livin-life-to-the-coolest

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

That's Christmas To Me

Summary: You're an angel who just wants her family to be together for Christmas. What will you do to get your way?

Christmas List: Cas, Gabe, Balth, Luce, Mikie, Dean, Sam, Bobby together.

Cas

You put a smile on your face and flew yourself into the part of heaven you knew Cas would be in. "Cas?" You called out as you began your search for him. When you didn't get an answer you continued your trek into his favorite heaven. You could see the red balloon from your angle of the sky. You stayed out of sight of the autistic man in fear you would scare him. You allowed yourself to watch him for a few moments. You could remember when you were a young fledgling and even now at times when you would get upset or distraught or confused or really when any of the human emotions crept up on you. You would come to this place Castiel had shown you and watch the man who had no worries, who felt love for everyone, who could feel that peace and happiness you hoped to have one day.

You heard the flutter of wings behind you and knew you had found the person you were looking for. "Cassie!" You turned and flung yourself against your brother! He picked you up holding you as though you were five again. "Y/N it is so nice to see you again! I missed you so much!" You didn't say anything as you rested your head on his shoulder not ready to let him go. You breathed in his scent and were pleased and not surprised to find it was the same as it had been two thousand years ago when you were fledglings.

Once he finally set you down he told you to follow him you both ended up sitting in the most beautiful soft green grass you had seen. The beautiful blue lake before you was enough to leave you both speechless for a second. You looked to your brother amazed! "Cas did you do this!" He gave you a proud smile before nodding his head. You couldn't help your curiosity "Who's it for?" He looked up at you, this smile was shyer than the one before. "It is for the Winchesters." A knowing smile crossed your face. "I thought we were supposed to give everyone their own heaven?" He looked to you never losing that smile he found he could never get rid of when you were around. "They belong together Y/N, I would never dream of putting them in separate heavens." You laughed at that, the more you thought about what he had said made you laugh harder! "What is it?" Castiel asked genuinely confused. "Cas we don't dream." Upon seeing you laugh again he joined in.

"So what are you here for?" You shrugged looking at him.

"What do you mean? Am I not allowed to visit my big brother?"

"I love it when you visit, I'm just curious to why you showed up randomly, you usually say you will be there in a day or two. You just seem to have an agenda."

You nodded understandingly "Well it's not random. I want to know if you'll come to Christmas with me. We're going to have it at Bobby's house. I'm going to get some of our other siblings to join us. Come on Cas it will be fun." You watched as Cas looked away from the lake giving you his full attention. He then seemed to chuckle at something you couldn't see. "What is it?"

"You seem to think you have to convince me."

Gabe

You smiled as you made your way to Gabriel (he had always been the brother to make you smile in any situation). His back was turned to you as he was flirting with one of the Norse Gods you believed to be Kali the Goddess of Time, Change, Power, Creation, Preservation, and Destruction. You couldn't help but feel slight anger that her kind were still roaming the Earth while your father the overall God was nowhere to be seen. You slowed your pace enough to let the anger go away, along with any negative thoughts of this lady. You tried not to judge her as you knew father would, you remembered father telling you many times in your fledgling years to never judge people. "No matter what they do you will treat them as though they have a clean slate. They are under you and your siblings care, you may guide them along the way but never judge them or think yourself better. If you do your in the wrong as well. They will look up to you, don't let them down."

By the time you made it to your brother you felt refreshed and full of love. You forced your steps to be quieter as you reached your brother, you looked up seeing Kali look at you skeptically, you gave her a playful smile before holding your finger to your lips silently telling her not to give you away. You saw her force her glance away from you to keep distracting Gabriel. You may have been mistaken but you swear you saw a hint of a smile cross her face.

Just as you were about to grab Gabe's sides (you knew he was incredibly ticklish) you felt someone tap your shoulder from behind…"Nice try." You felt Gabes breath in your ear, he was so close you could feel his smug smirk. Your shoulders sagged for half a second and you looked up at Kali who shrugged her shoulders an amused grin on her face before you perked up and turned to look at him with that huge smile on your face he knew so well. "Hey Gabe." He pulled you into a tight hug. He smelled like candy and cinnamon. You smiled at the memories that came with that smell. You let go and turned to Kali who was still watching the scene trying to appear bored (though both you and Gabe could tell she thought the entire thing was sweet).

"How do you always manage to sneak up on me?" He looked at you as though it were obvious "Hello Trickster." You rolled your eyes nudging him in the side. "You should know by now you can't get past the master. You tried enough when we were kids." That caused you both to laugh. You two had spent most of your fledgling years pranking each other. "Part of the reason you're such an expert is because I pranked you." He rolled his eyes fondly before poofing a living room. It was beautiful and extremely fancy with red carpets covering wooden floors, the walls were a pristine white and were complimented by gold podiums supporting each corner of the room. You sighed at your brothers antics "You know we could have just walked to your living room." You said as you sat down on the beautiful white couch across from his. You looked on the glass table to see he had already made you hot chocolate for your visit. You gratefully picked it up and drank while he questioned you. "So what brings my sister to appear in my house unexpectedly, not that I'm complaining."

"I have come to ask you a question." You stated simply-you always liked to make Gabriel guess at what you were thinking, you weren't a fan of giving information to people. They had to work for it.-watching as he pondered whether or not he wanted to play your game. The answer was always yes. "So what is this mysterious question you have come to ask me?" You smiled excitedly leaning forward because of it. "I want you to celebrate Christmas with me!" You watched as his face cleared of all emotion…you felt a small pang enter your chest as you were starting to think he was going to say no. You felt relief at seeing his face turn into a bright smile, "Well how can I say no to my favorite sister?"

Balth

You knew exactly where to find Balthazar because he almost never left his home. You rolled your eyes when you hit his front porch considering you could already hear the music from outside his door. You didn't bother knocking since Balth and you had always been close (though you had been close to all your brothers…and Anna. Too bad she was gone) you flew up to where you could sense Balthazar's grace. He was as always wearing nice clothes with a drink in his hand.

"Balth?" You asked unsure if he would hear you over the ear bleeding music…yep definitely can't hear you. You concluded after watching him continue to dance like an idiot. "Balth!" You yelled getting slightly annoyed. Still no response. After sighing in frustration you simply walked up behind him then taking a few steps back leaving you in safety area. Once you made sure there was plenty of room between the two of you, you held out your hand and blew…which then threw Balth off his feet causing him to have to pull his wings out to catch himself…of course not fast enough he still rolled on the floor quite a bit. You had managed to stay straight faced up until he started laughing while rolling on the ground.

"So what brings my dear younger sister to see me? Besides throwing me into walls." He said the last part in a jokingly bitter way. You smiled at the idea that you couldn't visit your brothers without wanting something out of them. You made a mental note to pop by more often without any reason. "I just wanted to know if you would possibly want to spend Christmas with me."

There was a moment of silent staring before you saw Balthazar smile…"Is that a yes…?" You said hopefully…you watched as he sighed in defeat (remind you it was joking defeat). "I guess." You couldn't help the excitement that climbed through you knowing you were halfway done with your list! So you weren't really thinking about your actions when you jumped into his arms muttering "Thank you thank you thank you!" After a few seconds he hugged you back…'Oh….' You pulled back in embarrassment in showing such excitement in front of Balth. You had always looked up to him and didn't want to make a fool of yourself in front of him…"Sorry about that. I just got excited." You furrowed your brows in confusion when you heard him start laughing-as in full blown laughing!-"Umm…Balth?" This only caused him to laugh harder. "What's so funny?" He was bent over laughing at this point, he finally looked up at you which only caused him to laugh harder. You gave up on trying to get him to talk, so you just stood there with your hand on your hip waiting for him to breathe. "Sorry it's just that you seem to have such an issue showing excitement in front of me. It's not like I'm going to judge you. I'm actually quite flattered you got so excited for me to come." That last part made you blush for reasons that you couldn't really understand.

"Besides remember how we were when we were fledglings?" This caused you both to start laughing hysterically! "Why do you all feel the need to bring that up!" Balth straightened up at the question. "Who's 'you all'?" You paused in your laughter trying to get air to answer him. "Oh I just came from asking Gabe and Cassie if they want to come as well." He nodded having an aha moment. "Just give me the time and place and I'll be there."

Luce

You felt something creep up inside you as you searched for Lucies grace. You couldn't tell if it was nerves or excitement. You hadn't spoken to him in quite a few years and were always worried things would be awkward with all that had been going on around home. You pushed all those thoughts out of your mind as you appeared in front of a broken down house.

You looked around confused as to why Luce was here. Luce had never been one to be humble (occasionally as little fledglings he was to make you feel better about yourself.) You looked around hoping he was home. You made your way to the chipping (your favorite color) door. (Doors color) had always been your favorite color. You opened the door to find the house actually quite beautiful and well put together. It felt very…homey. Quite like Lucifer (you had always felt at home with Lucifer).

You walked further into the house making your way to the living room…no one. You shrugged continuing on through the house. That was when you heard noise coming from another more open room. You made your way down the hall seeing Lucifer in what you assumed was his kitchen. It was quite pretty actually, the walls were a nice yellow outlined with white cabinets, the floor was wooden…or what you assumed would be wooden if there wasn't flour everywhere.

You smiled as you looked up to see Lucifer attempting to make cookies. You couldn't suppress the smile that appeared on your face (Lucifer had always been the one to bake for you or with you when either of you found the desire to eat). You walked up behind him watching as he attempted to mix the ingredients together without spilling them onto his already messy floor. "Would you like some help with that?" You asked just as some of the mix managed to escape from the overflowing bowel. He seemed to freeze with annoyance before turning to see you…"Y/N!" You nodded your head excitedly as he hugged you. "Hey Luci!" You had missed him so much! You hadn't realized exactly how much until now. You held him close not wanting him to see the tears that filled your eyes. (What you didn't know was that Lucifer held you just as close because he didn't want his baby sister to see him cry). Thankfully you both were quite good fakers so by the time you had pulled away you were both smiling brightly.

"How long has it been?" He asked as he handed you the ingredients to start a new batch and continued stirring his. You put your things together in the bowl as you thought "Hmm…a year…two?" He nodded still looking at his contents. "Well however long it's been it's been too long." You nodded in agreement. He was right, you wished you could see him more often, but living with the Winchesters made it difficult to go visit Lucifer…they weren't too fond. "So how are the monkeys?" You rolled your eyes smiling at his nickname for you best friends-they were more like family now-"Dean, Sam, and Bobby are fine, thanks for asking."

You looked up to see him laughing. Before you knew what was coming you had been splashed in the face with cookie dough! "Luce!" He was laughing so hard you were almost positive he was going to hit his head on the oven. You smirked dipping your hand in the mix as well before chucking the mix at him! You tried as angelically possible to not laugh at the shocked look on his face that quickly turned to an amused look. "Oh dear sister you shouldn't have done that." You watched skeptically as walked towards you hands behind his back…"Luce what's behind you back?" When he didn't answer you started to step back…you screamed in surprise as he dumped the entire contents of the bowel on your head! "Luce you jerk!" You were slightly upset but that was quickly fixed when you threw yours on him as well. "Gotcha." You said with a smirk.

You listened as the beeper finally went off for the cookies. There was only one batch due to the complications…"Great their done! They smell good." You pulled them out of the oven and brought them over to where Lucifer had set up decorations. "Can you clean us up now?" You asked in a slightly whiney tone that reminded Lucifer of your fledgling self. He found it adorable then and he still found it adorable now. "Yes yes we can clean up." He said in a mocking tone as he snapped his fingers. You felt the energy flow through you and a comforting warmth replace the sticky sensation as you looked down to find yourself clean and in pajamas. You looked to see Lucifer had also changed. You laughed at the ridiculousness of adult angels sitting around making cookies in their pajamas.

You both made your way to the living room with a plate of cookies and some hot chocolate. You plopped down next to your brother and turned to T.V on. You cuddled into Lucifer who put a protective arm around your shoulder. "Was there a reason you came?" You made a sound of confusion as a response. "Why did you come?" You smiled looking up at his confused demeanor. "Can't I just come to spend time with my big brother?" He smiled before continuing "You can but I know that's not why you're here." You inwardly groaned at how clever Lucifer always had been. "I came to invite you to a Christmas party." You stated as casually as possible hoping that we would be the end of it and he would just say yes. "What's the catch?" He said after a moment of contemplating. You scrunched your face at knowing he had seen through your words…"Our brothers will be there…" Another moment of silence before another question. "What's the other catch?" You cringed knowing there was no way around it. "The parties at the Winchesters and Bobby's."

The silence could have swallowed you and eaten you whole. You looked up nervously to see Lucifer staring into space. You sighed trying to be a good sister. "You don't have to come if you don't want to. I just thought it would be nice to get the family together.-

"Those apes aren't my family."

"Their mine." As much as you loved Luce and didn't care if he joked about the Winchesters you weren't going to let him insult them…"Fine, I'll go for you." You looked up at him in astonishment! "You're going to come!" He smiled gently at you. "I couldn't stand for you to be disappointed on Christmas, especially if I caused it." You hugged him tight. "Thank you Luce."

He jumped on from the couch setting his mug on the table before asking "So who's left on this crazy list of yours?" You scrunched your eyes brows together at the question. "How did you know I had a list?" He laughed at your question before stating "You have been making Christmas Lists since you were old enough to talk." You laughed as well before saying Michael. Lucifer nodded "Good luck with that." You sighed "I'll need it." You said before snapping your fingers changing back into practical clean clothes. "See you tomorrow." You said happily before closing the door. Only two people left…you could do this.

Mikie

Michael made you the most nervous of all! He was your oldest and most stubborn of brothers and you and he had always butted heads. You weren't scared of him like some of your siblings (felt like most of them at times). You hadn't seen Michael since he cast Lucifer out of heaven. You had both said some not so nice things last time you talked, you sighed knowing you would have to apologize. It wouldn't be too bad you figured because since he was your big brother and he did love you he usually was good about apologizing as well.

You made your way through heaven noting how things had changed since you were last here. The place seemed more…vacant. The young fledglings didn't play outside anymore, they were all kept inside now due to the wars that had been occurring. You frowned sadly that these new angels wouldn't have your experiences. You came up to the cottage (Father had made you a cottage to live in for your early fledgling years to show you to be grateful for what you had). The old brown cottage was the same as you all had left it, it still looked inviting and the yard was covered with snow. You peered in to see Michael putting up the Christmas tree! You had always secretly thought he put it up even after you all moved out but you were sure he would deny it. You smiled seeing him look so content.

You walked into the house making your presence known (Michael had never been one for surprises). He looked over his shoulder from his place on the ladder. At seeing you his smile brightened, though it dimmed almost as soon as it showed. It pained you to see you had upset him so much and waited so long to come see him. You were positive it got lonely. (In your defense this was the first free year you had had to have a Christmas party, the last few hundred years had been extremely stressful. It didn't make up for your mistake though.). You sighed walking closer hands clasped together in front of you. He fiddled with the tinsel in his hand. You both looked down as you thought of some way to start the overdue apology.

"Hey." You tried sounding light as you looked up hopefully. You watched as he smiled even chuckling slightly as he continued to fiddle with the tinsel. "Hey Y/N" You cringed hearing him call you by your full name. You entire childhood he had called you by the nickname N/N. "Need help?" You asked easing your way towards him. "Yeah sure. Grab the ornaments. Yours are the box that box there." You nodded grabbing his box and yours to start with. You smiled as you pulled out a bright F/C and bright blue ornament. You had always loved the first one because it was your favorite color but you loved the blue one because it reminded you of Castiel, Michael, Lucifer, and Balthazar's eyes. You also had a beautiful caramel ornament because you wanted one that reminded you of Gabe and Anna as well. You looked up to your older brother and couldn't help but want to cry that you had all spent so many years apart. Coming here made you realize how much you just wanted to be a fledgling again and be a better family-a real family again.

"Mikey, look I know that I really have no right to even be here after all the horrible stuff I said to you but I miss you…and I want to be with you and I'm tired of not being a real family. I should have never blamed you for Lucifer's fall. That one was between him and Dad and you just got pulled into it. I realize that now and I am sorry. Not just sorry about what I said but also that you didn't get to be a fledgling as long as you should have been. You were always there for us, always taking care of us. You constantly showed us love and care even though we may not have been able to see it. I know we didn't always tell you but we appreciate you. We talked about it, we all agree that you were what kept our family together when we were younger. Even Lucifer and Gabe agreed. Mike I am so sorry for everything…and I mean everything. I just want my big brother back." You heard your voice crack and heard how desperate you sounded but you didn't care. You had tears rolling down your cheeks and were desperate to just have him hug you and tell you he forgives you and smell that amazing cinnamon and vanilla scent that was your big brother.

