lizardtakesflight

[lizardtakesflight]

If you know me, you know I’m a fan of “covert” fight scenes. Scenes where two people are fighting but they’re both pretending that something else is going on. This one from Dreadnaught (1981) is one of the best.

By the way, the guy that choreographed this scene, later went on to choreograph The Matrix films, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and Kill Bill.

[lizardtakesflight]

me every day without fail: I'll do [chore] when I get home

me when I get home:

[lizardtakesflight]

[lizardtakesflight]

i invented a machine that transcribes the inner thoughts of oysters and it turns out the first oyster i tested it on was thinking like "beautiful human woman riding a bike i am the bike i am the bike"and i tested it on more oysters and it was all "delicious sediment" "my mucous membrane itchy" "i wish to digest particles" so i guess that one guy was just real horny

[lizardtakesflight]

a bi coworker was recently talking about his ex and about how awful their marriage was because when they watched movies or read books she’d talk about how sexy the characters were and how this was really hurtful to him and then turned to me expecting me to agree and I was at a loss for how to respond. sir in my culture if your wife says she thinks legolas is super sexy then it is customary to commission her an erotic digital painting of legolas with his dick out. I have no advice for you.

[lizardtakesflight]

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water

[lizardtakesflight]

wizard college is going to kill me I swear to god. I just saw someone without a component satchel reach into their pocket and pull out a handful of LOOSE tapioca to use as a substitute for blood in their fell ritual. and it worked. I've never been so fucking mad.

[lizardtakesflight]

[lizardtakesflight]

Since the holiday toy drive post is circulating again, I figured this would also be helpful! Food insecurity is such a massive problem in America, in general, and if you have the means to help feed others, I think you should take that opportunity. Here are some other tips:

1. If you’re planning on donating items from your own pantry, please check the expiration dates on the packaging. Think of your donations as gifts to bestow, not castoffs to be rid of. It’s awful to think of people feeling like they got scraps someone else just didn’t want. Everyone deserves dignity with their meals.

2. If you’d rather give money to a food bank, that’s also great since they buy food in bulk and know what items are most wanted/needed!

3. Not everyone has access to appliances like stoves or microwaves or hot plates so if you can donate items that don’t need to be heated up, that would also be greatly appreciated!

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[lizardtakesflight]

Weird when you first start paying attention to animal noises and realize they don't actually sound like the words we use

[lizardtakesflight]

[lizardtakesflight]

sportacus vs homelander

[lizardtakesflight]

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me: