lost-in-paris

[lost-in-paris]

[lost-in-paris]

I'm learning so many different ways to be quiet. There's how I stand in the law, thats one way. There's also how I stand in the field across from the street, that's another way because I'm farther from people and therefore more likely to be alone. There's how I don't answer the phone, and how I sometimes like to lie down on the floor in the kitchen and pretend I'm not home when people knock. There's daytime silent when I stare, and nighttime silent when I do things. There's shower silent and bath silent and California silent and Kentucky silent and car silent and then there's the silence that comes back, a million times bigger than me, sneaks into my bones and wails and wails and wails until I can't be quiet anymore. That's how this machine works.

- Ada Limon

[lost-in-paris]

“Poem” by Frank O’hara Instant coffee with slightly sour cream in it, and a phone call to the beyond which doesn’t seem to be coming nearer. “Ah daddy, I wanna stay drunk many days” on the poetry of a new friend my life held precariously in the seeing hands of others, their and my impossibilities. Is this love, now that the first love has finally died, where there were no impossibilities? 

[lost-in-paris]

Toad - Mary Oliver

I was walking by. He was sitting there.

It was full morning, so the heat was heavy on his sand coloured head and his webbed feet. I squatted beside him, at the edge of the path. He didn't move.

I began to talk. I talked about summer, and about time. The pleasures of eating, the terrors of the night. About this cup we call a life. About happiness. And how good it feels, the heat of the sun between the shoulder blades.

He looked neither up nor down, which didn't necessarily mean he was either afraid or asleep. I felt his energy, stored under his tongue perhaps, and behind his bulging eyes.

I talked about how the world seems to me, five feet tall, the blue sky all around my head. I said, I wondered how it seemed to him, down there, intimate with the dust.

He might have been Buddha— did not move, blink, or frown, not a tear fell from those gold-rimmed eyes as the refined anguish of language passed over him.

[lost-in-paris]

I remembered early days 

When you took my camera 

Turned to me, twenty-three 

Naked on your bed 

Looking straight at you 

Do you still have that photograph? 

Would you use it to hurt me? 

Well, i guess it's just my life 

And it's just my body

Body - Julia Jacklin

[lost-in-paris]

I have never been so scared and sad at the same time I finally will figure out what life truly means when it's all been left behind I did not know what steps to take after graduating high school I never knew Much of anything The Midwest has blessed me with great friends, and unforgettable relationships Still hits my head each and everyday Well, if these bones still hold me up, I'm fine If I feel this cold still buried in my throat, I guess I'll survive 'Cause it's sad that time turns its back on us, like a wood chipper eating up the lumber It turns into dust and floats in the air To prove what we have lost All of my white shirts have lost their colour I don't wanna go to the store and spend another dollar All of my white shirts have lost their colour I don't wanna go to the store and spend another dollar I like the way I dress As a matter of fact, I I love for who I am

Dakota - Tiny Moving Parts

[lost-in-paris]

The obstacles in sight should never have the right To be part of the problem But even if we tried, we'd hardly have the time To spend in living our lives right Don't say that I could change, 'cause even if you stayed We'd still be climbing up this mountain So let us go our ways and skip out all the pain And forget all the... Bricks we've laid into this path, yet the house remains undone Flooding at every cloud and withering in the sun How's one meant to grow when walls keep caving in? The ceiling above us has denied its existence in... Bridges built for better days, but they won't hold our weight The ropes have been wearing thin, entangling in the wind How's one meant to grow when walls keep caving in? The ceiling above us has denied its existence in... Oh, of all the times we tried, I've still been up all night Writing songs of you And even though you're gone, they will still live on In a memory or two Of all the streets I see, no one will ever be Comparable to you So with these words I go, I just wanted you to know That my dreams are still of you

Camp Adventure - Delta Sleep

[lost-in-paris]

Band of the week - The Murder Capital

The Murder Capital at Café de la Danse, Paris, 10/02/2020

[lost-in-paris]

Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong

by Ocean Vuong

After Frank O’Hara / After Roger Reeves

Ocean, don’t be afraid. The end of the road is so far ahead it is already behind us. Don’t worry. Your father is only your father until one of you forgets. Like how the spine won’t remember its wings no matter how many times our knees kiss the pavement. Ocean, are you listening? The most beautiful part of your body is wherever your mother’s shadow falls. Here’s the house with childhood whittled down to a single red tripwire. Don’t worry. Just call it horizon & you’ll never reach it. Here’s today. Jump. I promise it’s not a lifeboat. Here’s the man whose arms are wide enough to gather your leaving. & here the moment, just after the lights go out, when you can still see the faint torch between his legs. How you use it again & again to find your own hands. You asked for a second chance & are given a mouth to empty into. Don’t be afraid, the gunfire is only the sound of people trying to live a little longer. Ocean. Ocean, get up. The most beautiful part of your body is where it’s headed. & remember, loneliness is still time spent with the world. Here’s the room with everyone in it. Your dead friends passing through you like wind through a wind chime. Here’s a desk with the gimp leg & a brick to make it last. Yes, here’s a room so warm & blood-close, I swear, you will wake— & mistake these walls for skin.

[lost-in-paris]

‎If you remember me, then I don’t care if everyone else forgets.

Haruki Murakami, Kafka on the Shore (via goodreadss)

[lost-in-paris]

Band of the week - Ought

Ought- blurry photos  from Bowery Ballroom

[lost-in-paris]

i love you but i’ve chosen darkness - “the owl”

[lost-in-paris]

Owl Song

I am the heart of a murdered woman who took the wrong way home who was strangled in a vacant lot and not buried who was shot with care beneath a tree who was mutilated by a crisp knife. There are many of us. I grew feathers and tore my way out of her; I am shaped like a feathered heart. My mouth is a chisel, my hands the crimes done by hands. I sit in the forest talking of death which is monotonous: though there are many ways of dying there is only one death song, the colour of mist: it says Why Why I do not want revenge, I do not want expiation, I only want to ask someone how I was lost, how I was lost I am the lost heart of a murderer who has not yet killed, who does not yet know he wishes to kill; who is still the same as the others I am looking for him, he will have answers for me, he will watch his step, he will be cautious and violent, my claws will grow through his hands and become claws, he will not be caught. 

Margaret Atwood

[lost-in-paris]

The View From Halfway Down

The weak breeze whispers nothing

The water screams sublime

His feet shift, teeter-totter

Deep breath, stand back, it’s time

Toes untouch the overpass

Soon he’s water bound

Eyes locked shut but peek to see

The view from halfway down

A little wind, a summer sun

A river rich and regal

A flood of fond endorphins

Brings a calm that knows no equal

You’re flying now

You see things much more clear than from the ground

It’s all okay, it would be

Were you not now halfway down

Thrash to break from gravity

What now could slow the drop

All I’d give for toes to touch

The safety back at top

But this is it, the deed is done

Silence drowns the sound

Before I leaped I should’ve seen

The view from halfway down

I really should’ve thought about

The view from halfway down

I wish I could’ve known about

The view from halfway down

- Alison Tafel

[lost-in-paris]

and it’s too late the damage is done the damage is done this goes beyond me beyond you

Radiohead - Daydreaming (via se-couvrir)

[lost-in-paris]

Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Dylan Thomas

[lost-in-paris]

So you just stepped out Of the front of my house And I'll never see you again. I closed my eyes for a second And when they opened You weren't there. And the door shut shut I was vacuum packed, Shrink-wrapped out of air And the spine collapsed And the eyes rolled back To stare at my starving brain, And fully clothed, I float away I'll float away Down the Forth, into the sea I think I'll save suicide for another day. And I picture this corpse On the M8 hearse And I half run away to sleep On a rolled up coat Against the window With the strobe of the sun And the life I've led Am I ready to leap Is there peace beneath The roar of the Forth road bridge? On the Northern side There's a Fife of mine And a boat in the port for me, And fully clothed, I float away I'll float away Down the Forth, into the sea I'll steer myself Through drunken waves These manic gulls Scream it's okay Take your life Give it a shake Gather up All your loose change I think I'll save suicide for another year