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Family of Six

Small Group class has really taught me a variety of ideas I can corporate working better in teams, have a healthier relationship with co-workers as well dealing with family and friends.  It has guided me to work through conflicts especially when it comes to parenting and interpersonal relations with my family of six. 

My father had an accident at work where he lost his right index finger two years ago. My father has been in and out of the hospital for complications since he’s diabetic causing it to prolong his healing.  In order to relieve some pain he has to be on multiple medications which completely changes his behavior, from pain to feeling high and say things he doesn’t mean.  My mother is becoming impatient and easily stressed seeing my father like that, it causes a lot of pain seeing her husband changing little by little.  As the oldest I believe I must set the example and bring everyone together no matter how busy everyone is.  My brothers, daughter and I have to understand his health comes first and we must spiritually lift him up; it is painful to see him in pain and wish to take some of that away from him.   The only way we can make things a little better at home is prevent arguments and conflicts that can cause him to even stress a little.  Communication is also the main key in expressing our emotions and feelings, I understand this was different for all of us, we weren’t expecting something so horrible happening to the family.  No one is ready to deal with changes so drastic and pretend everything is ok.

On chapter 9 Managing conflicts productively helped me separate the conflicts everyone had and find the main issue which was everyone being emotionally distress that it was affecting our quality of working as a team in making my father feel loved and comfortable at his own home.  All of us needed help to work under stress and be there to support one another; this has helped us bond and have less tension bringing down the vibe between everyone.  My family and I decided to consider every Sunday family day, which included watching football as a family, cook, sit together at the table and keep our issues behind us; show my father how much we love him, and we are happy he is there with us.  It’s been a month since we’ve started doing this on Sunday’s and he has changed so much for the better. My family is always happy to have Sunday for family, not necessarily go to church but at least conversate and share funny stories.  My father smiles a lot more, we understand it has been really hard for him to cope with losing a part of his body, but he is very thankful for having his family united.  This has even helped us get along better among brothers; we don’t fight over the silly things; it is easier for us to talk about anything and be more open. My mother is no longer stressing about my father being sad all the time, he is finally active wanting to go outside and water plants, play with the dogs or simple get out of his room.  Unfortunately, he is not allowed to return back to work since he is not fully healed, I believe hanging out as a family, keeping him occupied as well make him feel useful helps him not thinking about it as much and smile a lot more.  Family will always stick together, and I’m very lucky to have my family united and full of love.

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Cross Country in Training

As a parent we want whats best for our children, we want them to always succeed in life.  Push them to be better human beings and contribute to society.  Your children are a reflection of you, so it is very important our little humans make us proud.  Good grades, involvement in after school functions, be active participant in a hobby or a sport, and be a great friend to look up to.  During her 10 years of existence, my daughter has always been a positive child, always sharing with others as well be a great team player in sports. 

In the summer of last year we had a minor set back that made us both realize not everything in life will be laughs and giggles.  During a hormonal change in my daughter’s growth, she started gaining weight which caused her to be less interested in sports and more into eating and just watch tv.  It was brought to my attention that her weight was affecting her when it came to shopping for clothes, always one size bigger every time she would outgrow them.  The pediatrician and I came to a solution, put her in sports and become an active runner to help her lose weight, and avoid any future health issues since her father had leukemia and my dad has diabetes. 

A friend of mine recommended us to join a track team that would train her to run correctly and have the ability to run long distances without getting tired so quick.  I was hesitant but knew it was important that she would get healthy again.  As soon as we arrived she became friendly with everyone around her; I felt happy she connected with the kiddos and right away started introducing everyone to her.  Some of the mothers came up to me and talked about their experiences during competitions and what to expect, as a first time sport mom I knew it was important to be an active listener and take notes, apparently as a parent I had to participate in the events that would take place.  It was too much to grasp but I was beyond excited for my daughter.  Time passed by and the coach arrived late, no greetings, straight to practice.  At first I though he was just running late and wanted to get the kids running before it gets darker; which made me pay no mind.  He had shown no interest in asking my daughter her name or what was she doing there in the first place, which made me wonder if he was a little special to talk to.  I watched the way he was coaching and he was really good, strict but was very focused on the children to finish at a specific time.  As soon as practice was over, I came over and introduced myself and my daughter to the coaches.  The one that was running late gave me a look and didn’t say much, I had to literally ask for information and felt a weird vibe.  I was really upset because it was something I wanted my daughter to focus on and not deal with anything negative or have a set back in wanting to love the sport.  One of the parents came up to me and told me the coach was really something special not understanding why she said the coach all he cared about was winning and not trying to focus on each child and push them to acquire better knowledge.  During competitions he would assign the kids to a specific competition without fully knowing how to play that specific position.  I couldn’t understand these parents, for them it was all about winning along with the coach rather than have the kids join the team, have fun and do their best; I believe try to win can be important but we have to create the passion or connection between the child and the sport so they can learn to love it. 

