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So this is pretty wild but next year will be 10 years since we started writing Live to Fight Another Day (May 20th 2014 was when Chapter 1 was first published on Ao3).

Yikes. I can hardly believe it!

If I'd been able to continue the same momentum as I had when we first started writing it, book 1 would be done and we'd be well on our way into book 2, but alas, life is never that straightforward.

For those interested, here are just some of the major life events that have happened since LtFAD began:

5 job changes for me (including one entire career change) I don't know how many jobs for Cal actually 2 college degrees started and completed (an AA for me and a Master's for Cal) 1 Master's Program started for me just this year 4 surgeries total between me and Cal at least 6 moves (2 or 3 for Cal and 4 for me) 2 weird not-great-for-mental-health relationships beginning and ending

This isn't counting things in our families of origin such as deaths, births, weddings etc though those have also happened, some of them much more significant to us personally than others. The difference between being 24 and being 34 feels huge in some ways and not very big at all in others.

But I am definitely in a much different headspace than I was when I first threw myself into writing this fic. It's not at all an exaggeration to say that this story saved my life in a time when I was very lonely and still grappling with a lot of questions about what my life should be and why I was even alive. There were days when I literally thought to myself, I need to stay alive, I need to make it through this, so I can finish writing LtFAD.

It means the world to me that even now that I'm doing much, much better most days, this story continues to give comfort and a feeling of connection to other people even though it's unfinished. That's the best legacy I can hope for, for this story: connection, comfort... a feeling of knowing others' hidden courage in the hard times and feeling known in turn. Yes, I do still want to finish it. Or at least continue it for as long as I can, whenever I can. It feels like a friend I've carried with me (and been carried by) for the last nine years. I can't promise any sure timeline for its completion, but I just wanted to write this to thank everyone again for loving LtFAD, from the most active commenters to the quietest lurkers whose usernames I've never seen. Thank you so much for existing and for connecting with something we made.

-Rae.

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We’re Not Dead

This is super late, I normally make an obligatory “we’re not dead!” May the Fourth post, but idk executive function is all going toward IRL things right now unfortunately.

So anyway, I will admit I haven’t worked on any new chapters in months, because there’s a bunch that need editing before I can progress, and Cal has been super busy with a huge art project for work! So yeah, more life doing its life-ing and interfering with fanfic fun times, boo hiss.

But we’re not dead!

-Rae.

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Hello! I like how you write all the clones as aroace. I have a question about it: How did you figure out/come to the conclusion that the clones were aroace? I have my own thoughts, but I'm curious to hear yours!

The shortest most genuine answer is: because we're aroace spectrum and they just gave us a vibe, and we wanted to. A whole army of representation!! It made us really happy.

And then from that feeling and that desire to make them aroace we also thought it made sense rationally within the story. Because the clones have their own culture. They were raised outside of human norms! And they have been created to be perfect soldiers which means limiting their physical distractions, and there'd be no reason to make them have a reproductive instinct or ability (bad for business in multiple ways from the Kaminoan perspective). [Disclaimer that aroace ppl can have sex drive but that's not the point here].

There have been so many characters that were aroace coded in other works of fiction we loved, particularly A.I. or alien characters, who the writers then forced an allonormative "awakening" on as a part of their "becoming more human" storyline, and it always felt like such a painful thing to us. A betrayal. A way of the world saying yet again that aroace people are less human. So the fact that the clones are so absolutely human (in the sense of being complete, feeling beings with individuality and a complete and brightly shining soul), and don't need to BECOME more human, but are incredible people as they are... us letting them be aroace as I feel they are shown to be in the show... us stubbornly and audaciously being like "yes ALL OF THEM"... it's because of that. It's because we want to celebrate the fact that just like how the clones are such incredibly human people despite every bit of their circumstances trying to say they are not, them being aroace is something they can claim for themselves (though not in those exact words) as a part of their identity without it making them less-than. It's a so-what, just like being grown in a tank. So what? Why does that mean I'm not fully a person? Why does that mean my life is any less meaningful than anyone else's?

