littlelambrants

[littlelambrants]

Having surgery on Monday to remove the pleomorphic adenoma on my neck, I try not to think because I know if I think I’ll hurt myself more and my body won’t be able to recover. Because I know my heart skips beats, because my immune system attacks itself, because I will faint and get hives. I don’t know if this is normal but no one will listen to me about it, days like these I’m thankful for the brain fog

[littlelambrants]

In Summer 2022, I suddenly “lost my mobility” - if we are being honest here, for years I have had pains walking and moving my legs but they had always been dismissed as “growing pains” however summer 2022 over seemingly a few days to a week after the holidays began I began experiencing a lot of pains where it ached to even just exist. It began affecting how I walked and sometimes I woke up with temporary paralysis where I couldn’t even move my leg without physically moving it with my hands, this only just got worse.

When I first told my caretakers about this, they dismissed me, even worse they made me use an umbrella as a crutch for months - until about a few weeks after starting school again - and I had to struggle and grovel and suffer because I had “growing pains”. Before they let me use some old crutches, because they didn’t and still don’t want me to be “dependent” - I was 17. When I told a doctor they asked if I was double jointed over the phone, didn’t even see me face to face, and I was put on the physiotherapy list. Months past and in November I saw her. She said I was fine, said I needed to build up strength but didn’t know what caused the paralysis episodes - no follow up or referral.

On my birthday I woke up early in the morning in unbearable pain, I physically moved my leg in an upright position before passing out because it hurt so much. That’s was on the 3rd of Dec, today it is the 15th and there’s a huge bruise under my knee and my pain is horrible.

This could have been avoided if someone had just listened to me. I have 0 support and I’m in all honesty pissed off and I’m scared, I have no idea what’s going on. I plan to go to the doctor, every time I bring it up my caretaker goes “have you done the exercises?” It’s made it worse. I am in pain laying down and standing and sitting and existing and I am tired. On top of this I have a pleomorphic adenoma, salivary gland tumour that has started to hurt when I even touch the area next to it, again, 0 sympathy or assistance. This is a cry for help.