lo4354

[lo4354]

Head a mess

So this week - a lot of shit happened! 1 - My yoga class - THAT FINISHED CONGRATS RUHI BABY!! YOU DID GREAT SO PROUD OF YOU!! 2 - I got sick -- REMEMBER TO TAKE REST. HEALTH IS NUMBER ONE! 3 - Applied to some Walmart Jobs - GOOD JOB RUHI FOR DOING THIS!

4 - Nikita already got a job offer - This trigerre me BUT WHAT OTHERS DO DOES NOT AFFECT ME - I need to keep chugging along and applying for jobs. Negative thoughts this week: - I will never get another job because I have no technical skill, or I dont have right contacts or market is bad. This is the negativity spiral Ruchi was going through. You cannot control what will happen you just have to keep chugging along! - Julio/Matthew hate me, they think I am so quiet and useless. Its ok they know you were sick and you are trying your best! Just do your job and that is enough!

[lo4354]

Update

Felt a little trigerred b/c my mom said the guy I am talking to might be poor/live in condo with his family & its some people faith to get poor people and some people fate to get rich people

Felt a lil better last weekend after going to simrans house since they were also struggling with job search/lack of callbacks

just decided to do my best & take care of myself mentally

I think I was trigerred - I deserve less or will be worst out of everyone trauma. But that is not the case - I have just fallen into the feeling that is the case.

[lo4354]

Mind a mess

So yoga tt finished 2 weeks back miraculously I completed with the cert. But now I gotta apply for jobs while managing regular job and notdoing awful in case of arkansas offer. Honestly this week I have thought so many times I am antisocial a loser, no body will pick me or want me etc. Other girls are getting interviews cause of contacts/network and not me I hate myself soo much because of that.. I think I just need a break from all of this need to know where I am at mentally. 1. What are my priorities? 2.How will I choose to react based on what people say? 3.Start taking care of mysef to avoid the stress eating..

[lo4354]

Mind a mess

My mind has been a mess so I took today off to clear my mind. A couple things on my mind. -Recently whenever I hear my roommate in the main area I feel so frustrated like I want to throw things. Her voice is so grating and I just want her to SHUT UP!

-I have yoga training this weekend but I do not want to go there and see everyone/I also need to take the stupid written exam for 3 hours so that is not going to be FUN. After is the graduation but I hate all those people and dont want to go to that either! -I am so burn out and just need a break other than eating food, I feel like I keep eating food to get over my bone deep exhaustion and that is NOT HELPING!

[lo4354]

Goals today

-Finish up 2 more yoga writeups (1hr)

-Make a plan on how to complete MBR/Value Prop calculations at work .(1hr) #for work Need to get time saved per FTS cases diverted to FTS?? Need to get time saved with using the bagprep tag at the 'BAGPREP' tagged stations..

-Need to schedule the appointment with career coach #for me -Need to shorten the resume on linkedin one page and apply to saved jobs, get an app for tracking jobs I applied to #for me

-Need to apply to some walmart jobs - send my resume in for the senior manager post #for me -Leave work around 3PM, get eyebrows done too #for me

[lo4354]

Cant process

Struggling to process sometimes what is going on with my life... What is going on with this guy I am talking to - do we have to meet or what?? What is going on at work - do I still have to work a lot why do I have to work a lot?? What am I gonna do about this yoga tt stuff - I have to fix up the homeworks and finish up the classes

Just FEEL EXHAUSTED - NEED A BREAK!! JUST SLEEP FOR 10 HOURS!

ITS OK RUHI - JUST TAKE A BREAK TODAY! YOU WILL GO TO OFFICE ANYWAYS TOMORROW WE WILL FIGURE IT OUT!!

[lo4354]

WHAT DO I WANT?

1.To rest No more shoulder pain - relax your shoulders!! - NTdo

2.Self care Oil my hair/face mask- NTdo

3.apple crumble - DONE

breakfast: toast w/pb + banana, lunch:hummus wrap w/falafel & chips, snack:tea w/3 cookies, dinner: kale salad w/grilled chicken- done

[lo4354]

Stress/Fatigue

Recently I just feel overwhelmed like I got so much to do and cannot do it and does it even matter to do it. I just want a day to lay in bed and DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Just so tired today and having headache. Need to split it up by what I have to do: 1. Finish my yoga tuff

2.Apply for jobs

3.Need to talk to that guy :(

Honestly Ruhi - Remember to get some rest! Pretend that call is like with Simran/chaitanya/neha a work call or something. Your parents are pretty unsupportive - stressed about getting you married too pulled in by cultural norms! Remember that independent thinking video - WHAT DO YOU WANT??

