lightthatshineswithin - Tumblr blog

lightthatshineswithin · 9 months ago

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Dear Connections,

I would like to dictate my journey, my story.

A journey in search of validation, A journey to find my place in this world, A journey lost in the crowd in the city of dreams, filled with aspirations and hope.

I am glad that I survived to dictate my journey, and in the end all the efforts was with it.

So the journey starts with humble beginnings, a child with dreams and hopes to become someone with great virtue and importance. Knowing where one would land in the journey of their life and career is something that is hard to predict, but I knew one thing, as long as I do what I love and love what I do, I will be fine, and also whatever that is hard in life is more rewarding, so if I aim for the hard path in life, I am garunteed to succeed, but I could navigate as I go along the way, so I believe that Physics was relatively hard but the most rewarding, and there is fun to solve hard problems, problems that are difficult to solve and hence I end up taking mechanical engineering, well real life mechanics is pretty fun, and engineering is no child's play, it was as challenging and rewarding as I wanted it to be, so the kind of people I meet in my bachelor's were also relatively competent people, having high aspirations, little did we know that the world is too big a place for our little heart and soul, what would we know about the competition that will accompany us even after such hardship and efforts we experienced in our 4 year journey, later did we realise that we were just another tree in the evergreen forrest, there is only so much we can do about it, and then the life teaches another lesson that it is the matter of luck, where we are born, the people we talk to, the people we live with, the society in which we live in, we have to find the opportunity, and it doesn't matter how much you know, how many skills you have, what all you can do, until and unless you could find a place where you can showcase your skillset, finding the opportunity is as much as important as knowing how to do things.

My entire life my focus was on knowing how to do the hard stuff, and I thought, if I could do the hard stuff then I would get what I desire, and what I desire was a platform to showcase my skills, and I couldn't find that platform until now.

Now let's go a little back in time in 2019 when I graduated, and I was being offered pennies to start with my career, which I so graciously declined, I was like "Are you kidding me, I don't worth so little, such a disgrace that is", and then I look around to my professors and first time in my lifetime I asked myself, how much my guru/ my teacher/ my professor is earning, and the answer came few pennies, I questioned myself, what kind of a society do I live in ? I am paying such a high fees in an year and my professors are getting paid so little after knowing all that complicated mechanical engineering stuff, something is fundamentally wrong here, this is bewildering my mind.

Later do I realise another fact in life, that it is not obvious that whatever that is hard will eventually be of more worth just because it is of more worth in my mind, and that is how it is supposed to be, the problems that are hard to solve conceptually does not generate more money.

So I decided to prepare for the GATE exam, because it is hard to clear and I can get into IIT with it and I will get the crowd and I will get the opportunity, and I will get the amount of money I desire, I blamed my failure to earn the money I desire on myself, and in my skillset, that it might be that I didn't graduated from a good college to get that opportunity, or maybe I am not skillfull enough, I will show the world how much skillful I am and what my actual worth is, and so I studied every day, 6h a day for an entire year, so much so that I questioned the meaningless of life and how futile my efforts were and the fact that my life is dependant on the exam, if I didn't clear it all my efforts will go in vein, and I will be nothing again. There is a huge price I have to pay to not join the job in pennies but choosing the hard way again, in order to get what I deserve.

After a year I did gave that exam and I did clear it and I was lucky enough to get a decent government college and I cleared the exam with 0.5 marks, I was barely touching the margin, but I made it, I do trust on my capability, so I knew that I will perform, and I did perform,

After I started my M.Tech, I thought all the people I will meet must be genius and humorous, and intelligent and intellectual and all that, but to my dissappointment that was not the case, there were surely intelligent, but not as much I thought they would be, they seem pretty basic, pretty normal to me, and I thought they would also be as hyped up with the technology as me, but to my disappointment again, that was not the case, they were the people who couldn't get into IIT or NIT and they took what they get, not what they aim for like me, I aimed for CAD/CAM.

Now let's go back in the past again, in my B.Tech Mechanical Engineering, I had to choose a topic or my particular interest, and I found Fluid Mechanics and Dynamics very astounding, along with heat transfer, I thought this is something I should specilize in, and if I am qualified enough and if I am from a good college then I will surely get a placement what I deserve and so direly desire, but that was not the case.

