linyyo3o

[linyyo3o]

me bc I haven't slept more than 6 hours WHILE ON SUMMER BREAK in an entire week because I've been kept awake by:

1. My panic attacks I've had about 4 over the past few nights

2. My sister bc we have to share a bed and she sleep talks, kicks me, and generally just shifts and moves so so much

3. My dad's fucking snorring dude I can't take it anymore

I'm so pissy all the time and I genuinely think it's because I haven't had a good night's sleep in a week, I haven't had more than 30 minutes all by myself all week and nobody seems to get that

I just wanna go home and play league

[linyyo3o]

I would've married you if you had stayed my sweet boy

[linyyo3o]

Why do I want attention and unconditional love so badly but at the same time anytime I think about a real person liking me I feel like I'm not ready yet. But then again I beat myself up and cry about the fact that all of my friends have their boyfriends and they are so cared about. They're the most precious thing to someone. And I'm not, I might never be. I can't imagine anyone ever thinking of me as worthy enough to wait for. I can't imagine someone just liking me for who I actually am instead of creating a version of me in their heads. I can't imagine someone ever wanting more from me than pleasure. I just wanna be held and be taken to the library and to feed ducks. I just want someone to think of me when they see my favorite flower. Or for someone to even just know what my favorite flower is. But I'm not special enough to be cared about in that way. People just want to project their desires and needs onto me and I have to act accordingly. Maybe that's okay. Maybe that's better than no affection at all. At this point I don't think I care enough about whether someone means it when they say they like me or if I'm just going to get taken advantage of again.

[linyyo3o]

virtual diary maybe

[linyyo3o]

maybe it's just something wrong with me in general

[linyyo3o]

digging in my trash

[linyyo3o]

[linyyo3o]

this is all I wanna be tbh

[linyyo3o]

sometimes I'm so motivated to do so many things at once that I end up not doing anything

[linyyo3o]

I just think they're kinda neat