Michael turned around and felt his heart shatter at seeing his baby sister the youngest of them all (the ones he was close to) crying. She reminded him so much of the newborn his father stuck in his arms, he remembered his father's words "This one is special, she is different from any of your other siblings because she feels things at a deeper level than the others. She will help you hold this family together. She will fight for it, she will always let you and any of her other siblings feel loved. She is a vital part of this family Michael, protect her when I cannot." Father had said the same thing about the others too. Always something different, for Castiel it was he was a soldier, for Lucifer it was the bond they would share along with his cleverness, for Gabriel it was his sense of humor and loyalty to his family, for Balthazar it was his stealth, and for Anna it was her eagerness to get things done. Father was right though, Y/N kept them all together and was always encouraging when Michael felt he wasn't doing a good enough job. Even now here she was trying to keep the family together.

He gave her a gentle smile as he made his way down the ladder and walked towards her. He shoved her against him encasing her in a warmth she had craved for so many years to feel again. The warmth of her oldest brother's arms. She quickly returned the hug burying her face in his shoulder. "I didn't know if you were going to forgive me or not." He heard her mumble into his shirt. He pulled her to arm's length so he could look her in the eyes "You listen here and you listen good Y/N. There is nothing you could say or do that could make me not forgive you. You my sister and I love you." He knew his words had gotten through to her when more tears slipped from her eyes and she gave him her brightest smile that he had greatly missed.

After hugging for a few more moments they went to putting up the other ornaments of their siblings. Every ornament told a story from one your sibling's eyes and it made you feel so happy to be able to see it again. You didn't think you would ever have this again after the fall and Dad leaving. That part still made your heart clench, that was a vacancy not even Gabe, Michael, or Lucifer could feel. That part of your heart that made you yearn for your Daddy. You smiled sadly shaking the negative thoughts out, 'He'll come back one day, he promised.' This always gave you comfort. You continued to hang ornaments until there were no left and you had a beautiful tree in the corner of the room.

You and Michael sat down at the old wooden table to drink hot chocolate. You both continued to watch the three from your spots at the table. "So did you just come to apologize or was there something else?" You rolled your eyes expecting nothing less from Michael. Michael was even more intuitive when it came to information that Lucifer was! You sighed "Yes there was something else." You looked to him and saw he was waiting patiently for you to continue. "Want to come to Christmas with me?" He looked up to you an almost smirk playing on his lips before it turned into a genuine smile. It always too Michael time to trust people (even siblings) when it came to anything really. You couldn't really be surprised with all of his responsibilities. They sure wouldn't want you running all of the armies and hoarding all of heavens secrets. You had always been too trusting. "Will this be a Christmas party or are we just celebrating Christmas together?" You kind of wavered your options using your head as the scale "Well it's both actually, we'll have a Christmas dinner and play games and things and then it will be like when we were here and we'll open gifts the next morning."

Michael nodded as though he were seriously contemplating it. "Who will be there?" You shook your head smiling "That seems to be the question of the day. It will be all of our brothers and the Winchesters along with Bobby. Yes I know you're not the biggest fans of the Winchesters and Bobby but their like family to me so please don't let that be the reason you don't come!" You said the last part quickly considering you knew that would probably be one of the big issues. Michael didn't have a problem with humans just…certain humans. You watched closely eyes squinted in concentration trying to decipher your older brother. "I wish you would have told me sooner. How am I ever going to get an accurate gift for everyone?" You smiled laughing at the dramatic way he was talking. You missed this, how he was with you. He was only like this with every few people. You waved off his fake concerns "Please you're an angel. You can easily poof anything you need." He shrugged conceding "Very true." You both started laughing again. "I hope we can be a real family again…" Michael watched as the doubt clouded your eyes and your shoulders sagged. He reached over the table to grab your hand. "Hey look at me, we will be. All thanks to you." This caused you to smile gratefully at him. What would you do without your oldest brother? It felt so good to have him back.

Sam, Dean, and Bobby

These were the easy ones, which is exactly why you had saved them for last. "Hey guuuuys?" You said in a questioning voice. "Yeah?" Sam asked smiling at what a child you could be. "Alright I have a question but I have already asked it multiple times today so I don't want to ask it any more than I have to. "Ok I'll get the guys."

You waited until they were all in the living room and you had their attention. "I have decided I'm tired of not celebrating my Dad's holiday and so I invited all of my brothers to this Christmas party!" You said it excitedly and from reading their minds could tell none of them had an issue so far. "Ok, where is it? We'll be there for you and Cas." You smiled pointing to where you were standing "Here." Dean nodded mimicking you "Oh here, that's just great. Thanks for asking and everything." You smiled knowing he wasn't actually bothered at all and was actually looking forward to seeing what was going to happen having all of your brothers in one room. "We'll be fine Dean. It's Christmas." You had cleverly chose your words so that it could be understood from his inner thoughts or what he had stated. He squinted at you trying to decide if you had done exactly what you had done. He pointed a skeptical finger at you. "Did you just-"

"What?" You asked cutting him off in a very casual way. He continued to watch you before he made a game plan. "Alright I will make a run to the store for food. Sam, Y/N start decorating and Bobby will help us make the food when I get back.

You could have just angel poofed everything to where it needs to be along with the food. You could tell they needed this though. This would be their first real Christmas and if they wanted to set everything up physically by golly that's what you were going to do! It was fun, besides you got to throw flour on all three of the guys…there was fun in everything. It was going to be a great Christmas.

Authors note: Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you all had a great one! I'm sorry this didn't get posted on Christmas but that would be because I didn't think it up till Christmas. This took me several days to type since it's so long. Also sorry it's not in proper paragraph form, I had it perfect but my wifi went out while I was editing and it's 11pm and I'm exhausted. I just wanted to get at least the first chapter published before the new year. Also guys happy New Years Eve. For the new year I am going to try to get more into doing imagines and requests. So if anyone has any suggestions or wants something specific I am glad to do it. Have a great night guys. happy New Year. I wish you all the best.

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

Scars To Your Beautiful- An ATLA fanfic- Aang and Zuko

Summary: Zuko hasn't been himself in a long time. He feels useless and hopeless and decides he doesn't belong on this Earth. Aang knows he has to save him, but will he make it in time?

Authors note: So for those of you who struggle with suicide or self loathing know that you are not alone. It doesn't make you a sucky person it just makes you a great person in a sucky situation. I know what this feels like and I just want to let you know your not alone. As much as I hate to say it you need to talk to someone, if online people help please talk to me. I will not judge you or pressure you. I have told very few people in my personal life about my situation and I don't expect you to either. Just don't keep everything bottled up. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you all enjoy! (Also I prefer Kataang much more but this isn't bad either)

Warning: There is a suicide attempt, and self loathing if you are triggered negatively by either of these things then you should probably click the back space and read one of my other fanfics.

Aang watched closely as Zuko paced the fire behind him. As the group sat in their circle Zuko refused to join. This bothered Aang, Zuko had proven himself a worthy member of this group yet still didn't feel accepted enough to eat with them. The firebender seemed to be in his own world as he finally sat down to eat in the corner of the camp. Aang continued to watch noting that Zuko didn't seem to notice anything at all.

Aang smiled taking his food and walking over to Zuko. "Hey." He said gently not wanting to startle him out of his thoughts. When Zuko didn't respond he nudged his foot with his own. This seemed to snap Zuko out of his stupor. "Hmm, what?" He looked confused and then surprised to see the young monk sitting with him. He chuckled "I said hi." Zuko stared wide eyed not really knowing what to do "Oh, hey." Aang smiled at the acknowledgment. "So why are you sitting over here by yourself?" Zuko frowned not really getting what Aang was getting at before looking towards the rest of the group around the fire. "Oh, that's just not really my sort of thing. Besides who'd want to look at this face while eating. It would likely make them sick." Aang frowned confused "And why is that? You have a handsome face." This caused Zuko to blush becoming more flustered by the second which wasn't like him at all!

"Umm…I mean I do have a scar if you haven't noticed." Aang analyzed his face for a second trying really hard to see the hideousness that Zuko described about himself. "Oh your eye?" He turned his head to the side in confusion Zuko just stared at him as he did so. "Yeah, my eye. Do I have another scar that no one's telling me about?" This caused Aang to start laughing like crazy! It brought a small smile to Zuko's face. It fell as he looked up to see the rest of the group staring at them. It was Toph who came over next. "Hey Twinkletoes, Zuko are you two going to stay over here and have all the fun by yourselves or are you going to come entertain us as well?"

While she sounded annoyed both boys could tell she was joking and just casually trying to get them back into the group. "I'm only going if Zuko comes." Zuko looked up deciding whether to be annoyed or honored but his face settled for blank. The two stared at him anxiously. "Sure why not?" He got up and followed the two over finally starting to feel like part of the team.

Zuko couldn't help but feel like his new team members watched him. He knew Katara stared and it wasn't a pleasant stare either! She probably thought he was hideous too. Everyone always thought he was hideous. 'Not everyone.' The thought brought the blush back to Zuko's normally pale cheeks. It was true Aang had been very clear with his words. He didn't just not notice Zuko's scar, he thought Zuko was handsome.

It made Zuko feel something he hadn't felt before. It was something warm, he felt like he had a heart again. He finally blew out the candle in his room and went to bed thinking of the Avatar who had seen past his scars.

Zuko woke up the next day feeling lighter. It was like some invisible burden had been lifted off of his shoulders! He came out of his tent smiling brightly only to have it drop when something wet landed on his head soaking him…"What the heck…?" He looked over to see Katara glaring daggers at him. "What do you think your doing?" He asked trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. She smirked as she causally bended water into jars. "I'm not doing anything. I'm doing what I've done for years. I'm helping out my team." He clenched his jaw trying to remain calm and not let this girl bother him. She was Aang's friend after all. "It's my team too now." She rolled her eyes. "You haven't earned your place on this team. Your half of the reason we even have to have a team! We didn't start fighting until you came along. You and your stupid quest to get your honor back. You know what Zuko? Honor is something you will never have it shows on your face!" He watched her as the silence echoed through the forest…She looked as though she were going to say something else but he was gone before she could say another word.

Katara watched he left running "Zuko wait!" There were tears in her eyes thinking about what she had just said to the prince who gave up everything for Aang. She didn't know why she always picked fights with him she doesn't couldn't help but be angry when he was around. She knew it wasn't her place to go after him, she was the last person he'd want to talk to. "Aang!" She thought! She ran after the only person she could think to help Zuko.

Zuko glared at his reflection in the water. "You're an embarrassment. You were lucky to be born. No wonder no one wanted to be around you." He pinched the skin around his eye desperately wanting to tear it off but stopping himself because why be more hideous than he already was? "You will never be loved and you will never get your honor back!" He splashed the water blurring his reflection so he wouldn't have to look at it.

"Aang! Aang!" Katara yelled as she ran through the forest trying desperately to find the young Avatar. Aang looked up from gathering wood with Sokka and Toph to see Katara running with tears streaming down her face. "Katara what happened!" The gang dashed to her as she fell to her knees breathing hard. "D-don't worry about me! I'm the o-one that was w-wrong! Z-Zuko's the one you should be worried about!" Aang looked at her his face hardening but the worry evident in his eyes. "What's wrong with him? Where is he?" Katara tried to catch her breath Aang waited trying desperately but failing. "Katara where is he!" He grabbed her wrists pulling her towards him. Katara knew Aang would never hurt her but it didn't mean his angry tone with her didn't scare her. "H-he ran off! Aang I said such terrible things to him! You have to find him! He won't want to see me! I don't know what he's going to do but it won't be anything good!" Aang let go pushing her towards Sokka who was prepare to comfort her. Aang took off using every bit of power he had to get him to Zuko. He had to find him!

Zuko hiked his way up the mountain becoming more and more desperate to get away as he went. As he felt the tears trail down his face and realized what a failure he was. He just wanted to end it all! He wanted to be done! He finally made his way to the most beautiful area he had ever seen. Zuko realized he might never have the same atmosphere again and wanted to die here, where there were no mistakes except him. He sat down beside the lake taking out his sword…the blade would be easy enough to stick into himself. It was sharp so it wouldn't take much to end things. He would bleed out before anyone found him.

Aang ran for his life listening for any sound or trail of Zuko! "Zuko!" He yelled desperately looking for the boy he had fallen in love with so long ago! Not that he would admit it. "Zuko!" He looked down focusing on something on the grass before looking up and seeing a figure who looked to have something sharp being pointed at him. 'He was being attacked!' Aang gasped running up the hill. He had to save him!

Zuko gasped at hearing Aang's voice. Aang…the boy who brought a smile to his face anytime he talked to him. Aang the boy who thought he was…no…no! Aang had to be lying or he was blind! Aang was too positive! Didn't he see that lying wasn't going to make him feel any better! Zuko grabbed his head. Why did things have to be like this? He had never meant to be such a failure. With shaking hands he held the sword to his heart. He steadied his hands looking down at his reflection…."I'm sorry Aang." He held his breath as he got ready to push the sword in. "Zuko!" He froze in his place…"Aang?" He silently scolded himself for the shaking in his voice. "What are you doing?" Aang's voice made him want to cry. He had never seen the boy so emotional nor heard that tone. The desperation and agonizing confusion.

"Aang…you should go." Aang walked around him slowly. Never taking his eyes off of him for a second. "I'm not leaving you." Zuko watched with tear filled eyes as Aang slowly reached his hand out to take the sword…"Zuko give me the sword." He pulled it closer to himself and actually piercing his skin only slightly "Zuko! Zuko…please don't do this." He was trying to keep calm Zuko could tell. "Aang please don't stay. I don't want to hurt you." Aang looked up tears leaking out of his eyes "You only will if you let yourself die."

Zuko looked away trying to stop the tears. "Aang I'm useless. I don't belong anywhere and I'm not worthy of your attention. I'm not worthy of anyone's attention…not even my own." Aang felt the tears crawl down his face as he watched the prince who was once so confident stand in front of him talking so lowly of himself…he saw himself as nothing. "Zuko…your my everything. You, this team, this world. You're important to me." Zuko stared at him wondering if what he was saying was just a way to preserve another life. Aang was being the Avatar and Zuko couldn't blame him for that. "Aang its ok, you don't have to say those things. I don't need to be lied to. Knowing you were my friend was enough." "Zuko stop! Please stop! I NEED you HERE! My supply of people I need are low and your one of them and I can't lose you! Especially not like this!"

Zuko could barely see Aang through his tears, but he knew the boy was crying…he hadn't wanted to do that. He didn't want Aang to be in pain because of him. "Aang I'm sorry. I am so so sorry. But can't you see I am only hurting you! All I've ever done is hurt you!" Aang shook his head stepping closer to him. "No! You have brought me a feeling I never knew I could feel. You made me realize who I truly was! Zuko you are amazing to me." He laughed, it was a pitiful laugh. He wanted so badly to believe what Aang was saying but knew it couldn't be true. "Aang stop! Just stop! You don't' mean any of this! Stop trying to save me!" Aang was getting angry now "Zuko I have to save you! You mean so much to me and I just don't get how you can't see that!" "Have you looked at me! Have you seen my face! How could you ever want to be with someone like me!"

"Because I love you!" Zuko froze "Zuko I love how you smile in awkward situations, I love the sound of your laugh, how your eyes sparkle when you do, how I can feel the heat off of your skin when I'm sitting next to you, or the fact that you are so amazingly brave and courageous! You picked up and left the life of royalty to join us in the woods! You did what was right! Zuko you are beautiful in every possible way!" Zuko's hand shook, he didn't know what to do! "Aang…I don't know how to live in this world anymore. I lost my way a long time ago." Aang put his hand ever so gently over Zuko's. "Let me show you." Zuko dropped the sword as he dropped to his knees crying, crying harder than he ever had. Aang held onto him the entire time.

He rocked Zuko in his arms. He didn't say a word as Zuko let everything out. He didn't have to say a word for Zuko to know he was there. "Aang. I love you too." Aang pulled him in tightly for a hug. Putting his head into Zuko's neck. "Don't ever scare me like that again." Zuko tightened his grip "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Aang shook his head pulling away "It's over now. Are you ok?" Zuko nodded smiling. "Yeah, oh and Aang." Aang looked up "Yeah Zuko?" "Don't call me beautiful it's weird." Aang laughed "Handsome?" Zuko sighed "If you really think so." Aang nudged his nose with his own. "I know so." "Let's get back to the others."

