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Heart & Seoul

[leynabts-blog]

Heart & Seoul 2

*Font in bold is a character speaking Korean. Thanks for reading!*

Time is supposed to help heal. Why do we even tell others that time heals? How much time is too long? When should you be magically healed by time?

Time has not been on my side. It has been 5 months since my breakup with Trenton. I still think about that cheating bastard everyday. Memories of him haunt me everywhere I go. My apartment is filled with thoughts of him. Everything in this small town makes me think of him. Being with Trenton for so long also means we have the same circle of friends. I can’t even enjoy a night out with friends without thinking of him. How am I supposed to move on if Trenton is everywhere I look?

I try to keep busy with work to keep my mind off of things. I come to school early to set up my classroom and stay late after school grading and lesson planning. It got so bad that the janitor would kick me out of my classroom and tell me to go home. Keeping my schedule packed had helped some, but constantly being surrounded by thoughts of Trenton is making it hard to move on.

At my highest point of desperation, I decided to Google “Ways to move on from a breakup.” The search results were filled with articles from Eharmony to Cosmopolitan. I rolled my eyes knowing none of these will actually be helpful, but what did I expect from a Google search? After skimming over several articles, I quickly became tired of reading about accepting my emotions and to cut off all ties with my ex. One article caught my attention however. It was titled “10 Ways to Accept Your Breakup and a New You!” Although the title made me cringe, it was filled with encouraging and fun advice from people after their breakups. One woman I connected with when she wrote about how she was from a small town and how it was hard to move on from her breakup. Something that helped her was to do something off her bucket list. She wanted to travel so she booked a trip for just herself. She wrote about how she learned so much about herself and everyone needs to vacation alone or do something they always wanted to do.

I stopped reading and thought about what I wanted to do. What was on my bucket list? Where would I even go if I planned a trip for myself? I remembered in college when I planned to one day teach in another country. This was before I met Trenton. Once we started dating I just forgot about it. Now I can actually consider it. Closing the tab to the article, I Googled “Teaching overseas”. I found a website with information about teaching abroad in other countries. Intrigued with the idea, I learned about teaching in several countries. Overwhelmed with all the possible places I could go, I closed my laptop. Am I really considering moving overseas? Although it sounded crazy, something felt right about the decision. Life is too short to be living in a small town mourning over a breakup. This would be the perfect time to move overseas. If I hate it, most placements are just a year. I could always move back if it doesn’t work out...

Where would I even go? I chose to let fate choose my country. I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down all considered countries: Ireland, Japan, China, South Korea, France, Mexico, and Brazil. I ripped the paper into sections and placed them in a bowl. I mixed the pieces the best I could.

“Okay, let’s see where I’m meant to be,” I said as I felt for paper in the bowl, “I’m going to…..South Korea.” I smiled as I opened the application.

“Are you sure you want to move to Korea?” my mom questioned at dinner. After telling them my decision to teach overseas, they  quickly planned a family dinner. I now see it was to talk me out of moving.

“Mom, this is a great opportunity. It’s also only for a year.”

“I know, but it’s going to be difficult not seeing you for a year. My baby will be on the other side of the world! I’m your mom. It’s my job to worry about you.”

“I know this seems rash, and it was at first. I want to experience life on my own for a bit. Experience another culture. I feel I invested so much of myself into my relationship with Trenton. Teaching overseas was something I always wanted to do. This is a great time to do it. Also, through this program someone will pick me up at the airport and show me around. They’ll show me the best way to get to work. Housing is also taken care of. I think this will be an exciting adventure.”

“Couldn’t you just move to Nebraska?” my brother jokes shoveling food into his mouth. He didn’t even attempt to chew before speaking again, “You don’t know anyone there. Do you even know how to speak Korean? You’re going to die there.” he said pointing his fork at me.

“Andrew!” My mom attempted to correct him.

“I will learn the language,” I defended, “There are several apps I downloaded to teach me. Right now I know the basics: hello, goodbye, thank you, my name is. I’m hoping I can pick it up faster when I’m surrounded by the language.”

