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[linegodballe-blog]

I AM SO GOD DAMN SICK OF STRAIGHT-SIZED PEOPLE

using my body type as an insult

using my body type to talk negatively about themselves

trying to tell me I’m not fat as if I need to be pitied

just assuming that I am not comfortable in my skin and that I have low self-esteem

calling me brave for posting underwear pics on instagram

SERIOUSLY. What is up with people?

My body is not an insult. “Fat” is not an insult, it is not a curse word, it is not a bad word. It is a descriptive word like big, small, tall, skinny. It is not, however, something gross. It is not something that we should avoid talking about as if it were somehow a dangerous topic.

I’m so sick and tired of this shit right now. Sorry, but just because you’re a skinny girl who doesn’t feel good about her body doesn’t mean i automatically feel bad as well. And when I say that I’m fat or overweight, the correct response is not “No you’re not, you’re pretty!”. 

I know that, that is not what I am saying. I am just describing my body. In your head, fat means gross or ugly. And fortunately, you are wrong.

So what The Fuck is up with this? Someone literally talked to me the other day and said they were surprised to find out that an outfit could look better on a size XL woman than a size small. Surprised. Like, “It surprised me to find out that this outfit looked better on the bigger woman than the smaller one.”

First of all, don’t say that to me. What the fuck? How do we live in two completely different worlds? You live in a world where you thought that no matter what, a thin/slim woman is prettier, more beautiful, and better looking than a plus-size woman? What is that? And why would you say that to me? You literally said “I was surprised that someone who looks like you could look better than someone who looks like me.” 

Fuck all the way off with that. Like, I guess it’s okay you have your opinions and perception of beauty (beauty is subjective, after all) but don’t say that toxic shit to me? Literally just don’t tell me that you didn’t think I could ever look as good/better than a size S. Like just straight up don’t say that stuff to people.

There’s no second of all. Just that. Have your epiphanies about plus-sized women, definitely. Realize that they, too, can be hot as hell. But don’t tell me like it’s some big news.

However, it’s not entirely your fault. I mean we have all been conditioned by media to think that skinny is good and not-skinny is bad. It’s in our social DNA. And it takes a while to get rid of those thoughts - they probably never completely leave, tbh. 

But I am in the business of loving myself unconditionally, and I will not change just because genpop is uncomfortable with my confidence.

So STOP being so scared of fat. Don’t say “ugh I need to jog, my thighs are getting fat,” say “I should go jogging, I always feel so good afterwards.” 

      Do positive things instead of tearing yourself down (and me, apparently.)

Do things because they make you feel good, not because not doing them makes you feel bad.

And please accept and adapt to the fact that when you are using fat as an insult, you are insulting me. When you are saying that fat = gross, you are calling me gross. I know you don’t mean it that way, but that is what I hear. And I can promise you, that is what most of my plus size sisters hear.

Thanks for reading

PS: I am actually really tired in general. Tired of listening to my friends and loved ones talk negatively about themselves. It’s a whole other issue but I think it’s pretty toxic that we have this culture of always talking badly about ourselves, and never talking about what we like. Maybe that will be my next rant.

[linegodballe-blog]

And what exactly am I doing on a different continent for six months?

Soo we got to PH last Thursday (19/9). Very long trip, definitely not enough cigarettes. But we’re here. The other YLs and I had some time together before this. Ron and Erinn came to DK for a month where we went around the country and took a leadership course with DUF. (more on that later)

So what is the project? Why am I even here? (no kierkegaard, promise)

The project is called Youth for Sustainable Change (Y4SC). It’s a partnership between Akbayan Youth (PH) and DSU (DK). Y4SC is a very long partnership project currently in its second phase (2.0) and the work we will be doing will be a lot of workshops, invovivng organizational guidance, and training of trainers. This basically means that we (me, Signe, Ron and Erinn) will be traveling around PH teaching the local AY chapters to make local change, to advocate for themselves, and to build a strong organisation.

This is very exciting for me, as I want to be a teacher in my next life (ie. adulthood), and I think it’s so important that young people fight for their rights.

21/9

Right now I am in my bed, it’s almost 2am, and I can’t sleep. I had a weird day today and was extremely tired all day. We had a meeting with the AY project team, which was too early, very long, and really informative. I am so excited to start the actual work. More than that, I am excited to feel like what I do can make a difference. I am excited to bring my experiences home in 6 months, to share it with DSU and to use it in future projects.

26/9

I can’t believe we’ve only been here for like a week. It feels like maybe a month or something, damn.

So far it’s good. We just had our first workshop with the AY members (actually it’s still happening my part is just done lol)

I’ve had a killer headache all day, and we are going out drinking tonight and singin karaoke - which I look very much forward to! But I want my headache to go away :( I’m probably just dehydrated (dont tell my mom but im def not drinking enough h2o)

Anyways, I wanted to share some things I’m looking very much forward to while being here.

   1. Expanding (and increasing) my knowledge on organizational management and advocacy, and politics and activism in PH.

(i realize this sounds so boring but i think it’s very important and interesting so fuck the haters aight)

We are going to be teaching a lot, but we are also going to be learning a lot. From each other, from the AY members, and from ourselves. Personal improvement and development is actually a big part of why I decided to go, and I think it’s going to be great.

    2. Living in a different country with a very different culture

(guys they dont even have tuborg :( its sad)

I can be pretty closeminded and stubborn, but these last months I’ve really learned a lot about how priviliged I have been to grow up in Denmark (europe, the west, whatever)

I learned a lot about how I take a lot of things for granted, and I feel that my understanding of that has improved a lot and challenged many of my views, and I know it will keep happening throughout this journey.