Aang and Zuko came back hand in hand. The group looked up not too surprised to see the two together. Aang gave Katara a small encouraging smile. She nodded walking up to Zuko as Aang stepped away. "Hey, I wanted to say I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said any of that stuff, none of its true and honestly I should have accepted you a long time ago. I was bitter about what happened in Ba Sing Se and I just hadn't gotten over it. Zuko you belong on this team." He nodded and was surprised when she pulled him in for a hug that quickly the entire group joined in on. Zuko looked up at Aang smiling. Things would be ok.

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

No Cas- A Supernatural Imagine Cas and Reader

Summary: Do you ever get into those situations where you have to explain something? Do you ever have to explain it to an angel? How on Earth do you explain to an angel the idea behind a snow ball fight!

Things weren't too unusual around the Bunker. You guys had been researching some shifter that had been exposed to radiation giving it the ability to become invisible…not at all weird right? You had been walking around trying to keep yourself from being lazy in between your researching periods. You happened to walk past Cas sitting on the couch mesmerized by Elf. You couldn't help but stop to watch the hilarious snow ball scene. "I love this scene." You mumbled as you plopped down next to Cas. He acknowledged you with a small smile before you both became entranced by the scene. When it was over you sighed knowing you needed to go take care of necessities like showering, also figuring Cas would want to watch the movie alone. You got up ready to go to your room when you heard Cass's voice. "Is it customary for people to throw snow at each other?" You chuckled slightly turning back to acknowledge him. "No not really…I guess you could say it is. People just have a habit of throwing things at each other because it's kind of fun I guess." You shrugged figuring that was the best way to explain and felt you were right when he gave you a slight nod. "Ok." You gave him a slight nod before making your way to your room.

You spent about an hour and a half in your room taking a nice hot shower to get all the disgusting two day grime off of you. You got dressed and watched YouTube for a little bit before deciding you needed to help Sam out and go do some more research. You groaned as you got up and headed for the library. On the way through you passed Cas again having not moved once…'doesn't he ever get tired of sitting there!' You thought to yourself before continuing on. You of course stopped once you heard high pitched screaming and couldn't help but backtrack to see what was on the screen….'oh'. Cas was watching The Last Song and happened to be watching the Scene where Will and Ronnie are having a water fight with the hose. "Kaitlyn I'm confused." You leaned over the couch so you were next to his head "About what?" You asked not understanding what was confusing about the movie at all. "I thought you told me people throw the balls of snow at each other, but in this movie they have thrown mud and now water. Doesn't the water hurt?" You took a second to think this through…"I guess they use a few other things. It's just something people do for fun. Sure the water may hurt a little but there's a little bit of fun in that…know what I mean?" The tiniest of smiles grew on his face as he came to understand. You couldn't help but feel honored to be a part of that smile. "Yes I understand now, thank you." Taking that as your sign to leave you headed for the library.

You made your way to the library and plotted down into a chair grabbing the book to continue studying. "Find anything yet?" You asked Sam not looking up from your book. "Nope." Dean said from his spot on the couch. "How would you know! You have been looking at your phone the entire time I tried to talk to you!" An agitated Sam said from his spot at the computer. Dean looked slightly caught off guard "I'm not on my phone."…"Dean do you really think I don't know you have it hidden in your book? You haven't turned the page in fifteen minutes." You smirked from your place in the chair looking over Dean to say "Nice try." Dean shrugged quickly losing interest. He started to leave when he stopped hearing parts of the movie as you had moments ago. He turned back pointing a finger towards the living room. "What's Cas watching?" You smiled as you said "The Last Song." Dean rolled his eyes "A chick flick seriously!" He trudged back over to his spot on the couch and sat back down pouting. "Seriously you're not going to go to your room because of that movie?" You asked baffled at how ridiculous he was being. Dean didn't bother with an answer as he begrudgingly picked up the book and tried to do research along with you and Sam.

You sat there in the peaceful silence for about an hour before Dean groaned. You and Sam both snapped up due to the mini heart attacks that were both trying to take you over. You sat there in the peaceful silence for about an hour before Dean groaned. You and Sam both snapped up due to the mini heart attacks that were both trying to take you over! "What!" You gasped trying to calm your terrified heart. "Bored!" Same rolled his eyes looking from you to his ridiculous brother "Find something to entertain yourself then!" He turned back to his work not wanting to be bothered until the work was finished. You could tell Dean wasn't going to stop anytime soon so you quickly looked for something to entertain him with. You grabbed the first thing you saw and hurled it at him…it just happened to be a sandwich. Dean looked up at you in an almost angry way. Your face remained neutral as you decided if you should smile, laugh, or make a break for it. Eventually Dean just shrugged and started to eat the sandwich…eww. You were about to return to your work when your stomach growled…'Ugh!'

You gathered the energy to get up and go make something to eat getting up from the chair and walking down the hallway to the kitchen. You walked past the living room only slightly noticing that Cas was no longer sitting on the couch and the T.V was no longer on. 'Must have gone to his room for the night.' You thought as you made your way into the kitchen. You stopped in your tracks standing in the middle of the kitchen giving you a wide grin…"Oh hey Cas." "Hi Kaitlyn." There was an awkward moment of silence until you finally broke it with "How was the movie?" Another moment of silence "Which one? I have watched twelve movies today." Your eyes widened realizing how much you guys needed to find something for him to do.

You casually analyzed him trying to figure out why he was being even more awkward than usual. That's when you noticed he had something behind his back…"Cas what do you have there?" Your voice gave nothing away as you asked that innocent question. Cas was smart though and realized it was over. He didn't consider it defeat though, his smile only widened when he quickly threw something at you that you quickly dodged. You felt your body go into hunter mode as you looked for a place to hide grabbing the quickest weapon you could get your hands on which happened to be a spoon. "Cas what the heck!" You screamed backing away from him and jumping slightly hearing something shatter. You looked behind you to see it was a plate! A freakin plate! Who throws a plate at someone! You heard movement behind you and turned just in time to see Cas throw around five plates! You dodged a few before taking cover and hearing all of them shatter. "Cas come on! I'm sure we can talk this out!" Cas had never attempted to hurt you so you had no idea how to react to this. Besides these were pretty crappy weapons compared to his angel blade.

Come on Kaitlyn you're not being any fun! Your supposed to throw back…'What!' You furrowed your brows trying to figure out what on Earth he was talking about! That's when it hit you…'oh...' You slowly made your way out from behind the wall holding your hands up in surrender making yourself visible to Cas. "Don't throw!" You screamed as soon as you saw he had five plates aimed right for you! "Kaitlyn why don't you look like you're having fun?" He said in a confused tone. You broke into a small laugh that must have snapped the boys out of their research because next thing you know they were coming down the hall looking very alarmed that you were surrendering to an armed Castiel. "Cas what are you doing those cost money!" Dean yelled from his place next to you and Sam. You and Sam looked to him with a 'really' look. Like 'That's what your concerned about right now!' "Cas mind if we ask what you're doing." Sam asked using caution as though he were afraid he would be the next victim. "I was trying to have a plate fight." He said it with such clarity that it almost made it sound normal. "A what?" Dean asked trying to figure this out as well. "I was watching movies where these friends were throwing snow balls and mud and water at each other and I just saw the plates and thought why not." You being the nice person you were tried to stifle your laugh but the two boys next to you were not so kind. They broke down laughing clutching their stomachs. "Dude that's not how it works!" Dean said through raspy breaths. "You can't just use anything you want Cas!" Sam said trying to get a hold of himself. "I don't understand Kaitlyn told me there were a few things I could use." They both turned to you giving you amused looks.

You sighed running your hand through your hair. "Cas I didn't think you would try to use plates. When I said there were a few things I meant like clothes or paint. Stuff like that, stuff that won't cause injuries." You explained pointing to the many broken dishes. You felt the guilt hit you like a ton of bricks as you watched Cass's shoulders slump and any happiness that was left on his face had vanished. He looked around looking at the mess that had been caused before starting to walk past the three of you "I'll clean it up." He mumbled in a sad tone that he was obviously trying to cover. "I'm sorry about the mess." He said before leaving the room not looking back.

The three of you stood there in silence. You sighed after a few moments feeling worse than ever about the situation. This was something totally different than you were used to, you had never offended Cas or disappointed him. Whether this was technically your fault or not it sure felt that way. It reminded you of the way he had pouted in the restaurant that day when you, Bobby, Dean, and Sam had been on a hunt with him and Dean had offended him. Even then you felt bad seeing as how much he respected Dean's opinion. You had wanted to make him better then and that one had nothing to do with you!

"Man this is totally my fault isn't it?" You asked in a dreaded tone. "Yeah it is." Dean said almost immediately. "Dude!" Sam snapped seeing as that didn't make you feel any better. "Kaitlyn this is not your fault. How were you supposed to know that Cas would take what you said so literally?" You nodded mumbling a small your right before saying "I'm going to go help him." On your way out you made an effort to bump into Dean feeling satisfied when you heard him grunt slightly…you may or may not have used your elbow. You found Cas pretty instantly sitting on the floor picking up the shards. Before you came up to him you grabbed some paper towel and dampened them a little.

You came up to sit next to him and sat down to help. "You know it helps if you use a wet cloth." You said as you started picking up the pieces using the paper towel you had brought with you. Cas watched with admiration as you swiftly had all of the pieces picked up and folded into the towel. "There all done." You said happy to have helped. You gave him a smile before getting up to go throw away the cloth. Cas followed behind you (which wasn't too unusual as he often liked to surprise you or see what you were doing without having to ask).

You went to rinse off your hands when an idea came to mind. You slowly picked up the nozzle to the sink before quickly and swiftly turning and landing the water right in Cas's face. The look on his face went from alarmed to shocked and it was hilarious! You started laughing extremely hard but the smile quickly faded when you saw that Cas had somehow managed to find a….hose! You tried to hold up your hands in surrender without letting go of your nozzle but Cas was not going to show any mercy. "Cas!" You gasped as you met face to face with some very icy water! "You demon!" You yelled trying to block the water and fight back with your nozzle! "Angel actually!" Cas yelled over the sound of water and screams mashing through the kitchen.

You laugh realizing how great these days are! How much fun you're having! You couldn't remember laughing this much in a long time! Sure you laughed and joked with the boys all the time but this was different this was rare and unique. How many people could say they had a water fight with an angel? You both fought your hardest trying your best the take the other down. Both of you were very competitive it seemed. You both were laughing so hard neither of you could breathe. You were so distracted with your battle that you didn't notice Sam and Dean running down the hall in panic until they were right in front of you screaming "What's going on!" You both froze in your tracks starring at them with your weapons still in your hands…"…A water fight." You said awkwardly before a smile grew on both your and Cass's faces. You raised an eyebrow silently questioning him 'Should we?" The smile that grew on his face guaranteed you a yes. The brothers seemed to catch on only after you and Cas and taken a step forward pointing the hose and nozzle directly at them (for hunters they could be so slow at times!). You both got them square in the face and weren't going to let up any time soon! "Guys come on lets be adults!" Dean yelled trying to shield his face. "Guys knock it off this isn't even fair!" After a good three minutes you let up only to go grab two more nozzles. "Catch." You casually said throwing each of them one. That was when the war really started.

You were all laughing so hard it was hard to tell which laugh was which! You were all soaked and were still relentlessly shooting at each other! Sam I guess finally got frustrated of having you constantly nail him so he came over and picked you up forcing the water to run all the way from your head to your toes! "Sam! Cold cold!" You screamed trying to escape. "No really?" He asked through laughter finally you nudged him gently in the stomach allowing him to loosen his grip you summer salted you way over to Dean and Cas and got them both in the face before finally losing control and laughing. You clutched over falling on the floor, the others soon following suit. Once the laughter finally ended you all seem to notice the mess that was completely covering the kitchen the laughter stopping slowly…'oh...'

You plopped down on the couch squishing yourself between the three men having finally finished your part of cleaning the kitchen. You all now sat there with wet hair, pajamas and a blanket draped over all four of you. You allowed Cas to pick the movie since the three of you had seen all of them already. After intense concentration he settled on watching the Avengers, which you all were completely fine with. You each decided on a superhero for the others you being the Black Widow (because your just awesome), Dean being Iron Man (because of his humor), Sam was the Hulk since he was already huge and super smart), it took a minute but the three of you agreed Cas was Captain America (which of course he knew nothing about) (because he was always so confused about everything). The three of you laughed at all the jokes and the drama and you all cried when Agent Coulson died (even Dean and tears in his eyes!). By the end of the movie everyone was asleep dreaming of super heroes and water fights. This was the way things should be, and every once in a while they would be.

Authors note: Yep so that's it. Hope you all liked reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you would like more stuff like this just private message me or click that little review button and we can definitely make something happen. Feel free to send a request or an imagine. I will talk to you all again soon, bye!

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

A Casual Day In The Tardis

You woke up to the sound of the Doctor laughing that triumphant laugh of his. You smiled into your pillow thinking of what a child he was. You shook your head to the thought of encouraging this but finally crawled your way out of bed. You could hear the music on from the staircase…you peered around the rail and saw the Doctor doing some…very interesting dances. You covered your mouth to stifle the laugh that made its way up your throat. He was currently doing the jive…you made your way behind him silently trying to time this perfectly. You hid a little longer listening the song….a bright smile formed along your face noticing it was one of your and the Doctors favorite-Wake Me Up Before You Go Go by Wham. You slowly counted in your head '1…2…3!' You waited till he turned slightly so he was almost facing you. You quickly jumped his arms while you both kept it perfect time with the dance. You could tell you had startled him but he held you close anyway as you both danced. He laughed almost as soon as he saw who it was. "Don't do that you about gave me a heart attack!" You laughed with him "Don't you mean hearts attack!" You couldn't pass it up. He just gave you the same smirk he always did when you made extremely horrible jokes, especially when you both knew they were absolutely terrible. You both continued to dance to the music, thinking up all sorts of different old style dances while somehow still staying together in pace and movement…it felt like you two were the only people in the entire universe.

You eventually got tired of hitting the replay button and put it on full reverse so you didn't have to bother. The Doctor laughed at your laziness for the simple task (since you were usually somewhat active). He sat in his chair feet propped up waiting for you to come back so he could dance more. You finally skipped back towards him and continued on as you were.

You put the boom-boom into my heart You send my soul sky high when your lovin' starts Jitterbug into my brain Goes a bang-bang-bang 'til my feet do the same.

You quickly learned the Doctor was very fond of the jive…which you didn't mind one bit. You lose count of how many times the two of you had laughed since you came down the stairs. You had turned the music up pretty loud so you could hear it all the way through the Tardis and you started racing with the Doctor. "Y/N wait up!" You could hear the Doctor calling. You continued on determined to beat him at the race that existed only in your head. You finally made it back to the consol, you stopped as soon as you got there not thinking about where you were standing…"OOPS!" "OW! DOCTOR WATCH WHERE YOUR GOING!" You couldn't be taking seriously, you were laughing so hard! You looked up to see the Doctor right next to you. He propped himself up on his elbows looking down at you from your spot on the ground. He pushed some hair out of your face before getting up and offering a hand to you which you quickly took. "So what should we do now!" The Doctor turned to you obviously waiting for an answer. "Hmm.." You purposly made him wait because his looks of annoyance were hilirous. "…lets do everything!" The Doctor looked at you stranglely. "What does that mean?" "Exactley how it sounds. Lets do everything today…you know for a super old man you don't know much." He looked offended before seeing you weren't the least bit serious and throwing you both into laughing fits once again. He plopped down on the rail of the Tardis console with you leaning in so that you were quite close (you two were basically best friends and closeness was never an issue with you two). "Alright what does everything involve?" He talked as though he were the student who was very interested in what you were saying. "Let's find out." You grabbed his hand and raced to whatever room you thought of first.

Wake me up before you go-go Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo Wake me up before you go-go I don't want to miss it when you hit that high Wake me up before you go-go 'Cause I'm not plannin'' on going solo Wake me up before you go-go Take me dancing tonight

"The swimming pool?" You nodded "Yep! Sounds good to me." You were both starring at the huge swimming pool that was covered in thick glass that showed a beautiful sun shining brightly (most likely a perception filter) You were about to suggest getting a swimsuit when you felt yourself being pushed in! You popped back up out of the water almost immediately! "Doctor!" He was bent over laughing so hard! You angrily marched out of the pool and over to him. He slightly cowered in fear but was still smiling. Before he knew what had hit him he was in the water! It was now your turn to laugh seeing how ridiculous he looked! This quickly turned into some kind of water war. There was much tackling and laughing and talking over being ruler of the pool. Once you both resembled prunes you finally decided to get out. Your once comfortable black t-shirt was now highly uncomfortable along with the sweat pants you were wearing. The Doctor looked completely ridiculous in his wet suit! You both ran to your rooms changing into whatever you felt like wearing. You both raced out to the console, you were pleasantly surprised to find the Doctor actually wearing sweats and a white t-shirt. You were always telling the Doctor it was ok to have a dress down day but then he would just say "I have to look good saving the world." Which then caused you to always underdress when you were having a day in. When he would ask you why you would simply reply "I'm dressing down for both of us."

