lordshortbread

[lordshortbread]

Guys I don't think this kindly stranger is all that nice But yeah, if Medic confessed about stealing their souls in the next pages I don't think anyone would really care

Based on this post thread

[lordshortbread]

worm. on. head.

[lordshortbread]

I saw this gif on discord and added half-life sfx to it

[lordshortbread]

Pokemon headcanon that once Absol are studied and people realize they prevent disasters instead of causing them, particularly dangerous workplaces get themselves a workplace Absol and it also decreases accidents.

Construction sites and fishing ships and factories will have one that pretty much just lazes about until it just gets up howling one day and knocks a dude down. They almost never figure out what would have happened but they're always like "yes absol thank you absol I am so grateful to be on the floor right now. Can I offer you a treat in this trying time"

[lordshortbread]

its so shiddy when u have to convince yourself to do your hobbies. like, its fun, you like it, why cant you just do it. do it. do it. but what if.... mindless media consumption instead....

[lordshortbread]

if a number divided by itself is always equal to 1, surely this holds true for 0/0 as well

[lordshortbread]

[lordshortbread]

high-key obsessed with this XY museum concept art that shows a guy just casually holding a Mew

even better is the in-game blurb that goes with the painting, which is both great worldbuilding and also very funny:

A Man and Mew: They say a man of power at the time forced the artist to add the Mythical Pokémon Mew to spread the word of how great he was.

[lordshortbread]

"ccute baby bunny compilation" "cutest rabbit videos!" "cute bunny so sweet every video" NO. i want FUNNY rabbit. i want rabbit STUPID compilatiom. I want every video of a rabbit thumping over some inane thing . i want a compilation of ever rabbit thats ever jumped in a trash bin. show me the goddamn animal

[lordshortbread]

day two scrillion gamillion of living in a beautiful universe where i can imagine william 'maxwell' carter and ████████ 'wigfrid' ████████ hanging out pre-constant and being weird theater kid friends and gassing each other up and severely worsening each other's already bad coping mechanisms

[lordshortbread]

Listen I'm aware you all want a piece of this. I understand I'm a hot commodity here on tumblr dot com. But even setting aside wealth and immortality, my husband squeezes the absolute fattest ass you've ever seen through literally billions of chimney flues every December 25th. And every other night of the year, he's with me. And somehow you hoes think you can teach me a trick I haven't seen before? Dream on.

[lordshortbread]

[lordshortbread]

aren't you tired of being nice? don't you just wanna go apeshit?

[lordshortbread]

scurvy has got to have one of the biggest disease/treatment coolness gaps of all time. like yeah too much time at sea will afflict you with a curse where your body starts unraveling and old wounds come back to haunt you like vengeful ghosts. unless☝️you eat a lemon

[lordshortbread]

My fucking cat has figured out how to gently dig his claws into my eyelid and pull my eyes open while I'm sleeping. He does this. It does not hurt. He is remarkably precise and gentle. I however am asleep when it happens and do not appreciate being clockwork oranged by a needy clingy goddamn animal who thinks he needs attention.

[lordshortbread]

[lordshortbread]

Had to make a meme to describe me currently