losthoughts14

[losthoughts14]

T O X I C.

Have you ever had who loves themselves talk badly about you?

Probably not.

The next time someone treats you like crap or puts you down, keep this in mind. Do they love themselves? The answer is probably no.

You deserve better than to stick around someone who makes you feel like you’re unworthy.

Traits in a toxic relationship:

1. Not being listened to

2. Not having your feelings validated

3. Not being kind

4. Judging you

5. Insulting you

6. Harshly criticizing you

A healthy relationship looks a lot different. Find someone who will listen to you. Give you space to show your feelings and emotions. They will communicate with you. Apologize for their mistakes. They will make it up to you. There will be no blame games. They will support you and your dreams. They will uplift you and be by your side as you reach your goals, cheering you on. They will be kind to you, and others. They will help you grow. Our partners will see our flaws and comment on them with the intention of helping to improve, not to knock you down. It’s about wanting you to improve and flourish.

Just because the way they treat you doesn’t leave any marks on you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t effect you. If it effects you and your mental state, it is abuse. Don’t put up with it. There will be a man out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be.

Till next time,

🖤Lo

[losthoughts14]

S H A M E.

Do you ever stop and think about how often we are told to change our appearance?

Magazines, Facebook ads, commercials, Instagram pages, and many more advertisements constantly offer instant weight loss solutions, or how to appear thinner and more beautiful in days. They tell us and give us products and solutions to hide our “imperfections” without knowing anything about us, or the way we look. Tv shows and movies use characters body weight as a basis for many of their jokes. We watch this and we ask ourselves, am I the fat friend? The ugly friend?

This is an example of silent body shaming and it is EVERYWHERE.

These messages from the media tell us that we should WANT to be thinner, WANT to be tanner, WANT to work on our bodies to look a certain way.

Feeling ashamed on how we look has become the new norm. For some, these anxieties are minor, one bad hair day, or a couple thoughts on how we need to lose a few pounds. For others, it is a constant shame and is quite overwhelming. Sometimes, it even stops us from doing the things we want to or wearing the clothes we want to.

Feeling ashamed of our muffin top, our pancake chests, our flat butts. Ashamed of the big red pimple, peach fuzz on our legs, cellulite on our butts. When we feel ashamed, we hide. We hide these things we consider our “flaws.”

I saw a post about raising a daughter. Talk to yourself and others as if you have a little girl listening to your words. Of course the will be exposed to body shaming through media and other people’s comments, but be a positive body image example to those around you.

Till next time,

🖤Lo

[losthoughts14]

G R O W T H.

Being busy helps keep my mind off of myself, which often helps me. Being quarantined and off work for almost 2 months now was hard in the beginning, but actually helpful now. I like to put all of my thoughts and effort into my work. I love helping, creating, coming up with solutions, and seeing progress in the kids that I work with. All of my effort in my daily life revolves around these tiny humans that I love like they are my own.

The other day it occurred to me. Why can’t I love helping, creating, coming up with solutions, and seeing progress in myself, if I am so good at it at work?

The last two weeks have been about growth in myself. I have written down the things that I need to overcome, and solutions on how I will do that. I have focused on the things I like doing, and I am doing them daily.

I am reading more. I am writing more. I am moving my body more. I am lifting more. I am cleaning more. I am hydrating more. I am cuddling more. I am taking care of my skin and hair. I am taking time for me.

As a result, I am smiling more. I am laughing more. I am having more positive thoughts than negative ones. I am growing. I am changing.

I am finally helping myself. I am finally seeing that I too need attention.

All of that being said, I miss work and my students like CRAZY!!

Till next time,

🖤Lo

[losthoughts14]

B U I L D.

You can’t just one day decide to love your body. You don’t just wake up one day and say, embrace your curves then do it. You have to heal your personal relationship. You have to shine a light on the darkest thought you believe about yourself and expose shame. You have to find trust and forgiveness. Only then, do you have the option to truly love your body.

Tips for body positivity:

✨See yourself as a whole. Rather than an object with certain physical qualities.

✨Be mindful of negative talk about yourself and others.

✨Choose health over dieting. Instead of trying to lose those 10 pounds, create a lifestyle that nourishes and moves your body.

✨Be pretty! Pretty strong, pretty caring, pretty loving, pretty encouraging.

✨Create a healthy WHY. Why are you exercising? It’s about feeling strong and healthy.

✨Focus on the good in others. Give compliments on the good qualities in others, not just their appearance.

✨Clean your feeds. Unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about yourselves. Focus on those accounts about self love!

✨Love what is unique. Body positivity goes way past weight. Appreciate all your unique qualities, freckles, dimples and all!

✨Remember that filters/apps exist. Most of those ‘perfect’ photos on IG are filtered and photoshopped. No one is perfect.

✨Create a winning environment. Who you surround yourself both virtually and in person MATTERS! Find encouraging, positive people!

Till next time,

🖤Lo

[losthoughts14]

C O P E.

When we talk about body image, we aren’t just talking about our physical appearance. We are talking about our history, our shame, our fear, and our mentality about ourselves.

When we experience pain, shame, or fear, we contract both physically and mentally. When something makes us feel unsafe or unworthy, we shrink and hide. We wait until we feel safe again. We blame ourselves.