'Cause you're my lady, I'm your fool It makes me crazy when you act so cruel Come on, baby, let's not fight We'll go dancing, everything will be all right

The Doctor clapped his hands excitedly "So! What's next?" You smirked at him knowing exactly what you should do. The Doctor noticed the look and found himself smirking as well (though he had no idea what you were thinking). Without saying a word you raced up to your room and then running down the hallway to his grabbing what you needed from each. When you came back down the Doctor was standing right where you had left him. He heard you scrambled down the steps and watched in confusion as you threw him a pillow…"Y/N what is th-" He was abrubtedly cut off when you hit him in the head with your pillow! "Hey!" "It's a pillow fight duh." This quickly turned into a full-fledged battle! The victory was hazy most the time since and the Doctor were both quite skilled at the arts of pillow fighting. After about an hour the Doctor had you pinned under him with you trying to reach for your pillows. "Do you surrender?" He asked, with the triumph already present in his voice. You sighed in frustration. You continued to struggle to reach for your pillow. His grip on your arm tightened even more. "Come on Y/N don't make this any harder than it has to be." He said still smiling, "Where would the fun in that be?" You asked with a smirk of your own as you found your pillow and quickly slapped him with it efficiently knocking him off of you. You victory didn't last long though because the Doctor knocked you over and was quickly on top of you once again. You moaned dramatically being frustrated. "It's only fair, you were victor of the pool so I should be able to be victor of pillow fights." You could tell he was trying to make this defeat easier on you (and him). You sighed before saying ok in a strange tone. He got up and helped you up. He smiled excitedly as you announced he was the victor and held his hand up (as they do in the Hunger Games) "Thank you thank you! This is such a big deal to me! I never expected!" You laughed at his childish antics.

You walked past him bumping him on the way "Come on drama queen the days not over." He followed you into the hallway asking curiously "What else did you have in mind?" "Well my dear friend you simply can't have a casual day without a movie." The Doctor smiled as he followed you into the living room. You plopped down on the couch with the Doctor after grabbing all the necessities (soda, popcorn, any candy imaginable, and three different movies) "Alright! We have The Hunger Games, The Avengers, or The Help. Which one do you choose?" You watched the Doctor scan each movie with the utmost concentration. You had chosen three random movies since you had way too many to count) "Ugh this is so hard!" He held his head in his hands from stress overload. You patted his back comfortingly "It's alright will have other movie nights just choose one and will watch the others later." He nodded furrowing his brows scanning them over once again. "Alright…The Help, I need to laugh a little. Besides it's historical." You smiled at him before mumbling something about him being a nerd, which he nudged you for. You settled back against the couch leaning your head on his shoulder and watching the movie. You both really liked your causal off days. You really did.

Cuddle up, baby, move in tight We'll go dancing tomorrow night It's cold out there, but it's warm in bed They can dance, we'll stay home instead

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

The Day You Met The Doctor(11th Doctor and Reader Imagine)

Summary: You are a secretary who loves their simple life. You are happily in a relationship and then that gets messed up. You meet the Doctor one night when he finds you a crying mess. How will this turn out? Will you choose to see the stars or say with you wonderful life?

You were walking out the door of your apartment to you job. You were a secretary at a high class office. Your life was ordinary and consisted of the same thing every day, you get up get ready go to work go out with your boyfriend B/N. It was a simple life, but it was yours. You walked in greeting anyone you saw (you were friendly like that). You felt a sense of comfort walking into your glass office that overlooked the city of London. You could look out there for hours if you had the time. You took a breath before getting to work.

You had just left the office to go meet B/N when you got a phone call. "Hello?" You said as you answered the phone. "Y/N" You knew that was B/N. "Hey where are you? I thought you were meeting me outside the building?" You didn't want to sound angry but you knew he knew how you felt about being stood up. "I-I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore." His voice was shaking but showed no sign of emotion…you felt a chill go up your spine at the thought you had..."What do you mean you can't do this anymore?" He may have been good at covering his emotions but you were not! The fear in your voice was evidenet. "I think you know what I mean. Y/N…it's over. I just don't see us going anywhere. I'm sorry." You heard the phone click signaling he had hung up on you. You felt your throat closing up and the tears pooling down your face. What was the point? The simple life you loved so much was gone, crushed into a thousand pieces.

You didn't care who saw you, you were too numb to be embarrassed by your state. It was all too much! All too painful! You ran up the stairs to your room and quietly closed the door behind you. You slid down the door frame and curled into a ball to give yourself a nice long cry. You cried until it hurt, you were lightheaded and now had a headache that didn't seem to make any promises of leaving. You were about to get up when you heard a very strange noise…you couldn't even describe it. You were still frozen in place listening for the sound when a knock came to your door. "Hello! Anyone home? I could use some help!" The voice was very energetic and happy. Something you desperately needed right now. You slowly opened the door to see a tall man with dirty blond or ligh brown hair, he was thin and attractive. "Hi! I'm the Do-What happened to you! You look a mess! Mind if I come in?" He didn't even wait for an answer. He just walked past you and into the kitchen. You sat there absolutely stunned.

You finally gathered the nerve to go question him and found him sitting at your kitchen table waiting for you with two cups of tea. You hesitantly joined him and started to sip your own tea. "So…what happened?" He asked quietly and calmly. You shook your head slightly giving him a sad smile. "I don't want to burden you with my troubles." He furrowed his brows as he frowned "What makes you think it would be a burden? I want to help you in anyway I can." He gently took your hand in his never breaking eye contact with you. He nodded his head before saying "Go on." You hesitantly started your sad story. By the time you were finished the Doctor had gotten up and was pacing the kitchen. He slammed his hand on the table making you jump! "Sorry! Sorry. I just get so mad! Why do humans have to be this way towards each other! Where I'm from only love is taught. Not this…this evil!" You got up and put your hand on his shoulder "Doctor it's fine, I'm fine." You paused thinking over his past words…"Why do you speak as though you aren't one of us?" He looked confused for a second before realizing what he had said. He smiled excited. "It would be better if I show you." He held out his hand for you to take "May I?" You smiled nodding and let him grab your hand and pull you to the top of the apartment building. There stood a wooden blue police box. You had always loved them, but this one was unique. You looked to him expectantly "Can we go in?" He ran up to the door and pushed it open. He held it for you as you entered.

You gasped in surprise! It was beautiful! It was different colors throughout and had a glass flooring (similar to your office). You looked to him with a bright smile on your face! "Is this yours?" He nodded excitedly "Yep! I'm always looking for new guests-companions as I like to call them. If you would like…you could stay with me." You looked to him in even more shock! 'He wants me to stay?' "Y-you really want me to stay?" He looked to you in astonishment…"Why would I! Y/N you have just sat and listen to me rant on and on! Not many people are willing to do that. You also happen to have a fantastic personality and I find you intriguing." You pulled him in for a tight hug, "Thank you!" After an awkward moment on his part he finally returned the hug. "No Y/N, thank you." He ran over to the counsel and pressed some buttons before pulling on a lever. You weren't prepared for the sudden movement so you grabbed on to the railing. "Where are we going!" You yelled over the sound of the machine. "I have no idea!" He said laughing like a madman! You knew that you should probably be scared, but the only thought that came to your mind was 'This is going to be fun!'

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

To Have Been In Love- A Merlin fanfic

Summary: During a night with the knights and his King Merlin is asked a question he never thought he’d have to think about, have you ever been in love? Oh if he only had time to tell them about them all.  Merlin falls in love so easily at the beginning, but after a while he finds it harder and harder.  During a talk about Morgana that leaves Merlin tense Arthur and the knights find out exactly why Merlin doesn’t like to discuss the Kings old ward. 

The day had started out pretty normal. 

It was just supposed to be a simple hunt. 

Just something to do with Arthur and the Knights. 

As much as Merlin hated killing the innocent creatures he did enjoy his time spent with his friends. Merlin smiled as Arthur turned around rolling his eyes at one of Gwaine’s stories as

they rode towards the forest. Merlin snorted trying to hide it not to offend Gwaine. Not that Gwaine ever really got offended. He apparently wasn’t as subtle as he had thought. 

“And what do you think you’re laughing at Merlin?” Gwaine’s voice rang among the group. Merlin quickly straightened himself out. 

“Nothing, nothing, just thinking.” Arthur chuckled from his spot ahead, watching from behind as Merlin tried to cover his tracks. 

“Honestly Merlin, it’s a good thing I don’t tell you anything of importance. You wouldn’t know how to keep a secret if it tried to lock itself in your mouth.” 

“Is there something you want to say to me Princess?” Arthur rolled his eyes at the nickname. 

“Not particularly, just wondering when you’re going to settle down and find yourself a nice girl.” Gwaine laughed as they continued to ride. “Oh Princess, do you know me at all?

Settling down is far too boring. Isn’t that right Merlin!” Merlin looked to his friends almost seeming confused. 

“Why are you asking me?” Gwaine shrugged good naturedly, but all of the knights would be lying if they said they were not the least bit curious as to what Merlin’s lack of women is.

What his lack of a relationship comes from. Truth be told the knights for some time had wondered if Merlin’s only torch was for the King himself. All of the knights certainly hoped

not, for it would be too tragic. To know Merlin stuck around for that pain, if only to be close to Arthur. To remain by his side forever in oblivion. Merlin rolled his eyes smiling at his

friends who watched him curiously. 

“I have nothing against settling down Gwaine.” Gwaine drew his horse closer to Merlin’s. Curiosity showing clear as day in his eyes. “Then why is it that you remain alone? You’ve been

in Camelot for so long, surely you’ve met someone being there! You’re one of the most enjoyable people I’ve ever gotten to know, I’ve heard the ladies in the castle whisper about

you. You’d have no shortage of girls. So what keeps you mate?” 

Merlin blushed thinking of the attention he got from the women in the castle. He knew he had to play this carefully to not cause suspicion. He really did not feel like discussing his

real reasons for his single life. They were far too painful to ever bring up. He hadn’t talked about it since the night it happened. He didn’t plan on ever voicing those words again. 

“I guess I never found someone I felt suited me.” He said with a shrug. 

“Oh come on! Out of all of Camelot! Not one girl?” Merlin shook his head smirking at Gwaine. 

“Boys?” Merlin laughed out loud at that. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s heard it and he doubted it would be the last. 

“Gwaine!” Elyan and Percial snapped at their fellow knight. Not wanting to make Merlin uncomfortable. 

“Oh Gwaine, that’s a good one. As much as I don’t have a problem with that sort of thing. I can’t say that it’s my case personally. I just simply don’t find anyone interesting or

appealing enough to spend the rest of my life with, let alone go on a date with.” 

Arthur had been watching the exchange rather quietly. It’s not that the question had neve dawned on him. He and Merlin had been friends for many years and he had taken notice

that Merlin never seemed to like anyone in that way. Not out of any insecurity, just out of pure lack of interest. So he decided to wait and see what good Gwaine leading the question

would do. It seemed Melin wasn’t cracking for any of them. That’s when Arthur brought it up. 

“You had a thing for Morgana once remember?” Merlin froze. Everyone could see it. His breathing seemed to have halted and his knuckles turned white as he clutched the reigns of

the horse. 

“What?” It was tense and not at all Merlin’s usual jolly tone. 

“You brought Morgana flowers once remember? You saw you. When her nightmares had gotten really bad.” Merlin shook his head forcing a smile. 

“That’s not attraction, that’s just kindness towards a friend. I had suffered from nightmares in the past and had found that the smell of lilies calmed me at night. Helped me to sleep

better. I didn’t want to sound like a girl so I let you think they were an act of love.” Arthur analyzed him for a second before nodding his head. 

“Well played.” 

“Thank you sire.” 

Their attention was swayed as the sound of animals began and the hunt was on! 

That night around a camp they all sat. Either skinning or cooking game. Just chatting as they always did at night around the warm fire. Questions started up again as they always did. 

    “Alright who here has ever been in love, not just a fling? Raise your hand.” Merlin didn’t know what had happened to him, what made him put his guard down. Maybe it was the

weird feeling he had ever since the first conversation that morning, maybe it was just him being distracted, or maybe it was Morgana’s beautiful laughing face that kept floating into

his mine, for some reason he raised his hand surprising those all around him. 

“What? Really?” It was Elyan’s question as he watched Merlin. To be honest the man looked half asleep.He didn’t eve seem to hear him. “Merlin!” His eyes flicked up to Elyan’s and then

to the rest of the group. He frowned thinking over the last minute before snatching his hand back down as though that would erase the last minute. 

“Sorry I misheard your question.” He shook his head going for a smile as he began to play with the food on his plate finding he wasn’t hungry. 

“No you know what the question was. Explain.” It was said jokingly by Elyan. Though Merlin knew from the glances around him he wouldn’t be getting out of this one. “Who is she?

How did you meet her?” Merlin looked around settling for an unamused smile. 

‘You all are such nosy prats.” 

“Hey! I thought that was my word?” Arthur spoke up. Merlin shrugged face blank. 

“You’re rubbing off on them.”

“Details come on!” Gwaine excitedly leaned closer to Merlin. If he could learn the smallest bit about Merlin’s past he would be excited. The boy was such a closed book with his

personal life. 

“Alright alright. Nothing much to say really. We met in Camelot. I had been here for a few weeks before I met her, but we instantly became interested in each other and got along

really well. We became great friends and by the end of the year we were dating. It was one of the best times of my life.” 

“How did you ruin it?” Came Leon’s snarky response. All meant in good fun. Merlin was able to cover to cringe of the ever so real statement. He instead shrugged. 

“We fell out of love. Nothing that could be done. We couldn’t be friends after that so she left Camelot.” The others seemed sympathetic, patting him on the back. The conversation

moved away from that to save Merlin face. Of course Merlin’s relief didn’t last long as Morgana was once again brought up. They had been making fun of her. Making up scenarios

about her stealing the crown. They were all laughing, but Merlin knew they all held a hatred for her. A hatred he could never share. No matter what she did, he would always love her. 

“Merlin come on! You try to do the Morgana voice.” Arthur was laughing as he tried to get Merlin involved. Watched as something changed in Merlin. He was suddenly more quiet than

he had been all day. His demeanor had changed. He only muttered something about ‘not being good at voices.’ 

Merlin turned his head away ashamed. Arthur watched him closely. Noting this wasn’t the first time Merlin has responded this way. When it came to Morgana at least. Merlin seems to

have always had a soft spot for her, though it’s hard to tell because Merlin seems to have a soft spot for everyone, but watching him now as he turns away, head held down. Arthur

can tell he has missed something so important about his manservant-his friend. “You loved her.” It wasn’t a question, nor was it an accusation. Merlin and Arthur both knew such. 

    Arthur watched his friend with sympathy as he sighed an exhausted sigh. Merlin knew when there was the point in lying. “Yeah, yeah I did.” 

The knights had become silent. Watching the interaction, shocked. Leon was the only one who had been there to watch Merlin and Morgana together and while he knew they were

close and that both were bold and easily able to defy the rules. He never suspected something more between them. Both were apparently better pretenders than he had been led to

believe. 

“Why didn’t you ever tell me? I thought we talked about everything.” Arthur was disappointed to not be a part of Merlin’s love life, but he wasn’t angry. He really really hoped Merlin

knew that. Merlin shook his head bitterly. Still not really looking at anything but the ground. 

“It didn’t matter. It never would have happened anyway. I’m nothing, but a servant and she...she was so much more.” Gwaine felt now was the time to speak up. 

“That’s not true mate. You are just as important as any of us. She would have been lucky to have you, though I think you can do so much better.” Merlin smiled at the kind words but

shook his head. 

“You would have had to know her Gwaine. She was something so different...so special. The woman you know now is not anything like the one I loved ...it's my fault.” Arthur frowned

shaking his head. He put a hand on Merlin’s shoulder causing him to look up. Arthur’s frown deepened seeing the tears pooling in his friends' eyes. Tears that were angry and

frustrated and desperate. Tears he fought to let come forward. 

“That’s not true. It was all Morgause Merlin, and even then Morgana made her choice. She has the loyalty of a crow.” Merlin shook his head turning away from them. Arthur thought

for half a second that he was going to have to chase him down. 

“You don’t get it.” 

“Then help me get it.” 

“Morgana was loyal, all the way up until that day that the sleeping spell came over Camelot.” 

“I remember that day.” Leon spoke up. “It was terrifying. We didn’t know if people were dying or if they were in a coma. But after a few minutes of exhaustion you just didn’t care

anymore...sleep sounded wonderful. We all knew it was bad, but just couldn’t find it in us to care.” 

