licensed-fisherman

[licensed-fisherman]

You ever think about how we call toddlers that because they can't walk right. They toddle about. Fuckin idiots. Fuckin idiot steppers can't walk properly. Call 'em wobblers. This is my son Jeffrey he's at the age where I mock him for walking like a fucking scrub. "Skill issue" ass name.

[licensed-fisherman]

i love you comforter i love you pillow i love you sheets i love you mattress i love you plushie i love you dark room i love you bedtime

[licensed-fisherman]

Autism Speaks Canada is "concluding its operations" on January 31st 2025!

[licensed-fisherman]

[licensed-fisherman]

One of my favorite things about Put Baby In Pelican Mouth is that not only does the pelican have the intelligence necessary to speak human language but also knows how to lie, suggesting it has a theory of mind, yet not enough to understand that no one is going to put baby in pelican mouth.

[licensed-fisherman]

[licensed-fisherman]

[licensed-fisherman]

the sand is all we have left

[licensed-fisherman]

my sister's baby shower has a "suggestion box"

[licensed-fisherman]

happy birthday to every horse in the northern hemisphere what wouod we do without you

[licensed-fisherman]

[licensed-fisherman]

i’m so genuinely lucky to be dumb as hammers. the simplest things bring me joy. i’ve had several fits of passionate laughing out loud today because i can’t stop thinking of the phrase “one william dollars”

[licensed-fisherman]

one of me and my brothers favourite bits to do is pretend we're cavemen seeing modern things for the first time. like an airplane passes overhead and i go 'caveman' and we both point and stare at it pass with gazes of abject horror and disbelief like we're about to experience the rapture and have seen the closest thing to god we ever will

[licensed-fisherman]

Ive hired 2,000 finches to eat your freshly sown lawn seed

[licensed-fisherman]

This website is so so so good

[licensed-fisherman]

“sir my puppy is lost” little boy I smoked your puppy in a joint. Because it’s really small

[licensed-fisherman]

there's a stage in sandwich consumption where it's falling to pieces & you're desperately cupping it in your hands & it's like this poor wounded animal that is covered in mustard & wants to die