lilliloves

[lilliloves]

I may not be as into the brio fandom as once before but I still pray daily for the final chapter of A Rational Choice

[lilliloves]

Is anyone still there?????????????? I found this in my drafts and thought..what the hell!!

“So dinner was, uh...fun.” Rio says with a boyish smile, not taking his eyes off of her so that he can catch her reaction. “Yeah?” 

Beth thinks she does a good job of hiding it but her stomach flutters at the playful sound in his voice. When’s the last time he sounded so light around her?

“Parts of it.” She answers with a small shrug, looking up at him through long lashes. She hopes she comes across as casual because inside she’s anything but. 

Their eyes meet but neither speak. People continue talking around them, the hustle and bustle of a bar at night continues but she’s the only one he sees, he’s the only one she can focus on.

Beth opens her mouth to break the silence but Rio beats her to it.

“Yeah?” He asks, tilting his head in question. “Which parts?”

He’ll do almost anything to hear her say it.

Beth stares at him for a beat, then another before the corner of her mouth curls up slyly. He doesn’t know about the wire - at least she doesn’t think so - and he’s flirting.

This Rio she can handle - this Rio she likes. This is the Rio that’s gotten in her pants and up her shirt and into her head and her heart.

“The food was really good.” She answers, meeting his gaze but refusing to blush under his perusal. She’s teasing but he looks like maybe he’s up for a game - like maybe he’s glad she’s taking the bait.

He lifts his elbow so that it’s perched on the bar and leans his chin into the palm of his hand. He smirks, eyes bright. 

“Grandma’s the best cook I know.”

“Hm.” Beth hums in agreement. But I’ve never cooked for you, she thinks.

“Your cousin Ana was sweet.” She says instead before she lifts her glass to her lips to take a sip. 

He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head and her lips twitch at the sound. “I promise she ain’t sweet.”

Beth tilts her head as if she’s trying to think of what else was fun about the party. As if she doesn’t know exactly what they’re both thinking.

“It was nice to see Marcus again.” She finally says and wonders as soon as the words are out of her mouth if it was crossing a line.

If he's annoyed he doesn't let on.

“He won’t stop askin’ when he can play with Jane again.” Is his response and Beth’s shoulders loosen.

And so it goes. A little bit of teasing, a smile, a smirk and somehow they find themselves behind the door of a dimly lit, cramped, bar bathroom not for the first time in their relationship.

And this time when she goes for his belt he doesn’t stop her, just leans back and watches. It unnerves her a bit but more than that it spurs her on. He doesn’t make a move to touch her and so she slowly and deliberately unbuttons his jeans and pulls down his zipper.

Beth swallows and looks up from what she’s doing. She draws in a breath when she meets his eyes because they’re darker than she’s ever seen them.

Something this time around feels different and just as her hand is about to dip into his pants to pull him out she forces herself backwards.

“I’m working with the secret service.” She forces herself to hold eye contact even though she doesn’t want to.

“I know.” Rio says easily and it takes her a moment to process his response.

“I- you. What?” She stutters, eyes wide.

“I found the wire.” Rio answers. He leans back against the sink, pants still lose around his hips. He lifts his arms so that his hands grip the sink behind him and he watches her.

“And you weren’t going to tell me?!” She’s mad even though she probably doesn’t have a right to be. Why had he let them get this far without telling her? Why had he flirted and teased and laughed with her if he’d known all along?

“I wanted you to tell me.”

And the silence hangs between them but there’s a ringing in her ears she’s sure he can’t hear. How many times had she wanted to tell him? How many nights had she laid awake in bed trying to figure a way out of this mess? A way that it could all just go away. A way for her to continue working with him while keeping her friends happy and her husband out of jail.

“I didn’t have a choice.” She finally responds in defeat and even to her the words fall flat. “I still don’t.”

“You always got a choice, darlin’.” His tone is different than she’s ever heard before. More resigned, less angry. He sounds as close to sad as she’s ever heard him but that can’t be right. 