Merlin nodded still looking down. 

“I had known Morgana and Morguase were friends. That Morgana trusted her...I knew Morgana didn’t like Uther either, but she didn’t seem to want to cause him harm. I let it go

thinking Morgana just wanted a friend outside of Camelot, but I didn’t trust Morgause. When I brought it up to Morgana it led to a fight where she claimed I was just jealous and being

silly. I let it go to avoid upsetting her. Deciding I would just watch out for her...I failed in so many ways though. Morgana had gone to meet Morguase at some point that i didn’t know,

but Morgause placed a spell on Morgana that would protect her from the sleeping spell, that also meant that the spell was part of Morgana….that it would only stop if she stopped

breathing….if she'd-died….” Merlin choked on the word. Covering his mouth to keep from crying out. All the images of Morgana smiling at him and trying to comfort him blending

with her choking and holding her throat, of looking at him with accusing eyes as she crawled away, trying to preserve her life at all costs. To not be near Merlin, the man she had

loved. 

“What happened Merlin?” Arthur’s voice was cold, but not towards Merlin, not really. Just the situation. His hatred towards Morgause growing and him being so grateful she was dead.

Merlin cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. 

“I tried everything I could to stop that spell, but I knew deep down from the beginning what would have to happen. It felt like my insides were being ripped apart. It would be like you

having to kill Gwenevere to save Camelot.” The mere thought made Arthur sick. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to do it, not ever. 

“Anyway, at first I just tried to leave her with the guards, but they were told not to kill her. That made it so much worse, I would already feel responsible for letting her die if the

guards had killed her, but now I knew it would have to be me...I put Hemlock in a water bottle and gave it to her...she had no clue. She loved me and trusted me and willingly drank

poison just because I handed it to her...I’ve never hated myself more than I did in that moment. I have thought about offing myself so many times thinking on that moment.” 

The knights looked at each other worried. Merlin had thought about killing himself? That was such an unMerlin thing to do. Then again this whole story seemed like an unMerlin thing

to do. 

“I heard her coughing and I turned around seeing in her eyes that she knew. She looked up at me, the question was there. I’ve never been able to lie to her. I nodded and it was

horrible. She crawled away from me shaking her head and desperately trying to get away. I couldn’t stand it. I wanted her to be at peace when she went. I held her against me hoping

she would know how sorry I was, but all she did was fight me. Until that last moment where I felt her breath left her body. She didn’t fight me in that last moment. I could almost

pretend it was like all the other times she had let me hold her. When I told her stories and we laughed ...I knew that wasn’t it though. I knew that she just hadn’t had the energy to

push me away. I had betrayed her and we both knew it. No matter what my reasoning was that I had betrayed her. 

Morgause came in and I bargained with her that she could save Morgana if she saved Camelot. She agreed and I gave her the poison. The horrible part is I didn’t feel comfort when

she took Morgana. Even though I knew she would save her...I knew that if I ever saw Morgana again that hate and betrayal would still be there. That she would never….ever be my

Morgana again...and she never was.” 

Merlin had long since stopped trying to hide his tears. They now streamed down his cheeks. His eyes locked onto the ground in front of him. His mouth set in a firm line, jaw

clenched. He didn’t know how the knights in front of him would respond, he also couldn’t really find it in himself to care. That’s what always happened when he thought about

Morgana. He never seemed to care what became of him without her around. Most of the time he could ignore those feelings and throw them into the pits of his mind. He could live a

happy life with his friends and fulfill his destiny. There were those nights though where he remembered his destiny would involve killing his love once again. That she had truly

became darkness itself, rather than the light and warmth that once held a place in his heart. Those nights he never slept. He only cried, screaming into his pillow. 

The knights were all shocked. They had known Merlin was braver than he seemed, but this was totally different! This was something they weren’t sure if any of them would be able to

do. Merlin had done the unspeakable all in the name of Camelot. He truly should have been a knight. Arthur felt tears come to his own eyes. Not only for the pain his best friend felt,

but also for the loss of his sister. He would never blame Merlin, not ever, but it didn’t make it any easier.

“You did what you had to do. None of us blame you for that.” He gave Merlin’s shoulder a squeeze. He became worried once more as Merlin did not respond. His head was turned

away, but Arthur knew from the shake of his shoulders that Merlin was crying. He did something he hardly ever did with anyone. He pulled Merlin in for a hug. He felt Merlin stiffen

for half a second before lunging himself further into the hug. That was when Arthur knew he had done the right thing. Before anyone could really even think about it all of the knights

were joining in on the hug. Merlin smiled feeling the warmth of his friends. They would never replace Morgana, because no one could, but he sure was lucky to have such great

friends. A great family who loves him. He curled further into the hug, absorbing the warmth of his friends. 

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

Never The Same- Merlin fanfic

Summary: Arthur believes Agravaine when he says Gaius is the traitor. Merlin argues it but Arthur refuses to see reason. Merlin and Gwaine go in search of him and they find him. They bring him back to Camelot to heal and while Merlin stays at Gaius’s side. He does inform Arthur that if Gaius dies due to his negligence to listen that Merlin will never forgive him.

Merlin chose to ignore the harsh words that sprung forward in his mind as he and Gwaine headed for Gaius. All of the moments of Arthur arguing that his uncle was a good man and only wanted what

was best for the Kingdom came into Merlin’s mind. How could he not think the same of Gaius. Gaius who helped raise Arthur himself? Where was Agravaine then! Why did he not show up until power was in

play? Gaius was clearly the better man, the only one who didn’t see it was Arthur.

Merlin did appreciate Gwaine. He was everything Merlin needed consistently. He knew when Merlin needed to laugh or cry. He knew when Merlin needed someone to listen or someone to yell at. He was

one of Merlin’s first friends who hugged him. Merlin would never forget that. Arthur didn’t hug him. Merlin couldn’t remember one time. He shook his head smiling as Gwaine made some attempt to make

him smile. Merlin would always love Gwaine.

As they neared the place Gaius was supposedly being kept Gwaine became the serious knight that made Merlin feel even safer. Merlin knew that Gwaine would protect him and Gaius with his life.

Something Merlin appreciated and admired about his friend. Merlin let Gwaine lead the beginning of the journey. Only taking over when Gwaine needed his help. Merlin really hoped Gwaine would listen to

his words when it came to finding Gaius. Merlin would gladly be left behind if Gaius’s life was at stake. Gwaine had nodded, but Merlin could never be sure. This was Gwaine. Gwaine was adamantly loyal to

him, he wasn’t sure he would actually leave him there. He shook it off and went forward to find Gaius.

Merlin was becoming nervous as he furthered into the cave. He couldn’t hear Gwaine and he hadn’t been able to find Gaius. He gasped as he felt his body fly into a wall. Morgana. He looked up to see the

witch looking at him with cold eyes. That’s the only way she ever looked at him these days. She was smiling though, which could only mean she was going to do something not so pleasant.

“Why am I not surprised you’re here?” He spoke as she neared him.

“You have always been a thorn in my foot haven’t you Merlin? Why can’t you ever just leave things alone?” Merlin glared at her, he felt an ugly rage rising up inside him.

“Maybe if you would leave my family out of it I would do just that.” She frowned mockingly.

“Family? Merlin last time I checked I”ve never hurt Hunith...unless Gaius is your father then your claim is in fact false.”

“Morgana you should know better than anyone family goes beyond blood.”

“Enough talking, my next question should be how will I make you pay? How will you die Merlin? Because you will die today.”

Merlin had watched the interaction with Alator and Morgana. Had watched as Alator came close to him. Here it comes, his secret would be out. He knew in that moment he would have to kill the two

magic users in the room and get out quickly. He mentally went over any helpful spell when his brain malfunctioned...wait what? Alator wasn’t going to tell Morgana? Altair was helping him? Had Merlin hit

his head?

Once Alator had made sure Merlin got out safely Merlin ran. He rode as fast as he could feeling relief that Gwaine’s horse was indeed gone...good! He got Gaius! Merlin knew that was the only reason

Gwaine would leave him there. Merlin rode faster than he ever had! He had to see Gaius.

“Gaius! Gaius! I’m here!” Merlin ran happily towards his home. Ready to embrace his guardian with open arms. He just wanted to feel Gaius hug him and comfort him. He needed Gaius. He froze when he

came through the door though…”Gaius?” It was quiet, confused. What was going on? Gaius was lying on a bed unconscious. He was pale and bloody. His breathing was shallow….no...no no no! Merlin was

at his side in seconds. Gwaine and Gwen watched him anxiously as he reached for Gaius’s wrist. “HIs pulse is weak...how long has he been like this?” Merlin tried hard to not snap at his friends. They had

only helped him. They weren’t at fault.

“They brought him in an hour ago. His pulse has weakened a little since they brought him in. I’ve done all I can. You have more knowledge than I do.” She was quiet and gentle, she didn’t want to upset

him. His breathing was shaky as he tried not to scream. He couldn't lose Gaius! He couldn’t!

Just at that moment a bang was heard on the other side of the room. Merlin didn’t turn around, he didn’t have to. Arthur spoke almost as soon as he came in. “I heard what happened! Is he okay!” Arthur

came over to Gaius’s side. Merlin couldn’t look at him. He kept his eyes glued to Gaius.

“He’s not doing well. His pulse is weak. Merlin is going to treat him.” Gwen spoke up.

“Merlin how are you holding up?” Arthur looked to his manservant. Merlin didn’t spare him a glance as he got up and gathered herbs to make something for Gaius.

“I”m fire sire. Gaius is the one who isn’t fine. Gaius is the one who’s possibly dying.” Arthur looked guilty and Merlin was glad for it. He deserved it. Gwaine stayed quiet looking between the two. He felt

bad for both men, but he understood where Merlin was coming from. He knew Merlin was becoming more and more frustrated with Arthur’s loyalty towards Agravaine as Merlin was his most loyal friend.

Today Gaius almost paid the price for that. So he would stay out of this one. He would do whatever Merlin needed him to.

Arthur watches Merlin sadly. Merlin didn’t spare him a glance. Gwen bit her lip and looked to Arthur. She gently grabbed his arm and headed for the door. “Come on Arthur, let’s leave him alone for now.

Merlin I’ll be back later to help.” She told the young man before walking out with Arthur. Leaving Gwaine and Merlin alone with a struggling Gaius.

“Merlin mate, what do you need me to do?” Merlin didn’t respond at first, just continued rummaging for things. Gwaine watched sadly as Merlin stopped, his shoulders heaved as he gripped the table in

front of him. “Hey hey come here.” Gwaine had his arms wrapped around Merlin in seconds. He knew he had done the right thing when Merlin returned the hug. Completely losing himself in the embrace.

Gwaine felt his shirt becoming soaked, but simply continued to hold his friend. His one true friend. “I’ve got you Merlin, I’ve got you.”

When Merlin did pull away he wiped at the tears. Though he knew Gwaine wouldn’t judge, Gwaine watched him with a gentle smile. “Ok...umm can you grab some fresh water? I’m going to try to lower

his fever.” Gwaine nodded his head and headed out the door. Merlin immediately turned towards his guardian. He did need the water, but he had to try some things first. Magic had been used on Gaius and

magic might be what saves him. Merlin put a hand to Gaius’s head and closed his eyes, focussing all of his magic into saving him.

He opened his eyes to check on him. It hadn’t worked. He tried again and a third time before Gwaine came back in. Merlin jumped into action, doing all the correct medical things. It ended with him and

Gwaine sitting on both sides of Gaius just comforting each other with presence. Everyone once in a while Merlin would check on Gaius and look defeated when nothing changed and Gwaine would put his

hand on top of Merlin's or put it on his shoulder. Merlin needed to know he wasn’t alone.

Gwaine fell asleep before Merlin. Merlin watched the young knight sleep. He would never stop being grateful for Gwaine. With that thought Merlin allowed sleep to take him.

Gwaine had gone to practice when Arthur came in. Merlin had been sleeping when Arthur woke him up. “How is he?”

“No improvement.” Merlin replied tiredly. He really didn’t know what to do about Arthur now.

“I”m sorry Merlin. If I-”

“Don’t.”

“Merlin-”

“Don’t. Arthur just don’t. Look, you should know...if this doesn’t work...if Gaius...if Gaius dies. I will never forgive you. I can’t stay here if that happens. I tried to tell you he wasn’t the traitor. I told you

who the traitor was and you wouldn’t listen. You never trust me. Now Gaius is paying the price. I'll pay the price if he dies. I’m done Arthur. If this is how things go I’m done.” Arthur stayed silent through

his speech. He hated the words coming out of his mouth. They felt like venom and went against everything he believed in. He just didn’t believe in anything anymore. He hesitated before looking at his

King. Arthur looked shattered. He looked ready to cry. It reminded him so much of when Uther died. Merlin almost felt bad for putting it there. Almost.

“I am sorry Merlin. I will do everything I can.” With that he was out the door and Merlin was alone with Gaius’s body. Gwaine frowned as Arthur brushed past him in the hallway, not saying a word. As he

made his way back to Merlin’s home he felt something was even more wrong than the current situation.

“What happened with you and Princess?” Gwaine asked as he came back into the home. Merlin hardly looked up as he continued looking for cures. Merlin didn’t respond at first. Only continued his

search.

“I gave him some hard new I suppose.” Gwaine waited thinking Merlin would explain. When no explanation came he asked.

“What did you say?” Merlin’s face was carefully blank. He didn’t know how Gwaine would respond to what he had to say.

“I told him that if Gaius dies I will not stay. I will not forgive him for not trusting us.” Gwaine felt his heart sink at Merlin’s words.

“Merlin mate-”

“No Gwaine, Arthur has never listened to me. I have proven time and time again to be right when he argues with me to be wrong and he never learns. He never thinks maybe just maybe I know what I’m

talking about! I’m not stupid! I know we all joke about it and normally I don’t care, but now Gaius is dying and I was right! Arthur’s ignorance is going to kill the one man who’s ever been a true father to

me. I will not stay and serve a man who takes Gaius away from me. Maybe I never should have been as loyal as I turned out to be.” Gwaine nodded sadly.

“Well Merlin, I’m with you always. To the end. If you go I go with you.” Merlin nodded gratefully. He didn’t have the energy or strength to tell Gwaine to stay. He needed someone and Gwaine was all he

had. “I love you mate.” Merlin was surprised by the words. He gave him the smallest smile he could manage.

“I love you too Gwaine. You’re a true friend. You’re family.” With that both men fell into comfortable silence. Gwaine could only hope Gaius lived. He didn’t know what Merlin would do without Camelot,

without Arthur. Would he really give it all up in his grief?

Merlin woke up the next morning sleeping next to Gaius’s body. “Alright Gaius. Let’s check your vitals and then I’ll get you some water. How does that sound?” Merlin spoke as though his guardian could

hear him. It helped him to cope, helped him to not feel like this was useless. He paused though when he reached for Gaius’s arm…”Gaius?” Merlin felt his breathing increase and something he hadn’t

noticed before. “Gaius!” He touched his skin beginning to panic at the cold touch. He looked closer and saw Gaius was not breathing. “Gaius! Oh please no Gaius!” He pulled out a piece of glass and checked

under Gaius’s nose for breath...nothing. “No no no please no!” He checked his neck, his wrist, everything! “G-Gaius…” His voice cracked. “NOOOOO!” It was a painful and brutal scream.

Gwaine ran out thinking danger was around. “Merlin! Hey, what’s wrong?” Merlin didn’t respond, just rocked himself back and forth. He could hear Merlin sobbing and muttering to himself though. He

put a gentle hand on his friend. “Merlin? Merlin can you look at me?” Merlin shook his head, never not looking at Gaius...Gaius. Oh no.” Gwaine moved closer and took a hold of the older man’s

wrist...nothing. Oh poor Gaius….poor Merlin.

Gwen and Arthur ran into the room as soon as they got the news. Gwen had been trying to comfort Arthur over Merlin’s words. Both jumped as the door opened. Faces full of hope that Merlin would

announce Gaius would make a full recovery. Leon’s face though...was full of remorse and dread. Both ran out the door at Leon’s shake of his head. “Merlin!” Arthur ran in horrified by the sight in front of

him. Merlin was wailing over Gaius’s body while Gwaine held a hand on Merlin’s shoulder.

“Merlin...I’m so sorry.” Merlin straightened up at hearing Arthur’s voice. The couple flinched at the icy look in Merlin’s once bright eyes. He stood up walking towards Arthur. Fury written all over his face.

“You...you have no place here! You killed him! It’s your fault he’s gone!”

“Merlin you don’t mean that!” Gwen ran forward to console her friend. She was shocked at Merlin. Shocked at his tone towards his best friend and shocked at his words.