My brother shook his head at me knowing not to say any more. My dad on the other hand had to add in his few cents, “I don’t think you should go. Why leave your current job? It pays great for a teacher in this area. It is also the best school in the district. A job like this will not be waiting for you when you come back. You also need to ask if you will be making as much money in Korea. You say housing is taken care of, but will you be saving money? I know you are going to use what you earn to do tourist things like go out to eat and shop. Remember you have student loans to pay. All I ask is that you weigh the pros and cons.”

I continued twirling my spaghetti on my fork, losing my appetite as I listened.

One Year Later….

“Can you believe our program is almost over?” Tina exclaimed, “I’m looking forward to going back home to London! I can actually find shoes and bras my size! No more overseas shipping costs! Cheers!”

“Cheers!” we laughed touching our glasses and taking a sip of our beers. I looked around the table at all the new friends I made through the teaching program in Korea. Many of them plan to move back home while others are natives who we met through work or housing.

“What do you plan on doing, Nora? Are you going to extend or stay longer?” Eunseong asked.

“I hope to stay. I like Korea.” I smiled hoping I said that correctly. Almost a full year in Korea and I’m not confident with speaking. I’m stronger at listening.

“She’s never leaving me! Nora will stay in Korea forever!” Minji joked clinging to my arm. I held on to my friend tightly. Minji has been my best friend during my time in Korea. It has been a blessing to have her live across the hall from me. Not only has she taught me so much about Korea, she has been a great friend to rely on. Honestly she is one of the main reasons I want to stay.

“I can never leave you! You are so small, I can take you home in my….” I stumbled forgetting the word for pocket. I pointed to my pocket so she would understand. Instead she gave me a confused glace, still attached to my arm. “Pocket” I sighed in English.

“Oh! Pocket!” Minji translated.

“I really should know that” I laughed hitting my head. It was such a simple word. How could I forget?!

“Well, I have a possible job for you if you don’t want to extend in the school you are at,” Minji offered.

“What job?” I asked. I’m not sure what Minji was thinking. She is a stylist assistant for different entertainment companies. She is hoping to become a lead stylist one day. Right now she bounces around with a few lead stylist who will ask for her help if needed.

“Remember when I helped on the set of the photoshoot for BTS?”

“Stop bragging! We all remember!” Tina blurted jealous. I laughed at her love for Kpop. I enjoy it, but not as much as Tina.

“Yeah? Where you basically were running errands for the lead stylist? Did you even get to meet BTS?” I teased.

“I was in the same room for five minutes! That time was valuable because I heard that they are releasing a new album-”

“WE KNOW! I can’t wait!” Tina interrupted.

I couldn’t help but giggle at the glare Minji gave her. Minji is small and adorable like a puppy but she can bite if she wants, “I heard that they will be pushing harder in America because of the travel restrictions that were released a while ago. They are going to spend more time there because they are limited how many times they can leave Korea.”

“Lucky American bitches,” Tina mumbled.

“Tina, calm down,” I laughed, “What does this have to do with me finding a job?”

“Their manager was saying they want to hire someone to help the members practice their English since they will be there longer. YOU should do it!” Minji clapped her hands together excited.

“Nevermind! I’m staying in Korea! Sorry Nora, the job is mine!” Tina joked but she looked pretty serious.

“Minji, I’m sure they are looking for professional translators. I’m sure their company already has people to help. Also, I can barely speak Korean.”

“You are professional! You are a teacher!” she argued.

“Okay, if you can get me an interview, I’ll go.” I said rolling my eyes. There is no way Minji could get BTS management to schedule an interview with an American who barely speaks Korean.

“Yay!” Minji cheered, “Your interview tomorrow morning!”

Tina spit out her beer. Eunseong jumped to avoid it from hitting him.

I just stared at her with my mouth open. “Huh?” I asked unable to form words.

