lomelinde-adventures

[lomelinde-adventures]

Happy new year!

I am back! I now have a laptop and that makes being on tumblr so much easier!

so I decided for the new year all I care about is trying to make healthy changes for my body and mind.

I have got a new kindle so I have been reading much more. Which definitely helps with my mind.

I have a laptop that helps with communicating with my friends and being able to do things like this.

I started making all my bread products at home. I was making some before but my new goal is to not buy any from the store. Its expensive and if I can make it at home I think its a bit better.

Hope you are all doing well!

[lomelinde-adventures]

Trigger warning: mention of self harm.

For me pdd (persistent depression disorder) means every day is grey. Like any moment it could drizzle. I wake up and have to actively choose things to be the break in the clouds. Sometimes it just builds into a storm. But not the big kind you get with things like major depression… I have never truly thought about suicide. But I do have thoughts of self harm. As a teenager I had to go to counseling for it. I didn’t have the means to voice why but now I do. Sometimes the emotions hurt so much that physical pain is the only way to get rid of them. That feels better then feeling the emotions. I think it’s more of a way to regulate then me wanting to “punish” myself…which is what the counselor was convinced of as a teenager.

I’m having one of those storms right now….I feel like I am failing at every aspect of my life. My house is a disaster. I don’t know how to find time to work with my son on his homework to keep him on track. I either mess up every meal I cook or run out of time to cook one so we have to go to plan b. I am up to my previous highest weight ever but I can’t find time to exercise because I have a chaos gremlin toddler with me 24/7. I don’t understand how other parents keep up…there is only one of me…I keep trying to tweak my routines. Or just freaking keep a routine…and I can’t do it. I feel like I’m drowning…I have no village.. the family I do have, have made it clear that my kids are to much. To hard to handle on a regular basis. I have not had more than 12 hours without my kids in 8 years…I love them but I also love me time…I love my husband…I would love to have a full day with us…

Sorry for the long rant…I needed to vent…

[lomelinde-adventures]

I haven’t posted in a little bit so a little update!

I went to the dentist for the first time in forever! When I became a teenager it seemed like my parents didn’t care as much about me going to the dentist so I didn’t go. Then when I became an adult I was so scared and traumatized by the dentist I only went when I had to like a toothache. As the years progressed it became a shame thing. I dreaded going and hearing them say over and over just brush your teeth. I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t just remember to brush my fucking teeth…it’s not like I didn’t want to….I just never remembered. The same way I forgot to eat or drink water…

Now I know I am adhd. It makes much more sense now and I have given myself grace. Grace to set my home and my routines up in ways that work for me. Maybe not for “normal” people (if that exists), but me. My toothbrush isn’t in my bathroom. I own 3 at any given time and they are all being used. In different parts of my house so when I do remember there is one close. So anyways. I finally went to the dentist. My teeth are bad. But the dentist didn’t shame me. He was very sweet and we came up with a plan to fix them. I about cried by how much I was relived it wasn’t as bad as I had thought and that he was so kind and understanding.

I started a hello fresh subscription because I need help with how to manage multiple dishes at once while cooking, new cooking skills, and recipe ideas. I have done one box already. It has pros and cons. I think it is expensive. Even though they claim it’s cheaper then shopping…I don’t think there is enough vegetables in the meals. But their recipe cards are easy to follow and the in app recipe is even better. My family has liked the meals so far and has gone out of their comfort zone. I add salads to the meals to up the veggies. I will probably keep it for a couple months and then cancel. I prefer to cook enough food to have dinner and lunch the next day.

I feel cleaned our kitchen and reorganized which felt amazing! Today I am working on my bedroom and laundry!

Plus! I did 20 minutes of ring fit today! I completely deleted my saved data and started at the very beginning. Previously I was level 85 and I could do so many squats and planks and I would play for like 30 to 40 minutes every day. Today…that 29 minutes with the beginning skills kicked my ass…it was a great reminder that I have a long ways to go but this is why I’m doing it.

If your reading this and struggling. Your not alone. We can do this :)

[lomelinde-adventures]

Today I submitted a hike for my local hike it baby. It’s going to be tomorrow. I’m trying not to let the social anxiety win. I’m trying to think about all the good things. Getting outside. Spending good time with my youngest. Maybe meeting some like minded parents. Being able to add to my 1000 outside hour challenge log.

[lomelinde-adventures]

Lunch is last nights left overs. With some Peppermint tea. The portions are not the best. But I did eat breakfast today. Baby steps!

[lomelinde-adventures]

It has been years since I have used tumblr. I needed somewhere to post my wins and losses on this journey though. I don’t think my friends/family will want to hear about it all the time. I have been yo-yoing for years now. I’m over it. So while my goal is weight loss I’m more focused on just healthier habits and a happier life.

I love to hike and I want to know my body can make it to the places I want to go. My kids love to hike and I want to make sure I am strong enough to take them on those adventures. Not just physically but mentally. 1.5 years ago I was finally diagnosed with adhd. It’s been a weird chunk of time since then. Figuring out how my brain functions and learning ways to do things that work for me even if they seem weird. Learning more about my relationship with food. So here we go. Time to come back to this tumblr and start again.

I’m currently 268 lbs. my comfortable weight is 195. But I know that aiming for that right now will make it seem impossible. So my first goal is 265. That’s 3lbs. The goal is 1 lbs a week. I’m not doing a diet. But I am trying to shift my meals to a more Mediterranean style. Instead of taking foods away because that will not last for me. I’m working on the idea of adding. Adding more fruit and vegetables to every meal. Also working on eating when I’m hungry and knowing when I’m not. I eat a lot for emotional reasons. Or because I’m bored.

I want to also start working on getting outside more often. I have a hard time getting out the door but once I do I usually don’t want to come back inside. When I was at my healthiest I was outside almost every day all day long! I want that back.

Here’s to new beginnings and new adventures!