lostinthisheaven

[lostinthisheaven]

Well well well,

Who did comeback to this blog?

It’s so weird to be rereading your own thought from the past. Good news is - new life new me?

Quit drinking, quit smoking and a lot of other things. Changed my connections in my brain, happier and calmer then ever. Like they said- the only thing to “compete” with, is yourself.

Btw, Instagram is really not helping with mental health. I’m so glad I quit the thing. Even if you are happy with your little post, the thoughts that others have “it” more figured out in life because of some good content makes me feel unbalanced.

I’m strong in my believes now and strong about myself (investing in yourself is still the best thing to do. To the things that are in contact with your body, your mind and your soul).

You will get it in your life, whenever you feel ready to receive it.

[lostinthisheaven]

Okay, listen. Just today I came into a realization about saying “time is money”.

Time is literally money.

We pay with our time by working. Every time that we buy something - we buy ourself time out (we don’t spend this time to figure things out how they work, we buy it from the people who investing their time to discover how it works, with our time that we are investing in something that we discover (our jobs and qualifications).

24, and just yet it clicked in my mind. Money doesn’t exist. It’s our time that we pay with.

And our time is ticking.

Need more time to think this one through.

[lostinthisheaven]

After swiping on tinder and analyzing my love life, I came to realization that I do not know what I want and what I expected from the relationships.

Just wanting to have a good time and “see where it is going” what actually is a mistake. Fun one tbh. What do I want?

I don’t need a pretty face, I do need a cute one.

Okee I take it back, I do want a pretty face. It is just that everyone has another definition of beauty. I do want to look to someone and think “daaamn, you really worked on yourself”. Worked on your body, worked on your lifestyle, worked on your meals, worked on your skin, worked on your mind. I like to see an effort that someone is putting in itself. Not the prettiness given by birth, prettiness that is developed by time, mindset and effort. I really love strength, not only of body but strength of the mind.

I used to drink, still is it a “habit” for a party or having a good time with friends. But I want to quit, completely. I don’t see enjoyment of ethanol mixed with sweetness. The society sees, and a old habit is difficult to pressure till 0. I do drink less now, that’s a plus. So someone who is not drinking or also drinks a little bit/only on occasion - is the perfect match.

No sigaretts, only when alcohol passes by. One more reason to stop drinking and learn how to process stress differently.

I search for a feeling. That I can’t describe. Not “falling in love”, but kind of sexiness and tenderness. Passion combined by pure honesty/trust/comfortable level and softness of mind.

That’s why I hate tinder - you can’t feel a person through the picture. Feel it vibe.

I do need a strong sexual energy, I do miss it in my daily life and relationships at the moment. Or I miss it in myself because of the troubles in my family.

I do think too hard, because everything I search is a meaning. Meaningful relationship. Meaningful life. But meaningful for who? For me or for this world? Am I my own world that I create? See, my thought are going too far and I make my own life really difficult. Yay.

[lostinthisheaven]

After previous long post, I really start thinking that I need to STOP thinking. Doesn’t make any sense.

[lostinthisheaven]

My head is overloading with thoughts. That’s why reasonable solution was - to start a blog. Just for myself. If you will find here things, that also useful for you - you’re welcome.

We all share this planet, but have different point of views. Fascinating and scary at once.

We all came into this world without any idea why and how to live. Everything is just a suggestion. Culture and society standards are needen to build on them and change them, to involve with every generation.

What is difference between development and degradation ? I don’t understand it yet. Alcohol was invented naturally, smoking dates back to early shamanistic rituals. What makes smoking a destruction nowadays? Excessive usage, marketing, the fact people were making money on it? Is the meaning of a life - to find a balance in everything? Do we have a meaning? We make up one for sure for ourselves.

Other questions: does intoxication bring us to “higher ourselves” of this is an illusion of a dying body.

I believe that humanity still knows nothing, we make a suggestion and we believe it till otherwise is proven. Otherwise we would drive ourself crazy with the question without answers.

Learned today:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_smoking