lilmissbrightside - Tumblr blog

[lilmissbrightside]

I feel entirely unloveable.I see my two best friends having all these other friends always wanting to hang out with them,and people always wanna date them.They are both very attractive. I,on the other hand, am overweight and ugly.And there is certainly nobody seeking me out.Most times I'm left out of things.One of my best friends is a guy I've known for years.We dated years ago but it always came down to the same thing,as much as he says he wish he did he just doesn't love me or like me.He likes having sex with me,and he likes that I give him good advice sometimes.It seems like every time I need him though he doesn't seem to want to.Granted I'm not saying "I need you",it's more of a "I'm feeling very awful about myself" and being met with not a lot of support where as I am always super supportive of my friends.My friends tell me I'm beautiful and I am loveable I just don't put myself out there.Every time I do, however, I am met with disappointment as the new person always leaves.I don't know how to convince myself I will ever be loved when there seems to be so much tangible evidence that I'm just really not that important.Im having a really hard time seeing the point in a life where I'm just gonna keep repeating this cycle of feeling slightly better and then crashing again.Im at a breaking point and I don't know if I'm strong enough to dig myself out again,nor do I know if I even want to when I know nothing is gonna change.

[lilmissbrightside]

I was very tempted to Doordash a bunch of food so I could binge and purge.Instead I Doordashed 11 packs of sugar free gum,2 packs of tic tacs,and one package of sugar free hard candy caramels to help with cravings over the next few days.I feel proud of myself and can't wait to get to my ugw

[lilmissbrightside]

Just binged and purged for the first time in a while.Went well but it definitely makes the urge to binge alot less.I would rather just restrict.Honestly it's cheaper that way too as I live alone now and have many bills.Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day of staying under 500 calories.

[lilmissbrightside]

Total calories today is 800

This includes a medium black coffee

I'm desperate to lose the weight.Hoping posting here and following the tags will help keep me motivated like it has in the past