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Next chapter probably won’t be out until after November because Rae is in the thick of NaNoWriMo with another project which is [internal screaming] going about as well as most attempts at original fiction usually go for them which is to say [internal screaming] more frustrating than was hoped :)))

-Rae

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Caught up to where chapters were edited, so it might be a little while before chapter 14 is posted. Hang in there, it is coming eventually!

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 13)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won’t get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.

Dogma centric chapter in some ways, ya’ll. And Radar. Good times. Hope you all enjoy!

Preview: 

           “Is it true that no news is good news?” Ezan asked wryly over Fives’ private comm.

          He was out near the spot where Flicker had taken him on his first night as Solar. It was as good a place as any to talk without being overheard, and the walk had helped the restless tension in his chest a little.

           “Yeah, sorry I’ve been a little scarce. But at least I’m not being watched as closely anymore.”

          The area looked and sounded different in daylight, and the metal surface of the pipes reflected heat from the sun. Fives found a ladder and climbed back down into the shade.

           “So you’re focused on this captain now.”

Read it on AO3

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 12) 

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won’t get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.    

YA’LL, we start getting to know Radar a bit in this chapter! And our boy Dogma gets a moment in the spotlight, for better or worse (hehehe). I hope everyone is enjoying the story so far. I need to do some edits on chapter 14 before it comes out but that’s a month away so here’s hoping life allows me to make that generous deadline. Also I caught up drafting sidefic to where ltfad’s latest chapter stands, but there’s probably a lot of edits and rewrites needed still. Stay tuned!

Preview: 

            It struck Fives, as he was running after Radar in the shade of the crooked trees, that he hadn’t set foot on real dirt in months. Not outside of that other plane where he’d met his elder mother, at least.

            It shouldn’t have been strange to him, not really—he’d spent the first nine years of his life in the sterile, floating city of Tipoca, after all, surrounded by open ocean on all sides, the majority of the rest of his life on starships. But something inside him, something that felt like the ichor smelled, took notice of the life around him, false though its wildness was. They were still real trees, real grasses, real plants and soil and birds, all living together in this self-contained square of a park like an island in a sea of duracrete and metal.

            “So we’re in enemy territory now,” Radar murmured, stepping past the line of small neon-green ribbons tied to the trees.

            “Yes, sir,” Fives confirmed in a careful undertone.

            “We should split up to give us greater odds of avoiding capture,” whispered Radar, turning his head back and forth as they crept along.

            Fives had been afraid of that. Radar had only just started responding to Fives’ gestures of friendship enough to agree to come to this game with the civvies, and the whole point of bringing him was to get to know him better. If Fives and Radar spent most of the game apart, how were they supposed to talk?

Read it on AO3

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 11)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won’t get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.    

Okay so remember a certain scene in LtFAD proper where a certain commander and another certain commander get a little feisty in the hallway? Yeah, we might be getting a different POV of that in this chapter. Hope you all enjoy the feels!

Preview: 

Keep reading

[ltfad]

Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 11)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won’t get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.    

Okay so remember a certain scene in LtFAD proper where a certain commander and another certain commander get a little feisty in the hallway? Yeah, we might be getting a different POV of that in this chapter. Hope you all enjoy the feels!

Preview: 

          Fives had gone swimming. It had helped, a little… but out of the pool and in the shower, the thoughts and questions came back, that feeling of some cornerstone of stability cracking.

          There was only so long he could sit in the barracks and try to distract himself by reading Kona’s datapad. It was still a dead brother’s possession, and made him wonder where Rex’s things were now. And his own—and Tup’s. They’d written each other so many letters over the months they’d been friends, but now even if he could have safely sent one, Tup would never receive it.

          With Julian still glancing nervously at him every few minutes, Fives sighed and opened a blank page. It was hard to get the first few words out, and he erased them and wrote them again several times before they began to rush out of him.

          I don’t know why I’m worrying about the words right now. No one will read this, but there’s an upside to that… I don’t have to worry about bringing anyone down. So, Tup, I’m pretending you’re going to get this, and that you’ll know just how to take it. I miss you.

