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Oh the Irony . . . ‘F’

So funny story, remember how I was just raving about Mr. M . . well today he really pissed me off. 

I just took a vocal exam with him, and he said my range was fine, but that I really needed to start connecting to the music! How am I supposed to connect, when I have a million and one things to do at home and at school??? Connecting with the music would involve me really changing my priorities. I couldn’t do school and music. He failed me because of his subjective interpretation of my abilities.  #Rude

Then he came over to me after class and suggested I move into the Preforming Arts Class. Which mean that my goal would be to pursue a career in music. . . I don’t know what to think. I’m smart enough to know that he is trying to help me, I just don’t like the way he is doing it. 

Someone please give me advice! I’m losing my mind  

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What does my teacher know anyway!!!???

So for those of you that are in high school, we have to take this class called Civics and Careers. And the careers part of it makes you do a Career Cruising. And the test is supposed to tell you your personality, skills and ideal job. I took the test. . . needless to say, Mrs G sucks. She had the audacity to imply that I should be a teacher. Like excuse me??? Just because I get good grades and help my friend with her work, doesn’t mean that she can tell me how I should live my life. 

Truth is. I have absolutely no freakin’ idea what I want to do!  And the fact that a teacher is trying to force me to decide scares me. I’m only 16, how am I supposed to know what I want to do. Just because I get A’s and B’s in my classes, doesn’t mean I should go to university. I don’t know what I want yet, and I don’t think I should have to make a decision at 16. 

That’s why I like Mr. M! He’s nothing like Mrs. G. She tries to get me to give her concrete answers, but Mr. M lets me be my own person. He is my vocal teacher. He gives me confidence, but doesn’t give me fake compliments. I like that because I don’t feel pressured by him. 

Long story short, I guess I have to start thinking about what I want to do school wise. I really have no idea anymore :/

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Please enjoy a glance into one of my playlist right now!  I really wanted to share these songs because each of them reminds me of why I live the life. Music speaks to me on a level that others just don’t understand. All of the lyrics in these songs tell a story about loving someone, or loving your self and help me process emotions I am feeling right now. I find that older songs are better at expressing the way I feel in comparison to newer songs.  

Specifically, I Will Survive, Uptown girl, and Sweet Dreams. 

‘I Will Survive’ encourages me to move on. Even when I have loved and lost. 

‘Uptown Girl’ reminds me that perspective is everything. The way I see myself might not always be the way others seem me. And that is a hard pill for me to swallow.  

‘Sweet Dreams’ is a power ballet that lets me get my frustrations out on . . .well I won’t mention his name. .  . even though I should. Stupid jerk. 

ANYWAY! long story short, I’ve now loved and lost. Or liked a lost. I haven’t decided if I loved him or not. I think when I really fall in love, this will all seem super silly, but for what i’m feeling right now, my life is a hot mess of emotionally instability. Oops did I say too much again ;) 

 - JH   

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Thank you for this Ethan! I am so thankful that you remind me of why I enjoy movies like this! You are amazing. 

Hey Jamie! Hope everything is going somewhat your way...I know that it’s been awhile since we’ve hung out, but i’ve been thinking we should do something together soon... I miss you a lot and I am sure it’s still h3ll at home :p so maybe we can get together this week and watch your favourite movie camp rock and catch up... just us if thats cool with you. I remember watching this movie together when we were kids and I think it would be fun to rewatch it. We know all the words and sing our hearts out every time we watch it. You would always sing Demi Lovato’s parts and I always sing Joe Jonas’s :):) it’s almost like were a team. The storyline and music in this film is just like us. Demi’s dreams don’t go as planned, but it works out for her in the end. Keep your head up good things are coming sis. When Joe Jonas tries to find her after he hears her sing, it’s kinda like us and how we hide our voices, but somehow we always reconnect. I think this would be a nice way to catch up over your favourite movie and just laugh and sing together like we used to do :) Let me know what day works best for you. I cant wait sis! Luv yah

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Have read this book?????

Hi Friends - is it okay if I call you that?? 

I am reading this book right now for class, it’s called Perks of Being a Wallflower. Its pretty cool. But it has me thinking. This Charlie character would be PERFECT for Tumblr. I wish he would make his own blog.  

Like i’ll explain what I mean. He has these friends that have really brought him out of his shell. They take him to parties, get him to drink and smoke up, and explain really adult content to him. . . and I mean really adult. . . like sexual assaults and intimate sexual relationships. It makes me blush to read. . . but anyway, back on topic. 

If he was on Tumblr, he would definitely be someone I follow. He is very in touch with the emotions of people around him. I really think he is trying to integrate into a friend group he naturally would not be a part of. I think he would be looking for connections between events that happen and the emotions he feels. In the book, he is given a hard time for crying or being emotional at home. So I think he would use Tumblr to really explain what he thinks about his family and social groups, and even his teachers and school work. I think he would find freedom on this account and comfort in the anonymity of Tumblr. 

If you haven’t read this book, you really should. 

He talks about this song by the smiths a lot. Give it a listen. Maybe you will feel emotions like Charlie feels. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6dPGV0cols4

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Sup Tumblr World . . .

Hi my name is Jamie Hamilton and the most horrible part of being 16, is people suck. I’ve decided to start writing this blog as a way to deal with how much people suck. My friend Cali (I really only have one good friend If I’m being honest) thinks people are amazing and the best part about this life, but I think the complete opposite. She said I need to learn how to connect with people again. Apparently being a loner is frowned upon these days.  So here goes nothing. I think this comes from my family. . .  my mom, though she works hard, is kinda a crappy mom. Even with no dad in the picture, you would think a mom couldn’t be crappy. I love her, don’t get me wrong, but I find I am the only one with a responsible bone in my body. If my mom had more money and worked less shifts at the nursing home, maybe things would be different. But they are not and that is just the cold hard truth.

