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Never had anyone in my life before and never will. My universe will always be lonely.
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People are bound to leave you. Don’t get attached.
I already know the answer but sometimes I just want someone to stay by my side and not let go of my hand in any situation. But that’s just a dream. I have already given up on that a long time ago. It’s time to stop this fantasy.
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People, they all care about their own feelings
No time to care for others~~ They are always busy ~~
I won't tell them what my true thoughts are ..
Just a broken piece of soul, let the wind carry me away from all those painful memories. Just let me be a little withered leaf. Oh oh Yeah~~
Monsters in our mind, they are getting out of control. I looked back and found myself drowned in hatred and tears. But oh~~ I won't tell anyone that I cried today. I won't tell my real feelings. Let me be a leaf carried by the wind. Just let me be....
There's still tomorrow that I have to face. I have to live. I have to hide the monster inside me and act obedient. Oh how laughable the world is.. The "me" you see is not the real "me". You all are fooled.. You don't know the real "me".
Broken, but I can still laugh.
Cried, but I can still smile.
Sad, but I can still live courageously. Cut that final attachments between us and let me be free.... free like a little leaf carried by the wind. I want to be free....
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All people have their own life. I know I have to lead my own life alone too.. But I am a little disappointed and sad to know that I am alone.
I can't hope nor rely on other people.
"If you lean on the mountain, the mountain would fall. If you rely on a person, the person would run away" This saying is really true. I have to rely on myself. I feel very lonely sometimes but I am okay. This is how I should be, right?
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I'm lonely because I don't have someone who would support me emotionally. There are many people beside me but I still feel alone. It's like I have never been loved. I need love that support my mental state to become more secure. My heart feels empty. People don't care about me when I am down but it is I who always care them when they are down. I felt so tired. It's not like I want them to care for me for what I did but sometimes I felt disappointed, really disappointed. Sometimes, I need to be loved too, don't I?? Why is there no one there for me when I really need one? I felt desolated. People always come to me when they need something from me. I felt disappointed. Really I felt like I am some one-time-use thing that can be throw away when I'm not needed anymore. *curses that my life is like this, I need someone who cares for me too*
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You have to have your self-respect in order to deal with some people. People tends to take advantage on those who are very timid, have self restraint and shy about their feelings. As long as you didn't say it out loud,they would push you to your limits. Remember you also have your own value,abilities and you deserved to be treated well. Respecting yourself does not mean insulting to others. So saying no is necessary in life. It is not offending people. This is your right,your own choice. If they don'y like your choice,they can just go away.
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1 Sneaking into Forbidden Forest
Inside the forbidden territory of Blue Sky Palace
Two girls sneak into this forbidden area without everyone knows. They are currently heading towards the legendary sky tree which produce only two sky fruits once in 100 years. This tree is the most precious treasure of all people within the Blue Sky Kingdom. Don't talk about the fruit, even eating one leaf from this tree can make one to advance in their cultivation and many other advantages.
When Su Yan and Lu Li saw the legendary tree in front of them,they cannot help but be tempted by its sweet fragrance and wonderful appearance. "This is really amazing. Even if we can eat only one leaf,it can make us youthful and become advance in our cultivation" said Lu Li. Her eyes are sparkling seeing the legendary famous tree. "But if the Chief Yu knew that we sneak into this forest, we will be punished severely." Su yan was afraid that had they been found out,as the lowly rank as palace maids,they would be punished with their lives. Being able to sneak in like this is also impossible in normal circumstances. Beacause LuLi had the magical artifact that makes them invisible. Precisely It can make them not only invisible but also erase their presence that even higher cultivated elders cannot sense them coming to this area. She doesn't know how LuLi got this artifact.
"You don't have to worry about such things. All the people in palace are busy preparing for the banquet for Dark Lord's Birthday. I heard that they will have to present him another maiden slave this year too. So They naturally don't have time to care for other things as they have to search the appropriate one who will willingly go." It is known that although Dark Lord has unparallel looks that can waver the country, he is too vicious,sly, two-faced, unreasonable and has a bad temper. So no one wants to go there waiting to be slaughtered by him.
Once there was a princess with peerless beauty who likes him after seeing him for the first time. She did not know his viciousness and requested her father emperor to force the Dark Lord to be married to her, which leads to wiping out of the whole imperial palace and country by the Lord which terrifies the many neighborhood countries. It's obvious that he does not have any synpathy or regards towards the opposite sex.
Beacause of LuLi's words, Su Yan become a little relaxed and look around the forest with curiosity. Looking at the naive Su Yan, LuLi eyes flashed breifly before it dissappears . But SuYan at that time did not know that LuLi has another malicious intention towards her.
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Do you know that sometimes you are with everyone but you are not mentally close with them and it's like you are all alone in this world unfamiliar with these people,places, feelings and such. You are all alone with no one caring you or knowing that you exist. You need help but you are ignored and discarded. Do you know what that feeling is like? It's like you are mentally broken down but you have to keep smiling to comfort yourself and to be strong... This makes you sad,helpless,and hope someone would discover you, protect you, give comfort to you,acknowledge you exist.
I also sometimes think that no one in this world could understand me. It's true I'm with them but they can't get close to me mentally and they don't know my dark side. I hope there will be someone who I can fine real in this world.
#Scattered_Thoughts
#24/Nov/2019/23:31
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I think I was sad because I know the real thoughts of the people closest to me. They are only pretending to be good because they think they have the responsibility. I want to leave one day and never think about those sad memories again. I want to have a peaceful life where I will be loved truly and wholeheartedly. My dream family is that they wont hurt me slightest or make me unhappy and pretend to be good to me.
I know that in the deepest of my heart, I really hate my family to the bones. My hatred is so deep for many years and I also dont have any sympathy for them. I will try to stand for myself,if they dont have any love towards me then dont think that I will also have kindness towards them. That's called retribution.
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If people dont help you,dont blame them because they have the right to reject you. That's also apply to your family members. Dont hope kindness from other people even if they are your family. Always remember you are always alone and you have to solve your problems on your own. You are now an adult and your needs will not be fillfulled everytime beacuse you are not a princess from a fairy tale. Instead Love yourself more,Rely on yourself more,Grant kindness to yourself more, and Be strong,Held your head high in whatever the situation may be. Dont lose confidence because you are priceless in this world ❤ There is only one you and you are worthy of love. But if no one loves you, that's fine too. You can always love yourself more and value yourself more. On this journey, you are bound to be alone facing difficulties and emotional trauma,emotional abuses,but always remember to treat yourself better,you deserve it. You deserve to be loved and valued. You have to self-disciplined to be a better person. If you need something,you must make sure to achieve it by your own hands. You have to be mentally strong withstanding all the trails.
#Self-Disciplined Rule For Myself
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