So once I got inside a tier 1 University, after clearing GATE exam, and in the second year of my M.Tech when placement season began, I found out that there are no placement in the field I am specialising in, which is bonkers, I mean I almost died preparing for the exam that I cleared and you are telling me that all my efforts to get inside the college I am in were futile and are in vein, I thought at least I could get 2 pennies out of it, so if not me then who ? If I am not the one who is getting paid for his efforts then who is ? And it turns out that in the placement season, 90% of jobs were in IT and other 10% were in management, and for me, maybe I might get in 1% but it was less than that, so basically you are telling me that my efforts are in vein because the field that I specialise in is having less demand when compared to the field that the IT people specilize in, really ? It all breaks down to demand and supply ?

That day I realised that my worth is not weighed in the amount of skillset I have, but rather it weighed in if that skillset is desired in the market in which I am available in, and the opportunities that exist in the market, I am just a product that is required to be sold, and if they don't have a machine that would accurately weigh my price, then I am just a worthless pawn, just another grain of sand, that's the reality we live in today.

And so another year passed by and I didn't get any placement in the field I desired, but I was no fool so I started preparing for the IT jobs, just out of curiosity that, what do these people have that I cannot achieve ? Just because they got lucky that the market desire what they have studied, doesn't mean that I am not competent enough to get a good job, now the target was not to specialise, the target changed out of necessity, target become what can I do such that I would get the money I deserve because of the competence I have developed over the years.

So I started learning coding with the basics C/C++, and I started learning data structures, I did some C/C++ in my school and college days, so I knew the syntax and the functionality of it, it is just that I need to do some practice on coding, then I found about Leetcode and HackerRank among other coding platform, these two were the best. While I was studying data structures, I started to enjoy it, because it was again problem solving, in which I have developed my competence over the years, but I didn't have the practice on it.

You know if you could master one thing, then you have already developed the competence to master anything else as well, and it is just the matter of time before you master something else.

So I tried to master data structures and algorithms, but it became a little complicated as I was learning, and I got to know one thing, that Mechanical Engineering syllabus is 4 times more than Computer Science Syllabus, and I could simply learn everything they learn in 4 years, if I dedicatedly gave 1 year on it,

After data structures I learnt how to make a website, HTML, CSS, Javascript, NodeJS, React, basically MERN stack, and it took me another 4 months, so 4 months to learn Data Structures and Algorithms and 4 months to learn Web Development.

Then I started to explore on SQL and Python and Data Science Libraries, now to get inside IT, first of all I need to understand the roadmap, and then I have to follow the roadmap and learn about what all options I have, then I have to choose from both the options.

Now I had to choose between Data Science and Web Development, I knew that 70% of IT placement were happening in web development and 30% of IT placement was happening in Data Science field, but I liked Data Science more, so I end up choosing that.

In the meanwhile I also joined a data science training institute where I learnt PowerBI, SQL Advanced, Excel Advanced, Alteryx, Tableau and Data Science in Python, didn't touch on Machine Learning that much.

Learning Data Science and Machine Learning took another 4 months to learn, so by the end of 1 year I was prepared to get a job in any IT field, but I wanted to go in Data Science, and my M.Tech placement season just got over and so does my M.Tech, and I need to get a job now.

By that time, I knew everything in Computer Science, Mechanical, partial Civil and Aerodynamics, and entirety of Automobile engineering as well, plus I am not going to start on my other learning hobbies, in which I know Human Anatomy and Physiology, Psychology, Philosophy, Neuroscience, Microbiology and Immunology, Sociology, History, Mythology, Economics, and what not, I have read various books and listened to various podcasts and what not.

Then I finally got a job as a PowerBI Developer in August of 2022 and guess what they paid me, pennies,

There was another conundrum I mean it is not that they could weigh my competence on a certain scale and give me a certain amount of money, so basically they will pay me whatever they think my worth is, but little do they know about my actual worth.

So holding a stone in my heart I started to work in a penny income, at the age of 26, and 3 years after I declined to be paid a penny after doing Mechanical Engineering, which I so graciously declined, and life have come a few circle, in my mind I knew that I am worth 3 times as much I was worth back in 2019, but there was no way I could ask that income, and by that time it felt as if, please give me a job, I just need a job, give me a penny if you like, give me 3 times less than my worth but please give me a start.