“I don’t want you here!” With that Merlin went back to Gaius’s side and sat down. “I’m leaving as soon as the funeral is over. I won’t be coming back.” The tension in the room could cut someone. Gwen

straightened up shocked that he would actually go through with his words. Gwaine hung his head in disappointment at the entire situation. Arthur felt the tears roll down his face. Things would never be

the same. He had lost Merlin and he knew that. He nodded his acknowledgment towards Merlin’s words.

“I will leave Merlin. You need to know though, I am truly sorry. I have taken you for granted and I regret that immensely. Thank you Merlin. Thank you for all you’ve done for me. You will always be my

best friend.” With that he walked out the door. Gwen hung back, not sure which man needed her more. She walked forward and took one of Merlin’s hands in an act of comfort.

The knight, the ex manservant, and the maid stood together in silence. Things would never be the same.

The funeral was large and celebrated all of the amazing things Gauis did. People from all around came and said their goodbyes. Many came to Merlin to give their condolences. It was the first time

anyone had ever seen Merlin like this. So solemn. So quiet. Only being polite, no jokes, no smiles. Only quiet “Thank you’s, and thanks for coming.’ Merlin never looked at Arthur. Gwaine stuck by his side

the entire time. Doing whatever Merlin needed. Arthur tried not to feel jealous that Gwaine had replaced him. He knew he deserved it, that Merlin deserved better. Gwen sent him sympathetic glances, but

she also stuck to Merlin. Knowing that her time left with her friend was coming to an end.

Arthur watched from the top of the castle as Merlin and Gwaine rod into the woods as they left Camelot for good. Gwen waved from the boundaries of Camelot. She cried, she cried for hours. Not moving

from her place where she had last said goodbye. Arthur had never known how close she and Merlin had been. He didn't know that Gwen had been Merlin's first friend and that Merlin had been the first

person Gwen had actually been interested in. Arthur didn’t know a lot of things. Arthur let Agravaine off of his service. He knew it was the right thing to do. Merlin had left him proof of Agravaine’s

treachery. He didn’t know if all that Merlin said was accurate, but he knew now to never question Merlin. He knew Merlin would know when they stopped. He would find the letter Arthur had left explaining

everything Arthur had ever thought about Merlin. How sorry he was. And how he would never forget his first friend. He would never forget Merlin. As Merlin rode away, Arthur felt a piece of him go too.

“Goodbye old friend, and farewell.” His words flew into the wind, he hoped Merlin heard them.

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

A Toy's Intuition- A Toy Story Fanfiction

Summary: Andy has had enough. He is getting bullied, he doesn't have friends, he misses his dad and he can't stand his mom. He has had enough. Woody doesn't know what to do.

Warnings: Mention of self harm and suicidal ideation.

Woody was concerned about Andy. He had been watching the kids for years now. He had known him for years. Literally his entire life! He had known his Dad. He knew Andy better than his own mom. They were best friends (next to Buzz of course). So when Woody said Andy was in trouble, there was no denying it. Andy was in trouble.

Andy was twelve now, he still played with his toys and they loved every minute, but he was also starting to hang out with his friends a little more. They had watched them a few times when Andy invited them over. The other kids didn’t play with toys, and they did make fun of Andy for it (something that all the toys were ready to beat them for), but Andy didn’t care. He stood by his toys. They were his best friends after all. Andy didn’t really hang out with them much after that. Reverting back to a few limited friends at school and then going home to his toys. All of the toys knew how lucky they were to have such a loyal kid. He was special, even Jesse would admit it. Which was saying something after Emily! (The thought of Emily made Woody’s nonexistent blood boil). Woody had watched Dillan grow up into someone Woody respected and loved greatly and that love and respect grew even more as his original owner held onto him and Slinky. When Woody was introduced to Andy for the first time Woody knew how lucky he had gotten with this family. Andy was so much like his dad. Woody felt like he was living the life he loved all over again.

As Andy got older Woody never stopped loving him, or his life. He was eternally grateful to whomever had brought and Andy and Dillan to him. Slinky and he had spent many nights talking about how happy they were. Both toys had begun with Andy’s dad. Dillan was the best of the best when it came to owners. Always treating his toys with such respect, the joy he had playing with his toys always made them shine bright knowing they gave their owner such happiness. Andy was no different.

Even getting older did not stop Andy from playing with them. Always taking time out of his day to at least check on them. This warmed Woody’s heart, but he couldn’t help but worry about Andy’s new friends. They weren’t the best of kids that much Woody could tell. He would watch anxiously every time Andy left to go to said friend’s house.

“Woody I’m telling you he’s going to be just fine. You’re worrying for nothing.” Woody turned from his spot watching as Andy slept. He couldn’t get past the worried lines that seemed to be placed on his kids face. The exhaustion was obvious, something that shouldn’t be on a kid his age.

“Buzz I’m telling you, something’s wrong with Andy. I don’t know what it is, and I really do want to believe I’m wrong. I just have a feeling.” Buzz stared at his best friend. Worry settled into his mind, Woody had been worrying about Andy for weeks now. The other toys had noticed little changes, but just assumed that it was part of him growing up.

Buzz sat down knowing he wasn’t going to be getting anywhere with the cowboy tonight. “What are you doing?”

“I’m joining you.”

Woody’s fear only grew as Andy began to change. No longer spending as much time with them (which was not like Andy), no longer laughing (another thing that was un-Andy like), and no longer spending time with his family. Andy seemed to be changing into a different person altogether. Woody watched as the light seemed to fade from Andy’s eyes each passing day. “Woody look, whatever is going on with Andy we will figure it out, but until we know what’s going through his head we can’t help him.”

Woody sighed turning his attention to the second most important person in his life. “I guess you’re right.”

“You know I’m right.”

“Don’t get cocky.” Woody smiled at his friend, really appreciating the company. Buzz put a hand on his shoulder allowing him to lean into him.

“What fun would I be if I wasn’t?”

“This is true. Come on Cowboy, let’s go to bed.” The two spared one last glance to their kid before going back into the toy chest.

Woody and Buzz watched Andy closely the next week. Only ever taking a break occasionally when it was time for him to play with them (this was both theirs and Andy’s favorite part of the day). Woody loved seeing the carefree look on his kids face. It reminded him so much of Dillan. He tried not to think much about Dillan. While there were many good moments associated with his first owner the idea of his owner no longer living really got to him on some days. Woody shook the thought off and continued to enjoy the time he currently had with Andy.

All of the toys were laughing and smiling brightly. Andy had left to go eat dinner, leaving the toys happy after such an exciting play time. What made Woody happier than anything was seeing the brilliant smile that adorned his kids face as he left. He was glad to see they were helping Andy with whatever he was silently dealing with.

He was snapped out of his thoughts upon hearing the heavy footsteps of The Buzz Light-year coming up to stand next to him. He felt arm go around his shoulder. “See! Told you Andy was going to be just fine.” Woody laughed actually quite glad he wasn’t right.

“Yeah yeah, don’t let it go to your head or anything Space Ranger.” The two laughed going over to join the rest of the group. The others were so

caught up in their conversation they didn’t hear the argument occurring downstairs among the humans.

Andy’s Pov

Andy had joined his family and was currently sitting at the dinner table enjoying the meatloaf that his mom had made. He loved his mom’s cooking! He laughed happily watching Molly play with her food and his mom goofily scold her. “So Andy how was school?” He looked to his mom the smile ever so slightly fading. His mom could see it though, and she instantly worried for her son.

“Umm it was okay.” That was all he said, dropping it as quickly as possible by scooping more mashed potatoes into his mouth.

“What else?”

“What do you mean?” Andy really did not want to talk about what happened at school.

“Andy Davis, I am your mom. I know when you’re not saying everything. Something else happened, might as well tell me what it is. Maybe I can help?”

She was trying to be nice and caring. He could tell she was. It didn’t stop him from becoming frustrated though. It was like the more she talked to more and angrier he became.

“You can’t help me so please stop trying to.” He had tried to make it sound nice, but he couldn’t cover for the bite in his tone. His mom was getting

angry as well, he could tell. He felt dread bubble up in tummy knowing this was not going to be pretty. Even Molly seemed to know something bad was

about to happen for she wasn’t playing with her food anymore instead looking between her mom and brother as the fight broke out.

“Young man you will not speak to me in that tone! I am your mother and you will treat me that respect. Now tell me what is going on at school.” Andy

stared her in the eyes, tears threatening to spill over as he hated getting yelled at. It wasn’t even that he was truly offended he just really really hated

getting yelled at!

“No. I’m not going to tell you what happened because nothing happened!” He had stood up from the table now and was leaning over it as he felt like

what was unwillingly yelled at his mom. She too stood up making sure to lean further over which did make Andy ever so slightly widen his eyes. Before she

could really think about what she was doing she whipped out her hand and smacked him across the face…hard. Way harder than she had intended to. Not

that she really even intended to…oh what had she done!

Andy looked up at her holding his reddening cheek. His entire body showing the betrayal he felt. He quickly covered it up allowing anger to take over

as he marched away without a word. She didn’t follow him. She didn’t feel like she had a right to.

The dolls were still laughing and talking waiting for Andy to come back to play (Which he almost always did after dinner). Woody frowned ignoring the

conversation as he began to hear footsteps. He looked to Buzz who was also looking confused. “Everyone get in the box!” While everyone did seem

confused they did as their leader asked.

Eyes widened as Andy came storming in crying. He was trying to keep it together but once his door was closed he lost it! He covered his mouth

leaning down against his door. The toys watched in despair as he sunk down to the floor sniffling. He quickly grabbed as pillow from his bed screaming

into it. He screamed and screamed and screamed. And the toys couldn’t do anything about it. If they could cry they would have. They had never seen Andy

like this NEVER. He stayed like that for twenty minutes before he finally lifted his head from the pillow His eyes were red and puffy and the rest of his face

wasn’t much different. Tear streaks ran down his cheeks. Woody noted the red handprint adorning the right side of his face. He felt his blood boil thinking

about anyone hitting Andy. He didn’t think anyone should hit anyone, but Andy was his kid and he was especially not okay with it when it came to Andy!

Andy lazily got up almost in a daze and walked towards his nightstand. The toys watched in fascination as he pulled something about plopping down

against the side of his bed. Buzz had to catch Woody from falling out of the toy box as he spotted what it was. It was a knife! Why did Andy have a knife!

No logical explanation came to Woody’s mind because there wasn’t one! Andy should not have a knife!

Andy held onto it tight as though he knew the dangers and really didn’t want to get hurt. Which was what Woody hoped was running through his

head. He of course could only watch in fear with the rest of the toys as Andy threw the knife up and down in a rhythmic motion. Catching it every time

without fail, avoiding cutting himself to Woody’s relief. He of course couldn’t be comfortable with what Andy was doing but maybe he didn’t have to worry

as much. Andy was a smart kid after all.

Andy had grabbed the knife because it had been a hand-me-down from his dad. He always felt comfort when he touched it. It was usually at night

though when everyone was asleep. He had an overprotective mom and it had been a secret with his dad. He couldn’t bear it if his mom through it away.

Andy didn’t care today though, he didn’t care about anything. He just wanted to pain to stop. School had sucked. The kids were all so mean, he wasn’t

really doing well and when he did the others only teased him. This was the third time this week that he had been left to sit by himself. He was tripped in

the hallway and was shoved in the lunchroom. He didn’t feel safe! Now he couldn’t even feel safe here. He had always trusted his mom but never did he

ever think she would actually hit him.

The thought made his teeth clench as he threw the knife up again. He gasped as he didn’t catch it correctly and instead cut his hand. He had quickly

started to get up to grab tissues but stopped as he stared at the cut once more…there was something so peaceful about it. Watching the blood run down

his hand. He found himself not caring as it continued to run. Finally after a few more minutes he pulled out some tissues cleaning up the cut. He frowned

realizing he didn’t want to see it go away. There was something about it he didn’t quiet understand but, he liked seeing his pain on the outside. Knowing it

was real felt freeing somehow. He looked at the knife was more before holding out his wrist. He took a breath before putting just enough pressure to make

a cut without causing any real damage, he didn’t want to hurt himself too badly. Just enough to make him feel better. He sighed feeling the release of

pressure. He smiled watching the lines run down like it was a race. After a minute he wiped that one up.

Woody watched in heart wrenching realization at what Andy was doing. “No Andy!” It wasn’t loud, not enough to stop the kid no matter how much he

wished it was. He couldn’t break code though. He felt nauseas as he watched Andy make another cut and another. What scared him more than the cuts

themselves was the smile that adorned Andy’s face. Not the same smile that he had when playing with them, but a different kind all together. ‘Oh Andy

what are you doing to yourself.’

As Andy went to sleep that night, cuts clean and knife put away. Woody made a plan, because he would not lose another owner. He would do whatever

he could to keep Andy safe, no matter what the cost.

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

The Day We Almost Lost You- A Bad Batch and Reader Imagine

Summary:You're an assassin that always takes dangerous missions. You had run into the Bad Batch a few times and are friendly with them, but even they are a little worried by the amount of danger you put yourself in. One night on a dangerous mission you get seriously hurt and when the Bad Batch talks to you about it you admit you wanted to die.

Trigger warnings: Mentions of attempted suicide

“You are going to get yourself killed one day you know that?” Wrecker laughed as he helped you wrap your arm. You chuckled. 

“Nah, I’m too tough to die.” You joked with him. You stood up stretching. “Do you have Oreos? I’m starving.” Wrecker shook his head exasperated at you before

going to find Oreos. 

“You’re going to give us a heart attack one of these days.” You turned to see Echo leaning in the doorframe. You dramatically touched your heart. 

“Is this your way of saying you boys care for me? I’m touched.” Echo rolled his eyes at you. 

“We like you more than other people. So try not to die.” You rolled your eyes. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” Echo watched you with caution. You hated that it made your heart rate increase. You didn’t have many people who were

concerned about you. Seeing Echo’s concern made you feel loved, you hated yourself for thinking that. 

“You’re not invincible, you know that right?” Your smile softened at his words. You moved closer to him, lowering your voice. 

“I know. I’ll be careful. Thanks for worrying about me.” He smiled a soft smile himself. 

“Always. All of us do.” You nodded at his words. You turned to hear Wrecker coming back in. 

“Oreos?” Wrecker held them up proudly. 

“Got 'em right here.” You ran over excitedly, popping one in your mouth. 

“Yes! These are so good.” You felt the ship go into autopilot mode. Crosshair, Tech, and Hunter soon joined the three of you. Crosshair's eyes immediately went to

your arm. 

“Are you going to lose the arm?” His snarky voice dripped with tease. You rolled your eyes. 

“I think they’ll be able to save it.” 

“Bummer, thought I’d get to do all the shooting myself.” 

“You’re just mad that I’m a good shot.” 

“You’re not as good as me.” He shot back. 

“Pretty good to have similar skills to you when that isn’t my specialized skill.” You teased. His lip twitched letting you know you had won the snark battle. Tech

spoke up from where he had quietly been watching the conversation. 

“It would be advisable that you stop running into the face of danger without backup.” Tech said as he ran through data on his pad. You crossed your arms. 

“I did have back up.” 

“If you’re referring to us being your back up it doesn’t count when we are nowhere near to offer such assistance.” You smirked at his words. 

“Fair point.” You looked over to Hunter who was the only member to not say anything. 

“Have anything to add?” Hunter smirked. 

“I think my brothers have it covered.” You nodded, agreeing. 

 Your head felt foggy. You couldn’t move ... .were you paralyzed? No…not paralyzed, your fingers were twitching. Your eyes felt heavy. You didn’t

want to open them. You could hear people speaking in hushed tones around you. That was never good. You focussed on their conversation, seeing if you could

make any words out. 

“Crosshair…she might not walk away from this. Her injuries were severe.” It was Tech’s voice. He must have been talking to Crosshair. 

“You have to help her. You always know what to do. So help her.” Crosshair's voice was hushed but you could hear the bite in his tone. He was clearly frustrated.

They must have been talking about you. What had happened? You couldn’t remember. 

“How is she doing?” That was Hunter. Were you on their ship or were you in a hospital? Had you been on a mission with them? Tech sighed. 

“I don’t know if she’s going to make it.” What on Earth had happened? You couldn't feel any pain. What kind of injuries had you sustained? 

‘What! She can’t die! We need her!” That was Wrecker and it was not quiet. There was a round of shushing as they assumed you were still asleep. 

“We don’t know that she’s going to die.” Echo tried to comfort them, but you could hear the concern in his tone. 

