loka-crush - Tumblr blog

[loka-crush]

A kind grunge pic I took of my room with my digital camera just bc we just learned some settings in class and I wanted to play around a bit! Good night, sleep well<3

[loka-crush]

Hello tumblr!

Long time no see huh? Well I’ve had a good christmas and end of winter how about the rest of you?? Just came home from Stockholm and will go back in like three weeks to see girl in red live!!! How gay can you be? Wellp have a nice one and good luck with life<3

[loka-crush]

Your mom couldn’t even

[loka-crush]

03.01.2023

Something that isn't talked about enough is that when your the youngest of your siblings you know that even if your the most loved your never going to be the most special bc your never (unless you do something extremely drastic) be the first to do anything, I'll never be first to turn 30, 20 or 18. I'll never be first to get a job or to get a life partner, I'll never be first... and some part of really just wants to be the first in something and not always know my siblings did it first or better than me. My ducking sister got a teacher to cry because of her beautiful writing meanwhile I can't write anything without spelling it wrong or needing a spellchecker to get everything longer than two words to be correctly spelled and I'm 4 years older than what she was when she got the teacher to cry. If I wanted to (and I don't) I wouldn't even be first to try drugs or the one to drink at the youngest age, the I was mature but my sister was to, yhe I am not straight but my sister isn't ether, yhe I was tall for my age but I'm not anymore and my brother is actually tallest like 6'4 feet (194-96cm ish) I can never be the first or best at anything because someone always did it better and/or before me. It might not be a universal experience for everyone but I know it is common enough for some of you to relate.

Have a great day! Love you<3

[loka-crush]

It’s a new year I guess… I started reading “Dead poets society” and it’s good so far (about half way thru). Hope you all have it good! Goodnight sleep well<3

[loka-crush]

8 dec 2022 - Mind dump

OMG, AN UPDATE, WHILE IM IN SCHOOL???? Who could have thought?

Well anyways, Hello!!!!!!:) I'm well and running, I got a monster from a friend witch was really nice of him - I don complain if you wanna give me free monster;) (I drink white & watermelon if anyone was wondering I guess it's important for some).

I think I might change my pfp but I don't know what to? Maybe my self or just some random character I like - but Im no that type of person??

I got some adventure time pop figures from a friend bc my most listened artist on Spotify this year was adventure time... and my top 5 song where all adventure time songs... I know... It's ambereasing. (Would you like to see my Spotify wrapped even though it's a little late?)

Well how's school then? It's good, Swedish and English is both easy A's, Math is about the same then I get like steady C (We have from E-A so a C is decent btw) in the other subjects.

BTW I do this for me and to see how I am and to be able to look back so I don't care if no one reads tease:)

Have a lovely day everyone<3

[loka-crush]

29 Nov 2022 - A reminder to self

I cleaned my room today, shaved my legs, one of my cats are in my lap and it's December in less than 48 hours. Remember that even in the bad times it can be good, you are great and I believe in you! I hope you never need this but if you do, I am proud you even remembered this and proud you saw that you needed help - even if you can't ask of rid just yet.

Sleep well everyone<3

[loka-crush]

28 Nov 2022 11.31PM

Hey, guess who forgot that they said their where going to blog on here ones they started school... Me. Well, here I am! Little update: School is going fine, I have pretty good grades and I am friends with everyone so far. I am really close to this guy and we are going to decorate gingerbread houses this weekend (hopefully). I am very much in the X-mas spirit already and have been listening to a bunch of X-mas music but I haven't been this hyped for X-mas sense... I don't know, ages at least. I just redid my hair green so It's a little more green than blue now - hopefully it stays that way lmao. Random thing, we are doing a game background and I am super hyped and have been going all put with like lore and shit so I might post it here if I am happy with the results! Btw, it's great, I can just shit talk and get an A in like three different classes and it's amazing, really understand the "ether truth is a lie or I am god" thing know!! Well hop you all are well and hope you haven't missed my sorry ass to much<3 Kiss and good luck everyone!!

[loka-crush]

Hej, I just met you!

