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an erotic poem:

leg so hot

hot hot leg

leg so hot u fry an eg

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Santa is on strike due to global warming.  All presents this year will be delivered by Sasha the Christmas Tiger.  Milk and cookies may not be sufficient.

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no way home spoilers without context

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The Recounting

It’s been seven years since…Seven long years.  It’s funny how time passes isn’t it?  I can still remember it perfectly.  The day that I lost my virginity.  With Joe Jonas.  In the room.

I was seventeen years old.  Seventeen felt pretty old at the time, but I would soon learn just how young I really was.  I didn’t know who I was until I saw the Jonas Brothers.  Now those boys had their lives together.  They had family, religion, even their sexuality was outlined.  Just one look at their left hands and everyone could tell just what they were.  Pure and uncomplicated.  Waiting for marriage and all that jazz.

It was exactly what a lost girl like myself needed.  A lighthouse in a storm.  A guiding light to show me the way into adulthood.  Untouched and pure as the driven snow.  Or at least that’s what I thought I needed.

That was until I met him.  Joe Jonas.

Keep reading

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things continue to be funny

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This mad men screenshot looks like GTA V graphics

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Scream (1996)

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you know that a new friend is a good friend when it takes all of three conversations to get down to the important issues like exactly how good at sex dylan o’brien should be

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pretty much every vegetable you hated as a little kid would taste better if you roasted it with salt and olive oil instead of boiling it

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i created a conservative argument generator

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Chopped: A Summary

Contestant 1: my style is rustic with a twist

Contestant 2: I'm so committed to food that i have 97 tattoos and all of them are food

Contestant 3: tragic backstory involving at least one family member who is here in spirit

Contestant 4: I'm just really Italian and I WILL bring that up after seeing each ingredient

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my aesthetic is that one scene in holes where sigourney weaver paints her nails with rattlesnake venom infused nail polish and claws jon voight in the face

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had a dream last night that the new tumblr discourse was whether or not people deserved their urls and people were getting callouts and anon hate like "I can't believe you have x in your url when I never see you actually post about them it's pretty messed up that you're taking that url away from other people who actually deserve it :/"

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oh my god