No matter what we do, how we look, what we wear, we are constantly being told we aren’t right, even if the message is silent or from our own minds. This is why it is so important to LOVE yourself. It’s about deciding that your experience as you is more important than anyone else’s experience of you.

It’s a journey that is unique to everyone. Being physical and lifting weights is a coping strategy for me. There is something about lifting weights and becoming strong that is empowering to me. Getting physically strong, helps me feel less vulnerable and less breakable. It helps me become not only physically stronger, but mentally as well.

Writing is a coping strategy for me. It helps me get things out of my head, and onto paper. It’s kind of like I’m letting it all out to someone. I have a really hard time talking out loud to people. I can’t find the words to make them understand so I end up shutting down and bottling it all in. Ask my fiancé the amount of times I have had to write down what is wrong instead of telling him. It just works for me.

Use your coping strategies. Don’t bottle up your feelings. Let them be known and heard.

Shoutout to all the girls out there trying to love themselves in a world that’s constantly telling them not to.

Till next time,

🖤Lo

[losthoughts14]

Let’s talk social media.

M E D I A.

Since this quarantine has started, I have spent way more unnecessary time on Instagram, Facebook, Tiktok etc. This is VERY un-helpful for my mindset and my confidence. I recently have seen different comments, pictures, and stories that are INSANLEY body shaming and hurtful.

People don’t understand when I get upset when I see or hear a hurtful comment about the way a person looks. There is this Instagram account, I wont name any names, that is literally doing a poll of who has the hottest body. They put two pictures of celebrities/icons side by side, and these NASTY, horny men/women are voting on who has the best body. What is this teaching us women? What is this teaching young men? The votes are always in accordance to those with the perkiest boobs, smallest waist, roundest butt, clearest skin.

I also saw another unbelievable poll this week. Another account on Instagram posts asking if guys only like big boobs, or all sizes. Of course, I click and read the comments. The majority of the people commenting say “BIG”. Someone commenting saying “If you are dating a girl with B cups or under, you are dating a man.” Another person says “If you are A cup, might as well jump off a bridge.” THIS RIGHT HERE IS WHAT HURTS. Us women read this and we automatically shame ourselves for what we have, or what we lack.

How can we teach the world though? We can’t.

All we can do is chose who we care about, and who we should spend our time with. All we can do is ignore these hurtful comments, and move forward with a positive attitude. If they have time to comment, like, vote on this, then who is the loser really?

“When you are browsing through these images on Instagram, just remember that real life is in your heart. Your smile. Your family. Your surroundings. Pictures online will make you believe you are not enough. Like you need to do something more…more exciting, be more physically beautiful, be bigger than you are. It’s a lie. A net of fleeting fantasy. You are real. You are beautiful. You are enough. Go be in the world and stop comparing yourself to the worlds selfies.”

“EVERY BODY IS BEAUTIFUL”

Till next time,

🖤 Lo

[losthoughts14]

S T O R Y.

So, here is my story. I am not writing this for pity. I am not writing this for anyone to feel sorry for me, that is NOT what I want. We all go through things that make us stronger in the end. I am going to share some details of my past, but not by any means all of them.

I was hurt, I was put down, I was body shamed for a whole year of my life. I was told that I wasn’t good enough, that I was ‘cute’ but NOT ‘sexy’ or ‘hot’. I was told that I would do, but there was better out there. I was told that my body was ugly, because I was only an A cup. I was told that I was lucky to have him because he only dates girls with big chests and round butts. I was sexualized. I wasn't seen for who I was or what makes me beautiful.

But do you want to know the worst part about it all? I stayed. I stayed and I didn’t think it was wrong. I was young, and believed everything he said to me. I was manipulated and always ended up being the one to cheer him up when he was down.

So how can I come out stronger?

I am finally able to open up about this after 10 years. I am with a guy now who loves and respects me. I have the most supportive friends and family. I am working on my body image mentally and physically daily. I am becoming the healthiest version of me.

We often bury things that hurt us. We think our secrets are so shameful that giving them a voice would only make them more powerful. It’s the complete opposite. It lessens the power. When I shared my story with my mom, and fiancé, it seemed that much more manageable to get through with love and support. When you tell a secret or experience, you announce that it no longer has power over you. The power truly becomes yours.

Till next time,

🖤Lo

[losthoughts14]

S T A R T.

Getting started is the hardest part. I decided to start this blog for many reasons.

1. I have a lot of extra time on my hands due to being in quarantine

2. I have wanted to start sharing my story and thoughts for a while now

3. writing helps me.

I struggle with some body image issues, as I'm sure a lot of other girls do. We live in a world where we all strive to be perfect, look perfect, and be successful all at the same time. When you see that picture of that celebrity or icon come up on Instagram, we all want to be them. We want their long hair, big eyes, round butt, perky boobs, muscular legs, their outfit, their white teeth etc. We automatically look at that photo and start to think about what we don't have that they do.

Body image is defined as:

"a person's perception of the aesthetics or sexual attractiveness of their own body."

In other words, its how we see ourselves and compare ourselves to the standards set by society.

Body image is something I am trying to make a positive change on for myself. This didn't come from no where, and will take a lot of positive thinking to overcome. EVERYONE has a story, and this is mine.

"Never regret the past. It's a waste of time. There's a reason for everything. Every mistake, every moment of weakness, every terrible thing that has happened to you. Grow from it."

Till next time,

🖤 Lo