“After I heard, I talked the their manager and told him about you. Where you have been teaching and that you are looking to stay in Korea longer. He gave me this card and said to meet him tomorrow morning at 8. The job isn’t guaranteed but you have an interview.” she responded rummaging through her purse and pulling out the business card and handing it to me.

“You are so lucky I don’t teach tomorrow. What if I couldn’t make the interview?”

“I WOULD GO!” Tina shouted. Eunseong patted Tina’s shoulder to calm her down.

“Please go to the interview. I would feel bad for BTS if they had to deal with Tina,” Eunseong laughed as Tina glared.

I glanced at the small card in my hand reading over the information. Should I go? I mean, I don’t really understand Korean Idols. Celebrities in America are so different to me.

“Please say you’ll go! I’m going to die if you don’t! WHAT IF THEY ARE AT THE INTERVIEW?” Tina gasped and Eunseong plugged his ears.

“What the heck? Why not?” I laughed holding up my drink, “I’ll go!”

[leynabts-blog]

Heart & Seoul

“Stop teasing me. I don’t think he plans on proposing tonight,” I gushed on the phone to my best friend Lisa.

“You don’t have to listen to me. I am just recommending that your nails look nice tonight,” Emma’s voice rang through the speaker.

“Emma!” I rolled my eyes playfully.

“He has talked about rings with me. He plans on popping the question soon!”

I blushed as I looked at my reflection in the mirror. We have talked about possibly getting married. However, it seemed to be happening sooner than planned. I am only twenty-two. As crazy as it felt to be engaged, I know Trenton was the one for me. We met in college three years ago. I instantly fell for his wit and humor. His handsome features and tall frame left me breathless. He wasn’t perfect and definitely has his flaws.  I’m not perfect in any way either. However somehow together our relationship is genuine, real and safe. We make a perfect pair.  I suddenly felt peace with the thought of possibly being engaged by the end of the night.

My thoughts were interrupted by Lisa, “I’ll let you finish getting ready. See you at dinner!”

“Bye Emma,” I beamed as I hung up the phone.

7:05 the time glared back at me as I groaned. I’m going to be late. I still needed to add a few more curls, apply lipstick and change into my dress. I  doubted that I would make it out the door in less than 5 minutes. I quickly added a couple more curls as I heard a knock at the door. Damn. Why is he always early?

“Come in! Door’s open!”

“We talked about this, babe! It’s not safe to leave the door unlocked,” Trenton grumbled walking through the doorway.

“My bad! I’m almost ready. Give me a couple more minutes,” I called from the bathroom.

“We’re going to be late...again,” I rolled my eyes knowing he was eyeing his watch.

Feeling frustrated, I sighed because I didn’t feel like discussing my tardiness. To avoid fighting, I unplugged the curling iron, applied my lipstick and ran into her bedroom to change.

The little black dress stared back at me on the hanger. I wore this dress on my first date with Trenton. This dress is the definition of classy yet sexy. The sweetheart neckline and fitted top left little to the imagination. The skirt was not too short, stopping just above my knees. The full skirt fluttered, like my heartbeat, just waiting to be twirled.

“Can you help me zip my dress?” I called from the bedroom. As the sound of his footsteps came closer, I slipped into my red heels.

I held in a school girl giggle as he whistled at my appearance, “You know how much I love this dress on you.”

“This old thing?” I smirked smoothing the skirt.

Strong hands wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. I confidently kissed him as his hands began to roam my body. My heartbeat quickened and it took all my will power to push him away. I whispered against his lips, “I asked you to help zip the dress, not take it off. We’re going to be late.”

He smiled as he turned me around. Small kisses were placed along my back slowly inching towards my neck as he pulled the zipper to the top. I felt a warm kiss on the back of my neck, “We are already late. May as well have them wait a few more minutes.”

“Trenton, they have been waiting long enough. We should get going. You may want to clean my lipstick off your lips before we leave. I’ll meet you by the door.”