A million different answers swirl in her head: something about Dean, about Annie, Ruby. Her go to about having a family and being a mom.

But even she can’t bring herself to voice the words, the excuses that have become so meaningless after all this time, after all the bullshit.

“I don’t understand why you’re not more pissed off.”

He shrugs. “Maybe 'cause I’m not surprised.”

Beth swallows, a little bit ashamed but mostly just relieved. 

Rio continues. “Maybe 'cause it ain’t the worst thing you ever did to me.”

She flushes at that because she still doesn't know how to face that monster head on so just like always she deflects. "I’m not sorry."

He chuckles, hand coming up to brush across his mouth. "Didn’t ask you to be."

They're quiet for a minute, and if it were any other situation Beth would laugh at their predicament. His pants undone, her panties wet.

"So where does this leave us?" She asks quietly, not quite able to meet his gaze.

He shifts forward and reaches his hands out to grab her waist. He pulls her to him and she fumbles for a minute but rights herself by grasping onto his shoulders. She gasps when her hips meet his, the outline of his half hard cock brushing against her denim clad leg. 

"I don’t know, darlin’ you still workin’ with them?

Her hands slide down to her sides and she moves to step backwards but he tightens his grip, holding her in place.

Beth sighs but doesn't fight it. Their eyes meet and it's obvious she doesn't know what to say - doesn't have a good answer.

"We'll figure it out together, yeah?"

And even though it'll never be that simple, for now it's enough.

[lilliloves]

Hey! I'm curious if you will be updating your Gasoline fic? 😇🧡

Never say never but man I don’t know. I find myself so far removed from my days of being obbbbbbsessssedddd with brio. It makes me sad. I went from scrolling through tumblr way, way too many times a day to not opening the app for weeks at a time!! Maybe a rewatch will get me back into the headspace to write because I hate to leave it unfinished. ❤️❤️

[lilliloves]

howdy just wanted to pop by and say I reread Gasoline all the time 🥰🥰🥰 any chance of a sneak peak of the next chapter? In a non-harassing way ofcourse haha, hope you're good! ❤️

Omg sorry this took me so long to answer! Honestly I’d hoped to have this chapter up a lot sooner but both my kids got covid and then I got covid (we’re all good) so January has been a complete waste!!!

This ask has motivated me though so hopefully I can get it finished up sooner rather than later. Here’s a sneak peek for you! We get to flashback to when Beth and Rio first met 👏🏻

"Hardest decision you made all day?" Comes a voice to her right. Beth's head pops up as she startles at the sound. Her absolute first thought when their eyes meet is that she doesn't want to deal with this.

Her second thought, just as her eyes process what she's looking at, is that she's glad she chose the cute oversized sweatshirt as opposed to the dumpy looking oversized sweatshirt.

"You're joking but I take ice cream seriously." She responds after a beat, her cheeks flushing at just the thought of flirting with the hot stranger next to her.

He chuckles and throws the bag of frozen vegetables he’s holding into the basket in his hand. He lets the freezer door slam shut and takes a few steps closer to her, leaving enough space so that she's not entirely overwhelmed by his presence.

"You narrow it down at least?" He asks, nodding his head towards the rows of Ben and Jerry flavors that sit in front of them.

"It's between Chocolate Fudge Brownie and Peanut Butter World." She answers, tilting her head in his direction.

"Want to be the tiebreaker?" She asks, raising her eyebrow with a small smile.

He shakes his head though. "Nuh-uh. I ain't gonna be responsible for that decision."

Her eyes brighten and she laughs. "Come on put me out of my misery."

He sets his basket down on the ground and pulls open the door in front of them. He grabs both flavors and puts them in his basket.

"Come on." He says, and for whatever reason she quietly follows right after him.

[lilliloves]

I’m dying for the next chapter of Gasoline so wondering what story YOU are dying to see updated

LOL I love this ask. I really, truly miss this fandom and this show. I still get so sad when I think about how Good Girls will never be again.