Read it on AO3

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 10)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won’t get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.  

mmmmmboy things were going wrong last chapter and they don’t really get much better in this one… just a rough day, week, etc for our boy all around….

Preview: 

Keep reading

[ltfad]

Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 10)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won't get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.  

mmmmmboy things were going wrong last chapter and they don’t really get much better in this one... just a rough day, week, etc for our boy all around....

Preview: 

           The laundry room only had one small maintenance corridor leading off it. Otherwise, there were always the circulation vents. The small lifts designed to bring the clean and folded clothes back up to the living quarters were too small for a human body to fit.

          Fives hurried to the only door in the room and found the corridor beyond narrow and difficult to maneuver with Kona’s body on his shoulders. But in he went, panting from the lieutenant’s weight. He had no way of knowing how far the poison had permeated the building. He could still smell it, but that could just be residue or even his imagination. He hoped the other guardsmen were alright.

          Here the corridor forked, and Fives followed the wafting of air from the right into a large room that looked like a combination storage area and loading dock. The cargo doors were open, and at the sight of movement, Fives shrank back behind a small forklift for a moment before he saw that only droids were present, shuttling various travel bags and boxes of foodstuffs off a pallet on the floor.

           Kona’s body was slipping off his shoulders. Fives carefully shifted his own weight against the nearest wall and jostled the lieutenant until he was more secure, watching the droids to find the right moment to break from cover.

Read it on AO3

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 9)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won't get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.  

It’s time for another installment of a good clone’s misadventures on Coruscant! Time to meet that lieutenant from Fox’s battalion and see where that might lead~~

Preview: 

           Staggered shifts meant odd timing for some meetings. Coming in from patrol on the third day back, Fives wasn’t thinking about anything except food until someone grabbed his shoulder.

          “Whoa.” He turned to see Dogma frowning at him with another guard trooper at his elbow. His stomach dropped: this was it. Dogma was about to haul him off to some interrogation room so Fox could drag the truth out of him.

           “This is Lieutenant Kona,” Dogma said brusquely. “Lieutenant, this is Solar.”

          “I hear you want to learn more about senatorial security.” Kona wore his helmet, so all Fives could really distinguish of him was the exaggerated cockiness—almost grandiose like an announcer—in his voice. “Well, you asked the right lieutenant! You can come on down and sit with us once you’ve got your food.” Kona jerked a thumb in what Fives assumed was the general direction of his usual table.

           “Oh, thank you, sir!” Fives’ voice went staccato from surprise, and his heart lifted in relief.

          Kona chuckled and put his hands on his hips, relaxing out of the façade. “To be totally honest, I don’t know what you want to learn, and I might not have all the answers, but there’s no harm in asking. Just make it fast. Our shift starts in half an hour.”

Read it on AO3

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters And Brothers (Chapter 8) 

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won't get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.

Dude gets reunited with the squad who doesn’t know he’s not the bro he says he is, some magic, some bad lying, you know, fun stuff like that :)

Preview: 

           Fives’ wings were a blur on either side of him; he couldn’t even hear them over the roar of traffic. Currents of air blasting from engines all around made it difficult to fly a straight line. But ahead of him was the familiar shape of headquarters, and he let this other tiny body struggle onward toward the towering honey-colored slab of Geonosian rock out front.

            Before the fly’s many legs could touch down, the connection snapped back at him, recoiling like an overstretched wire. He felt Raisvendys shielding his mind from the worst of it, guiding his sight back toward his own eyes. Fives still struggled to describe the sensation to himself. Not possession—it was closer to the reassurance of knowing the pilot taking you down to the battlefield, trusting his skill. He let her settle him back into the physical plane, and she withdrew, concentrated at the back of his mind until his own body was at the forefront.

           “Any luck?” asked Ezan.

          Fives opened his eyes, their surface again cold and raw. He was sitting on the pile of old machinery they’d climbed over that first day Ezan had begun to teach him. In his hands was a bowl he hadn’t made use of this time, the liquid inside waiting to become a scrying mirror.

