lonelinesslikeacrown

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

am I dangerously empathetic? mmmyea

do I literally take everyone's emotions as my own? mmmyea

does it hurt? a lot? mmmyea!

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

you promised

you promised me you wouldn't leave

i don't blame you for leaving but it still hurts

the world is scary and you left me all alone

it's just like last time really

i don't like how i'm so easily replaced

it hurts so much

i'm alone

i'm alone and i'm scared

please come back

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

I have two people I'd trust with my life

doki is my best friend (lives in a different country) she's been with me through hard times n we help each other all the time, she had my back when I was getting over my ex n I love her to death. but I haven't talked to her in a while and I miss her a lot but something happened yesterday and she hasn't answered my message.. if something happened to her idk what I'd do with myself

bubba is my friend I guess? when I met him I fell for him almost right away haha silly me :( we've been talking on and off for 4 months ish. definitely not just friend things but never a confirmed relationship. he always checks in on me if I seem off n helps me through rough times, comforting me n reassuring me. he doesnt live very close to me, driving distance but still a bit far. he said he's gonna ask his friend from school out (it's okay, I'm happy as long as he's happy) and asked me for advice but there's also lots of drama around his friends so he's been stressed n hasn't wanted to talk much.. I love him so much n I miss him a lot

I have three mean people

kitty is my friend at school, nobody at school seems to like her, she got in some very shitty things last year and by association nobody likes me so I'm fucked when it comes to making friends :( she treats suffering like a competition, always trying desperately to 1up me in bad experiences n she shit talks pretty much everything I show interest in to make me feel bad about things making me happy. she hates bubba, she introduced me to him and was friends with him for a long time but she shit talks him to me constantly, she knows I love him n always screams at me about how dumb I am for being manipulated and that he could never care about me. she also brags about how bubba had a crush on her at one point and that he'll never like me. I'm pretty sure bubba hates her too, she yells at him too, about how he's an asshole and he's just playing with my feelings when he isn't. she hates bubba because "he's a fuckboy that doesn't care" but she is a self proclaimed fuckgirl n brags about leading guys on while bubba is the sweetest guy I've ever met.

mom isn't that bad, she's hit me but she seems to care about me more than my dad. nothing I do seems to be good enough for her, she openly talks about sending me away to a home n how I'm irresponsible n that stuff

dad is really bad, he's been telling me since I was 10 or 11 about evil people, murderers, cannibals, rapists, kidnappers, everything you can think of I was and continue to be told about in gruesome detail, making me scared of my own shadow. he has severe anger issues n often yells n breaks things but he's only ever shoved my brother a bit (he's a firm believer that men shouldn't hit women because women are weak) he's broken so many things in fits of rage that idk how to begin to list them. it doesnt matter what I'm doing, he always yells at me about how much of a disappointment I am and how could I possibly grow up into an adult if I give in so easily(to panic attacks, anxiety, delusions, hallucinations n bouts of depression, which I cant control) he always brags about how smart he is n that nobody can compete against him, hes racist, homophobic, transphobic n sexist(pretty much everything) nothing I do is ever good enough for him.

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs Suicide Drugs

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

this is my first vent edit ♡

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to “violating one or more of Tumblr’s Community Guidelines”, but since my wish came true the first time, I’m putting it back. :)

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

am I the abusive one?

is that why everyone leaves?

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

somebody: so what do u like to do for fun? :)

me, very used to being mocked for my interests: ha ha, i dunno, i don’t do anything. Ever

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

Suddenly, nature vs. nurture seemed less like a science lesson, and more like a diagnosis. 

13/?

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

Suddenly, nature vs. nurture seemed less like a science lesson, and more like a diagnosis. 

13/?

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

you're right

I'm sorry

that experience wasnt traumatic

I'm just overdramatic

I'm really attention seeking aren't I

nothing can compare to what you've gone through

right?

mines not a big deal compared to yours

I'm sorry

nothing bad ever happened to me

you're right

thank you for being such a good friend

leave LEAVE LEAVE ME ALONE leave me alone STOP LEAVE I CAN'T STAND YOU I CAN'T STAND YOUR STUPID FACE LEAVE ME ALONE

I get that my feelings dont matter

I understand it now

thank you for reinforcing that

I'll just keep my mouth shut from now on

I'm sorry for bothering you

did you know you're hurting me?

I'm stuck with you aren't I?

I'm sorry

[lonelinesslikeacrown]

[lonelinesslikeacrown]