Anyway … thank you! I promise I will finish this story. The next chapter is about half way done. I really can’t say for sure when it’ll be posted but I can pretty absolutely say it won’t be until 2022!

As for the story I’m most dying to see updated? Definitely A Rational Choice. ONE MORE CHAPTER! That’s it! I’m dying for the end. I literally scroll my email everyday waiting to see the notification that it’s been updated.

[lilliloves]

Hi! Hello? Anyone still there? I found this in my drafts and thought I’d post here just for fun.

Let me add that nobody asked for this and I don’t think I ever had any idea where this was going but it will never be more than this so enjoy!

“So dinner was, uh...fun.” Rio says with a boyish smile, not taking his eyes off of her so that he can catch her reaction. “Yeah?”

Beth thinks she does a good job of hiding it but her stomach flutters at the playful sound in his voice. When’s the last time he sounded so light around her?

“Parts of it.” She answers with a small shrug, looking up at him through long lashes. She hopes she comes across as casual because inside she’s anything but.

Their eyes meet but neither speak. People continue talking around them, the hustle and bustle of a bar at night continues but she’s the only one he sees, he’s the only one she can focus on.

Beth opens her mouth to break the silence but Rio beats her to it.

“Yeah?” He asks, tilting his head in question. “Which parts?”

He’ll do almost anything to hear her say it.

Beth stares at him for a beat, then another before the corner of her mouth curls up slyly. He doesn’t know about the wire - at least she doesn’t think so - and he’s flirting.

This Rio she can handle - this Rio she likes. This is the Rio that’s gotten in her pants and up her shirt and into her head and her heart.

“The food was really good.” She answers, meeting his gaze but refusing to blush under his perusal. She’s teasing but he looks like maybe he’s up for a game - like maybe he’s glad she’s taking the bait.

He lifts his elbow so that it’s perched on the bar and leans his chin into the palm of his hand. He smirks, eyes bright.

“Grandma’s the best cook I know.”

“Hm.” Beth hums in agreement. But I’ve never cooked for you, she thinks.

“Your cousin Ana was sweet.” She says instead before she lifts her glass to her lips to take a sip.

He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head and her lips twitch at the sound. “I promise she ain’t sweet.”

Beth tilts her head as if she’s trying to think of what else was fun about the party. As if she doesn’t know exactly what they’re both thinking.

“It was nice to see Marcus again.” She finally says and wonders as soon as the words are out of her mouth if it was crossing a line.

If he's annoyed he doesn't let on.

“He won’t stop askin’ when he can play with Jane again.” Is his response and Beth’s shoulders loosen.

And so it goes. A little bit of teasing, a smile, a smirk and somehow they find themselves behind the door of a dimly lit, cramped, bar bathroom not for the first time in their relationship.

And this time when she goes for his belt he doesn’t stop her, just leans back and watches. It unnerves her a bit but more than that it spurs her on. He doesn’t make a move to touch her and so she slowly and deliberately unbuttons his jeans and pulls down his zipper.

Beth swallows and looks up from what she’s doing. She draws in a breath when she meets his eyes because they’re darker than she’s ever seen them.

Something this time around feels different and just as her hand is about to dip into his pants to pull him out she forces herself backwards.

“I’m working with the secret service.” She forces herself to hold eye contact even though she doesn’t want to.

“I know.” Rio says easily and it takes her a moment to process his response.

“I- you. What?” She stutters, eyes wide.

“I found the wire.” Rio answers. He leans back against the sink, pants still lose around his hips. He lifts his arms so that his hands grip the sink behind him and he watches her.

“And you weren’t going to tell me?!” She’s mad even though she probably doesn’t have a right to be. Why had he let them get this far without telling her? Why had he flirted and teased and laughed with her if he’d known all along?

“I wanted you to tell me.”

And the silence hangs between them but there’s a ringing in her ears she’s sure he can’t hear. How many times had she wanted to tell him? How many nights had she laid awake in bed trying to figure a way out of this mess? A way that it could all just go away. A way for her to continue working with him while keeping her friends happy and her husband out of jail.