I right away knew there was a problem with the team, it was so easy to point it out, maybe because my parental skills are little different or maybe my child needs come before any trophy.  I reached out to parents and had asked them if these type of situations had happen in the past, and they had agreed, it blew my mind how they had yet to speak up or talk to the coach. I know that when it comes to my daughter I can be a little feisty but I was trying to be patient and understanding before causing any drama and argue with the coach.   Chapter 8 from the book Communication in Groups (Problem Characteristics and Problem solving Process) came to mind at how we had to solve this issue with the coach.  During practices the parents would go their separate ways and just watch their children practice from far, one day we all had gathered, talked about our experiences and how we wish things would change, this gave us an idea to incorporate new ideas to the coach.  All of us brainstormed  ideas which lead for us to be more involved during practice and during competitions.  We asked coach how we can be active participants with the kiddos and teach them pointers, to avoid them from feeling lost when assigned to a new activity.  Surprisingly the coach was happy, very easy to please, mainly because we suggested we wanted to be involved as well “WIN”.  At the beginning I admit it crossed my mind to leave the team and put my daughter in a new team, but seeing her get along with the other children really motivated me to change the tense vibe the coach had among the children and parents.  Another parent came up with the idea of an APP on our phone that would help us text each other, share pictures from the race, any changes or schedule for competitions, links to websites about better tips in track and cross country, articles about better coaching without the feeling of making the coach feel any less; or even make the relationship of our track team much better.  Little by little we noticed the coach text more, laugh a little more, which made us comfortably enough to ask him advise in what we can train our children outside practice.  I strongly believe it was a team work effort to create a better bond among each other, I never understood why the coach would come off as mean at first but it was a relief seeing him more involved at a personal level with us.  It is easier to joke around, set up play dates, organize luncheons while the kiddos are in competition, or if one of the parents couldn’t take their kids to the practice we would use the app and ask the other parents for a ride, etc. I strongly believe our approach to the coach really helped, it wasn’t about pointing out his flaws, rather than appreciating everything he has done for our children and how we wish to help out.   

A year has passed and our relationship has been incredibly amazing, my daughter is happy, I’m very content, the parents and coaches have been more involved than ever.  New parents keep joining the team which I strongly believe through word of mouth, we right away make them feel welcomed and give them an inside about how fully involved we are with the children.  We emphasize that winning is not a priority but teaching our children about team work and never give up.  We are getting close to regionals and it’s a lot of pressure, but with positivity we create a great atmosphere which causes the children not to be nervous before the competition.       

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From toddlers all the way to teenagers, my parents had always involved my siblings and I in sports, from softball, baseball, soccer, all the way to football “Hence my broken fingers” We’ve always stayed active.  As we grew older we had to change different age group teams.  It was a necessity we had to bond and get more involved, in order to fit in. Just like my mom would say “most importantly have fun!”

                They always enforced us to be ready and prepared to get to practice and games on time.  It was hardly impossible to miss any events.  My mother was always on top of everything, wanted us to be active participants and responsible athletes.  As time passed, it became a habit that was instilled on us.  Even during stressful times our parents and coaches helped us in different ways to relive our stress, mainly by keeping us thinking positive and constant communication among everyone.