“This isn’t my shade?” Trenton joked pouting his lips.

“Go!” I giggled pushing him towards the bathroom. I pulled my compact mirror from my purse to check my lipstick before waiting by the doorway.

I heard a ding from the kitchen and found Trenton’s phone sitting on the counter. Looking at the time, we were already 15 minutes late. Our friends must be blowing up his phone asking where we were. I knew he would want to rush out the door, so I decided to hold his phone so he would not forget it. When it buzzed in my hand again, I decided to read the message and let the others know we were on our way. Instead I dropped the phone on the ground when I saw an unfamiliar name on the screen. Who is Natalie?

“Shit,” I mumbled angry at my sudden clumsiness.

“Hey Nora! Where are those magic wipes you use? Water isn’t taking this shit off. What’s this stuff anyway? Red sharpie?” Trenton called from the bathroom.

“U-Under the sink!” I responded shaken. Eyes not moving from his phone screen.

Are we still on for tomorrow? Looking forward to seeing you! Xoxo

The words mocked me from the screen. I took a deep breath to avoid  jumping to conclusions. Maybe she was a coworker? A family member I haven’t met? I became disgusted with how naive I was being. Clearly something was going on between both of them. I wanted to look through old messages, but I stopped myself. I promised that I would never look through my boyfriend’s phone. As curious as I was, I wouldn't disrespect his privacy like that. I took another deep breath and placed the phone on the counter. I knew the mature thing to do was to talk about it with him. Looking through his phone will cause more harm.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzzz.

Each new text message continued to jab at my heart and anxiety. I wanted Trenton to walk out of the bathroom so I would no longer be tempted to look again. Another buzz came and I just couldn’t wait any longer. My relationship that I believed was solid felt like it was beginning to crumble. I needed to know. It was not my proudest moment as I picked up the iPhone and unlocked the screen. As I quickly skimmed through messages, I kept my ears open for his footsteps.

My heart stopped. Sexting. I love you’s. Messages dating back for weeks.

“Alright, I’m read- What’s wrong?” Trenton walked into the room reading my face.

I held his phone out to him, “You got a text...from Natalie.”

“Nora, I-”

I raised my hand to stop him from speaking, “You should leave.”

“What about dinner? Everyone is waiting for us. Can we please talk about this later?”

“You cheated. Period. What is there to talk about? You need to leave. I honestly cannot look at you,” I said with disappointment dripping from each word.

“Nora, I’m so sorry.”

“Please, just leave.”

“Come on! Let me explain!” Trenton bellowed, “You must have noticed how serious things were getting. It was too fast. Everyone asking about when we are getting married! I’m only twenty-three. I panicked, okay. I needed a relationship with less pressure on me. I still love you.”

“Congratulations. You found that with Natalie,” I muttered sarcastically.

“Grow up, Nora. You really are not going to talk about this like adults? You know, life isn’t full of fairy tales. You are a grown woman. Let’s stop acting like children and discuss this. We can fix this.”

I shook my head, “You broke this. Do not point the finger at me. You suddenly got cold feet and instead of being the adult and communicating, you welcomed another woman into your bed. If you truly loved me, you would have talked to me. I never meant to pressure you into marriage. We had a couple conversations and it seemed like you were on the same page. I told you we were too young but you were the one who decided to talk to our friends about looking at rings. Our friends and families want to see us happy. That is why they continue to talk to us about this. There is nothing to talk about because you cheated. You broke my trust. If it helps you sleep at night to point the blame at someone else. Fine, I’m immature. We both know who is truly at fault. Take your phone and go.”

Trenton nodded his head defeated. I tried not to look at the tears in his eyes.

“I never meant to hurt you,” he responded quietly before shutting the door behind him.

I fell to the floor letting all of the emotions out: anger, disappointment and heartbreak. After some time, I walked into the bathroom to clean off my makeup. I took a swig of the Diet Coke that still sat on the counter. I was disgusted to taste that it was flat.

All the fizz was gone.