lifesjustcrazylikethat

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

Have you ever sat at work and think..

God why am I still here.

God why.

I realised that I don't do well with routine. I don't do well with the same shit day in day out. I need excitement. I need a different challenge every day.

I think the hardest part is no one really cares and no one is willing to just give you a chance.

That's life I guess.

Let's just take it one day at a time...

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

7am. Off to work we go.

Have you ever tried to stop smoking 🚬 while raising 3 boy's.

Believe you me I ask for strength every 🙄🙄

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

5am alarm goes. 

Another day, another dollar they say.

When did it start I ask myself. When did I start waking up every day and my chest feels heavy. Every morning from what I can remember. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt okay. And felt no anxiety, no worry. 

Up we get I guess. 

Time to get ready and smile for 8 hours.

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

It's 10pm.. Finally..

Between answering the phone, responding to emails and entertaining conversation that I have no interest in I AM EXHAUSTED is an understatement.

What do I make for supper!?

I can't seem to get that question out of my head. Thinking of everything we have in the freezer and instantly the ANXIETY takes over. Nothing I can think of will be ready before Eskom Se Push.

Oh my god!? Eskom Se Push 🙆

And just like that 8 hours at work felt like 100 fold.

PS: We had PIE 🥧

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

It's 1pm in SA and I'm still recovering from yesterday. I'm still trying to find my feet and we are in October 2023.

I don't think people realise how difficult it is for people with mental health issues to just do the simplest things like wake up in the morning and feel ready for the day.

I can say FUCK THIS SHIT 10x a day and still not give up.

I am choosing every day to smile and say I'm GOOD and yet feel like nothing inside. Feels like nothing excites me almost anymore.

Then I remember we have Concerts coming up, we have Graduations coming up, Awards, things I am always excited for has become my main Source of still FIGHTING still.

For My KIDS.

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

🖤🖤

[lifesjustcrazylikethat]

Most nights I lay in bed just wondering what led me to this path I am Right Now. 🤔🤔

WTF!?!

3kids. 3 boys. All three with uniquely different querks.

3 against 1 most days.

TRUTH:

Bedtime is my favourite time of the day 🤫