“I didn’t have a choice.” She finally responds in defeat and even to her the words fall flat. “I still don’t.”

“You always got a choice, darlin’.” His tone is different than she’s ever heard before. More resigned, less angry. He sounds as close to sad as she’s ever heard him but that can’t be right.

A million different answers swirl in her head: something about Dean, about Annie, Ruby. Her go to about having a family and being a mom.

But even she can’t bring herself to voice the words, the excuses that have become so meaningless after all this time, after all the bullshit.

“I don’t understand why you’re not more pissed off.”

He shrugs. “Maybe 'cause I’m not surprised.”

Beth swallows, a little bit ashamed but mostly just relieved.

Rio continues. “Maybe 'cause it ain’t the worst thing you ever did to me.”

She flushes at that because she still doesn't know how to face that monster head on so just like always she deflects. "I’m not sorry."

He chuckles, hand coming up to brush across his mouth. "Didn’t ask you to be."

They're quiet for a minute, and if it were any other situation Beth would laugh at their predicament. His pants undone, her panties wet.

"So where does this leave us?" She asks quietly, not quite able to meet his gaze.

He shifts forward and reaches his hands out to grab her waist. He pulls her to him and she fumbles for a minute but rights herself by grasping onto his shoulders. She gasps when her hips meet his, the outline of his half hard cock brushing against her denim clad leg.

"I don’t know, darlin’ you still workin’ with them?

Her hands slide down to her sides and she moves to step backwards but he tightens his grip, holding her in place.

Beth sighs but doesn't fight it. Their eyes meet and it's obvious she doesn't know what to say - doesn't have a good answer.

"We'll figure it out together, yeah?"

And even though it'll never be that simple, for now it's enough.

[lilliloves]

Gasoline Chapter 2 is up!

[lilliloves]

Hi! Gasoline update?? Pretty please :)

Sorry I took a couple of days to respond! Hoping to post tomorrow and it’s gone from 2 parts to 4 parts! Oops! 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

Thanks for asking!

[lilliloves]

hi hello just popping by to say I think about Gasoline a whole bunch and I'm rabid for part II 👉😌👈

IT’S SOOOOOOO CLOSEEEEEEE.

Sneak peek below the cut. And don’t worry they do actually see each other in person this time around

He debates whether he should text or call, but he knows he don't want to do anything but hear her voice. If he's bein' honest he'd rather see her face, be able to touch her, but he knows it might be pushin' his luck if he tries to Facetime her and there's a lot of miles between 'em so he connects the call and holds the iPhone to his ear.

She picks up after the first ring.

“Hi." Beth says, breathless but not at all surprised like maybe she'd been hopin' he'd call.

"You busy?" Rio asks even though it's closing in on two in the morning. Closer to sunrise for her so she’d probably been asleep.

He leans further back into the couch, slouching down so that his knees touch the coffee table in front of him.

Beth ignores his question. "You knocked him out."

His eyes widen slightly, he's surprised but he guesses he probably shouldn't be. "You saw?"

"Yeah." She answers, voice low. "I saw."

He knows she woulda had to pay for it - woulda had to go out of her way to find out when he was fightin' and stay up late to see it and he ain't surprised but he's on fucking fire thinkin' about it.

[lilliloves]

First Manifest, now Zoey’s?!!!!!

[lilliloves]

Favorite fics ?

There’s so many I don’t even know where to begin!(PS sorry for not linking the stories I’m being lazy)

I will read anything and everything by @septiembrre @querenaxx @riosnecktattoo @bethsuglywigs @mego42 @sdktrs12 … when I see them post something I drop what I’m doing to read.

Below are all time faves or recent fics I really enjoyed!