“She’s lost a lot of blood. It is hard to recover from that amount of loss. If she does make it through this it’s going to be a long recovery for her.” You groaned. You

hated recovery time. It was always so boring. You were not meant to sit for that long. You guessed that they had heard you because suddenly you felt that there

were a lot of people around you. 

“Y/N are you awake?” Wrecker spoke nervously. Your brows furrowed as you attempted to open your eyes. It was bright and your vision was blurry. 

“mmmm….yeah…I’m awake.” It felt weird to speak. Mentally you were fully there, but your mouth wasn’t computing properly. Your vision began to come together

and you saw the entire batch in front of you. “Hey guys…” You spoke slowly. Your eyes widened as you were pulled into a tight hug by Wrecker. The boys didn’t

normally touch you. They were friendly with you, but they didn’t initiate physical contact and neither did you. 

“Y/N! I’m so glad you’re alive!” 

“Wrecker! Careful of her injuries.” Tech pulled him back gently. Wrecker moved to hold your hand looking apologetic. 

“Sorry, hope I didn’t hurt you.” You frowned at his words….nothing hurt. Why were they acting like you were fragile? 

“You didn’t. I’m not in pain.” That made all of the men frown in confusion. 

“You don’t feel any pain at all?” Echo asked cautiously. You frowned, shaking your head. 

“No…why?” The men looked to Tech for answers, but he looked just as confused. 

“Y/N do you remember what happened?” You paused at his question. Your mind was blank. 

“Umm…I think I was on a mission. I think I was supposed to set a bomb somewhere. Not gonna lie guys, that's all I remember.” Tech looked over his data pad as

you spoke. 

“Interesting…” 

“What is it Tech?” Hunter asked worried. Though he was trying to hide it. Tech looked between you and Hunter. 

“It seems that you have sustained severe memory loss. It most likely is related to present events since you remember who we are, but you might not remember a lot

of situations that have happened in the last few months.” You nodded slowly. 

“Did I hit my head or something?” All of the men paused at your question, looking uncomfortable. 

“You did a little more than hit your head.” Tech spoke hesitantly. Your heart rate picked up at his vague words. 

“What happened?” Tech seemed uncomfortable, Hunter gently put his hand on your shoulder. 

“Y/N there was an explosion…you were too close ... .you were impaled with shrapnel. You’ve had three surgeries and lost a lot of blood.” Your eyes widened at his

words. You looked down at your body confused. Nothing looked weird, it wasn’t until you moved the blanket that you understood…your stomach had bandages

tightly wrapped around it. The shrapnel must have hit you in the stomach. 

“Oh…” was all you managed to say. Too shocked to say anything else. The room was quiet as the men allowed you to absorb the situation. 

“The good news is now that you’re conscious you will most likely be alright. It was touch and go the last few days because we couldn’t get you to wake up. I’m

happy that you’re alright.” Your eyes were wide as you listened and absorbed. Your fists dug into your thighs under the covers as you struggled to keep yourself

together…you were that close….that close and you were still here. 

The boys watched you closely, which for once you really hated. Your eyes stayed glued to the bed as you struggled to calm down. You wouldn’t let them see you

panic. Your eyes began to water. Wrecker gently squeezed your hand causing you to look up at him. His heart broke seeing the tears run down your face. He gave

you a more gentle hug this time. “You’re going to be ok.” You returned the hug, relishing in the comfort. You buried your face into him. Wanting to avoid the

embarrassment and fear in this entire situation. 

You listened quietly as the men spoke outside of your room. “I don’t understand. She is one of the best spies we have ever worked with. It doesn’t make sense that

she would have been that close to the explosion when she knew it was happening. She didn’t have any gun wounds so she hadn’t been caught by anyone. It's like…

she just…stayed there until the explosion happened.” Tech said sadly. The men all reacted with surprise and anger. 

“What? That doesn’t make any sense. Why would she purposefully stay there? The likelihood of her dying was very high.” Echo argued, refusing to believe that you

would do something like that willingly. 

“It’s not a conclusion I’m not happy to come to. It’s just the only liable one. There was no other reason she would have stayed.” 

“She has seemed different these last few missions.” Wrecker spoke up sadly. The others turned to him confused. 

“What do you mean she’s seemed different? Different how?” Crosshair asked, confused. Wrecker looked uncomfortable talking about it. 

“It’s not really in front of anyone. She just gets really quiet and withdrawn after the missions are over, before she meets back up with us. The last few missions I’ve

found her before she meets back up with the group and she always looks so sad and withdrawn. The last mission I found her crying. I’ve been keeping an eye on

her since then. I think there’s something going on with her.” 

“So the two of you think that she meant to let herself die?” Hunter asked uncertainty. Tech and Wrecker sadly agreed. 

“Y/N is one of the happiest people I’ve ever met. Why would she want to die?” Echo was still arguing on your behalf. 

“Maybe she isn’t actually happy.” Crosshair argued. Echo looked at him frustrated. 

“Why would you say that?” Crosshair shrugged, seemingly uncaring, however he was incredibly worried about you. 

“I’m just saying maybe she’s better at hiding than we thought.” Crosshair thought back to any small moment where he could have known how you were feeling.

Looking back he could see small signs, your smile faltering, your eyes zoning out, your dark jokes. He only wished he had known where it would lead. All things he

didn’t think too much about during the time. 

They all looked back over to you just staring at the wall. Completely zoned out. “We need to talk to her.” Hunter spoke determinedly. If something was going on

with you they would help you. They wouldn’t let you hurt yourself. You looked up as they walked back in. Your brows furrowed at the concerned look on all of their

faces. 

“What’s wrong? You all look worried.” You spoke confused. It seemed that none of the men knew what to say. Hunter finally sat down gently on the bed beside you,

taking your hand into his. Your eyes widened in worry, Hunter usually did not initiate physical contact. Something was wrong. 

“Y/N…we’re worried about you.” You paused watching him closely. 

“Why? I thought you said the injuries would heal and I would be fine. Did you find something else?” Hunter hesitated. 

“Y/N, did you purposefully stay close to the explosion?” You stiffened ever so slightly. If Hunter hadn’t been so close to you he wouldn’t have noticed. Your face

stayed carefully calm. The face of a spy. The room was completely silent. You maintained eye contact slowly speaking. 

“What?” You were clearly giving him a minute to rephrase. He refused. 

“Did you purposefully stay close to the explosion?” You kept your face neutral, but Hunter could feel your heart rate increase. 

“Why would you ask me that?” Your eyes were challenging, Hunter's eyes were softer, more sympathetic. There however was determination to not let you kill

yourself. 

“Because there was no reason for you to still be there when the explosion happened. You had no injuries that would indicate that you were in gunfire or that you

had to fight anyone. Your only injuries were from the explosion.” Hunter’s eyes were challenging you to lie. He would know if you were. He could hear every

reaction your body made. You hated his perceptiveness in that moment. 

“Maybe I’m just a good spy who avoided being shot during our mission.” You challenged. Hunter paused before continuing. “For you to not move far enough from

that explosion to be as injured as you were would suggest that you were under heavy gunfire. With that much gunfire it would be impossible for you to not be

injured at all, no matter how talented of a spy you are.” Hunter's voice softened. “We’re not trying to make you feel bad. We’re just worried.” Hunter spoke honestly

as he looked into your eyes. 

You broke eye contact staring at your lap. You were ashamed that you were having to have this conversation. You never thought you would have to. There was

always a part of you that wanted to talk to someone. That wanted someone to confide in, but you had never had the nerve to ask anyone, but being here, having all

eyes on you. You felt nothing but shame and embarrassment. You wished so badly you had died in the explosion. You sighed sadly. 

“This shouldn’t be happening. I wasn’t supposed to make it out of that explosion. We shouldn’t be having this conversation, I was supposed to die.” You spoke

tiredly. Unable to look at any of them. You felt the room’s atmosphere change. You knew that they were all watching you. 

Wrecker was saddened. Despite his ideas that you weren’t doing well he had hoped he was wrong. He had hoped that you didn’t want to die. Tech was quiet, he

wasn’t quite sure what to think. He was usually so analytical, but emotions were not his expertise. He was good at observing the technical side of situations, but he

was frustrated. How had he missed such clear points that you were struggling? He vowed to himself to never let this happen again. He would be keeping a much

closer eye on you. Echo was shocked. He had really not expected this from you. You were always the first one to crack a joke in serious situations. Always the first

one to hop back up after a mission. Always the first one to smile at him when things felt hopeless. He just couldn’t believe that you had felt this way. That you felt

that being decimated by an explosion was better than carrying on with life. How was the happiest person he had ever met secretly suicidal. There were so many

questions he had for you. Hunter wasn’t happy. He was so mad that you wouldn’t come to him as the Captain of this team. Even if you weren’t an official part of the

team. He still thought you would trust him. The two of you had plenty of deep conversations before. Conversations about your feelings on the war. Conversations

on where to go from each mission afterwards. Hunter relied on you to be a calming demeanor in their chaotic life. You added a spark that hadn’t been there before

and it left every time you took missions separate from theirs. He always secretly looked forward to running into you again. Crosshair watched you closely. The way

that you wouldn’t look at any of them. His emotions were torn,he was mad at you, yes, but he also felt for you. He had felt similarly when he was being tortured.

There were times in this hard life where he too had wanted to die, for all of the pain and suffering to just be over, but he had his brothers. He would never hurt

them in that way. He just couldn’t believe that you had been willing too unless…unless you didn’t realize how much they cared for you. 

“We care about you too much to let that happen. You must know that.” You lifted your eyes sadly to meet his. 

“You would have gotten over it.” You spoke tiredly. You were so done with this life. A flash of anger crossed his face. 

“No we wouldn’t have. You think that we care so little for you? That you are so easily replaced? We have never known someone like you. Ever! We have hardly ever

interacted with females and you made us comfortable. You made us feel at home. You made us laugh and talk. You always made sure we were taken care of. Did

you really think we wouldn’t do the same for you? That we could just shrug away your death?” 

You stared at the bed, unable to look at him. Unable to look at any of them. 

You watched him quietly. Your eyes were so sad as you stared at him. “I’m not that memorable. I thought eventually ... .you'd just forget and move on.” You spoke

quietly. The words sounded stupid as they came out of your mouth. Seeing their reactions to your “accident” made you feel stupid. They clearly cared more about

you than you had originally thought. Your words had an effect on the entire squad. Anger and hurt being the two most significant emotions you saw. 

“You really thought we would just forget about you?” Echo spoke up. Hurt evident in his voice. You shrugged awkwardly. 

“I guess. I’m replaceable. I guess I thought you would find another spy that matched my skill level.” 

“You mean more to us than just your skills.” Echo argued moving closer to you. “I know that Tech loves to talk to you about the mechanics of the ship as much as

you love to explain people’s body language to him to help him better understand. I know that you let Hunter vent to you about the struggles of being Captain of

this team. Crosshair likes to talk to you, which is super rare for him. He hates almost everyone. The fact he likes you should tell you something. And you make

Wrecker laugh more than anyone else. You make us all feel like we can breathe even when times are tough. You are more to us than just a useful tool.” His voice

was filled with passion, but was also firm. He couldn’t let you doubt his words at all. 

You watched him with wide eyes as he spoke. You knew that they liked you, but you hadn’t realized how much you meant to them. You felt your eyes water. “I-I’m

so sorry. I was just so tired of being sad. I just wanted everything to stop.” You covered your mouth trying to stop the sobs that were escaping your throat, but

Hunter pulled you into his arms. 

“It’s ok Meshla. We’ve got you.” You felt more arms surrounding you. You realized in surprise it was a group hug. Probably the first they had ever had. This was not

a group hug type of bunch. Tears streamed down your face as you snuggled closer to them. The men didn’t say anything about your crying. 

“I don’t understand. How do none of you feel this way? After the war…after the Republic fell…life just felt so hopeless. I didn’t know where I fell into this new world.

Not everyone was dead, I mean I found you guys but…so many of the people I knew…they’re dead and so much of the time I just want to go find them.” They

watched you sadly. Hearing you openly talk about wanting to die was heartbreaking to every man in the room. Most of them didn’t understand it, but their situation

was different from yours. You had been friends with some of the Regs and Jedi. You had been friends with people who were a part of the rebellion. A lot of the

people in your life had died. They had only really ever had each other and they were all still there. 

Echo gently touched your arm. “I can’t directly relate to all of the people you’ve lost, but I was heartbroken when I realized everyone in the 501st had died. For a

long time I thought Rex had died too. Ahsoka was a friend of mine along with every Clone in the 501st. I was devastated when I realized they had all died. I’m sure

it’s really different for you though. You had to watch the people you cared about either turn on you or die. I don’t blame you for wanting to join them sometimes. It

must get really lonely, but you have us. I know we can’t make up for the loss of the jedi or the Regs, but you do have us Y/N. We really truly care about you.” Echo

spoke gently. His eyes gazed softly into yours. You believed every word he said. You knew he wasn’t deceiving you. You nodded your thanks to him.  Whispering

“thank you”. 

“I don’t get it. You’re perfect. You’re happy…you’re you. I don’t understand why you would want to die.” Wrecker spoke sadly. You smiled sadly. 

“I’m not perfect. I’m very flawed Wrecker. I’m a good faker.” You hated the confusion on his face. Knowing that you were so good at being fake that they didn’t

know the real you. The worst part was now that you knew how much they cared you wouldn’t kill yourself, even if you wanted to. 

“You’re not fake Y/N. You’re not.” Wrecker looked sad as he spoke. You hated making the happy giant sad. You tried to smile, but you knew it didn’t come off

genuine. You gently put your hand over his that rested on the bed next to you.

“I am.” You spoke with emphasis, feeling emotion build up in your throat as you spoke. Wrecker stared deeply into your eyes. There was something there you didn’t

quite understand until he spoke again. 

“Does that mean you don’t actually consider us your friends? Is that what you mean?” He looked devastated as he spoke. It broke your heart. You shook your head,

holding his hand tighter. 

“No Wrecker, that isn’t what I mean. I-I just…I don’t tell you all when I’m feeling sad or when I do feel like dying. I stay happy and smiling and joking even if I don’t

feel that way. That’s what I mean. I do genuinely care for all of you. I just…it’s hard for me to tell people when I’m  not feeling happy. I usually get told that I”m too

happy to be depressed or they say that I’m bringing people down and I should keep it to myself. After a while of hearing stuff like that you just…” A silence fell over

the room as you gathered your thoughts. 

“You just give up….

You swallow your feelings and do what’s best for those around you even if you can feel your soul dying.” The room was quiet as your words echoed in the air. No

one said anything. You looked between Wrecker and the table. Not willing to look at the other men in the room. Wrecker had always been the easiest to talk to, he

was never judgemental. Not that the others were, it was just easier with Wrecker. 

Wrecker watched you closely. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to tell you that you were wrong. That you were not a burden, that you could be honest with

him and his brothers, but clearly you didn’t agree, because you never had been. He felt like he was looking at an entirely different person in that moment. Gone was

the happy bubbly woman that they had all come to love. The girl whose laugh could light up the whole room. The girl who knew how to comfort each and every one

of them. The girl who could hold her own during a fight. Who prayed for the lost souls of every fight when the battle was over. In front of him now was a broken

soul who had been neglected and ignored by her past. 

He squeezed your hand, a look of determination crossing his face. “Don’t give up. We’re not giving up on you so don’t you dare give up on yourself.” You studied

his face, you knew he was serious. You took a deep breath. 

“Ok.” You whispered. Wrecker pulled you in for another hug, to which his brothers also joined. Apparently today was a hugging day for the guys. 

“We love you Y/N” You heard Echo say to you. You could feel the arms around you tighten in agreement. 

“I love you guys too.” You all stayed huddled. None of you knew how this would work in the days to come, but you all would figure it out together. The guys would

make sure you never felt uncared for again. You had a family and you weren’t going to lose them even if you tried. 

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

Clone Wars Imagine...How You See Me- Reader and Crosshair.

Summary: You have been traveling with the Bad Batch for a few months now. You may or may not have a crush on a certain sniper in the group. You have some secrets that threaten to come out to the group. Will they be able to save you?

Trigger warning: Mentions of eating disorder and self loathing.

You were at a bar with the Bad Batch laughing and having a good time. You smiled brightly as Crosshair flashed you flirty smiles that gave you butterflies. Tech would

give you all the facts of whatever drink you were currently getting. Wrecker would laugh loudly at any joke you threw out there clearly enjoying your comments.

Hunter would occasionally joke along with you, but mostly chose to people watch. Echo listened quietly to the rest of the group. Crosshair had his gaze focussed on

you and his brothers, adding in his own snarky comments. You all were having a great time. You also noticed that occasionally guys were looking at you, which you

couldn't lie and say that it wasn’t flattering.

