loosethoughtsdevictoria

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

I just want a dude who's gonna talk about books with me and appreciate my poems and take me to art museums and debate about controversial things ...and and can listen but also talks a lot and you know calls me out when I'm messing up but also comforts me when I make mistakes. I don't want another half. I am a whole person with or without a significant other. What I want is to build each other up and COMPLIMENT each other, NOT complete each other. A relationship to me is when two WHOLE people who fully loves and are happy with themselves come together to share each others love and happiness and grow with it. I hate hearing "my girlfriend is my only source of happiness" or "my boyfriend is the only person that I can turn to" like NO. BE SECURE WITH YOURSELF BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE. DONT ALLOW YOUR HAPPINESS TO BE DEPENDENT ON SOMEONE ELSE. IN THE END YOU MAY ONLY HAVE YOURSELF SO I GUESS WHAT IM TRYING TO GET AT IS JUST LOVE YOURSELF BEFORE YOU GIVE LOVE TO ANYONE ELSE.

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

Witnessed a really beautiful moment during mass today. A young couple sat right in front of me before mass started tonight. I looked up and noticed the young woman. Her hair shaved, f*ck cancer bracelets, and overall tired/pale look gave hints to me that she seemed to be battling cancer. So starting mass, priest enters, sign of the cross blah blah and then he tells us to "greet those around you," and ....lemme tell ya she turned around with one of the most geniune smiles I've ever seen in my life, grabbed my hand tightly, and said, "good evening" in a soothing angelic voice. God immediately put me in the best mood to start off mass :-) So mass goes on, priest announces to call to mind any prayer intentions. And this young gentleman... he kisses the woman on the forehead, leans into her shoulder and starts tearing up. As he's doing this, she gives him some comforting pats and lil squeezes here and there. They stay like that for a few moments, the man sits up and wipes away his tears and the woman goes back to finishing mass. That moment. So many things I got from that single, raw moment. This woman was full of love and patience, full of courage and strength, and most importantly full of faith. Even being in the darkest of times, she was still being faithful to the Lord. She wasn't shedding tears or asking God why. She allowed the love she has for the Lord to be more than any of her sufferings. Something I'll forever be striving for!

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

cherish your elders

 I just got done spending some much needed quality time with my grandparents and lemme tell ya.... it was somethin else.

It all started with me watching reruns of The Voice auditions (lol to think moments that impact me the most start off so insignificant) .. well my Lolo heard the guy covering, “Fly me to the Moon” and he goes, “That’s Frank Sinatra! Man oh man he was the original heartthrob” I laughed and clicked a related link to, “Can’t Help Falling in Love,” and asked, “What song is this?” His answer was given when he started to sing along, eyes closed, hands lifted high as if he was in the spotlight performing... My heart was melting because then I began to think.. “my lolo was MY AGE when this came out” ANNND he was still gettin “in the feels.” I knew I wanted to keep this vibe going, so I put on the “Frank Sinatra” station on pandora, and let it play while we ate.  

Towards the end, I got up and told my lola to “teach me how to dance” and it was so funny because the lil two step back and forth, and spin every now and then just seemed so cheesy to me, but to her this was a romantic thing to do. She started to explain how music back then was so full of raw passion that while dancing with your significant other, no matter if it was just swaying back and forth, a sense of connection was instantly there.

So you know what I had to do then right? I got my Lolo up (after nonstop nagging him for a good 10 mins) and shoved him to dance with my Lola.  

The look in my Lola’s eyes when he spun her around was honestly... I’m crying out of how happy it made her.  I wish I had the words right now to describe it, her eyes got lovey-dovey and her smile ... it was like the smile girls do when a guy says something cute after being really annoying, and the girl is trying to keep back a smile.... yeah like that kinda smile haha.  

Now as I sit here, reflecting on that single moment of pure, raw, real love... man I get chills!!!

The love that was in their eyes... that’s something I will forever strive to have with my future other.

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

Another selfie I am sorry!!!! But I've decided to keep this blog and make it kinda like my journal/venting place/place to keep to loose thoughts lol. Since no one uses tumblr anymore, I won't have all my friends breathing down my neck all the time lmao I'm determined to post life updates, random thoughts, my opinions on world problems, my spoken word or anything in general AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK!!! (Posting this so I can hold myself accountable) I know my future self will thank me for documenting everything so hopefully I keep determined :-)

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

Friendships in this day and age are so superficial. They're centered on things that don't matter in the long run. It's all focused on what can this person do for me... I'm tellin y'all find friends you can go get breakfast with, friends that see u w no makeup or eyebrows on hahaha friends that straight up call you out when you're messing up; those are the real ones. Have deep conversations, not just about your cheesy love life. But about the world, your aspirations, current events, everything.

