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"a boy I once knew…back in 1972"

he was like my vision that I had when I was just a little girl

he had soft pretty blue eyes

and every time I looked into them

it made my heart sigh

he had a heart shaped face

strong cheek bones

and ruby red lips

when I was with him

it felt like my body had existed within my soul

and everything felt so right

so aligned

at the perfect time

he was mine

and I grew fonder of him as our time together went on

I watched him play guitar

I watched him write and sing songs

I was 25 and he was 28

he had beautiful, black curly hair

and a contagious smile

that radiated for miles

his favorite color was blue

we met in 1972

in the summer

the sixties had just ended 2 years prior

and I felt the weight of that

how the world was past that

and I thought about that beautiful actress

they found in Benedict canyon

dead at 26

how her family was coping with it

cuz as the world went on

her family couldn’t move on

too devastating

too much of a loss

and as I sat next to jimmy

I brought it all up

cuz we lived in California during the summer of love

now we were in upstate New York

I had only done LSD once

Jim told me it was sad and he told me her name

Sharon Tate

how could I forget

cuz we didn’t live far from the canyon

too much going on

too much happenin'

that fateful august night

that ended that beautiful actresses’s life

was a good night for me

we were at a hotel near Santa Monica beach

all of my girlfriends were there

summer was coming to an end

so we swam in the pool

and talked about life

and looked at the clouds go by

and how my bestest friend was hanging on by a thread

I started to cry

maybe I felt Sharon’s spirit leave her body that night

cuz we had all stayed up

tripping out on acid

and all the good stuff

like mdma and orange sunshine and purple rain

the next day

we slept in a haze

the cigarette smoke

I could almost choke

on words that I couldn’t express at all

it was 8:55

California time

the sun had just came up an hour and half ago

and the news blared loud

as I spoke to my mom on the telephone

little did I know

that beautiful actress would haunt me so

her picture flashing across the tv

burned a hole into my memory

flash forward to 1972

Jimmy and I were together

better than ever

but one night

on the 4th of July

in 1985

jimmy went out

said he’d be back by nine

I waited up all night

he disappeared into the soft moonlight

leaving traces of himself behind

when the sun came up

he was no longer mine

jimmy

never returning

always leaving

not his fault

cuz 4 days later

I got the call

they had found his white mustang

on a mountainside

he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt

he went crashing through the windshield

he died

I cried for years to come

I was alone and it’s like his ghost was following me

it’s like I could hear him quietly whispering to me

"I’m sorry baby…I'm sorry"

on and on

his record player that he loved would play his favorite songs

on its own

without me touching it

I left it alone

but to this day

I still have all the sad love songs he made

his guitar is with me

always staying close by

it’s been 15 years since the accident

and I still have yet to meet another man

who will capture my heart the way jimmy did

I won’t forget his sun kissed face in the hot summer air

or all the nights we tripped on LSD

making love passionately

he was my everything and now it’s a new life

I died 23 years after the night he died and never came back home

some say he was driving drunk

or some say someone hit him and made him fly off the highway

the night I took my final breaths

I could see jimmy in the distance

his arms opened wide

accepting me into the afterlife

it felt so good to be reunited with him

he was holding me and standing in front of me

we were surrounded by a bright white light

that was filled with so much love

a love that caused us to return

reincarnation

a second chance at a life with one another

without accidents or outside forces driving us away from each other

god told us on the other side that we were soulmates

and we were destined to always find each other in each life

miraculously we did find each other again

well I found him

and I’ll always be waiting like I did on that night on the 4th of July

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“The most confused we ever get is when we’re trying to convince our heads of something our heart knows is a lie.”

— Karen Marie Moning

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“I’m not scared of loving, I’m scared of losing myself all over again”

— Unknown

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Dear baby doll

I got lost

Your still in my heart

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“Don’t confuse your path with your destination. Just because it’s stormy now doesn’t mean you aren’t headed for sunshine.”

— Unknown

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“Three things you can’t recover in life … The moment, after it’s passed The words, after they’re spoken and The time, after it’s lost.”

— Unknown

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“Falling in love was simple; one had only to yield. Digesting another person, however, and sustaining love, was bloody work, and not a soft job.”

— Hanif Kureishi, Intimacy and Midnight All Day: A Novel and Stories

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Louise Glück

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“The moment you feel like you have to prove your worth to someone is the moment you absolutely and utterly have to walk away.”

— Alyssia Harris

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CharmsByEmiChan

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“I think of you so often you have no idea.”

— James Joyce

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“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”

— Oscar Wilde

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“She didn’t need to be saved. She needed to be found and appreciated for exactly who she was.”

— j. iron word

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— Carol Rifka Brunt in Tell The Wolves I'm Home

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