littlemsfangirlie

[littlemsfangirlie]

um,,,,,, hello again?

You send luke some pics of a photo shoot you did (cant remember the model’s name. Sorry!)

requests are open!

[littlemsfangirlie]

one of my favorite things about fanfiction is how many writers don't necessarily consider themselves fans of the original work. lots of writers just saw the movie or read the book and were like "that was unsatisfying but now I have yet another canon to fuck around with"

[littlemsfangirlie]

“I’ve had so many knives stuck into me, when they hand me a flower I can’t quite make out what it is. It takes time.”

— Charles Bukowski

[littlemsfangirlie]

Evil-Mart provides a vast array of tools and gadgets that is essential for the common villain-of-the-week. You work as a cashier there. Unfortunately all your coworkers mysteriously called in sick today, so you alone have to handle the long line of increasingly disgruntled customers.

[littlemsfangirlie]

and tonight i ache.

i’m aching for someone that doesn’t exist and one i’ve never met.

fuck is the loneliness crushing as i’m driving down this road screaming and singing to songs that makes me miss someone i’ve never fucking met.

it isn’t fair and i’m upset because i miss someone that i don’t know.

is this what it means to be human?

to feel so deeply that my bones hurt? they carry the weight of my emotions and i’m afraid they’ll break. splinter into millions of little pieces and puncture me like the dear that lives in my chest.

why am i so afraid to love? to fucking admit that i care for someone so deeply why is it so fucking hard to get attached. god i don’t fucking know anymore.

i swim in the shallow a lot even though i can handle the deep but i fear the riptide will pull me under and i won’t be able to surface.

i’m afraid. that’s it. i’m afraid to bare my soul to someone that could pick it apart like it means nothing. but why? why does it matter if they could? rebuilding is something i’m good at. more reinforcement is all i’ll need.

i don’t want to live coldly but i cant seem to warm myself up anymore.

[littlemsfangirlie]

who prays for the devil

i saw a quote today, asking who prays for the devil. it was by mark twain and struck something long forgotten in my mind. i pitied the devil for so long. i understood what he was saying, and that terrified 6 year old me, sitting bored in the pews swinging my feet. ive never talked about it.

i see no reason to, especially in front of my family, who devote themselves to religion and it’s entirety. ive been warned against pagans, islam, baptists, protestants and all the “bad” religions or parts of religion.

but what is the right religion? is it the church that takes in the ones that need it the most? the poor, the youth, the addicted and the ones that love who they love? 

or is it the church that casts out so called “sinners” and revels in their heavenly mightiness? the ones that scorn the poor and the ones that are begging for someone, anyone, god help me please, to help them? the mothers alone? the teenager on the corner that was thrown out like a dog?

i can no longer see the love in religion. i see nothing but hatred and contempt and moral corruption and i seethe. i seethe in quiet resentment that the one place that was supposed to love me and my brothers and sisters and siblings in between tells me that we do not deserve redemption. we do not deserve god for being made in his likeness. i seethe for the restrictions and exceptions and those that turn a blind eye to the abuse and greed and gluttony and all these fucking things these people taught me. perhaps my problem is not with the heavens, but the humans that strive to emulate it.

perhaps the worst part?

sometimes i think the devil was right.