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

Another life update: A lot has changed in this past year and I'm starting to truly love the person I'm becoming and it's caused mostly by the set of friends I've chosen to surround myself with. I've gotten closer with some people I never thought I would even grow to tolerate tbh lol. They've shaped me into a new person, with different outlooks on life I don't know I'm just rambling but all I know is I'm so grateful for the people in my life at the moment

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

I have a whirlwind of emotions that I want to spew out into words right now, but it's late, my eyes are droopy and my head is killing me. I guess this is what I get for running on 6 hrs of sleep in the past two days lol. I can't gather my thoughts into sentences and it's killing me because I just want to write. I just want to be able to pour out my emotions somewhere. I just want to write

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

hello my wonderful followers. To be completely honest, I'm surprised people still follow me on here. Well lemme just get to the point of this random post: I took up writing spoken word in my freshman year of high school and I've just recently (as in today lol) wrote this one. The reason I'm so excited about it is because I've had writers block for 4 months and I know this isn't some crazy amazing poem but I'm celebrating being "block free" I guess you could say :-) this is my first time ever recording something that I wrote so please bare with me lol heres a lil snippet into my life through a quick spoken word I made today. Bit of a backstory: I lost my grandma about a year ago. However, her being sick started my summer before middle school, way back in 2008. I remember it being about 3 or 4AM, I awoke by hearing a loud thud. I peek outside of my room door and gaze down the hall to find my grandmas face on the ground. As I jolt out of the room and quickly make my way over, still a tad bit dazed from the sudden adrenaline rush, I sink in what's in front of me. I see my grandma in her night gown, her hair in rollers, lying on her stomach on the cold tile floor of the bathroom. I remember getting shivers down my spine as I tell her I'm going to call 911. She mumbles that she's fine, that all I have to do is help her up. In my head, I wondered why she looked different, sounded different, why her mumbling wasn't just mumbling, something was off. But I kept it to myself. After many failed attempts at my little 80 pound body trying to pick up a grown woman, I told her I should call for real help. Reluctantly, she agreed. 911 is called, they come, and I overhear them saying she had a really bad stroke. That if they had come any later something even worse may have happened. And just like that 4 hours had passed. As they took her away on the stretcher, I was still in disbelief as to what was going on. I mean a couple hours before we were playing Uno and eating chicken noodle soup. Now my grandma was being taken away on a stretcher, unable to move half of her body. I didn't know at the time that those few hours would change everything. But that's another story for any other time lol enjoy!! (Or don't idc this is for my personal documentation so bye) My heart is heavy. Heavy with the feeling that you left me. Dealing with all these reelings of pain, yet concealing to remain appealing. As I’m kneeling in the church pew, you come to my mind. I’m inclined to think of you. I cannot take back what all of this has come to. I need you here with me. Nothing’s the same. I play the waiting game, waiting for you to come back. Back in my arms, so that the playback of you lying on the floor, as I ignore the fact that you’re almost done for ... is gone Nightmares of that night crawl back into my mind every now and then. Once again, I find myself living in regret. Still in that mindset, that maybe if I did something… I need to forget.

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

6TH - Grown in my relationship with my brothers and sisters in CFCY. Can’t even imagine where I would be without them. Crazy to think that just 2 ½ years ago, I didn’t even know who God was. Now I’m becoming chapter head of b2 and I couldn’t be more happy. All the stress that comes w becoming a leader is SOOO worth it when you get that girl or guy you’ve been trying to get close to, to finally break down their walls. Truly a heartwarming feeling. I care SOOO much about the spiritual lives of my members, I will take all the stress and hardships to come. Never let me forget why I’m doing this, Lord!

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

5TH I BELIEVE?? I started my first real job at Hotdog on a Stick in Cerritos Mall during summer!!! Thanks to my neighbor for getting me it LOL I love love love my coworkers bc they’re so crazy and fun. I don’t like the hours and how much work I have to do tho 🙃 a jobs a job so oh well but yeah. Overall it has taught me to be more social and happy so that’s a plus

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

4TH went to my first concert EVER w ate Janel. Such an amazing experience. The VIBES WERE CRAZYYYY. Check out soulection most def if your into dope ass beats that get your head bobbin. also after we walked around the streets of LA and saw a guy casually shoot heroine in his arm no big deal (-:

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

2ND POST - kinda sad tbh but my spontaneous Disneyland days are over 😭 my pass expired last month and I’m literally devastated. I’ve made so many wonderful memories there (and spent so much money but whateva) with some of the best people! I’ll be forsure investing in one for the future (not just getting SoCal select bc its the cheapest LOL)

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

haven’t updated my tumblr in literally ages! So I’ll just start venting about what’s happened in my life now; starting w MY FIRST CONFERENCE EVER W CFCY- one of the most memorable/crazy/fun/tiring experiences in my life so glad I spent my birthday weekend there 😊 from the life changing talks, to literally being so sleep deprived, to ripping the only pair of jeans i brought, to being the first one to knock out (as always tbh) to just being able to grow as a family with the ones I love!!! I wouldn’t have changed a thing #loverevo2015 #wnac2015

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

First time logging into my tumblr in literally so long. But if yall r still alive follow ya girl on IG @yaboidaquan and Twitter @victxriabby kthx bye

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

you still use tumblr? LOL

HAHAH NOPE LITERALLY AM SO BORED RN THATS THE ONLY REASON IM ON HERE RN HAAH I REMEMBER U THO follow me on IG @yaboidaquan

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

[loosethoughtsdevictoria]

bro, bro ur hand looks heavy. let me hold it for u.