his own choice to sit back. “He thinks he’s unworthy of her.”

Helion was back to his edged, swaggering aloofness. Azriel, shadows wafting from his shoulders and trailing at his feet, ignored him as he passed. (<-the morning after Helion and Mor hooked up)

“This could end very badly, Elain.”. She brushed her thumb over the iron-and-diamond engagement ring. “It’s already ended badly. Now it’s just a matter of deciding how we meet the consequences.”

The vacancy fogged over her eyes. But Elain lifted her chin. “No matter what, don’t kill him. Please.” “We’ll try—” “Swear it.” I’d never heard that tone from her. Ever.

But a small sound came out of Elain as she beheld Graysen. As he gasped for breath, scanning her from head to toe. He staggered toward her a step—“I belong to no one. But my heart belongs to you.”.

“Take that ring off.” Elain’s fingers curved into a fist. “No.” “Take. It. Off.” Elain did not move. “I am not marrying you. Our engagement is over. I will take whatever people occupy your lands. But not you. Never you.” Tears began sliding down Elain’s face, their scent filling the room with salt.

“Is Elain … all right?” “No,” was all I said. Elain was not all right. Some sliver of hope that had shattered today. That Graysen would still love her, still marry her—and that love would trump even a mating bond.

“We’ll get her back,” Cassian rasped. “No, you will not.” She pointed to the map on the table. “I saw that army. Its size, who is in it. I saw it, and there is no chance of any of you getting into its heart. Even you,” she added when Cassian opened his mouth again. “Especially not when you’re injured.”

Nesta said, “Then you will die.” Azriel only repeated, rage glazing that stare, “I’m getting her back.”. With the shadows, he might stand a chance of slipping in. I stood. Met Azriel’s wrathful stare. “I’m going with you,” I said.

His eyes went right to Azriel’s wings, then the wound in my shoulder, the paleness of my face. To Elain. Rhys lunged for Azriel, taking Elain from him and gently setting my sister down. Azriel rasped, swaying on his feet, “We need Helion to get these chains off her.” Elain didn’t seem to notice them as she rose up on her toes and kissed the shadowsinger’s cheek. And then walked to me and Nesta,

I—I do love him. As my family. And sometimes I wonder if it can be … more, but … I do not love him. Not the way he—he feels for me.”

Azriel loved her, of that I had no doubt.

She refused the knife Cassian handed her, though. Azriel, still limping, merely nudged aside Cassian and extended another option. “This is Truth-Teller,” he told her softly. “I won’t be using it today—so I want you to.”. And Azriel … It was only when Mor had entered the tent and begged him—begged him with tears in her eyes—that he relented. Agreed to be eyes and ears and nothing else. “It has never failed me once,” “It will serve you well.” “I—I don’t know how to use it—” “I’ll make sure you don’t have to,” I said, grass crunching as I stepped closer. Elain weighed my words … and slowly closed her fingers around the blade.

Cassian bared his teeth. “What the hell can we do against that?” “I’m going in,” Azriel said. “No,” Rhys snapped. But Azriel was spreading his wings, the sunlight so stark on the new, slashing scars down the membrane. “Chain me to a tree, Rhys,” Azriel said softly. “Go ahead.” He began checking the buckles on his weapons. “I’ll rip it out of the ground and fly with it on my damned back.” Azriel didn’t give Rhys a chance to reconsider. Didn’t say good-bye to any of us. He shot into the sky, those still-healing wings beating hard as they carried him toward the scrambling northern flank. (<-are we still acting like him going after Elain is all that special in the E/riel argument?)

Only Nesta, Elain, and I returned to that clearing. Elain quietly washed his face. Combed out his hair and beard. Straightened his clothes. She found flowers—somewhere. She laid them at his head, on his chest. Steps crunched on the grass behind us. Nesta whirled, but— Lucien. It was Lucien. “Are you hurt?” he asked. “I’m fine,” Elain said quietly. And then asked, noticing the gore on him, the torn clothes and still-bloody weapons, “Are you—” “Well, I never want to fight in another battle as long as I live, but … yes, I’m in one piece.” A faint smile bloomed on Elain’s lips. But Lucien noticed that scorched patch of grass behind us and said, “I heard—what happened. I’m sorry for your loss. All of you.” (<- Elain did not ask about Az in regards to his wounds and it was Elain's Mate that sought her out after the war as well as stood near her father's resting place with her).

