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Inktober #16 'Grimy'

dirt is good things grow in it

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Finished up a pen sketch.

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I really love the way Halsin kind of slowly opens up about his relationship with Thaniel and the Shadow Curse. He doesn't divulge everything about himself when the player asks, and sometimes it seems like he's actively somewhat obscuring the truth.

Like when he first talks about Thaniel (which, by the way, is WELL after he starts talking about the shadow curse), he says he met him in his meditations. Not true... You find out later when Halsin is talking to Oliver that he grew up with Thaniel, that they were friends when he was a child.

Similarly, he's obtuse about how the shadow curse came about until after the portal fight. When he firsts asks to join your camp, if he's questioned about his desire to go to Moonrise, he says vaguely "Unfinished business, and a lifetime of regret to repair." He says he helped overthrow Ketheric but was unable to stop the shadow curse, but doesn't breathe a word about how devastatingly personal it all was (ah, Isobel killed by Halsin storyline... Sigh. It's canon in my head.)

After the rescue of Thaniel and the recovery of Oliver, he gives a much more detailed description of what happened with Ketheric and Thaniel and his assumption of the Archdruid title way back then. He gets quite emotional then, recounting those memories - he's being vulnerable with the player.

And it really seems like the player defending the portal is a big turning point for him. He's putting all his trust in the player's ability to protect the portal and allow him to return from the Shadowfell... He literally can't do it all by himself, and while he does have a healthy respect for the part that he has to play, it's all for nothing if the player doesn't play their part as well. It's such a huge leap of faith - he's asking, "Will you stand with me and lend me your strength? Will you stay with me and help me accomplish the most important task of my life? I can't do this without you."

And when the player successfully helps him rescue Thaniel, that's when I think he falls completely head over heels. He's a little flirty before then, but after the portal fight is when you get his dialogue, "If you want me, I'm yours. Against [...] anything". This is when he can actually join the player. This is when he talks to a sleeping Thaniel about everything the player has done for him. He put his trust in them and they were there when it counted, and he totally falls for them. "I'll remain with you - If you'll have me, that is."

(Aside, I also love his line to Oliver, "...and then [Thaniel] was ripped away from me, same as for you," followed by, "but you need not be alone any longer." The parallel there, that Halsin also need not be alone any longer... Mmmmmmm yummy.)

Concealing his emotions like that... Feels guarded, and it adds dimension to him. Because generally he seems honest and straightforward with the player; he readily gives them all the information that he thinks may be relevant to their search for a tadpole fix and journey to Moonrise, even if they choose not to help him.

I think that it might be because the shadow curse is so close to his heart, because he doesn't share his trauma until he's basically given his heart to the player - before that, his walls were up.

I kinda see it too with him not mentioning his time as a drow captive until AFTER the Sharess Caress stuff. He's like, not secretive really... But it takes a lot for him to share things that dredge up deep feelings for him. He's not flippantly vulnerable.

Anyway this post is long enough I'm just having feelings about Halsin feeling safe enough to share his feelings 🥺😭

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Can you tell I am absolutely obsessed with this game? lol

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Halsin - Call Lightning

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Thinking about Halsin’s epilogue scene, and how surprised he is when you choose to go with him to Reithwin. His lack of self-worth and difficulty believing you’d see him as important enough to make that kind of decision for have of course been discussed a lot, but there’s an extra nuance there, I think, in that maybe this isn’t really how he sees relationships working at all.

We know he sees love as happening when it happens, ‘desire flourishes where it finds purchase,’ etc., and that he’s also casual about letting it go again, sees love as fluid rather than fixed, and compares himself to the bear: the desire to roam takes precedence over all else. We know he doesn’t like the word ‘relationship’ or the associated social norms dictated by civilised society, including monogamy but also, perhaps, commitment in relationships more generally.

We also know that if he were in Tav’s shoes, he might not make the same decision: he might not choose to go to Reithwin for his partner. Perhaps he would, if he, like Tav at this point, had no other responsibilities and no other draws on his time other than being fêted as a hero. But if Tav asked him in the epilogue scene to join them instead of going to Reithwin, he’d say no. Even if they had a good reason to ask it. And we know this because if you romance him as origin Karlach, he won’t go to Avernus with you, even though the alternative is you dying. He says he’s already promised the orphans he’ll take them to Reithwin and he can’t abandon them now.

And so that extra nuance to his surprise is, I think, that the sort of commitment that leads Tav to follow him to Reithwin isn’t something he expects in the kinds of relationships he chooses, and probably isn’t something he’d do himself. It suggests to me that, not only does he make these plans and decisions on his own without involving Tav as his partner, he’s also probably not going to change that basic relationship model in the future. He isn’t going to ‘learn his lesson’ and start having the kind of relationship with Tav where they make major decisions jointly and compromise with each other to build a life together. It starts out as Tav following Halsin’s dream, and it’s going to continue as Tav sharing in Halsin’s dream, but it’s probably not ever going to turn into Halsin following Tav’s dream. If Tav’s desires or interests ever took them away from Reithwin, Halsin would support them and understand why they had to leave and look forward to seeing them if and when they returned to him, but he wouldn’t sacrifice what was important in his own life and follow them in turn.

And so it’s no wonder that he’s constantly a little surprised that Tav wants to stay with him in Reithwin, even in the epilogue party. They’re giving up their independence for him, whether permanently or temporarily, and that’s something he wouldn’t do in their shoes, and maybe he doesn’t see himself as worth it, not because of low self-esteem, but because rationally and objectively he doesn’t think it’s worth it. That as the bear, independence is more valuable than a committed romantic relationship, and so his partner choosing commitment over independence, while very fortunate for Halsin since it means he can share in their heart for longer, he sees as a fundamentally bad deal for them, and sooner or later they’re going to realise it and leave to pursue their own path. And when they do, he’ll grieve. But he won’t go with them.

I know this isn’t particularly fun to think about as a Halsin romancer, because it suggests there are limits to his love for you, and it’s much more fun to think of him as hopelessly in love (which I still think he is! Just in his own unique way that doesn’t look like the storybook romance you might get with, say, Wyll). But it makes him more interesting, and also more consistent as a character, I think.

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Faerûn's tiniest companions

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Originally drawn: 11 Oct 2024

learning how 2 draw halsin

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welcome back, my love ♡

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Dragon Age Character Sheet

This sheet is inspired by The Veilguard's promotional style. You can add/delete/modify however you want, as long as you keep the credit!

Available here (free, but optional donations are appreciated!)

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The more I play dai the more i can see the inquisitor not having moved on from Solas in the 10 years between games because yeah look at me

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It goes like this, the fourth the fifth

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and

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I need more Dragon Age in my life... and Solavellan💔

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Listen. I know Bioware CG trailers don't represent what the actual game looks like. But the Veilguard trailer was a fucking weird Choice that's all I'm going to say.

Watching it at 5am while very unwell was a mistake.

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WILL EMMRICH BE ABLE TO BREAK THE CURSE