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#gag reflex so absent just like any father figure in my life

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me: *pulling petals off flower* he loves me. he loves me not. he loves m-

flower: he’s cheating on you susan

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It’s funny how we all sleep differently. I sleep on my side, my roommate sleeps on her back, my ex sleeps with everybody. That sorta thing. 

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people with the same name as me are cute but they need to remember who is in charge

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I ask my self 48 times a day “am I being dramatic? Is this #toomuch?” the answer is always yes of course

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So far this year I have learned that I am: 1) out of control 2) gayer than I thought I was

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“Would you rather crash on a friend’s couch or the freeway?” would be a good campaign slogan against drinking and driving.

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dog person: we have a purebred border collie with a bernese twist

cat person: this is rita we love her she's orange