I nudged Elain, who blinked at me, then blurted, “You could come to Velaris.”

Lucien now stood in the sitting room, close to Elain’s side

I’d seen Elain staring out the window earlier—watching Graysen leave with his men without so much as a look back at her. He had meant every word that day at his keep. Whether he noticed that Elain still wore his engagement ring, that Elain stared and stared at him as he walked off into the night … I didn’t know. Let Lucien deal with that—for now.

Elain nodded, smiling up at me, and it was tentative joy—and life that shone in her eyes. A promise of the future, gleaming and sweet.

“Come on,” Mor said, slinging her arm around Azriel’s shoulders, then one carefully around Cassian’s and leading them toward the sitting room. “We need a drink.”

Then the laughter. The deep rumble—that was Azriel. Laughing at whatever Mor had said that prompted her into a fit of it as well, the sound cackling and merry.

We're not done yet but does anyone get the vibe that Elain and Az are in love? At the end of ACOWAR, we are left with possible hope for Nessian and possible hope for Elucien. No Elain isn't over Graysen but she asked how Lucien was after the war, she invited Lucien back to Velaris, Lucien stood next to her side during the meeting. If a reader chose to stop reading the series with Feysands trilogy, I'm fairly certain they wouldn't see Elain and Az as a real possibility. Feyre notes the joy and life in Elain's eyes was a promise of a future, gleaming and sweet. At this point, nothing in Elain’s future seems to indicate Azriel. And yes, SJM pedals back on both Nessian and Elucien in the next books but it's obviously done for a reason. She doesn't want it to be all that certain that the sisters will in fact end up with their Mates.

Moving on.....

Azriel has a drawer full of all the daggers I’ve bought him throughout the centuries that he’s too polite to throw away, but won’t ever use.” (<- interesting because there's another gift he'll soon receive from someone who is not Mor that we find he doesn't throw away but also never uses).

“You honestly think he’d ever give up Truth-Teller?” “He gave it to Elain,” Mor said, admiring a moonstone necklace in the counter’s glass case. “She gave it back,” I amended, failing to block out the image of the black blade piercing through the King of Hybern’s throat. But Elain had given it back—had pressed it into Azriel’s hands after the battle, just as he had pressed it into hers before. And then walked away without looking back.

No, she tended to her gardens here, silently mourning her lost human life. Mourning Graysen.

Az ran a hand through his dark hair. “Are we …” Unusual for him to stumble with words. “Are we supposed to get the sisters presents?” “No,” I said, and meant it. Az seemed to loose a sigh of relief. “I don’t think Nesta gives a shit, and I don’t think Elain expects to receive anything from us.

I felt, more than saw, my sister go still as he approached. Her throat bobbed.

But I strode to my seat—nestled between Amren and Mor—in time to see Elain say to Azriel, “Hello.” Az said nothing. No, he just moved toward her. Mor tensed beside me. But Azriel only took Elain’s heavy dish of potatoes from her hands, his voice soft as night as he said, “Sit. I’ll take care of it.” Elain’s hands remained in midair, as if the ghost of the dish remained between them. With a blink, she lowered them, and noticed her apron. “I—I’ll be right back,” she murmured, (<- you know, people think of this as romantic coding but Rhys follows it all up with "There are some scars when it comes to how his mother was treated. Many scars. His mother, who had been a servant—near-slave—when he was born. And afterward. So did Az take the dish from Elain's hand only because she was" serving them and that reminder him of his mother?)

Azriel … It was pity on his beautiful face. Pity and sorrow as he watched my sister. (<- "Pity" is never a good look for an SJM male to be giving to a love interest 😬).

Mor and Cassian howled, earning a blush from Azriel

Varian turned his head toward where Cassian and Azriel lounged on the sofa,

Elain politely refused, taking up a spot in one of the wooden chairs set in the bay of windows. Also typical.

“Does she still mourn him?” “She was deeply in love with him, Lucien.” “It has only been a few months. Graysen made it clear that the engagement is ended, but it might take her a while longer to move past it.”.