And so I got my start, I was getting paid less, on top of that it was an employment trap, there was a 5-6 pennies bond of 3 years, while I was just getting a penny a month, and if I leave I have to pay 5-6 months of my salary, but that point in time I had no choice, I had no opportunities as a fresher and I do not lie or cheat, that is a big problem, to not lie is very difficult, and to not lie and to survive is even more difficult, because everybody lies.

Remember I told you that I did some data science training, well they also help students in making the resume and in getting the job, but there was a catch, they also facilitate students to get a fake experience and then help getting them projects and help them in making their resume to crack the job, it was a system, and 90% of the people getting inside that system were making 2-3 years fake experience to get a job,

When I got to know about this I was very sad, like this is how our society functions that companies don't want to take people without experience, and to counter their demand people came up with the concept of fake experience, and then I felt like what is more wrong ? Companies not hiring freshers and asking for 2-3 years of experience or the people who don't have jobs but have skills to get some fake 2-3 years of experience to get inside the market to fill their stomachs with food by getting employed.

At the age of 26 it came down to survival, it came down to food and running home, but I know that a penny will not run the home but, maybe in next 2-3 years when I get 2 pennies then I might be able to run my home or at least my personal expenses, that is all I wanted.

So I started working and I also enrolled in MBA from GGU through Upgrad, well that's another journey, I met some amazing people there, it felt as if I am studying with the elite class, but again I was the go to person for my batch, if there is any issue then they come to me, and now my MBA is also over, I will get the degree as well soon.

MBA I did because of greater package and better opportunities later in the future, and it was extremely simple for me, it was child's play basically, it felt as if I could have done that back after I did my 12th, but it was fun, I learnt few things, my motivation for doing MBA was also Shark Tank India, well I wanted to learn Business Valuation, and all the terminologies and stuff, so let's say if I want to run a business of mine in the future then I know the terminologies and how to work with the numbers.

Then I realised that finance is everywhere I look, and I do consider doing MBA a kind of a general knowledge, at every individual should know about, how to run a business, and how to sell and market yourself.

Then in August of 2023 I also enrolled myself in MS in AI&ML that is also going on and I got my current job which is Clairvoyant EXL through the reference given by a person from my AI&ML batch. He was a messanger of God I would say.

You might think that the tragedies in life are over but, well it is just the beginning, in November 2023, I got an opportunity in a startup from my M.Tech college placement, and guess what I was able to grab 2 pennies offer, which was twice of what I was getting, but I liked my current job, I was just getting paid less, rest I like my work and I like everything else about it, well leaving few things but who am I to complain, and I wanted to be retained in my company, but they didn't retain me, and I had to leave because of it, but the bond came into picture 5-6 pennies amount, how can I pay, I couldn't, so the new company told me that they can accept me without the reliving letter, so I told my HR, and she told me that will be wrong, and company could file a case on me which she does not want, so I served 2 months notice period, and 1 month short notice period, and due to which my bond amount grew by 1 penny so now in total 6-7 pennies, and I didn't get my salary for 2 months, that was deducted from the bond amount, so eventually I had to pay them 4-5 pennies, which I couldn't pay because I don't have.

I thought I will join that startup and recover that amount in few months and pay my company back, but when I joined the new startup, I didn't like the work culture, the way they treat other humans was not good, oppressive behaviour and scared employees and no way to talk, it was so horrendous that I couldn't go there more than 3 days, and I left.

And now I am really messed up, I am about to be 28 years old and I am jobless, at home, and I trying my best to maintain my sanity but I cannot take what just happened with me, it is extremely hard on me, I started to feel weak and worthless, a surge of fear was engulfing my soul, I was hopeful, and I was trying, but also I was scared, very scared, I know that I could end up being a failure, but after all that I have done I couldn't fathom that, I might have gotten broken if I didn't got the opportunity what I got now.

I would strongly say that everything that happens is a play of God, that mistake of joining a startup was a lesson for me, and I guess it was god's wish, but God had something in store for me, one day in the morning when I had almost given up, I got a call from a batchmate of mine who never ever called be before that day, and he asked me that I told that I was searching for an opportunity, and I said yes, and he was genuinely trying to help me, he said that I help everyone else, now it's payback time, and that day he reffered me in Clairvoyant EXL, and I pray to God that I get this opportunity or else I would break apart, I had to get this job.

