livinginthe20s-blog1

[livinginthe20s-blog1]

Experiment 🤓

I conducted my own experiment over the last four weeks and applied to multiple dating platforms. I set my profile up as me, no catfishing in sight and included what would be considered as ‘normal’ photos and a few obligatory ‘nights out’ shots. #definitelynonudes

My profile was that of a 27 year old single, working professional looking for love. Nothing tasteless or showy, just me; how every family member and friend sees me. I spent time going through ideal candidates; those that I was immediately attracted to (shallow me), those that were ambitious (again shallow me) and finally one group completely out of my comfort zone and it’s in own little pen; not my usual.

It didn’t take me long to filter out the dickheads (for use of a better word) from my apps. Several had the balls to spark up a normal conversation first before unleashing a box of 50 shades of don’t and the others went diving in head first looking to make the worlds biggest wave pool. Either way, both types were annoying and unpleasant and the most irritating thing of all is that these were all of the ones I fancied.

The second type was the ambitious. These boys decided to pluck up the courage to have more of a chat than just offering their services for winter nights and hungover Sunday seshies however without the sex talk came the ‘all about me’ talk and let me tell you now, I’d rather listen to a boy bang on about all the things he wants to do me then listen to a guy tell me how amazing he is, how he drives an Audi Q7 sport and wears a Petite Phillipe. 🤮

Lastly, this one in particular was not my usual type. I met him on an app which promised to have better clientele. He was tall, toned, ok not conventionally handsome but took care of himself and dressed well. He was clever and full of banter so the personality soon overtook his appearance and I began to think there was a possibility I’d met a good egg. We had a couple of dates and everything seemed great but then it all just disappeared in a blink of an eye. Nothing had been said, nothing had happened, he had just gone.

I would expect this behaviour from the first two types. The sex obssessed sexy ones that get bored as soon as you won’t divulge intimate details. I’d expect it from the cocky and arrogant souls who think they’re better than everyone else. But I certainly wouldn’t expect it from the average looking, steady career and all round nice guy I thought I’d met.

I’ve said this time and time again. Temptation destroys all that is good. It tarnishes months and sometimes years of building a strong and positive image. And as every date like this becomes more common, I eventually start to believe that there are no decent guys left on the planet. Everyone goes on about that old saying; there’s plenty more fish in the sea when in reality there isn’t.

Lets look at the U.K.

A recent census showed there were 31 million men in the U.K.

Let’s say half of those 31 million are under the age of 18. That leaves approx 15.5 million, we can assume half of those are over the age of 30 leaving us with around 7/8 million.

Then we factor in the married; 3.5 million and those that are gay; 2 million.

Those that are over 25; 1 million

Looking to settle down; 100 thousand

Near me; 1 if I’m lucky

I know this seems overly dramatic but in reality there just aren’t plenty more fish in the sea, well certainly not suitable fish.

I can only see this going one way - men having multiple relationships and marriages. No more commitment, no more loyalty and settling down with the ‘one’. Just a world full of polyamorous people and we will just be expected to consider this a norm.

The clock is ticking...

[livinginthe20s-blog1]

I’m scared it’ll never be the same again...

Dating is scary; whatever way you look at it, it’s ultimately a wild goose chase, a game of Russian Roulette and finally figuring out that there aren’t plenty more fish in the sea.

2018 has been a particularly interesting year for me. I’ve had so much going on that I’ve barely focused on finding ‘the one’ or at least finding someone half decent enough to fill that criteria. And as the weeks and months pass on, I’m slowly forgetting what it is like to find someone who provides that initial buzz, someone that plays on your mind during every minute of the day like a broken record and one that can ignite excitement with just the simple use of an emoji.

I find myself losing interest very quickly these days; perhaps their lack of ambition is a turn off or maybe there over enthusiastic personality scares me to death, either way, the more men I meet and the more characteristics I experience, I am becoming increasingly concerned that my expectations are either too high or that I have finally given up all hope in finding someone special.

Is it too easy to jump ship? Maybe.