“But he is a good male.”. “You don’t give him the chance to even try to do so.” (I guess Feyre's not too curious about how well matched Az and Elain would be anymore)

“I don’t want a mate. I don’t want a male.” She wanted a human man. (<-remember how human Feyre noted Az looking without his shadows?)

“He is a good male,” I repeated

I found Elain studying it, beautiful in her amethyst-colored gown. I made to move toward her, but someone beat me to it.

Elain turned from the snow falling in the darkness beyond and smiled slightly. “I’ve never participated in one of these.”

Mor held up— I choked. Azriel did, too, whirling on Cassian as he did. Cassian only winked at him as the barely there red negligee swayed between Mor’s hands. Before Azriel could undoubtedly ask what we were all thinking, Mor hummed to herself and said, “Don’t let him fool you: he couldn’t think of a damn thing to get me, so he gave up and asked me outright.

Az, to his credit, gave Mor a smile of thanks, a blush creeping over his cheeks, his hazel eyes fixed on her. I looked away at the heat, the yearning that filled them.

Elain turned from where she’d been speaking to Nesta. “Oh, that’s from me.” Azriel’s face didn’t so much as shift at the words. Not even a smile as he opened the present and revealed—

“I had Madja make it for me,” Elain explained. Azriel’s brows narrowed at the mention of the family’s preferred healer. “It’s a powder to mix in with any drink.” Silence. Elain bit her lip and then smiled sheepishly. “It’s for the headaches everyone always gives you. Since you rub your temples so often.” Silence again. Then Azriel tipped his head back and laughed. I’d never heard such a sound, deep and joyous. Cassian and Rhys joined him, the former grabbing the glass bottle from Azriel’s hand and examining it. “Brilliant,” Cassian said. Elain smiled again, ducking her head. Azriel mastered himself enough to say, “Thank you.” I’d never seen his hazel eyes so bright, the hues of green amid the brown and gray like veins of emerald. “This will be invaluable.”

Cassian, nestled with Mor, Rhys, and Azriel on the couch

Azriel and Elain remained in the sitting room, my sister showing him the plans she’d sketched to expand the garden in the back of the town house, using the seeds and tools my family had given her tonight. Whether he cared about such things, I had no idea, but I sent him a silent prayer of thanks for his kindness

She had not mentioned it these past few days in Velaris. Had wanted to make this choice on her own, and had understood how the news might cast a shadow over the merriment. She knew Azriel would say no, would want her safe. As he had always done. Cassian would have said yes, Amren with him, and Feyre would have worried but agreed. Az would have been pissed, and withdrawn even further into himself. She hadn’t wanted to take his joy away from him. Any more than she already did.

Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike.

Nesta said to Feyre, “Did you tell Elain?” Before Feyre could reply, Azriel said, “What about Mor?”

Cassian looked over at Az. “You think you’ll ever be ready for one?” Ever be ready to confess to Mor what’s in your heart? He was still happy to be Mor’s buffer with Azriel, but there’d been a change lately. In both of them. Mor no longer sat beside Cassian, draped herself over him, and Azriel … those longing glances toward her had become few and far between. As if he’d given up. After five hundred years, he’d somehow given up. Cassian couldn’t think why.

Azriel stiffened, an outright sign of temper from him as he said quietly, “There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

“Where’s my beautiful Mor?” Az said tightly, “Away.”

Like you two,” she said, nodding to Cassian, and then, a bit more shyly, to Azriel. Azriel offered her a small smile that Elain quickly looked away from. Cassian tucked away his puzzlement.

Azriel stood in the doorway, monitoring them. As if he’d heard Elain’s sharp laugh and wondered what had caused it.

Then his gaze shifted to Elain, and though it was utterly neutral, something charged went through it. Between them. Elain’s breath caught slightly, and she gave him a shallow nod of greeting before brushing past, leading Nesta into the room.

“Why don’t you sit?” “My shadows don’t like the flames so much.” A pretty lie. She’d seen Azriel before the fire plenty. But she looked at who sat close to it and knew the answer. “Why did you come if it torments you so much?”“Because Rhys wants me here. It’d hurt him if I didn’t come.” (<- interesting how Az is apparently in love with Elain, as a person, but would have avoided seeing her if he could 🤔. She's not with Lucien, she doesn't interact or flirt with Lucien, so shouldn't he want to spend time with her? Enjoy her company? That should be more important than the fact that she has a bond if he's willing to be with her anyway. If the Bond, which Elain doesn't acknowledge at this point, torments him so much than how is he supposed to be in a relationship with Elain? Even rejected, Elain and Lucien's bond and its scent will always exist).