You know getting an opportunity is so hard, I am just another particle of dust on the planet, and I cannot miss on such a golden opportunity, and I gave first round, and got cleared and then I gave second round and that also got cleared.

The next day I called the recruiter, and I asked about what feedback she recieved, and she told that everything is good there will be an HR round where the salary will be discussed, and you can start from next week onwards, I got very happy, she just told be that I will be onboard next week, and out of concern I asked her and told her about the bond amount issue, and she asked me to clear that amount as soon as possible so that she could process it further, and I had the request my mother to pay that 4-5 pennies amount which I didn't have and which was way too high, but I cleared that after a bit hustle and tussle,

Then I paid the amount and I was so nervous about the HR round, that I had a heat stroke during the HR round, for those who don't know, your vision get blurry and your head get light and dizzy like feeling like having a concussion, but I regained my stability soon enough.

And finally HR round was over and I called the recruiter in the evening about the feedback, and she told that your feedback is okay and we will onboard you from 1st March 2024, and I got an offer letter on 27th February 2024 in the evening, which was reiterated once again on 29th February 2024, and I accepted that.

I am so overwhelmed and shell-shocked that I couldn't believe that I finally made it, I finally made it to the MNC that I so direly desired, it was a dream job and a dream company, and it was a dream come true, even so I am getting 2 pennies now, but it feels much better than that, it is about validation of my hardwork from the society.

It is about getting noticed, and I cannot imagine that I finally got that, it will take few months to sink in that I got an MNC, and all my prayers were answered. I am having tears of joy while writing it.

But well, life goes on, I hope that the future will be promising, and everything will be well.

Well you know, I have worked a lot hard and for very long, people in my office were literally scared of me because I always keep on studying in the office, non stop, there is always something or the other I am continuously learning, I have B.Tech, M.Tech from a Tier-1 University and an MBA and I also started another MS in AI&ML, people cannot fail to notice that I was getting paid 5 times less than what I should be getting paid,

There was a colleague of mine who told me straight that I am worth at least 4 pennies, and I am getting only 1 penny, he told that he would himself pay me 4 pennies if he could, but he was just another employee who was getting 3 pennies.

Plus people keep on telling me that I should crack an interview and get what I worth, and another tragedy is that my company laid off 75% of it's workforce by the end of 2023, so there was pressure on me.

When I first told them about the offer they were fairly happy for me, but when I told about the tragedy they were very upset, I visited there after 2-3 weeks to meet them, and that day he told me that, "Prashant, you are the person that I look up to, if you do this then how will I get motivated, I want you to get a job that you deserve, so that you can refer me there in the future.", well I almost had tears listening to that.

There is another friend of mine, well there are 3 best friends, and all 3 of them are from my B.Tech, I was in connection with them and told them all about the tragedy that happened, tragedy being me leaving my new job, all of them are brothers and there is love and respect between us, 2 of them are earning 5 pennies a month and one is currently jobless and looking for an opportunity for 3 pennies or more,

First friend did MS from abroad and came back in India, and straight away got 4-5 pennies salary a month,

Second friend started working after B.Tech and got inside an MNC early on, and spend there 2 years and then switched 2 companies to reach 5 pennies mark.

Third friend also started working in ME and then worked 3 years and was getting 1.6 pennies a month and then he left to switch into IT a year before, did the training from where I did and is about to get a job soon, he have learnt everything now.

I was having a call with my second friend, and basically he abuses me for my stupidity out of love and care for me, and I whole heartedly take the mockery, I know he wants better of me.

All of my friends know what I deserve, and all of them know my worth, maybe even better than I know my own worth.

And I am glad that in the end I didn't let them down and nor did I let my mother and brother down.

This opportunity in an MNC is very important for me, I have reached here after enumerous struggles, but eventually I have made it, even though it will take me few months to digest that I made it through.

Numerous people blessing came for me, and I am glad in the end my wishes came through.

And that's my journey up until now, there are few parts of it that I didn't discuss or cover but you know, one cannot write his entire lifetime in a day, but I think I did justice to this letter.

And with that I bring this letter to a close.

Thank You for reading.

Until Next Time,

Hasta La Vista.

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