     3. Making a change

(cause im cheesy and emotional xx)

As mentioned, we will teach a lot. Train a lot. Speak a lot. Hopefully, some of these efforts will result in positive change for the members of AY and the organisation itself. I really, really, really want to make a difference here. It’s why I’m here. Not to travel, eat weird food, or get a tan. To have purpose, man. It’s the dream.

      4. Facing my fears

(no joke here, just brutal honesty)

So I have many fears. I don’t like change, I am scared of heights, not good at swimming, a little bit of a picky eater, I don’t particularly like meeting new people (I’m surprisingly shy), and the list goes on - just five minutes ago I faced a cockroach and only screamed a little, so I feel like we’re making progress. Anyway, part of why I went here was to get away from my regular life and to push my boundaries, and I feel that that is really important in order to evolve and develop as a person.

[linegodballe-blog]

So.. Who are the other YLs?

In the project, we have four YLs this year. Me, Signe, Erinn and Ron. We have a good, albeit new, relationship in the group.

Erinn loves to sing and dance, and loves to appreciate the simpler things in life, like a beautiful view of the city, and pretty women who smile a lot. My favourite thing about Erinn (or rather, my relationship with Erinn) is that we both smoke. This sounds pretty shallow and weird, but what it actually means is that we talk to each other a lot, while we smoke, and because of that we’ve learned that we have a lot of things in common. We like the same books, the same movies, and our worldviews are very similar. I feel like we get each other in many ways.

SIgne is my companion from DSU. She is from a chapter pretty close to mine, yet we didn’t even meet until we started this project. Signe and I are very different people (as in very different), and that causes tension sometimes, I think. But if we both stop being stubborn and annoying, we can also learn so much from each other, and I love that. Signe is - on the surface - a very happy and uncomplicated person, and I sometimes have a hard time understanding that, but honestly I wish I were more like her. My favourite thing about her, is how inquisitive she is. She’s just so curious about everything, and she always asks questions. (not like, in a “question everything” kind of way, but just in a curious way)

And at last we have Ron. Ron is also a very happy person. He’s a bit more quiet than the rest of us, he doesn’t always say everything on his mind, which, again, is a quality I would love to have a little more of. Ron also loooves singing. Like, loves it loves it. He sings constantly. When I’m having a bad day I find it annoying but I don’t say anything because I know it’s just because I’m feeling moody. I know I shouldn’t rain on his parade just because I’m angry at everything. What I really like about Ron is that he’s just, like, unapologetically himself at all times, and he’s so excited and fun. I think it can be hard being like him (and Signe, to some extent) because when people see you as a person who is always happy, you can feel that there isn’t room to be upset or in a bad mood, and that sucks.

So that was just a little bit about my colleagues, roommates, and closest family for the next six months, basically.

Thanks for reading

[linegodballe-blog]

Introduction

I'm going to be living in the Phillipines for six months.

Right now I'm on a train on my way to Copenhagen, and tomorrow I will be flying to PH. So I can work and live there. For six months. This is literally the scariest ting I've ever done. I am terrified and nervous but sooo excited! So if you want to, you can follow our journey on here.

"Our" being me and the other Youth Leaders on the project - whom I will talk about more at a later time. Right now I just want to talk about how scared I am of doing this crazy, wonderful thing.

I know I am going to have the time of my life - this is literally a "once in a lifetime" experience - and of course I am so excited, and probably more ready than I feel, but right now I miss my mom and my room and my cats and my friends. (and I haven't even left yet lol)

It all started during the 2019 elections - I was so busy and stressed, working and campaigning. To top it all of, I had a fallout with a close friend that I don't talk to anymore (an entirely different, and tbh not that interesting story)

 So one day I saw in a DSU group that they were sending a new batch of YL's to the Phillipines for half a year.

(Do you have a passion for international solidarity and do you want to get an experience of a lifetime as a full-time DSU for seven months? The you are the one DSU needs! In the fall of 2019 DSU is sending two youth leaders to the Phillipines.)

Of course I was very intrigued! I was having a rough year, man. I was exhausted. Needed a change of pace, a change of space, just a general change in my life. I needed my political work to have a meaning. I needed to feel like I was actually making a difference. No doubt, that is what I got. And hopefully what I will be doing for the next long while. But yeah, I kept reading.

I have such passion for organizational work, political work, and generally seeing something you aren’t happy with and doing what you can to change it. I didn’t get to do a lot of that in my work as chairperson of my local DSU chapter, because all of our focus was getting new members (we failed, oops.)

So I was instantly thrilled to get the opportunity to share my knowledge of these other big aspects of being a political organization. 

I wasn't entirely sure I was qualified for the job, and I was anxious about writing my application. But I eventually did it, and had my smartest friends read it and give feedback. Then I sent it. And then I just had to wait until someone called me or e-mailed me or sent me a message on facebook.

And they did! And I had an interview! On videochat! And I was so nervous about saying the wrong thing!

And after that I was even more anxious!

And then they said they’d contact me on, like, the 25th of June or something.

But they didn’t. So I figured I didn’t get it, and started applying for other jobs, figuring out what activities to plan in DSU Viborg, and moving on. (I was SO dissappointed tbh)

But then they actually called me the next saturday, and asked if I still wanted to go. And of course I did! So I went to tell my mom that I had to renew my passport, cause I was going to the Phillipines for six months.

My mom was both excited and scared and sad and very happy for me, I think. And I definitely feel the same way. But mostly I’m happy that I took this chance, and that I get to do the work I am passionate about for the next six months.

Thanks for reading