As Adam and Eve were seduced by temptation in the Garden of Eden, we are now reliving their story through social media. Our Apple be our phone and our Serpent be our twisted and tainted conscience. It all looks extremely appealing but as soon as we have taken another bite we finally realise that we have bitten off more than we can chew.

I wish I had Bernard’s watch. I would revisit my childhood, remind myself of what it’s like to have a normal interaction with a human being. I would watch myself play as a child and enjoy the endless games of rounders in the British sunshine knowing that I didn’t need to capture it on Instagram or send a Snapchat of my gym outfit to all the boys I fancied.

I yearn for this life more than you’ll ever know. And before you all think it, coming off social media fixes only half the problem. The other half is the population consumed by technology.

[livinginthe20s-blog1]

Recycling can be a bad thing

I’m all for saving the planet (albeit a little behind schedule) but nevertheless, better late than never. But let’s take a moment to really think about the recycling of old flames, I mean this is quite a different story and not one that often brings a lot of good.

I’m a sucker for falling head over heels in a matter of weeks and I soon find myself fantasising about a life outside of the one I’m living. The problem in doing so, is that I end up like Alice, falling deeper and deeper into an unknown world full of empty promises, disloyalty and catastrophic lies.

And just like Alice, I usually end up on a table with The Madhatter replicating his actions in some sort of twisted showdown.

Often, when I have been treated in an unkind manner; I will conform to my safe haven of ‘mute, block and delete’ and this is satisfactory for a while until I realise I’m behaving like a petulant child and decide to open the door not knowing what’s about to come out around the corner.

Sometimes, weeks or even months will pass before I’m struck with the inevitable and an extremely delayed text message rising like a burning flame from one small tiny wick. I know what you’re all thinking, it’s so easy to put this flame out; just one puff and it’s gone. But on the other hand, I stare at its beauty, the comforting colours and the warmth it brings to my world and I let it burn for longer than I should.

A vicious cycle that succeeds for weeks on end until eventually, there is no more wax to burn, no wick left to light and I just find myself sitting there agonising over the flame disappearing forever.

[livinginthe20s-blog1]

Mood.

I now find myself in rather unfamiliar territory. Trying to work out who is real and who is fake. Those that are quintessentially f*ckboys and those that are destined to become obsessive. There is no middle ground, no happy medium and certainly no balance. As each day passes and every new date becomes another game of hide and seek, I build my fortress higher and higher and with that comes the impending possibility that I may actually be on my own forever.

[livinginthe20s-blog1]

Train Etiquette - does it really exist anymore?

I have returned to London for another shot at city life, this time only it’s different as I have decided to pack up my little country retreat in beautiful Bucks and head to the unpredictable but exciting city that is London.

As I walk to the tube station, an array of smells blast my nostrils like a jet washer. It’s been a while since I have committed to a daily commute and one that brings endless surprises and annoyance.

Today was particularly interesting; we all know how stressed we can be during an early morning commute, delays can cause us to be running late for work and crying babies can leave us feeling as irritable as Tracy Beaker did sharing a room with Justine Littlewood. However, I witnessed a fresh scene today and I can only say that for once in my life, I didn’t have much to say.

A woman had jumped onto a very packed train with her husband and decided to LEAN, yes lean against the pole causing several people to balance like their life depended on it. To make matters worse; she decided to very casually flaunt her ass in front of one poor girls face.

Have we really become a society with no manners?

Is it acceptable to tell a commuter when they’re in the wrong?

[livinginthe20s-blog1]

Artificial or Organic?

Our world is forever changing and as technology advances so do our forms of communicating and in essence; dating. 

However difficult life seemed growing up with regards to dating and getting the boy I fancied at school to notice me, it was nothing compared to how we are expected to date now and what constitutes normal behaviour. Our views of relationships have changed, they can be twisted, tainted and full of dispair and on the other hand full of excitement, creativity and lust.

And whilst I sit here writing this post through advanced technology, I too sit here as a hypocrite and complain at the damage social media and dating apps have done to our society.

I have only two questions to ask;

Could we ever go back to a world of dating organically?

Or is this artificial world our new reality?

....