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every time I felt like the world was ending it just kept going

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I think that I am lonely. I feel so fucking tense. I did this to myself but god do I miss everyone. being by yourself is hard! working on yourself is hard!

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I miss Lily so fucking much. I miss the little life we made together. I miss that grey couch. I miss our green arm chairs. I miss our flat overlooking the valley. I miss the heat pump, I miss the bath. I miss the little sink in that weird alcove outside the bathroom. I miss Lily. If I close my eyes I can almost imagine that this was all a bad dream, and that I'm back there again.

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reviving this journaling tumblr to say oh god why does everything hurt so much oh god oh god 

I haven’t felt this bad in ages - I’ve just been living in a bubble of a high for months

love hurts too much why can’t it just be easy

I’m trying to trust that everything will turn out okay, but it’s hard to go about my day to day life when I’m so obsessive

can’t think about anything else can’t think can’t think

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it's getting harder to live in abstraction when the world and my job are so analytical, so tangible. it's hard to remember what the ethereal feels like - a cloud just out of reach, an idea half formed, a whisper in a faint breeze. how do I reconcile who I was with who I am today? dear friends, foes and lovers: don't forget your roots

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need to remember to keep growing a rich inner world have been living outside a lot recently but I can’t forget where I came from be the girl with the imagination!!

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tbh i just really wanna go on exchange somewhere in the states or live in NY

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oh yah the only complaint i have about life atm is that i see a lot of things that make me question my reality... like often not entirely sure that things are real like if i look long and hard enough, this thin veneer of reality that im holding onto will melt away

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growing brighter and more definite in who i am every day the lines are growing solid i am growing stronger the world is growing up and i am growing up with it

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OVERWHELMED with anxiety wtf

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dream diary 14/01/18: at a work function, co-worker pulls out a device designed to push someone to do things they've never tried before. she points the device at me then asks me if i've ever been to a lululemon store

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it's not that i hate work - it's just that there are lots of people there and it plagues me with social anxiety

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The Art Of Studio Ghibli’s Ocean Waves - Dir. Tomomi Mochizuki (1993)

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7 (More) Freezer Friendly Chicken Breast Marinades

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Get your FoodFfs stuff here

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i loved her and she loved me and now we’re strangers isn’t that… odd very… strange

???

it's been so long but... i still want to... cry about it

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sometimes i wonder why i'm a bit dysfunctional, but in times like this it makes sense - i live in an emotionally abusive and sometimes physically abusive household. there are times, like now, where i really don't feel safe i don't feel safe to leave my room i feel terrified too fucking often one more semester and then i'll be earning enough to get out of here thank fucking god

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the people who know me... know not to facebook message me