          “I got to headquarters that time!” He blew out a breath, half frustration, half pride. “It’s just as I thought… going the long way ‘round the Senate District kept the interference from disrupting the spell.”

Read it on AO3

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 7)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won't get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.  

hmhmhmhm. Hope you guys enjoy this one, it was a lot of fun to write.

Preview: 

           With his eyes closed, flat on his back, Fives could almost imagine he was home.

          Almost… but it was too quiet. Sometimes there were sounds from the witches as they slept, or did whatever else they did in the dark, which he tried not to wonder about. But tonight they were sleeping too, their whispers long since tapered off into silence. The only other noises—perhaps traffic, perhaps the shouts of revelers, criminals, or victims—were thickly muffled by metal walls nested in the duracrete hive of the under-city. There were no telltale rustles of troopers rolling over in their bunks, no familiar deep snores and snuffles.

          Fives rolled over on the thin mat, tugging the blanket further up toward his chin restlessly. His mind wouldn’t quiet. His body refused to fall into sleep, even after he’d carefully siphoned off the excess energy it tended to gather now when he wasn’t careful. He was learning. The training with Ezan had been nearly constant these past several days, and slow, steady progress was evident. Anyway, this was far from the first night Fives had gone to sleep before a mission, knowing that the next morning could easily be his last, but….

           But there had always been other brothers around. Someone waiting for him to come back. And after Echo had died, and he’d been alone in unfamiliar battalions, he’d started writing Tup before any mission he was especially nervous about….

Read it on AO3

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WAIT DID WE MISS SHARING THIS? Thank you for illustrating this moment omg!

Another illustration from Live to fight another day, chapter 37 this time. /o/

The tension was so high for the 501st at this moment of the story, especially for Kix, that I need to do something. This chapter was really a crucial point in the life of this battalion. 

Well, it took me ages to finish this painting and I’m not quite satisfied with the result (I still need to masterize some effects). 

(There is a reason why their armor are full white, it’s not a mistake. :D) 

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Absolutely brilliant artwork!!

Different views of Kamino inspired from LtFAD fics. I wanted to practice drawing environments and Kamino seemed like a good place to start.

The first drawing is a scene from chapter 2: Off Hours of One Of A Million: Cody and Rex.

“Anyone else might have thought Cody was looking out at the storm with mere curiosity, but 7567 already knew him well enough to know the tiny furrow between his eyebrows had greater meaning. Cody standing tall in the face of his fears…”

The second one is not an actual scene from LtFAD but it's inspired from the descriptions of Derem in chapter 32. I love all the stuff on Kaminoans in this fic! I reused the design I made on my previous drawing for the Auco.

WIPs under the cut.

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Clone Wars Fic: Sisters and Brothers (Chapter 6)

The fifth plot thread of Live to Fight Another Day, but stands on its own quite well. When Fives died in the warehouse on Coruscant, someone  was watching. Fives has information they want and with some Nightsister  magic, a technicality like being dead won't get in their way as they  pursue vengeance against the one who wiped out their clan.

Ahh, this is a day late because life happens. Thanks for waiting!

Preview: 

          The clone had left the room. Asajj paused in the middle of rummaging through the cupboards as soon as she heard the shower going, and locked eyes with Ezan.

           “That was unexpected,” said Ezan in amazement.

          “Yes.” Asajj frowned and set out a large bowl. “It probably won’t be much of an advantage, but leaving him to muddle through it on his own is a disaster waiting to happen. I’ll have to teach him to handle it safely just so he doesn’t kill himself.”

           When Ezan said nothing to that, Asajj glanced over her shoulder to see her standing stock-still, deep in thought. Slowly, Ezan’s eyes refocused, and she lifted her chin in cautious determination. “Wouldn’t it be more useful if he could connect with the Elder Mothers?”

           A barking laugh of disbelief left Asajj’s throat before she could think. “Are you really serious about that? They would never accept something like him. I don’t know why you even brought up the possibility where he could hear you.”

Read it on AO3