I do need to make one amendment to my whole people suck philosophy, my brother Ethan is the most *** I can’t think of a descriptive word that describes how awesome he is*** person I have ever known. Of my seven siblings, ranging from 20 - 3, he is the only one I think I couldn’t live without. Sometimes I question whether or not I actually love my siblings. See what I was saying about people sucking . . writing that I don’t think I love my siblings. . . that’s messed up. But Ethan, it is totally different. I know that I love him.  Without him, I would not have survived this long. He understands me in a way I never knew another person could. Sometimes I wish he had wanted to stick around in my own personal hell hole, but he had the brains to get out while he could. That’s another story for another time though. We still talk. Don’t fret about that! We really connect through music. I need music in my life. It really is my only interest other than singing. I guess that’s kind of connected, but I find I become a different person when I sing. When I listen to music, I feel different emotions and events. But when I sing, I go into another world. I forget about all the crap at home, and all of my responsibilities, and transform into a confident and beautiful person. Too bad I can’t be like that when I am just being my regular self.

Oh, this is kind of awkward. I should probably let you know, that despite my blonde hair and blue eyes, I am far from a beautiful girl. I can’t paint the picture that I am this amazing singer with a face that matches my voice, because I am not. My biggest problem is my acne. I don’t know why I get so many zits, but my face just seems to love them. I also am waaaaay too skinny.  No matter how much I eat, or how much time I spend in the sun, my skin will stay translucent. I am pretty sure, people can see right through me. Hahaha figuratively and literally. Did I mention I am funny? And slightly over dramatic. But only in my inner monologue. In person, I am so quiet you wouldn’t even notice I was in the room unless I face plant or accidently fall into inanimate objects. You would think that with all of my “womanly duties” at home, that I would have developed some form of balance and grace, however I think I may or may not be a reincarnation of a – well I don’t know what, but something REALLY clumsy.  

        Remember when I mentioned Ethan leaving? Let me tell you about that, because I’m pretty sure, that’s when my life started to fall apart. (Not that it is fully fallen apart now, I’m fine, don’t go having a social work freak out on me . . .but yeah know. It could be better). When I was 11, Ethan had just turned 15. Baby daddy number 4 had just left my mom and things were rough financially at home. I remember standing in the kitchen doing the dishes when I heard a huge smash. Mom and Ethan had been yelling for hours about stuff I didn’t really understand. But after I heard the smash, I went upstairs to see what had happened. I put my littlest sister in the playpen and quietly climbed upstairs. Ethan was crying (which he never did) and my mom was just staring at me. Ethan’s head was bleeding and he was packing a bag. He came over to me, ruffled my hair and walked downstairs. I followed after him, completely ignoring my mom.  Ethan kissed my siblings and then walked out the door. And then nothing . . . I didn’t hear from Ethan for almost a year. He eventually found a place to live and came back to visit once he got his sh*t together. This moment made me hate people. The only good person in my life was gone. And it was my mom’s fault.  I had a whole year to think about how it was her fault he left. Maybe that’s why I have such a hard time connecting with her. . . because deep down I blame her for ruining my life. But whatever. It is what it is. People suck and then you die. That’s how life works. Whoa. This just got heavy. I know I only started this account last week, but I feel like you and I had a connection and that if we are going to give this whole being friends thing a try, I should probably tell you about myself. Maybe I will tell you more about me later, but for now, stay tuned for more great music selections and memes I find hilarious. This whole talking about myself this is pretty new because I don’t really talk about my family life much. Except with Cali. She has been my friend for as long as I can remember, so I guess you and Cali will be the people I tell. So, if I rambled on excessively, hang in there. We had a lot to cover and I think I might have to force Tumblr to change the word max on these posts.

Don’t expect this much detail in the future. My brutal honesty and the amount of emotional depth was very taxing.  

Yours forever, (or until I regret everything I just wrote and delete this account)

        Jamie.

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@cali-fornia1234 . . . MA GIRL!  So not ready for tomorrows presentation Glad to have you 

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Oh yeah . .. i’m artsy AF. 

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FINALLY Friday

Here is a song that hopefully brightens your day. @cali-fornia1234 take a bow for showing me this GEM! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE87rQkXdNw

“Lately, I've been, I've been thinking I want you to be happier, I want you to be happier Even though I might not like this I think that you'll be happier, I want you to be happier” 

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Thirsty Thursday

Guys are gross. Some guy decided to slap my a$$ in the cafeteria line because “I had no a$$”. 

Boys my age need to learn how to be respectful. Seriously! Talk about social stupidity. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FOUqQt3Kg0 

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Confident Wednesday

Ignore my inability to find a catchy title :’(  

@cali-fornia1234 told me I need to get out there. I’m looking for a good open mic night. . . Any recommendations? 

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Tuesday Time Out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nCvpYVDrc8w 

“ I think it's time to practice what I preach Exorcise the demons inside me Whoa, gotta learn to let it go The past can't haunt me if I don't let it Live and learn and never forget it Whoa, gotta learn to let it go“ 

Really needing a time out today. Had a rough day with mom. Ridiculous nonsense. I need to learn to let it go . . .

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Monday Blues

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaAVByGaON0 

“While we sing away the blues Making sure that we remember yeah 'Cause we all matter too” 

 Give this song a listen. . .

- Jamie