I just wanted to update you guys on how I do, I am well! I feel like actually getting friedns and peopel I can relate to and feel like they understand be was important.

I hope you guys can say the same! Good luck and good night<3

[loka-crush]

Random vent update 29 sep 2022 at 10:54 PM

!TALK OF ED AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES!

I feel like shit for no reason - not as I can think of. I feel like I don’t have the right to it bc I’m supposed to be the happy always ready to hang out and support but my mental health has been deteriorating the last couple of years and first I was just not at optimistic and started to be “more realistic” but now I feel like I don’t have the energy to “feel”. The highs aren’t as high and somehow most of the lows aren’t as low u less it’s one of the rare supers. I can feel meh but a little happier and meh a little safer and I can feel like piss. I know it’s genetic and all that but still I feel like I am a white, higher middle class almost to the point where I am the rich I say I wanna eat like dino nuggies… I want dino nuggies now:,(

Like I know most on here probably understand but it’s weird to wake up and pray it’s the end of the world so you don’t have to go to school, not because you hate school but because you just can’t bother to live anymore. It’s weird to never be able to like the smallest of things bc everything offends everyone and it doesn’t matter what you like someone will trash talk it but if you trash talk their interests those ppl can’t do nothing wrong. It’s weird that I thought ED:a were “stupid” bc you would just gain the weight back when you stoped but what I didn’t understand then is that you would never reach a goal weight or that when you did you would be so scared of gaining it back so you just kept losing and any number higher than now was terrifying. I’ve always been the friend that could listen and never get bothered so when you started saying you hadn’t eaten in two days I hated my parents for always making me eat tighter with them, I hated myself for not having a gag reflex and I hated the world for not making me skinny.

I hate my personality more and not everyday, and it’s like I can’t control what I say or do sometimes and then I just hate myself. I do something and obviously I can’t read the room bc they ether dot. laugh at all or it was the funniest thing in the world and I can’t tell when is the right time.

I know I shouldn’t went on here but I find comfort in not trubouling anyone I know who was to scared to say no when I asked if it was okay.

[loka-crush]

Sticky situation

Okay so I have orderd stickers för my school computer from redbubel and I'm so exited:D My computer will look so swag with them! I think it was 11 in total (only counting sticker sheets as one) and I might even use some for my phone case.

(Also writing on a MacBook is something different - as in "I love it".

Well I hope the beginning of school is going/ will go well for everyone else!!! Good luck<3

[loka-crush]

Okay, so I’ve been in the new school for four days now and I think I feel good with my class, like we all kinda vibe this far:) I haven’t made any best friends or anything but I try to hang with some ppl a bit and I try to be friends without feeling like I cling to much. We get the computers next thursday meaning almost two weeks without being able to do real schoolwork but it is what it is - ima order some stickers to put on my computer ones I get it. I hope all of you reading have a great time/ will have a great time in school and I wish you all the luck with mental health<3

Live because you don’t know how to die quickly!!!

[loka-crush]

!TW feelings!

Yesterday I cried, I cried in the shower, I don’t know why, I just did.

The cry wasn’t for help, not because I was sad nor mad, not because someone had upset me, and not because I was hurt. I just needed to cry and it was the best feeling ever. I let emotions that I’d long forced down because they “weren’t wailed” and now the small things had built up. I didn’t cry for one reason. I cried for every reason, I cried because I was tired, I cried because I missed people, I cried because I was hungry and full and I cried because I needed to cry. I will never wish this on anyone yet I wish everyone could feel the relief I felt, the relief of finally felt was amazing<3

The sky shined bright that night and I think it to needed to cry over the small things one night. Today it was the prettiest golden shine and a dubbel rainbow could be seen. I think we both let go yesterday<3

Sleep well and I hope that the bolder you’ve been caring can be dropped!

[loka-crush]

I am watching Philza minecraft’s stream, drinking chocolate oat milk and playing animal crossing, life couldn’t be much better<3

and… cows:3

[loka-crush]

Hey! I’m a sixteen year old artist but I’m not here to art lmao, I’m here bc I wanna blog and just be able to tell someone - even if it’s just the wall of tumblr - about my day and what is happening without feeling annoying.