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Blue skies

they turn to grey

Black sunsets in your eyes,

am I dreaming?

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This image haunts my dreams

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You guys disappeared from twitter and I heard you escaped here

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i choose to not eat. i am not starving myself. words mean things. being thin is a ritual. it takes consistent and constant effort. i am not comparable to those who literally cannot eat for a lack of access.

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NO PLEASE I'M A STARRRRRR

me when no one congratulates me on my 0.1 kg water weight loss

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was it mania or was it wildly unchecked adhd ;

what happened in 2020?

i wanted to be prepared for natural disasters and manmade disasters as well as personal disaster so i wanted to be able to run fast and barefoot but also be able to skin animals for fur to make clothes but also do midwifery but also have ten kids but also become a doctor while running a sims and lifestyle youtube channel and also training my service dog and also start growing my own food while in my parents house using a shoe organizer but also..........

i wrote like five pages detailing how i was going to do all this and more and ofc i wanted to be skinny under all of this as well and to be able to survive famine and also like my body when i look in the mirror and use my body to make money

now i'm reading this looking at it feeling anxious and at the same time glad that things have felt so slow lately because things were moving so fucking fast in my brain at the time that i take for granted the relative quiet in my brain rn

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needing to starve in order to feel worthy vs needing to binge in order to feel happiness fight