                When I was 13 years old, we had a softball game with constant errors and horrible calls on our team at a playoff game.    It was beyond stressful, we had lost our hope at winning and moving on to the championship.  The opposite team had a way better chance at winning than us.   Close to the last inning my coach finally sat us down and had a talk with all of us, we had lost our sense of focus in working together as a team, communicate efficiently as who was catching the pop ups, not knowing who we should throw the ball.  He made us realize it wasn’t about who reached for the ball the fastest, but working as a team to prevent us from continuous differences and arguments.  Most importantly come together and have good time; we’ve had made it this far, why not continue how we had in the past.  Unfortunately, it was already late to catch up, we ended up losing.  End of the day we knew how to work our differences and be prepared for the next season.  All my teammates were really thankful and appreciative by all the efforts our parents and coaches put on us, working together not as a softball team, but as a family made us all realize it wasn’t about winning but succeed for one common goal “team work”

                As I entered high school, I noticed a different vibe with my school mates on the team.  Most of these girls where different ages, from 14-18 years old.  Teenagers becoming women, mood swings, drama, the whole lesbians on the team, attitude problems, and many more.  As much as I loved the sport, practicing with the girls was dreadful.  There was always drama among themselves, girlfriends and exes among the team.  The coaches tried not to get involved much, I’m not sure if because he was scared the girls would rebel against him, or they were too good to put the team at risk, favoritism played a big role and it was noticeable among the rest of the girls.  I can honestly say I had never realized what softball divas were until I entered high school.  Most of these teens knew what they brought to the table and felt it was sufficient rather than getting to know the newcomers.  These girls reminded me about the first chapter, when a group is not a good choice.  All we had in common was the sport and one goal was to win championships.  I had dreaded my last period, I really loved the sport and I've managed to stick with it and somehow try to become friends with some of the girls who seemed welcoming and try to have a sense of belonging.  During practices before the season started every girl was divided into smaller teams according to the specific position they wanted to play in,  once again I had to start over and find ways to bond with my new group of team mates.  Every girl  had different technique they've learned throughout the years; this was a struggle to catch up and follow through since our coaches wanted to study specific plays to improve the speed of every inning.  The very first months were somewhat very hard for all of us.  I also believed our environment was affecting us, Eastwood had to borrow a softball field from an elementary school 10 minutes away from us, it wasn’t even in good conditions to play in, had lots of bald spots of grass and stickers which would stick to our clothes.  The softball equipment was really in the worst conditions to play, pretty embarrassing to play with.   Every day after school we had to find rides with other teammates or parents, change clothes in the cars and go straight to practice.  It was really annoying to ask people for rides especially since you’re not even old enough to have a license and make sure we arrive on time so we don’t get penalized and run an extra mile.  I really think the love I had for softball made me suck it up and stay.  Dealing with horrible conditions of our borrowed softball team, but also hanging out with girls who really didn’t care much about supporting one another.  My mother had a talk with me and my freshman friends from the team even if we are the youngest, we had to really find our way in and enjoy the struggles we were enduring because we were good at what we enjoy doing and that was playing softball.  My mom was our number one supporter and was constantly pushing us to smile through the hard times, which is why I believe we pulled through.

For the next year our school was granted a new school, however it needed more money to cover additional structures for our field.  We all gathered ideas in how to really make profit out of fundraisers and other options to really speed the process to have our field ready before our season started.  on of our captains father worked for Golden Corral and he offered to sponsor us and have steak dinner banquets, not only it helped us inmensely, but all of us contributed somehow in created an inviting space for families to join us.  Our captains and seniors divided all of us for specific duties; from waitressing, hosting, serving, and cleaning crew.   All of us really wanted this brand new softball field, we worked long hours and volunteering to reach our financial goal.  While our field was under construction we would go on  weekends and help with painting our dugout homes, fix the fences, maintain the grass.  No joke we worked so hard on this and took us over a year.  These girls became more than team mate, we became friends and real close ones.  all these stressful moments constantly disagreeing and finding ways for all of us to come to a mutual agreements finally paid off.  We all ended up caring for one another, unfortunately our captains graduated and weren't able to enjoy the field but managed to continue training us during the summer.

For the past two years we had a co-ed softball team with my old High School classmates including other guy friends from the baseball team.  We use the same techniques we did back in school that helped us work better as a team.  Things have changed, we all work or go to school which is why sometimes not all of us can make it to the practices or might miss a game.  We bring our children to play with us and show them better ways to teach about sports and working as a team.  Might be a little trickier but we make it work, and I couldn’t have picked a better team.