“Thank you,” Nesta said, quickly pulling away to marvel at the device. “It’s brilliant.” Azriel blushed and stepped back, shadows swirling. (<- we've now seen Az blush multiple times because of other characters)

"I was coming to leave this on your pile of presents. I forgot to give it to you earlier." Lie, well the second part was a lie. He didn’t need his shadows to read her tone, the slight tightening of her face. She'd waited until everyone was asleep before venturing back down, where she'd leave his gifts amongst his other, unopened present, subtle and unnoticed.

She extended the wrapped gift, her hand shaking.

She hadn't bought her Mate a present. But she'd gotten Azriel one last year - a headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the House of Wind. Not to use, but just to look at. Which he's done every night he'd slept there. (<-Elain got everyone but Lucien a gift last year so the fact that Azriel received one isn't all that special. The fact that she refused to get Lucien one hints at the angst and complication in their relationship and lack of between she and Azriel at that time).

He chuckled unable to suppress the impulse. "No wonder you didn't want me to open it in front of everyone".

Elain's mouth twitched into a smile. Nesta wouldn't appreciate the joke.

He offered her a smile back. "I wasn't sure if I should should give you your present."

He left the rest unspoken. Because her Mate was here, sleeping a level up. Because her Mate had been in the family room and Azriel had needed to stay by the door the whole time because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of leaving if it became too much (<- Why is Az so uncomfortable with their Mating bond? If Elain truly wants nothing to do with Lucien and she loves Az as E/riels claim then why is the bond his focus? Shouldn't it be enough to have her attention? Because the bond is never going away even if she decides not to have a relationship with Lucien.)

Just as she was well aware of why Azriel so rarely came to family dinners these days. (<- Lucien isn't at family dinners so why is Az choosing to avoid Elain? "I love you baby but I your bond makes me sick so I don't want to spend time near you 🤔).

But tonight, here in the dark and quiet, with no one to see....

His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

He knew it was wrong, but there he was, sliding the necklace around her. Letting his scarred fingers touch her immaculate skin.

It had never gone this far. They'd exchanged looks, the occasional brush of their fingers, but never this. Never blatant, unrestricted touching. Wrong - it was so wrong.

He had only allowed himself these thoughts in the dead of night. Had only allowed his hand to fist his cock and think about her then, when even his shadows went to sleep. (<- more "Elain is a big old secret, something that's" wrong, so wrong" to Az. Do you honestly think a girl wants to feel like a guy's dirty secret?

She looked up at him, her face so trusting and hopeful and open that he knew she had no idea that he had done unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars. (<- way to give the girl any sort of credit Az. You poor self loathing boy who just knows Elain is too innocent).

His stomach twisted as he pulled his hand from her hair and stepped back. Forced himself to say, "This was a mistake".

She opened her eyes, hurt and confusion warring there before she whispered, "I'm sorry".

"You don't - Don't apologize," he managed to say. "Never apologize. It's I who should...." He shook his head, unable to stand the bleakness he'd brought to her expression. "Goodnight" (<- people blame what happened on Rhys but think about how Az handled this. Was he honest with Elain? No. Do you think the way he handled it is going to help the self loathing he feels? Also no. And exactly what could he say to Elain down the road to make this better? That he would rather have pretended that she was a mistake than ask Elain if she wanted to discuss their "desire to be together" with Rhys?

"What if the Cauldron was wrong?" (<-Why does that matter? If it's ok to reject a Mating Bond, then who cares if the Cauldron was wrong. If Elain and Az care for one another, then shouldn't that be the most important thing?)

"What of Mor, Az?" Azriel ignored the question. (<- seriously, E/riels wouldn't hope for some sort of confirmation Az is truly over Mor from Az's own mouth?)

"The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters yet the third was given to another" (<- obviously because the Cauldron didn't want to pair you with a female you only consider spank bank material in the dead of night as you've never considered a future with her 🤣. Az only wants a bond with the third sister so he can claim that he and hisytwo brothers got to keep it in the family. Again, if he cared about Elain he should have said, "I don't care if she's Mated to another or that we're not Mates because what I feel is stronger than that.)

Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. (<- what every girl dreams of a guy thinking about her).

"You are to stay away from her." "You can't order me to do that.". (<- E/riels love pretending like Az arguing with Rhys here means he loves Elain but I'd like to present: “I want to confirm that Briallyn has the Crown,” Azriel said. “I’ll travel to the human lands tomorrow.” “No,” Feyre and Rhys said at the same time, in the same breath. Azriel’s eyes shuttered. “I wasn’t asking for permission.”. Rhys smirked. “Doesn’t matter.” Az opened his mouth to object, but Feyre said, “You’re not going, Azriel. “Give me some credit, Feyre,” Az said. “I can keep hidden well enough.” “We take no risks,” Feyre said, voice flat with command. “Pull all your spies out.” “Like hell I will.” Azriel bristled and turned to Rhys. “And you agree with her?” “She’s your High Lady,” Rhys said coldly. “What she says is law.” Az eyed him, eyed Feyre. Determined that they were an immovable unit, an impenetrable wall against which his fury would only break again and again. I mean, do you REALLY want to act like Az doesn't repeatedly have a problem following orders? 😂. His argument in the POV chapter has nothing to do with Elain.

"If you need to fuck someone, go to the pleasure hall and pay for it". Azriel snarled softly. (<- way to go Az, a Snarl instead of using this moment to convince Rhys you're not looking to "just fuck Elain".

He snorted. "Are you kicking me out? (<- Moving on to his interactions with Gwyn)

Azriel’s lips twitched

It wasn't every day people took him by surprise.

Azriel couldn't help his soft chuckle.

Azriel laughed, "I'll give you that."

Azriel dipped his head in sketch of a bow, something restless settling in him. Even his shadows had calmed. As if content to lounge on his shoulders and watch.

Could have sworn a faint, beautiful singing followed him. Could have sworn his shadows sang in answer.

"He found Elain's necklace amid the pile."

"If you see Gwyn would you give this to her?"

"Look, I...." Azriel searched for the words, his voice becoming quiet. "If there's another priestess here who might appreciate it, give it to them. But I'm not taking that necklace with me when I leave. (<- remember how Az blushed when the others laughed at his joke or he was paid a compliment? Az is embarrassed at attention for things he's done so it makes sense he wouldn't want Clotho to tell Gwyn Az gave it to her. Also, Az did intend for Gwyn to have it but in the end, he would rather anyone have it than keep a gift that was intended for Elain 🤔)

He wouldn't go so far as to call Gwyn a friend (<-does anyone think Feyre would have considered Rhys a friend when she first met him?)

Something sparked in Azriel’s chest, but he only nodded his thanks and left. He could picture it, though. How Gwyn's teal eyes might light upon seeing the necklace. For whatever reason, he could see it. But Azriel tucked away the thought, consciously erasing the slight smile it brought to his face. Buried the image down deep, where it glowed quietly. A thing of secret lovely beauty. (<-interesting how Elain as a secret was "Wrong, so wrong" and "only in the dead of night, and" he'd been right to keep away from her"while the secret at the end of the Gwynriel scene is a thing of lovely beauty.

Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face.

Gwyn threw Azriel a withering stare as she strode past him. “See you tomorrow, Shadowsinger,” she tossed over a shoulder. Az stared after her, brows high with amusement. When he turned back, Nesta grinned. “You have no idea what you just started,” she said. Az angled his head, hazel eyes narrowing as Gwyn reached the archway. “Remember how Gwyn was with the ribbon?” Nesta winked and clapped the shadowsinger on the shoulder. “You’re the new ribbon, Az.”

She had a vague sense of Cassian and Mor and Azriel nearby, of Feyre and Rhys and Lucien, of Elain and Varian and Helion ( <-interesting groupings, Elain near Lucien’s father).