[lo4354]

Update got Laid Off

So I got laid off - well technically laid off in 4 months on June 13. Some people got relo to bentonville - I got the layoff notice. Originally I was just shocked - didnt know whether to be sad or relieved.. I was here 3 years with no promotion and getting stressed life was slipping away from me, I wanted to jump ship but was scared of losing the life I knew, the stable paycheck, scared of the unknown and moving to somewhere new/rebuilding from scratch. Over the past 3 years have been pretty unhappy, long periods of depression worthlessness, stress eating, at least 10 emotional breakdowns a year, constantly falling sick etc. I dont think I have ever felt happy to come to work in the past couple months... I know it is for the best that I leave this job, but it is applying for another job that STRESSES me out . I am terrified of being unemployed, of constantly getting rejected etc. I am very terrified all my peers will get jobs before me and I will be stuck working at this office until month 4 that is my worst fear!

Also my parents are pretty unsupportive - they keep being like why aren't you applying for this job - you could have gotten a job but didn't yet because you didn't apply. Like I feel like slapping my mom sometimes that is so unsupportive and demeaning. Sometimes you just need a break!! I am still working my 9-5 job for the next 4 months - trying to chug thru this yoga tt stuff as well, and have been completely emotionally burnt out. I just need some time to go thru my resume, look at what jobs I fit for, do the sql, google analytics trainings and just keep chugging and applying & contacting recruiters. BUT I cannot get assigned other projects at work! I am getting stressed just thinking about this!! Plan: 1.Will get a doctors note - for reduced work hours and accomodate workload. 2. Tell managers I will take some time off and do not want to burn myself out.

[lo4354]

Thought Dump

Feel a little better now but just kind of stuck on a couple things at work.

I made that mistake in october which had prod impact and needed to explain to my manager/ eeryone scolded me.

My director/pseudo manager told me the below: -I should have added better solution approach onto slide/formatted this better -I should have started discovery earlier & resolved this issue he wanted to figure out. -I should start applying for other jobs

New manager so I have no idea what expectations are for upcoming projects and just very lost..

What I want to do? 1.Actually practice yoga everyday 2.Take a shower/skincare everyday 3.Homemade meals everyday 4.Some stress relieve actiity of my choice 5.Keep applying for jobs + working on skills 6.Eventually take a sabbatical and solo travel

[lo4354]

New year stuff

Feeling really burnt out and depressed. Having body pain from severe anxiety. Thoughts that things are never gonna get any better. I have to get a new job while keeping current job, somehow get thru this yoga tt, find a way to date, find a way to make friends - list just goes on and on. And even if I do all of those things whats the point? Relationships could fail, next job could fail - then I will come back to same place..Also the people there could keep telling me I am worthless and I would be stuck in a toxic place again. My parents are another hot mess. I thought my dad was at least a bit trustworthy even though my mom is delulu, but we were all moving things to my sisters place and I told the fam I didnt want to come since I was depressed + having body pain - but they forced me to come. Then I told them I wouldnt be able to help cause I was out of it so I stayed to the side and my mom + dad ended up moving my sisters stuff. then later they started yelling at me like I am so worthless for not helping etc. etc. and just complain that I am depressed all the time as an excuse for laziness and depression is absolute bs. I felt like crying - I literally am dying from body pain and mental shut down due to depression and these idiots think I am faking it. On top of that I dont know who in their right mind thinks it helps to insult their daughter who constantly struggles with feelings of worthlessness and feeling stupid like its not woth it for her to do anything - LIKE HOW THE F IS INSULTING HER GONNA HELP? God I am just so tired - tired with my gaslighting mom, my dad who cannot control his anger. these abusive parents I am stuck with and will always be stuck with. I am also tired of my gaslighting boss who blames me even though he cant give me clear instructions, tired of this endless cycle of work, tired of this stupid af yoga tt which never gives me a break. I just want it all to end!!

[lo4354]

No sitting and wallowing

Ruhi instead of sitting in ur room + wallowing - actually get out there and do something.

Fear arises from attachment and ignorance, and the path to overcoming fear lies in developing self-awareness, surrendering to a higher power, and practicing equanimity, essentially meaning to remain calm and composed even in the face of challenging situations; the Gita emphasizes that a person who is truly connected to the divine is naturally fearless.  In life we came with nothing will leave with nothing - DONT be attached to people perception, societal norms,societal constructs etc.