You frowned seeing a drink be slid to you. You looked up to see it was the bartender. “It’s from that guy over there,” You followed his finger seeing a guy wave at

you.

You nodded smiling as a thanks before turning back to the boys. Your brows furrowed slightly as Crosshair glared at the drink.

“I wouldn’t drink that if I were you. He could have drugged it.” Crosshair spoke up looking at the drink.

“Why would he drug my drink?” Crosshair looked at you as though you were stupid.

“Umm maybe because you're pretty? It’s not hard to figure out.” You smirked at his words.

“Did you just compliment me?” Crosshairs cheeks heated up ever so slightly before he rolled his eyes.

“It’s not a compliment, it’s just obvious.” Tech nodded clearly agreeing, Hunter just smiled at his brothers and you.

“Yeah Y/N is pretty!” Wrecker patted your back. You chuckled as you lurched from the force of him patting you.

“Aww shucks. Thanks guys! I’m going to go thank him for the drink.” You had already gotten up so you missed the glare that Crosshair threw you.

“Why would she go thank him? He probably drugged that drink.” Hunter chuckled as Crosshair spoke.

“Why don’t you just tell her you like her already? She probably likes you too.” Crosshair scowled.

“Someone like her would never go for someone like me.” Hunter watched his brother closely.

“What makes you think that?” Crosshair watched you walk over to that guy. He sighed looking at his brothers.

“She is amazing and perfect. She’s gorgeous, funny, and an amazing fighter. I can’t compare to her.” Tech spoke up.

“Actually based on her body language and the vocal tone she uses when being in your presence she returns your feelings. Also you're her preferred type in men so I

would say that there is a 99.89 percent chance that you two would work out.” Tech did look up from his data pad, letting his brother know that he cared.

“You and Y/N would be great together! Her humor with your sarcasm and your harsh personality with her funny one would be unmatched!” Wrecker spoke up.

Crosshair smiled ever so slightly at his brother's encouragement.

You walked over to the man smiling. “Thanks for the drink” You spoke up as you sat next to him. His eyes widened as he took in your figure, which you thought

was

flattering until he spoke up.

“No problem, man I really lucked out. I’m into bigger women and you are gorgeous.” Your smile fell from your face at his words…what did he just say?

“Bigger?” He nodded looking back up to meet your gaze.

“Yeah, I’m really into bigger women. That’s great for both of us, because I really like what I see.” You were inwardly proud of yourself for not punching him in the

face or crying. You smiled tightly.

“Ok I’m going to go now.” You started to turn frowning as he grabbed your wrist.

“Wait a second, where are you going?” You turned glaring at him.

“You just called me fat. Do you think I’m going to sit and chat after that?” The guy frowned, irritated.

“I didn’t call you fat. I said you’re large and that I like large women. You should be flattered.” You rolled your eyes scoffing.

“I don’t call being called large a compliment. I’m going back to my friends. Just leave me alone.” You yanked your wrist from him and began to walk back to your

group. Crosshair frowned as he saw you clearly angry at the guy you were talking to. He felt anger bubble up in him seeing the guy grab your arm. He was going to

get up, but saw you handle it yourself and decided to leave you be. Your frown matched him up until you saw him looking at you. You pulled a smile back onto your

face that he would have been fooled by if he hadn’t seen the situation. You sat down next to him.

“What did I miss?” He watched you closely. You were a good actress, but he could see the small changes in your posture. The way that your eyes seemed a little

sadder and your posture was a little less confident. You kept an arm shielding a lot of your body from him…why were you acting self conscious? He had never seen

you anything but confident, which was understandable. You were absolutely gorgeous and you did well in anything you did. Seeing this version of you was

unsettling.

“What happened with that guy?” Crosshair asked instead of answering your question. You took a sip of your drink thinking over your answer. You shrugged trying to

play it off.

“We didn’t mesh well.” Crosshair watched you closely. You matched his gaze closely.

“What?” You asked, clearly seeing his questioning glance.

“What did he say to you? You’re clearly upset.” You smiled softly.

“It doesn’t matter. He was a jerk. Let’s just have fun tonight ok?” You patted his arm, turning to the rest of the Batch to enjoy your night. Crosshair watched you

closely. He knew that you knew that he was watching you, but you didn’t acknowledge it. Your laughter broke him out of his thoughts.

“Isn’t that right Crosshair!” Wrecker laughed. Crosshair kept his face neutral, not wanting to let his brothers know that he hadn’t been paying attention. Hunter

smirked watching Crosshair.

“You don’t know what he said, do you?” Crosshair glared at Hunter.

“Does it matter?” Hunter laughed.

“You would absolutely have argued with him if you had heard what he said.” Crosshair glanced at Wrecker, sighing irritatedly.

“What did you say?” Wrecker laughed all over again.

“I said that you sleep with Luna when I’m not watching.” Crosshair's eyes widened.

“I do not sleep with your stupid doll.” Crosshair angrily. You covered your mouth as you watched the argument. Not wanting either man to know that you were

laughing. Tech smiled as he quietly pulled up something on his holopad and turned it to show the table. Your eyes widened. You hadn’t really believed Wrecker

when he said it, but in front of you was a picture of Crosshair snuggled up with Luna. He looked so cute. You of course would never say that out loud. Crosshair

would for sure shoot you in the face if he heard you say that.

Crosshair looked borderline murderous. “Tech, put it away now.” Crosshair spoke through gritted teeth. Tech shrugged smirking before putting away his holopad.

The group chuckled seeing how bothered Crosshair was. You patted his arm.

“It’s ok Crosshair. We all have something like that.” You said trying to be comforting. He looked over at you warily.

“Really? Then what’s yours” You shrugged unfazed.

“A watch.” The group looked confused.

“You sleep with a watch for comfort?” Hunter asked, confused.

“It doesn’t sound very comfortable.” Wrecker spoke up confused. You chuckled at the men in front of you.

“It’s comforting for me because it was my fathers watch. It reminds me of my childhood.” Realization came over the mens faces. It faded to a bit of sadness, which

you hated.

“I’m sorry you lost your father Y/N” Tech spoke. You shook your head waving off their sympathy.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I had a good childhood, not many people can say that.” The men nodded, knowing that you didn’t like sympathy. “Point is, it’s not

just you and Wrecker.” You said smiling at Wrecker and Crosshair. The conversation went on for another two hours. Just you and the boys laughing and having a good time. You loved moments like this with them. Where you really got to know them. You had been working with the Bad Batch for a few months now and then had sort of known them for a few years before that.

You had almost forgotten the words of the man from earlier when another drink got sent your way. You frowned as the bartender sat it in front of you. Pointing to a

new guy who waved charmingly at you. “Wow Y/N you are popular tonight.” Hunter spoke up teasingly. You chuckled at his words.

“It would appear so, wouldn’t it?” You chose not to get up. To just stay with your friends. Your ego couldn’t take another guy calling you fat. You had always

thought you were pretty, but comments like that made you feel awful.

“You’re not going to go talk to him?” Wrecker asked curiously. You shook your head smiling.

“I think I would rather just hang out with you guys.” They smiled at you clearly appreciating your company.

“Good, none of these guys are worth your attention anyway.” Crosshair spoke without looking at you.” You smirked looking over at him.

“Did I just hear another compliment?” You teased. He rolled his eyes at you, not bothering to respond. Crosshair couldn’t get over what had happened earlier. That

guy had said something to you. He knew that he had. Your confidence had never wavered in front of him. You were confident on missions and you were confident

in your daily life. It was unsettling to see you like that. You seemed better now, but he also knew that a lot of that was due to not wanting him or his brothers to worry.

He would admit that he and his brothers had all been known to be protective of you. His reasons were a little different from his brothers, but he wouldn’t tell you

that.

“I’m only stating the truth.” Crosshair scoffed, rolling his eyes. He watched you smile at him rolling your eyes. You really did confuse him. Some days he could

almost swear you liked him, that you were flirting with him, but they were always fleeting moments. Moments he didn’t feel brave enough to ask you about.

The night continued on with the guys and you talking and laughing. In the back of your head you wanted to go throw up. Something you hadn’t done in a long

time.

You just couldn’t get that guy's words out of your head. You were proud of yourself for not eating any of the food the guys had ordered, but you couldn’t stop

counting your calories for the entire week. After thirty minutes of keeping your cool and ignoring your intrusive thoughts you made your way to the bathroom. You

got down on your knees and shoved your finger down your throat. You kept going until there was nothing left in your stomach. As gross as it was, you felt so

satisfied. You loved feeling empty.

You pulled gum out of your purse to get rid of the smell and doused yourself in perfume. You knew you had to be careful. The boys were too observant, if you

didn’t

cover your tracks they would know. You stayed in the bathroom for a few minutes letting the scent blend with your perfume and making sure your appearance

remained unbothered.

Finally you walked back over to the table a bright smile plastered on your face. You subtly watched the boys to see if any of them were picking up on anything. You

saw Hunter’s face become confused as he glanced at you, but he didn’t say anything. Crosshair was watching you, but that wasn’t really anything new. He always

watched you, though you were pretty sure it was just because you were something new. Not because there were any feelings there or anything.

You blended back into the conversation seamlessly, this seemed to distract the guys and they joined in. You ordered another drink determined to have fun tonight.

You wouldn’t let some stupid guy ruin your night. The one thing you had unfortunately forgotten was due to your puking you didn’t have anything to absorb the

alcohol. You were quickly becoming tipsy and were trying so hard to hide it.

“Looks like someone’s had a bit too much to drink.” Crosshair teased. You giggled at his words.

“And who would you be talking about?” You leaned closer to him, smirking. You had always managed to match Crosshair's snark. Something the whole team loved

to watch.

“Probably from your lack of food consumption.” Tech spoke up, not looking away from his datapad. You shrugged, smiling.

“Wasn’t hungry.” Tech looked up briefly. His observant eyes watched you closely before he looked back at his datapad.

“You said you were hungry an hour before we got here.” You shook it off trying to keep away the panic you felt at his words. Tech was just being Tech, he wasn’t

calling you out.

“It comes and goes I guess.” You watched Tech, waiting for the response you were sure would come.

“You should probably still eat. If you were hungry earlier that was your body telling you something. Sometimes you aren’t very good at listening to your body cues.”

You kept the smile on your face as he spoke. You were pretty sure this was Tech teasing you. You hummed at his words, leaving the conversation at that. Your brow

furrowed seeing Hunter watching you closely.

“What?” You asked confused. Hunter seemed to be contemplating something.

“Nothing.” You frowned at him, you knew he wanted to say something. You guessed you would expect him to hear from him privately later. Hunter tended to talk to

you about serious things in private, finding that you listened better without others around.

You chuckled seeing Wrecker watch the dance floor excitedly.

“Wrecker, if you want to dance, why don’t you go dance?” Wrecker laughed nervously.

“I don’t want to go alone.” You smiled hoping up.

“You won't be alone.” You held out your hand, which he excitedly grabbed and dragged you to the dance floor. The two of you ran to the dance floor to dance

exaggeratedly. If you had stayed a second longer you would have seen the scowl cross Crosshairs face. The others smile looking between you and Wrecker to

Crosshair.

“She doesn’t like him, you know?” Crosshair turned to look at Echo with a frown.

“What are you on about?” Echo shrugged casually.

“She doesn’t like him like that. She likes you.” Crosshair hated the way his heart rate increased. He didn’t want to admit to anyone, especially you, how he felt.

“She doesn’t like me anymore than anyone else on the squad. She’s the same with all of us.” Hunter debated something before speaking up.

“She may be flirty with all of us, but she means it with you. Her heart rate increases around you the same way yours increases around her.” Hunter gave him a

knowing look. Crosshair hated Hunter's sensitive hearing. Crosshair shook his head looking towards the dance floor where you and Wrecker were dancing, sure it

wasn’t

anything suggestive, but you were very close to him.

“Look at her out there. It’s clear she likes Wrecker.” Crosshair watched your hair float around you. You looked like a goddess to him. You danced in such an elegant

way. Not a care in the world. Something he found truly impressive considering your line of work. You were a light to all of his brothers, including himself.

Hunter, Echo, and Tech all looked to the dance floor. They could clearly see the friendship between you and Wrecker, clearly Crosshair saw something more. Tech

spoke up at this point.

“Crosshair, I believe you are incorrect. I have been studying her behavior patterns for months now and if she likes any of us it is you. She always positions her body

closest to you when speaking, even if she isn’t talking to you. When there is danger you’re the first one she looks to. When she’s scared she finds comfort in you.

She talks to you when she can’t sleep. She loves all of us, yes, but not the same way she loves you.” Crosshair listened closely. Was there a chance you liked him? He

thought back to all his conversations with you. Anytime you had come to him when you were upset. You came to him when you were angry, when you needed to

vent.

You told him your secrets, you found his humor funny. You were the only one he let touch him and you took advantage of that. You were always leaning on him or

finding some way to be close.Crosshair tried to ignore the way his heartbeat kept increasing.

“You…really think she likes me? I don’t want to make her uncomfortable.” All three of his brothers nodded excitedly.

“Cross we all see it. The two of you love each other. You two are the only ones who can’t see it.” Hunter smiled at his oblivious brother. “Just go for it.” Crosshair

watched his brothers closely before nodding.

“Ok, I’ll tell her.” His brothers cheered excitedly. Out of all of them they had always worried about Crosshair, they all knew what people thought of his snarky

personality. You are the only person it didn’t bother. They had all known within weeks of having you join the team that you and Crosshair were the perfect pair. For

Crosshair to finally tell you was extremely exciting!

“You’ve got this Brother.” Hunter said encouragingly. Crosshair turned to watch you and Wrecker dancing. You were clearly wearing yourself out. You looked over

with a bright smile and waved at him. Wrecker must have seen something in the way Crosshair was watching because he turned to you.“I think that’s enough

dancing for me!” He laughed pulling you back towards the table with him. You laughed following along. You plopped down next to Crosshair

once again. Crosshair looked at his brothers nervously, before looking to you. “Come with me.” He turned to you holding his hand out. Your brows furrowed

curiously.

“Ok.” You allowed him to guide you into the hallway, away from prying eyes. You chuckled following him. “What’s going on? Where are you taking me?” You smiled

at him as he finally stopped. You watched him expectantly. He took a breath before stepping a little closer to you.

“I’m going to tell you something, but it might change the way you view me and I just want you to promise me we will always be best friends….because you are mine

you know? My best friend and I never want that to change.” Crosshair hated how awkward he was being right now. He was usually a sly talker, but he just couldn’t

when it came to this subject with you. You stared at him, eyes curious.

“Ok.” You whispered to calm his nerves.

“I…I love you. I love that you and I tell each other everything. I love that you come to me when you’re angry or upset. I love that you laugh at my jokes when most

would find them annoying. I love that you never seem to have a care in the world. I love how I can be when I am with you. I just really love you.” He spoke slowly,

wanting you to absorb everything he was saying. Your eyes were wide, your mouth slightly open in surprise.

“You love me?” You spoke surprised. He nodded slowly, a smirk forming on his face.

“Did you just miss my entire speech?” The corner of your mouth turned upwards as you slowly leaned forward. Giving him plenty of time to pull away. He however

leaned forward molding your mouth to his. It was a gentle, but passionate kiss. Something both of you would savor. When you did finally break a part you smiled at

him.

“I might have missed the speech. I think you’re going to have to repeat it.” You joked. He laughed at your words, pulling you in for another kiss.

“I will never stop loving you.” He said after he broke the kiss. He had never seen you like this before. So quiet, so surprised. It was like everything he was saying was

beyond your comprehension.

“You know you still haven’t said it back?” He teased. Your cheeks turned red. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you.

“I love you Crosshair.” You whispered against his lips before pulling him into another kiss. This kiss became more intense than the others. You felt yourself wanting

more. When you tried to deepen the kiss further however Crosshair chuckled gently pulling you away.

“May I remind you we are in the middle of a hallway and for our first time I want it to be somewhere much more special.” He pushed a piece of hair behind your ear.

Loving the fact that your pupils were blown and you clearly did not want to stop. It was cute. He decided to push his luck just a little further. Moving closer to you

once again he gently kissed your neck and then your ear. “There are so many things I want to do to you that will have you screaming my name.” With that he

nibbled

your ear. Loving the way your body tensed. Before you could keep him close he stepped away again, a large smirk on his face.

You bit your lip, not wanting him to see the effect he was having on you. You took a deep breath before smirking yourself. You sauntered over to him smirking at

the way he watched your hips sway. You leaned forward lips grazing his ear. “I have some ideas of my own.” With that you backed away and began to head back

towards your table. You smiled feeling Crosshair's arm come around your waist.

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

domestic Reddie AU - part 5 - the morning after…

[livin-life-to-the-coolest]

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