So that's pretty much it. To me it all reads as if Az was fixated on Mor and Elain was fixated on Graysen. She's refused to consider Lucien because the bond snapped into place while she was engaged and that's an enormous thing to deal with before she's ready. You don't jump from one lifelong commitment into another before giving yourself room to explore and grow. But because Az felt rejected by Mor and Elain was obviously rejected by Graysen, they started noticing one another at Solstice. E/riels claim it happened all the way on book 2 but every single moment until after ACOFAS is followed up by the love they each have for other characters or something that's explainable because it's a personality trait (and not special to E/riel). Sure E/riel shared moments but, if you're claiming they're in love, how special were those moments when a few pages later, there was a moment that they shared with someone else? Elain called Az's scar or siphons beautiful than went on to tell Graysen she wanted to be with him. Az gave Elain TT then still looked at Mor with hunger. How can someone claim that as real love? And yes, it could have all eventually built up to be love if SJM intended it as such but its apparent she ended the possibility of E/riel in the Bonus Chapter.

Lucien is not second choice because he's not even a contender right now. She's pretending he doesn't exist. And it really seems as if Solstice (when they were both still dealing with the rejection of their past) with the act of Elain gifting Azriel the headache powder was when he really noticed her as a "romantic" interest. At that point, she wanted "a human man" and without his shadows (which aren't often around when he's with Elain), he looks human. They both were looking for something to help them forget what they no longer had and that's not starting something for the right reasons. Even a year later, they barely know one another and avoid one another. What happened in the POV chapter was really shutting the door on something that started for all the wrong reasons anyway. And we see the difference in how "good" and not wrong his interactions with Gwyn are after that (and continuing in the actual book). There are no further mentions of Elain and Az sharing looks or even tension. Their interactions cease to exist which sets them both up to move forward. Not with their second choices but with the right choice after they've had time to heal and grow into who they're meant to be.

[lucidday-dream]

So I’ve read the acotar series 2 times now and I want to share and discuss some things about tamlin.

I don’t get how so many people fell in love with him in the first book. Like he has been manipulative all the way from the beginning and it was so obvious. Yeah, he’s handsome and knows how to make someone to like you. But he’s like 400 years old, not so hard to manipulate a 20 year old human that has barely seen anything else than her human village. But as a reader you should see what he’s doing right? Presenting himself as the generous rescuer, shielding everything from her so he is the only person she really gets to know (besides lucien), holding back information, forcing her to live with him, holding her world small. What should she do, live like a nun in solitude for the rest of her live? Bc with Lucien out of reach that would have been the only choice if she didn’t went for tamlin. And then when the whole curse thing was revealed I was like, WHAT? He sacrificed nearly his whole court because he didn’t want to sleep with someone /whore himself and when he finally had a girl in his reach he did so few things to actually break the curse? Yes he took her to bed but what about telling feyre he liked her? Telling her he loved her, as this was ONE CONDITION TO BREAK THE CURSE! And I mean telling it in broad daylight and not during a good-bye-kiss or when feyre is sleeping.

To be honest I didn’t took the book too serious when I was reading acotar bc I thought it was just this typical romanticised man that is too dominant and powerful and gets away with everything bc he’s handsome and tall. And then I read acomaf and was pretty satisfied with the change of view, though I was surprised about the extend of his behavior.

On the other hand I don’t get the amount of hate he gets from the fandom, but I think it’s due to the fact that you hate fiercer when you loved a person once and put him in charge for your personal happiness. I think both feyre and tamlin made mistakes, (though of course tamlin was the abuser/manipulater) but all in all I‘m just stunned of the absence of mental healers in the royal fairy world of acotar 😄.

Is there anyone else that sees it this way? Bc I have the feeling that the whole fandom loved tamlin in acotar..

[lucidday-dream]

I don’t think they would really make sense as a couple, but I would love to see them as really good friends, like soulmates. Wandering through the garden, tending to their emotional wounds…

Gw*nriels : Elriel’s too obvious ! It would be boring !

Me : So you admit that Elriel have foreshadowing ? That they have feelings for each other ? That they would make sense ?

[lucidday-dream]

I really like that about SJM books as well. And often the characters look back and think „oh I was so stupid“. It makes it so much more realistic and often satisfying to read

Feyre gives me Harry vibes in that when I was little and reading Harry Potter I thought he and Ron were stupid but that I’d probably make similar choices and that Hermione was kind of annoying. Now that I’m older and have a fully developed brain I just accept that Feyre makes stupid choices because she’s living in the moment and that’s her character flaw.