You are afraid of no promotion since you think people will think negatively you are falling behind. Thats being scared of people perception, and constructing a timeline in your head thats not real!

You are scared of no relationship b/c ypu thinik time is running out you will get worst guy or be alone forever - that is jumping to worst conclusions/creating a construct of time in your head.

In life abandon these constructs/idea of what is "normal" and live by what makes you happy!

[lo4354]

Problem and Solution

Have no friends To avoid stressing about having no friends, try to actively combat negative thinking, focus on self-care practices like mindfulness and gratitude, actively seek out new connections by joining groups or using friendship apps based on your interests, and be open to meeting new people without fearing rejection; if social anxiety is a significant factor, consider therapy to manage these feelings Actions: Take 3 deep breaths. What are you grateful for? I have 1 work friend, 1 friend from childhood, 1 roommate who is my friend.

I have a high paying job, family alive roof over my head. If I want to make more friends - JUST need to put myself out there! So far I joined a yoga 200tt to make friends but it is not really clicking with anyone - I feel like I am sitting to the side discluded from the group. Sometimes I am included in the convos but not always, maybe I should include myself in the convos? Earlier I was super low energy and burnt out so didnt really feel like conversing with anyone or doing anthing.. Action Plan: Next time someone has convo next to me in 200 hr yoga tt strike up convo with them and start talking about something/anything.. - Do girls who walk to make friends CONSISTENCY IS KEY! sometimes you may meet nobody but sometimes you might meet someone? So far you have made some progress, so go EASY ON YOURSELF! YOU HAVE MADE PROGRESS - you just got burnt out which is OK! That is fine, you need to take a break practice gratitude mindfulness. Dont get too connected with that which is not permanent - write down your goals which you really want to do and then execute. Dont waste time on guesswork - I should have done, I dont know what to do etc. etc. - LIFE IS FUCKIN HARD. BUT THATS OK - THINGS WILL GET BETTER LIFE HAS UPS AND DOWNS!

[lo4354]

Emotional Burnout

When stress from adverse or challenging events in life occur continually, you can find yourself in a state of feeling emotionally worn out and drained. This is called emotional exhaustion. For most people, emotional exhaustion tends to build up slowly over time. Emotional exhaustion includes emotional, physical and performance symptoms.

Physical:

Fatigue

Headaches

Lack of appetite

Nausea or upset stomach

Poor sleep

Sore muscles or muscle tension

Strategies to reduce emotional exhaustion include:

Eating a healthy, balanced diet

Eliminating or minimizing the stressor when possible

Exercising

Getting adequate sleep

Identifying and challenging unhelpful thoughts and replacing them with balanced thoughts

Practicing mindfulness to engage in the present moment

[lo4354]

Set boundaries with mom

RUHI that mom of yours (and dad) are absolute gone case toxic gaslighting people. YOU KNOW THIS! they make you go back question yourself doubt yourself but you know they are wrong! DO NOT LOOK BACK ! BE HAPPY! LIVE FOR YOURSELF!

[lo4354]

happiness

All I want is to grasp happiness. Sometimes in my worst moments espescially pre-period I completely lose myself feel worthless, feel unloved, hate my life cannot stop ruminating. BUT these are all PMDD symptoms, I really have to start tracking my periods and take care of myseld when my periods coming! I am also sick so really need to rest and recharge mentally and physically. I think the fact that I did not get promoted at work and all this work drama went down is really getting to me - BUT at the end of the day my sole focus in life is MYSELF. Sometimes things work out sometimes it doesnt but life moves forward I cant keep getting stuck. I told myself I would apply for another job and rewire my lifestyle habits - that is my main goal! TO LOVE MYSELF! FORGET PROMOTION BOSS APPROVAL, EVERYBODY APPROVAL - LOVE YOURSELF AND BE HAPPY! THAT IS YOUR GOAL! DONT YOU FORGET IT!

[lo4354]

for me

I think you're very hard on yourself because your parents were overly harsh and hard on you for small, insignificant things. Your beliefs about yourself seem based on feedback they have given you (You're too meek or timid, you're irresponsible because you were 3 mins late). When in reality, you would have been on time with the right link (which has happened to all of us!!!) and it doesn't sound like it's your responsibility to end the calls or meetings.