A Rational Choice and Good Sport by Fireinsideforfun

Show Me How to Fake It (Touch Me In the Dark) by flashindie @pynkhues

Plans Wrapped in Rubber Bands by civillove @blainesebastian

Weed, philosophy and more talking than expected by convolutedconcussion

I will collect you and capture you @foxmagpie

In the Dark @medievalraven

Splendida Lumina @m00dyfern

A Special Kind of Business @captaincabinetsao3

To sit in hell with you @daydreamstew

[lilliloves]

I just re-read Gasoline again for the third time. It’s so good just like your other stories. Are we getting a part 2 for Gasoline 👀?

Asks like this make me so, so happy !!!! Thank you!!! Yes you are getting a part 2! I’m about halfway through and this ask motivated me to open my doc and get working so SOON I hope ❤️❤️

[lilliloves]

Elisabeth Moss & Max Minghella on social media (sep 26, 2020)

[lilliloves]

Goldstein: And he’s wildly attracted to Keeley, but then at the gala in Episode 4, when he sort of says, “You made me feel like an idiot,” and she apologizes, it’s probably the first time that’s ever happened.

Temple: For both of them.

Goldstein: “This is a thing, that you’ve listened and responded and been honest and owned up to something?” That’s the beginning of the end for him; he’s a goner then.

Temple: You need someone to hold you accountable. And also Keeley didn’t think about that she had hurt Roy, because Roy’s a closed book.

Goldstein: Because he doesn’t show anyone he can be hurt.

Temple: Keeley knows in that moment, “I want that in my life. I want to be accountable.” That was a really important scene for me as an actress, as well as for Keeley. I think about it a lot in real life, how important accountability is. People screw up, it happens, but it’s what you do with that afterwards that makes you who you are.

Goldstein: It was very special to me as well. Occasionally you have those moments where you’re actually buzzing, you’re so into it.

[lilliloves]

— 10 Things I Hate About You

[lilliloves]

Are you currently working on any new fics?

Thanks for the ask and soooo sorry this took me a while to answer! Life has thrown lots of curveballs my way but writing has actually been a nice distraction. I'm almost done with Part 2 of Gasoline and I've been working on a post season 4...something. Not sure where it's going or if it will ever see the light of day but I'll post a snippet below the cut!

How does this happen?” Beth cries, the words flying out of her mouth before she’s barely got the door open.

Rio steps across the threshold and closes the door behind him. He’d been expecting her to be out of her mind so he’s not surprised at her outburst.

“How do you let this happen?” She continues, arms flailing in front of his face and it takes everything in him not to roll his eyes at how dramatic she can be.

“I didn’t let nothin’ happen.” He spits as calmly as he can but his voice has that edge to it. An edge that he knows she’s familiar with but also knows she doesn’t give two shits about.

“My sister is in jail.”

Rio lets out a breath because he’d only just found out the details and he’s equally as pissed as she is, although, not for the same reasons.

“I know that.” He finally answers through clenched teeth, jaw already throbbing with tension.

“Rio.” Beth's pleads and for a second he lets it pull at something in him. Almost lets himself feel sympathetic but he shuts it down real quick. Has learned how to do it well if he's being honest. He's not sure what she’s asking for, anyway - ain't even sure she knows what she’s asking for.

He does give her something though.

“At some point she went to Mick and said she’d rather be the one to go down for any shit so she convinced him to let her put her prints on the gun instead of yours.”

“How could you let that happen!” She asks again. Her eyes are wild, cheeks red, voice shrill just the way he hates. Rio clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth back and forth pushing down the rage he feels bubbling in his chest.

“'Cause I didn’t know.” He’s not yelling yet but he’s close to losin’ it on her. Refuses to sit here and take the blame for somethin’ he wasn’t even a part of.

“Nick clearly knew.”

He runs his hand over his head in frustration. “Yeah well up until recently Mick was technically Nick’s guy.”

Beth practically growls and then throws her arms up again in frustration. He sees her flinch and then her hand comes up to rub at her shoulder.

“Fuckin’ relax you’re gonna rip the stitches out.”

And that's probably another thing they're going to have to discuss but right now he can see she's got one singular focus.

[lilliloves]

Rory Gilmore and Jess Mariano in Swan Song