lostkarmaa

[lostkarmaa]

[lostkarmaa]

I’m not lettin’ go of 90’s R&B music

[lostkarmaa]

[lostkarmaa]

My heart hurts, my heads loud, and my body is heavy.

[lostkarmaa]

Last year, the sky above me in California turned red from raging wildfires as ashes choked the air.

  This year, it was the sky in Greece, and the year before was the sky in Australia. As climate change worsens, I wonder which skies will turn red next?

[lostkarmaa]

Life’s better when nobody knows anything about you.

[lostkarmaa]

[lostkarmaa]

A friend asked me today if I was okay. I appeared extra sad, I was told. I told her I was always sad and at that exact moment I wasn���t any sadder than I normally am, however, I worked 94 hours last week and didn’t have the energy to hide my sadness today.

Why I’m like this, I couldn’t tell you. My job is very taxing on mental health and it drains my energy on days I don’t work. But at the same time, I love my job and my kids make it worth it.

[lostkarmaa]

I hate the government, the state, whomever says I make to much for SNAP support. I literally cannot afford to buy groceries/ food after paying my bills, yet I make. TOO. MUCH. How does that make sense? I literally cannot afford to put food on my table.

What about my phone bill? My car insurance, car payment, renters insurance, or student loans? They only take housing and utilities into consideration. As if I’m not paying other bills. What am I supposed to do? I’ve already picked up 30 extra hours a week. EVERY WEEK. 65 hours. yet I some how make too much for SNAP support AND still can’t afford to put food on my table.

What a fucking world we live in.

[lostkarmaa]

I saw this post that said..

“You’re afraid of making bad choices but the truth is this: the tiniest actions will influence the course of the rest of your life and you cannot control it.”

And that SLAPPED.

[lostkarmaa]

SAY IT LOUDER 📢

[lostkarmaa]

I am so fucking depressed and numb.

[lostkarmaa]

I’ve been feeling more numb than happy these days. There’s been so many steps backwards that I sometimes forget I’m moving forward. And it’s hard to move forward thru the pain and hurt; thru all the obstacles and steps I’ve put into being a better version of myself. But I know I’m going in the right direction, and for that… I’ll keep fighting the numbness.

[lostkarmaa]

Send prayers

[lostkarmaa]

The hardest part about getting through mental health problems and feeling good again as an adult is realizing you have to embrace the same reassuring advice you’d give a child.

[lostkarmaa]

I’ve never feared more for anything before today. Finding out the person who sexually assaulted you as a child, is having their own daughter. God I pray for her with tears in my eyes that he will not do to her what he did to me.

I thought I was over the trauma, until today. I thought I was past the past and all the hurt he caused. Today opened old wounds.. and they still hurt the same. Like it happen yesterday… but it was 23 years ago. I haven’t healed like I thought I did. I know this now.

But God, if there’s anything you can do for me, please protect Her in all her years. Through every stage, please, protect her. She deserves a better childhood than what I had. please watch over her and protect her with all you have. I am begging you.

[lostkarmaa]